I'veseenbetterlol Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 Just wondering. I am suffering from a bad cold for the last 2 days, my bf hasn't offered to come see me or bring anything. Is this a bad thing? Idk I just feel like if he was sick I'd come and bring him a little something.
BaileyB Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 My partner will offer to bring me food or medication, but he usually does not like to come in if I’m really sick. He has taken me out for coffee when I’ve been recovering from a bad cold. I’ve made him chicken soup. But, if either one of us is really sick... we generally try to stay away...
act00 Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 Welcome to the world of men vs. women. Women nurture and will make sure their guy has something to eat or juice or just to come by the house and make sure some basic needs are met. Men? Not necessarily...not even after YEARS of marriage. There are hundreds of jokes, FB posts, and memes related to this topic. This could be your litmus test or not. You have a COLD for gawd's sake. Do you really require that high level of care for a COLD? How long have you been dating? I mean, if you're so desperate for some juice, soup, or Robitussin or Kleenix, is this guy your guy long enough you can call him up for a box of tissues, or is this a desperation reserved for close friends and family; otherwise you make do with the paper towels? You know, sometimes with guys, you just have to ask when you need something. They can be pretty dense, and unless he's pretty selfish and uncaring the rest of the time, I really don't know if this is a situation that requires a lot of upset. This is something you can communicate when you're feeling less off-kilter and less emotional. I don't know the history of your relationship, so maybe this is a deal-breaker, but men will express their care and concerns and nurturing in other ways than chicken soup...pay attention to those gestures as well. 2
basil67 Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 He's probably treating you how he wants to be treated. When he's sick, my hubby wants to be left ALONE, but when I"m sick, I want to have him bringing me cups of tea and checking in regularly. After 25years, we still haven't got the balance right.
Lotsgoingon Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 So yes, it's good to visit partners when they are sick ... to some extent. Literally the flu is contagious ... so you want to balance the caretaking with some prudence. Bad cold definitely sounds like he could visit you. The others are right: if you want to be visited, ask for that. He may be from a family that typically stays away from each other when people are sick ... Or he might assume you want time alone ... or he's confused about what to do. Ask for what you want from him. And do so without judgment. Later on, if you feel neglected again, you can bring in some judgment. But for now, tell him how much you want to see him. And be specific ... you want certain foods. Tell him to bring them ... Want a backrub, tell him that.
coolheadal Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 (edited) Just wondering. I am suffering from a bad cold for the last 2 days' date=' my bf hasn't offered to come see me or bring anything. Is this a bad thing? Idk I just feel like if he was sick I'd come and bring him a little something.[/quote'] That's too bad, but it happen... A lot of them have apathy. My GF came out this weekend to take care of me I've been sick with some sort of cold. She cook and clean and made sure I was getting better. Those who your with that don't do this are not the right person for you. The lack this trait in their own up bringing. I was raise in a medical family. I would take care of my love one and gf and I have done it many times. I jump into action! Stay the part of the course. You might want to make a hot toddy.. Make some soup. Try to avoid dairy. Drink plenty of water but warm not cold. Avoid heavy foods and junk food if you eat that stuff. Take your meds if you take them. Got to fight this out with all the pain you go through. I am still congested going on day 5... Still not bad as it was on Saturday.. Well I hope you feel better soon! Edited June 27, 2018 by coolheadal
Romantic_Antics Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 Welcome to the world of men vs. women. Women nurture and will make sure their guy has something to eat or juice or just to come by the house and make sure some basic needs are met. Men? Not necessarily...not even after YEARS of marriage. There are hundreds of jokes, FB posts, and memes related to this topic. This could be your litmus test or not. You have a COLD for gawd's sake. Do you really require that high level of care for a COLD? How long have you been dating? I mean, if you're so desperate for some juice, soup, or Robitussin or Kleenix, is this guy your guy long enough you can call him up for a box of tissues, or is this a desperation reserved for close friends and family; otherwise you make do with the paper towels? You know, sometimes with guys, you just have to ask when you need something. They can be pretty dense, and unless he's pretty selfish and uncaring the rest of the time, I really don't know if this is a situation that requires a lot of upset. This is something you can communicate when you're feeling less off-kilter and less emotional. I don't know the history of your relationship, so maybe this is a deal-breaker, but men will express their care and concerns and nurturing in other ways than chicken soup...pay attention to those gestures as well. Please don't generalize. I've always been nurturing of a woman I'm with when she's sick. I make or buy soup, make or buy a smoothie, rent a movie/movies (perfect time for The Princess Bride), and even one time bought a child's sippy cup that I filled with apple juice as a cute practical joke. Then again, this might be why my girlfriend and female friends think I'm the only man alive who does the things that I do and thinks the way that I do. Still, I'm not a fan of blanket generalizations that all too often cast men as mindless ogres. You can still be as masculine as they come and enjoy taking care of the woman you love. 3
coolheadal Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 Please don't generalize. I've always been nurturing of a woman I'm with when she's sick. I make or buy soup, make or buy a smoothie, rent a movie/movies (perfect time for The Princess Bride), and even one time bought a child's sippy cup that I filled with apple juice as a cute practical joke. Then again, this might be why my girlfriend and female friends think I'm the only man alive who does the things that I do and thinks the way that I do. Still, I'm not a fan of blanket generalizations that all too often cast men as mindless ogres. You can still be as masculine as they come and enjoy taking care of the woman you love. Wow you raised right just like me. We men have to make the ones we love gif or wife feel better when their sick. Those men that don't do this well then you know who you are! 2
d0nnivain Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 Have you told him your expectations? When sick the LAST person I wanted to see was somebody I was dating. I prefer to look my best with them & don't need them to see me at my worst. Heck I came down with a cold on our honeymoon & practically wanted my own room. I had no idea how to be sick with somebody else right there & I HATED it. So if you expect your guy to show up with chicken soup tell him that. Do not sit there & bemoan his absence then conclude he must not love you. His version of love may very well be leaving you alone. 1
kendahke Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 Just wondering. I am suffering from a bad cold for the last 2 days' date=' my bf hasn't offered to come see me or bring anything. Is this a bad thing? Idk I just feel like if he was sick I'd come and bring him a little something.[/quote'] I generally ask if my partner is feeling under the weather--hell, I ask my friends if they say they're under the weather--if they'd like me to bring them anything. But to tell you the truth, I'd prefer not to go around them until they feel better because I don't want to get sick. But at the end of the day, what you would do and what he would do are completely different things. He's not you. He doesn't feel that you being sick warrants him doing anything for you. Could speak to him being clueless or could speak to how he truly esteems you---you'll have to find that out by observing and identifying similarities in his behavior where this has seeped into other areas of your relationship.
smackie9 Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 Can't get what you want unless you open your mouth....men are not mind readers. 2
bathtub-row Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 I think it’s pretty crappy of a person not to take care of their partner when they’re sick. I mean, if you’ve only been dating a short amount of time, then I can understand. Otherwise, it’s pretty uncaring. 1
Els Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 How long have you guys been together? You posted this in "dating", so I'm curious. If it was a person whom I was literally just "dating", e.g. a few weeks, then no, I don't think it's a reasonable expectation. But if you've been together for several months or more, I do think it's normal for partners to want to care for each other. Re: the posters who said that men don't usually care for a sick partner, that hasn't been my experience at all. I mean, sure, my SO doesn't exactly sit by my bedside all day long mopping my forehead... but he would most certainly pick up anything I need from the pharmacy, cook for me, take me to the doctor if I needed it, etc. Even my most "uncaring" ex would drop meds off at my place, so it frankly boggles my mind how anyone could say that not caring is normal or acceptable (assuming a reasonable length of relationship, of course). It IS possible that he doesn't know you prefer to be visited (some people don't), so you should make that known. 1
smackie9 Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 i don't understand the fuss.The last thing I would want is my partner seeing me looking like hell. I get asked if I need anything that's it....I'm the type that wants to be left alone too....I rather be sleeping it off. My husband drives me crazy when he just barges in the bedroom and asks me if I'm sleeping....like really? lol.
d0nnivain Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 I think it’s pretty crappy of a person not to take care of their partner when they’re sick. I mean, if you’ve only been dating a short amount of time, then I can understand. Otherwise, it’s pretty uncaring. And some of us think it's pretty crappy of a partner to impose on us while we're sick. I want to be left the F alone when I'm sick. Especially if I was only dating the guy & we were not living together I'd be furious if the guy tried to barge his way into my house under the guise of taking care of me when I have the flu. If I asked, sure it would be bad for the person not to help but even the offer would put me off a date. There are 2 perspectives on this so you have to know which side your SO is on. First of all the OP has a cold. She is not dying or incapacitated. Second, if she really wants the BF to step up & help she needs to speak up. I feel sorry for him that he's getting crap for not helping if he doesn't even know she expects him too. It's the mind reading stuff that is so unfair. 1
Gaeta Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 Here is my theory. If you have the energy to complain then you are not THAT sick :-) so it's not such a big deal he's not checking up on you. I also remember you live with your parents, that means he'd have to drive 1 hour to see you then drive back to his place on a week night? no, I would not want my bf to do this on a week night when I have parents right under my roof to take care of me. I was hit with a severe bronchitis a couple of months ago and my bf checked up on me each night. I was extremely sick, could not work, could not get up and fix something to eat, could not even shower, and I live alone, that's not the same thing. 3
carhill Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 Hope you're feeling better soon.... On visits I read the thread title and visualized in the hospital with cancer or something; sure I'd visit. Friend or partner feeling a bit punk, nah, I'd check in by phone and offer but wouldn't show up unless desired. Some people like to cave when they're sick. I know I do, even though I'm rarely sick. On the care thing, best way I can explain was sitting at the bed in recovery as my fiance at the time was puking her guts out into a bucket after coming out of anesthesia. I held her hair and the bucket and then cared for her when we got home. Hey, our M lasted a decade so I guess it wasn't all bad
Happy Lemming Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 Whenever I get a cold/flu, I tell my girlfriend to stay away. I don't want her getting sick, she has enough health issues. She doesn't need a cold/flu to complicate things. I always keep plenty of supplies in my home. I buy cough syrup, Nyquil, throat drops, etc. when its on sale and stock it in the medicine cabinet. I keep cans of chicken noodle soup in the cupboard and frozen orange juice concentrate in the freezer and re-stock when it goes on sale. I have taken care of my girlfriend after various surgeries and she took care of me after I had surgery. We do look after one another for the major stuff, but colds and flu we stay away from each other.
ElKay Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 I've spent a weekend over with a now ex bf when I wanted to help take care of him... I did ask him if he was alright with that. Personally, if I was sick, I would have liked a surprise of flowers sent to my place since it would be super sweet, while not showing my sick face to him. I think some people just compare with their own thoughts/feelings. If they're the kind to go off dying on their own in the woods, they might assume others are like that too. 1
Els Posted June 28, 2018 Posted June 28, 2018 And some of us think it's pretty crappy of a partner to impose on us while we're sick. I want to be left the F alone when I'm sick. Especially if I was only dating the guy & we were not living together I'd be furious if the guy tried to barge his way into my house under the guise of taking care of me when I have the flu. If I asked, sure it would be bad for the person not to help but even the offer would put me off a date. "Caring for someone" absolutely does not equate to barging into their house unannounced! Generally you would ask, "Do you need anything?"/"Would you like me to come by with XYZ?", and then act based on the partner's response. Heck, I even do that for my friends, let alone a partner. Of course, again, this is assuming a LTR, not just the early stages of dating. Curious why even the offer would "put you off" - what is so bad about asking/offering?
d0nnivain Posted June 28, 2018 Posted June 28, 2018 Curious why even the offer would "put you off" - what is so bad about asking/offering? I'm weird & fairly stand-offish. So I would feel like invaded some how, like now I have to accommodate this person & let them help. I could handle a casual sorry you're not feeling well, do you need / want anything. But somebody who got pushy about it & starting insisting. . . ugh. Seriously on my honeymoon when I was sick I was throwing my new husband of less than a week out of our hotel room. We had an excursion booked; I sent him on it & stayed in bed. We were both trying to figure out how to be married. He was like no I'll stay. I was like & do what? watch me sleep? I was like please get the heck out of here.
Noproblem Posted June 28, 2018 Posted June 28, 2018 some people are very germphobic, so it might be the case for him. But in any case, I see this as a selfish behavior. At least he can bring you medication or something. I mean it's only 6 dollars or 10 dollars, not that a big of a deal!
phineas Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 He's probably treating you how he wants to be treated. When he's sick, my hubby wants to be left ALONE, but when I"m sick, I want to have him bringing me cups of tea and checking in regularly. After 25years, we still haven't got the balance right. THIS! Leave me alone. Don't text me, don't come over ect. I had pneumonia last winter and women were blowing up my phone while i was trying to be comatose. The woman I was dating came over and started cleaning while i was laying on the couch wheezing like well I had pneumonia. I woke up and WTF?!?!?! GTFO and let me rest. opie has a cold. Unless a woman is on steroids and antibiotics or in the hospital i leave them be.
TunaCat Posted June 29, 2018 Posted June 29, 2018 The only people I want around me when I'm sick is my family. I live at home, so I'm lucky to have family around when I get sick. I wouldn't want my SO to be around me when I'm sick. If I lived alone, I would want to be alone with people checking on me. Not showing up unannounced either. And please, you have a bad cold. Not like it's something serious or anything. Suck it up, drink lots of fluids & get plenty of rest. Needless to say, no I don't think it's a bad thing that your boyfriend hasn't stopped by or offered to bring you something. 1
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