Miss Peach Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 BF has a friend who has been a user our entire relationship. It has caused a number of fights between us. I also have some resentment about how he has handled this friend and treated me when she's around. Outside of this he has made it clear I am the most important person to him and has proved he is a partner in his actions. BF initially tried to write off my concerns as jealousy since this friend is a woman. But then she took a loan she never paid back. And then after that she sent him a text that she won't spend time with him unless he pays her. He realizes he can't deny I have been right about her. She disappeared for awhile but is now surfacing back. First with a short text apology. And now another request for money. He is hung up because she gave him some good advice. I have tried to tell him that anyone can be nice 10-20% of the time but if they are crappy to you the other 80% that is more likely the true person they are. You can appreciate the advice while letting go of the toxicity of the person. He wants to leave the door open with this 'friend'. I am at my wit's end watching him be a doormat. He knows I am not happy about this at all but wants to let her back if she pays him back and apologizes. At the very least I need to have things be different than last time and this is invading me thoughts and making be look at him differently. I'm not quite sure how to communicate this and what to ask for without this turning into another unproductive fight. I figured setting some boundaries and admitting some of my faults in dealing in this would be more productive. I'm not quite sure what to ask for.
smackie9 Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 are you living together? if no you really don't have much say in how he loans his money to. you can give him an ultimatum. tell him if there is going to be a future with you, she can't be in it. if not, then there is no future for him with you in it. 2
d0nnivain Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 Just stay out of it. If he wants to be repeated kicked in the . . .wallet . . . let him. If he says things like I'm broke because he loaned her money, well them you can break up with him for being gullible & patsy but short of that stay out of it. 1
kendahke Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 Is it enough for you to break up with him? If not, then figure out a way to tolerate her because you being his girlfriend who's right about her clearly isn't enough to make him set her adrift. If yes, then follow through. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 I agree with your assessment that he's a doormat. Women don't respect a doormat, even if she's the one he's letting walk all over him. And definitely not if he's letting other women do it! I don't think this quality in him is likely to change, unfortunately. You can accept and love your doormat, or leave. I can't get excited about a man I don't respect, personally.
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