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Cheaters... is it common for them to crawl back? Whats your experience?

iaudio

By iaudio
in General Relationship Discussion

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iaudio Member

iaudio

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Guess the grass isn't greener on the other side?

 

How much time between breaking it off and first contact? What did you do?

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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This completely depends on the person and the relationship they developed with their affair partner.

 

A long-term ex of mine (years back, now) betrayed me and I later found out he had married and children with the woman he'd been seeing. They are still married today, and he never tried to come back. Even if he had, I wouldn't have considered going back. Discovering what he'd been doing forever changed the way I looked at him and turned me off completely.

 

Another guy I was seeing for a little while turned out to have had a couple of other women on the go. He tried to contact me after I ended it, but I told him no. I'd completely lost interest and I know how he is.

HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

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I must ask.. why do you care? Are you hoping a cheater comes back to you and you’ll give them a chance because ‘they’ll never do it again’?

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iaudio Member

iaudio

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I must ask.. why do you care? Are you hoping a cheater comes back to you and you’ll give them a chance because ‘they’ll never do it again’?

 

 

More like have the satisfaction of telling them to.. f off.

carhill Established Member

carhill

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More 'crawling' when younger. Post-40, far more exit affairs so partner replacement process versus green grass perception and no crawling/compromising/reconciliation/whatever. Nowadays the ones I've been around who play and stay love their lifestyle and know how to keep it and still dabble. They're pros. Pros don't crawl. They manipulate. Classic human stuff.

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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More like have the satisfaction of telling them to.. f off.

 

You'll get far more satisfaction by living a great life with a great new partner. Usually when a cheater comes back it is just to check traps and see if they can still get sex. They usually aren't back to stay and those that still hold a trap for them end up getting double hurt. Usually when a cheater does settle down it's with someone who is a challenge for them.

BluesPower Established Member

BluesPower

Posted
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I must ask.. why do you care? Are you hoping a cheater comes back to you and you’ll give them a chance because ‘they’ll never do it again’?

 

Yeah... I have the same question.

 

After this type of thing, you it is cool if they come back crawling, so you can tell them to F off...

 

But the bigger point is that you should not care. You should pretend like they are dead.

Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

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What did you do?

 

There is no one-size-fits-all answer. I had a young son and realization that I'd contributed to a lot of the issues in our relationship when my wife's affair blew up our marriage.

 

So, when she came "crawling" back, I decided to give it a try. Didn't work out for a lot of reasons, but to this day I'm still glad I made the effort, even though I now understand it was probably doomed from the beginning.

 

Learning experience...

 

Mr. Lucky

preraph Established Member

preraph

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Cheater men usually just wanted sex anyway and want as many women to have sex with as will put up with him, so yeah, they do the dirty deed and then see if you'll still have them on their terms which is they cheat.

Prudence V Established Member

Prudence V

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Cheaters... is it common for them to crawl back? Whats your experience?

 

My experience? No. Once they have escaped, they count their blessings and never return, even if begged.

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minimariah Established Member

minimariah

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My experience? No. Once they have escaped, they count their blessings and never return, even if begged.

 

why would cheaters count their BLESSINGS? why do you assume that a cheater wasn't satisfied with the relationship he cheated in; that he was treated rather unfairly?

 

that being said - cheaters almost ALWAYS come back, i genuinelly thought that was a common knowledge. in fact, i'm pretty sure it has been statistically proven as well.

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Prudence V Established Member

Prudence V

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why would cheaters count their BLESSINGS? why do you assume that a cheater wasn't satisfied with the relationship he cheated in; that he was treated rather unfairly?

 

It wasn’t an assumption. The post asked about people’s *experience*, not about their assumptions, so I provided my experience.

 

that being said - cheaters almost ALWAYS come back, i genuinelly thought that was a common knowledge. in fact, i'm pretty sure it has been statistically proven as well.

 

References?

 

“Genuinelly thought” doesn’t sound convincing to me. Sounds more like assumption or opinion.

DrReplyInRhymes Established Member

DrReplyInRhymes

Posted
Posted
why would cheaters count their BLESSINGS? why do you assume that a cheater wasn't satisfied with the relationship he cheated in; that he was treated rather unfairly?

 

that being said - cheaters almost ALWAYS come back, i genuinelly thought that was a common knowledge. in fact, i'm pretty sure it has been statistically proven as well.

 

I must be a statistical minority, or at least a uncommon result I see,

For any cheating woman has never, ever, tried to come back to me,

I could be not worth it, that's an understanding I've come to realize and note,

For I could be stuck thinking I'm better than I really am and what I've wrote.

Logo Established Member

Logo

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Guess the grass isn't greener on the other side?

 

How much time between breaking it off and first contact? What did you do?

 

 

 

 

There are 50 way to leave your lover.

 

 

 

Some will come back to wash their guilt away.

 

 

 

Others will come back to check and see if they can still tug on your heart strings.

 

 

 

Others will come back after going through a period of failed relationships and they feel lonely.

 

 

 

And finally, there are those who realize that they've made a mistake and want a second chance.

 

 

 

Where you stand at the moment, depends on the specific details of what happened and how things transpired.

 

 

 

In other words, your guess is as good as anyone's. But, if you know that person well and they have reached out, then you probably know their motives and what to expect.

 

 

 

Look for patterns of behavior and you'll figure it out.

Logo Established Member

Logo

Posted
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More 'crawling' when younger. Post-40, far more exit affairs so partner replacement process versus green grass perception and no crawling/compromising/reconciliation/whatever. Nowadays the ones I've been around who play and stay love their lifestyle and know how to keep it and still dabble. They're pros. Pros don't crawl. They manipulate. Classic human stuff.

 

 

Agreed.......(10 characters)

Logo Established Member

Logo

Posted
Posted
More like have the satisfaction of telling them to.. f off.

 

 

You're looking for vindication. It's an understandable feeling to have after being betrayed. I can totally empathize.

 

 

 

At the same time, you can't put your life on hold, waiting for that person to come crawling back or to reach out to you for whatever reason.

 

 

 

The best thing you can do for yourself is to break all contact and move on.

 

 

 

Sometimes it's easier said than done, especially if it's still fresh and you're still grappling with the realization that your partner has betrayed you. So, take your time. But focus on yourself.

DKT3 Established Member

DKT3

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Tons of factors involved. Gender, women try to come back more then men. Money, the primary breadwinner is less likely to come back. Age, younger cheaters are more likely to come back. Children, non parents are less likely to come back.

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iaudio Member

iaudio

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You're looking for vindication. It's an understandable feeling to have after being betrayed. I can totally empathize.

 

 

 

At the same time, you can't put your life on hold, waiting for that person to come crawling back or to reach out to you for whatever reason.

 

 

 

The best thing you can do for yourself is to break all contact and move on.

 

 

 

Sometimes it's easier said than done, especially if it's still fresh and you're still grappling with the realization that your partner has betrayed you. So, take your time. But focus on yourself.

 

Been a few months, but it is getting better.

 

I haven't talked to her directly since a week after the cheating happened.

 

She has been reaching out to a family member more recently, but I don't know the extent of their conversations and I told the family member not to tell me anything.

 

I have blocked her # and email, so even if she tried to reach me directly.. its not going anywhere.

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