catherine1 Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we’re happy together. The thing is I’m becoming a bit worried that he’s not over his ex or still thinks about her. He was with her for 3 years and they broke up around 2015, he left her for clingy behaviour and controlling ways. He has spoken about why they broke up, and about things she would do throughout the relationship. The other day we passed by where she used to live and where they (I assume) would hang out. He suggested we go there and told me about the cinema there and bars. I could see him looking out of the window at that area. He was upset with me the night before as I didn’t come up to his to see him, I can’t help but think this made him miss her. He has no contact with her as far as I know, and she has moved to a new area with a new boyfriend. He has said on a drunken night that he was still getting over her when we met and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to bring someone new into his life just yet. He says he loves me very much, and says it’s probably the strongest he’s felt for someone. It’s just makes me wonder when he’s bringing her up/where they would hang out. I think he feels regret and looks back in hindsight, but in my eyes he needs to get over her, I don’t talk about my ex’s even if occasionally I do think about them. Thank you, I guess I just wanted someone to listen before throwing accusations at him.
PRW Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we’re happy together. The thing is I’m becoming a bit worried that he’s not over his ex or still thinks about her. He was with her for 3 years and they broke up around 2015, he left her for clingy behaviour and controlling ways. I'm going to be blunt here, but who gives a crap? Everybody has memories of someone from their past and will dwell on it from time to time. What does "over" even really mean? Does anyone really have an authoritative definition of it beyond opinions that won't end in anything but a debate? No, they don't. You worrying about this means you are acting just like the last one he got rid of,...keep it up and you will get dumped just like she was. 1
coolheadal Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we’re happy together. The thing is I’m becoming a bit worried that he’s not over his ex or still thinks about her. He was with her for 3 years and they broke up around 2015, he left her for clingy behaviour and controlling ways. He has spoken about why they broke up, and about things she would do throughout the relationship. The other day we passed by where she used to live and where they (I assume) would hang out. He suggested we go there and told me about the cinema there and bars. I could see him looking out of the window at that area. He was upset with me the night before as I didn’t come up to his to see him, I can’t help but think this made him miss her. He has no contact with her as far as I know, and she has moved to a new area with a new boyfriend. He has said on a drunken night that he was still getting over her when we met and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to bring someone new into his life just yet. He says he loves me very much, and says it’s probably the strongest he’s felt for someone. It’s just makes me wonder when he’s bringing her up/where they would hang out. I think he feels regret and looks back in hindsight, but in my eyes he needs to get over her, I don’t talk about my ex’s even if occasionally I do think about them. Thank you, I guess I just wanted someone to listen before throwing accusations at him. Anyway that's before you came in the picture. You need to focus on you and him. Everyone has a past, can't change a person who remembers his past. If he shows other sign of neglect with you then you should be worried. But if everything is going smoothly don't worry about.. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 I've driven by the apartment complex where my ex and I used to live together. Trust me, I was totally over her ... Why the drive by? ... Well ... because the time with my ex was this intense time that quickly turned so bad ... and then we broke up and I pushed her out of my mind. Occasionally it's good to revisit old haunts ... for the comfort ... the comfort of wow, I really did live her with her. Wow, that seems like thousands of years and worlds away. It's sorta a reality check rather than a nostalgia visit. Part of me couldn't believe we were really together and that things had gone so horribly wrong so quickly. It can be a good sign that he's not totally dismissing her ... means he can learn from the experience of dating her ... Him being touched by places they went ... that's normal ... within bounds. Only you can determine if he's going past reasonable bounds ...
smackie9 Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 He's just reminiscing......sure there were some good times, but he dumped her for a reason and he reminds himself that every time he catches thoughts of her.
mortensorchid Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 I think he's just having a trip down memory lane. We all do it. If he is insistent or dwelling on things in a guilty or depressed way, or says things like "I don't want to get married now" or "I wish I had more time for this", etc. Then you know you're in trouble.
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