NightsEcho Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 Hey fellow Loveshack memebers, I have been a member of this fine forum for about 5 1/2 months now. It has helped me through many questions and concerns. Some may remember the ups-and-downs of my story. Basically 3 1/2 year relationship, ended in her lying and cheating on me 6 months ago (although not found out about until a month after the breakup) She has played me hot and cold, one minute super nice and the next...well icy. I did the usual begging and pleading at the start. We have had NC about 3 times...usually for a month or so...then she will break it. Just a quick pop back on the radar to say hi and then BAM gone again.....if you blinked you would miss it. Anyway the last bit of NC was going on 6 weeks.....and I get an e-mail. In it she is super nice (smiley faces) and asking about my recent trip. She also said she heard I had a new g/f (which i don't ) and she was happy for me. She ended the e-mail by saying she missed talking to me. Weird huh? Now my question is: what the hell do I do? I don't think I can look to deep into this, but i'm so very curious as to why she would pop back up. Girls? Men? Mods? God? Any input would be good. My guess is the "fishing" thing girls sometimes do...but I don't know. I also don't wanna be a jerk and ignore it....but it took me 6 months to get here....i'm not ready for friends. Advice needed NE Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 Ignore it. You don't owe her anything. She cheated on you so eff that. You will feel empowered. You will have the upper hand. You will also not risk throwing your emotions back out of whack over her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NightsEcho Posted August 31, 2005 Author Share Posted August 31, 2005 JS17- Ya i hear what you are saying and I appriciate it. Even after all this time I still have that voice in me thats says be nice, be a bigger man. The weird thing is that it is only this ex who has that power. Any other girl and I would be like eff that. It's not even that I wanna get back together.(but I still have feelings) It's just that I cant be mean to her....and I think she knows it. Thank you for your reply NE Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 You don't need to be mean. Ignoring her after all of this isn't mean. You have to put yourself first!!!! You're way more important than she is and if talking to her is going to hurt you in any way then don't do it. I was in the exact same position as you around the same time as you. I went through the "I can't just ignore him because I once loved him even though he was a cheating lying bastard" phase. We had some email correspondence after we broke up, he tried calling me but I never answered because, as I told him in an email, it hurt me to hear his voice. Finally, one day he called me after about 6 or 7 weeks of NC and I didn't answer and it was so empowering. I trumped someone who had walked all over me and treated me like crap for so long. Not talking to him has made it a million times easier to get past, everyone eventually realizes that one of the two people in the relationship is almost always hurt by contact afterwards. This time you're the person hurting. Stop hurting by not talking to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NightsEcho Posted August 31, 2005 Author Share Posted August 31, 2005 Thank you JS17- I think I will take your advice......this is just a little to much right now....its amazing how they have the power to almost be forgotten then there back. (in some form) Anyway, I am curious to here any thoughts on exacley what she is doing. Just a little curious as to why the contact. She's gotta know it hurts for me and is hard. Ideas? NE Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 Yeah, you'll probably always wonder and always be curious. Maybe one day when you're all healed you'll find out. When I was in the throes of all of that emotion what I found helping was when I caught myself thinking and wondering about him to consciously change the subject in my brain to anything else. Eventually you'll do it enough so that she'll fade away. You'll still think of her from time to time but it won't hurt as much. Maybe focus some of that attention on your hobbies or maybe try to help someone else Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Jayhawks Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 My take is that she is contacting you because she still wants to think she could get you back if she wanted and it strokes her ego. It also could be guilt but I doubt it after 6 months. She still wants some kind of contact so, because you still have feelings, I would do what JS says and ignore her. She will get the message that you don't want her in your life in any way, shape or form. Stay on NC until you don't have any desire to be with her or to know anything about her. It is for your own emotional health. Take Care... Link to post Share on other sites
Author NightsEcho Posted September 1, 2005 Author Share Posted September 1, 2005 Thanks so much. That's kinda what I felt....that she was just doing this as kind of an ego thing. The problem is to ignore the 2% chance it's something and listen to the like 98% chance it nothing. We all hope that they feel regret and come back in some way shape or form. Man, I was doing so good to NE Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted September 1, 2005 Share Posted September 1, 2005 You're still doing good. You haven't called her and that's a big deal. We all have bad days. I'm having one today. Maybe it's in the air. Sometimes it's the situation that we need to get over and not really the person. Just take it day by day Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted September 1, 2005 Share Posted September 1, 2005 Nights, Trust me when I tell you that if she is feeling that 2% for you then she will call back again and again and again. Don't give in this time and let her see that you are in control of your own life....let her think you and this other girl (even if she does not exist) are living it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 1, 2005 Share Posted September 1, 2005 Hey all, I have made the decision not to contact her.....what's the point? If she really wanted to talk she knows how to get a hold of me. After all that has happened she can pick up the phone NE Link to post Share on other sites
off2sea Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 Nights- I am also in a similar situation. NC since last December with the exception of one or two texts and one email about 2 months ago where she declared how much she missed me and so on...Like an idiot I responded and of course then anxiously awaited her response which never came. Each little contact or glimmer of communication I find sets me back months. It does get better with time and I have to agree with everyone that says NC is the best way to go. My birthday is in two weeks and I dread the possibility of a message or email. Perhaps a good day to just shut my phone off. Hang in there... Link to post Share on other sites
blue16 Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 Good call NightsEcho. As the other posters said, this is probably an ego boost thing and you are the victim of this game. If on the other hand she actually wants you back, trust me you will know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NightsEcho Posted September 2, 2005 Author Share Posted September 2, 2005 Wow, thank you everybody. The response this thread has recieved has been uplifting. I am getting ready to get back to school here in the next couple of days....which means a 2 hour move. Not that far...but I feel the space will be good for me. Plus, I get my head back into my studies so that will be good. As for updates.....none. I haven't e-mailed her back, but I deleated the e-mail. I feel it would be unwise to do what so many on her complain about and just get burned again. There comes a point where we must say "Enough" I want to continue this thread so if you have any questions or there are updates please post. NE Link to post Share on other sites
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