A kind of a curious story of traversing the globe for someone... Thoughts?

[agawam25]

Hello all,

 

It's been a while. I peruse this forum to ask questions whenever I'm stumped, and you guys have been more than helpful with your advice, so I figured: I'm in a very unusual situation and I don't know where this is headed. Maybe you can help...

 

So about a month and a half ago I met this woman on a dating app. Funny, I don't use it much but I figured I'd go outside of my comfort zone and try and meet someone different for a change as I usually date within my social circles etc. Given the nature of my job I also meet a lot of people on a daily basis, so most if not all of women I've dated have come through that. I'm not into ONSs, so my expectations of this dating app were kinda so-so.

 

I ended up swiping right on this woman who's foreign, kinda took a glance at her linked social media accounts and she had the most interesting quote in her bio. Obviously gorgeous. 9 years younger but from the looks of her profile very much the young professional type. Very classy. Very into similar things like me. Same political views, same ways of thinking, same music, same books, you name it. We matched and I said hi, but no response. I was gonna let it go, but I figured I might send her a message via one of her social media accounts. We started talking there; she was just staying for another three days and was here for work, and we agreed to meet on that night but her business dinner went on for too long so she asked if I could do the next day for coffee.

 

We met, we both had an hour between other obligations but man, did we click. It's one of those funny feelings that you know the person although you've only just met. It happens, but very rarely, at least to me. I liked the fact that she's energetic and well-educated, and we're in the same profession (or at least she used to be, before she made a switch to her current job, which is somewhat different).

 

So we parted ways, agreed to stay in touch either when she comes back later this year (in three months at that point) or if I end up visiting her city about a thousand miles away. She gave me a hug and there was something about that hug that simply stayed with me. Again, this natural closeness, something you can't categorize as anything else.

 

So next day she was about to fly out, she gave a call which I missed and sent a message asking if we could meet briefly before she goes. I tried to make it - even went as far as wanting to show up at the airport and grab coffee there before her flight - but she was running late and I couldn't get a cab and that was that.

 

Usually I wouldn't have made much of it, and recently I've kind of enjoyed being single, and this idea of meeting someone new... I don't know. I've had a good run at dealing with other aspects of my life that needed my attention and I've made progress at work, and given my most recent failed relationship(s), I sort of thought I was in need of some more introspection and soul-searching. But there was just something so... familiar? About this woman who I couldn't have met before, unless in a parallel universe or a different lifetime. A kindred spirit kind of connection. I told her in my "bon voyage" message that I had a good gut feeling about it and that if she's ever back, I'd love to go out and talk and enjoy some time together, and that in all honesty I don't know what got into me but that I don't usually have a desire to go to the airport to see off someone I've just met. She said she liked gut feelings and thanked me for the effort in trying to show up and ended it with a "See you". So all in all, I thought, polite but nothing more to expect.

 

Anyway, she left, I thought about her a bit more than I'd like to admit, and my clothes smelled of her perfume for another two days. But we're 1000 miles away, I thought, and odds of me going to her city were minuscule due to all the stuff I need to do this summer, so... August or September, or even October, if I'm lucky and life doesn't get in the way. Or someone else, of course. That's the way of the world, and I'm okay with things that are out of my control.

 

But something, again, wouldn't let me wait. So I sent a message on IG, one thing led to another... I'd send a song, or write a tidbit about my past or the place where I live that she's extremely interested in and she'd like to relocate to in the future. She'd write back, mostly after work or at night, on days when she wasn't exhausted. But I sensed a reluctance to open up fully. We clicked on pretty much every subject, mostly spending time talking about plans for the future, dreams of a cabin in the mountains, or a bottle of wine and a sunset by the seaside. It dawned on me that she was interested when she asked me about whether I knew what I was doing with my life, out of the blue. It was more than just asking for advice. Especially from a stranger. I believe trust was established at that point. We talked life and goals and experiences and ours turned out to be pretty much the same. She kept apologizing for not writing more while saying that she loved reading what I wrote and that it made her days more bearable.

 

And then she started to write. These amazing, thoughtful, long letters basically about herself, me, how reluctant she was to use "us". How she kept thinking about me and constantly wanting more. Then she confessed about being reserved at first because her main reasons for visiting in the past were a man that she broke up with relatively recently. I told her about my love and loss in general terms and she said that I shouldn't worry about telling her about it because understanding and openness were key, and I promised I'd tell her the whole story. Of my life, in general. She seems to be interested in everything: my childhood, my growing up, my experiences. Of course, I'm very similar and non-judgmental or jealous, and I like this "open book" approach.

 

So here comes the kicker: she said that basically she'd fly in, but she didn't want to conflate her previous relationship with what's going on with us, so she asked me to pick a city and she'd meet me there. To which I said yes. We both explained to each other that it's a leap of faith, but we're obviously both willing to say **** it and just go with it because so far it's been the most amazing, empathetic, engaging connection I've personally had since forever, and I believe she's feeling like that too.

 

We're both busy, but it turns out that her only free weekend is happening at the same time as me being abroad for work the week before, so instead of heading home, we're going to meet midway in this very romantic European city... For about 48 hours or so. She bought a ticket, I bought a ticket, she booked us a hotel (although I offered to book separate rooms if she's uncomfortable). And now we're going to meet in less that two weeks in this city made for lovers and... Talk, walk around, laugh, drink, explore the empty streets after midnight...

 

How amazing is that?

 

She's going on a pre-planned vacation to another continent in a month but she insisted that if we like it, she'd make an effort to see me again before she leaves. She specifically said that she'd rather meet now at the earliest opportunity than meet right before her trip in case we enjoy it and then don't get to see each other for three weeks. She also asked if I could join her, but it's a bit too much of a short notice for me, plus I can't get that much time away from work. Also, budget. If I had the funds, perhaps I'd work everything else out. But it's a little out of my reach at the moment.

 

But here's my question: we have this Before Sunrise kind of thing - which is beyond my dreams and I'm having trouble sleeping from all the excitement. But then what? Or am I jumping the gun?

 

I will do this. And I am going to go for it. I just... This feels unreal.

 

As always, your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

 

Mods: I didn't put this in LDRs because it's not a LDR per se, but a rather specific situation. If after reading you believe it belongs there, feel free to move it.

[coolheadal]

I would go too, because things like this doesn't happen to often. If you feel that click in your heart, mind, soul. Then don't say no make it happen. Well she has extended the offer to travel with her. Unless she covers your expenses then go but once you cross that path your job is in Jeopardy! As for me I live free and what I want to do sure if a woman told me to follow her across this planet I would say yes, but she would have to be special. I did something like this last year 2017. I drove 3,666 miles total.. Cost over 1K was it worst it yes! Would I do it again no, next time I would fly instead of driving! We men act fast or just let it go, but chances like this are a million to one!

[Lotsgoingon]

Oh, you got to go for it brother ... with some caution ... The caution is to resist surrendering fully to the intoxication you're feeling right ... that this is absolutely the woman for you.

 

I'm not trying to stifle your excitement ... It's very cool the way you both opened up and took the chance to get together even though it requires lots of calendar juggling and travel. That's great. But ... remember ... our feeling brain ... our "falling in love" brain ... works in a narrow bandwidth ... it checks for excitement, comfort, similar kind of thinking (sometimes superficially so) ...

 

But our feeling brain cannot accurately judge what this woman's life is really like ... The feeling brain doesn't pick up on someone having a gambling addiction or a spending issue ... or an intrusive mother who gets in the way of relationships.

 

Strangely enough ... the feeling brain doesn't always accurately point us toward who we will have physical chemistry with ... the intoxication feeling isn't necessary an indicator of physical-lust feeling ... though there is some overlap.

 

The bottom line is that you want to go on the trip with the thought of finding out more and spending time with this woman who I feel so great around.

 

The attitude you want is that you two are exploring ... not going on a trip to "confirm" that this is the woman for you.

 

By staying in the present (you really are feeling strongly for her RIGHT NOW) you also allow yourself to notice who she is ... and that will be different from the fantasy-woman your brain and hormones are creating about her right now ... So holding back from believing the magical fantasy will give her and you room to be human and real ... and to notice the real person in front of you.

 

But go for it brother! ... Just understand (as the feeling brain does not right now) that this is a 3-dimensional real human being who has strengths and weaknesses as all human beings do ... and be clear to yourself: that if things don't seem as magical after a week with her, that's not any kind of failure.

Edited June 26, 2018 by Lotsgoingon

[JDJ]

1000 miles is nothing if you have that gut feeling. Everything sounds good, and you should go for it. Just keep in mind that it is an easy thing to have fun for 48 hours, eating, drinking, and being close to each other. That is not necessarily a sign of long-term compatibility. Also, it is easy to agree on dreams like a fancy house, delicious food, long vacations, and a glass of wine on the beach at the sunset. It is good that you are writing letters about your personal history and real personality. How you make choices, how you argue, how you communicate are important indicators for a long-term relationship.

 

I did 10000 km on the basis of a gut feeling, and it worked out. Because that genuine spark was there, and it has lasted 16 years so far. So good luck!

[Romantic_Antics]

If you have that connection, I say go for it!

 

When my girlfriend and I met, the spark was instantaneous, the chemistry was off the charts, and we felt like we'd known each forever. The connection we have is the most powerfully intense and intimate connection that either of us has ever had. We are both in our 40s and have been married previously so we're no strangers to love nor are we lacking in experience. We have things in common that are so incredibly rare as to almost be impossible and we frequently say or think the exact same things at the exact same time. We know we were meant to be together, we know we will be spending the rest of our lives together, and we are both everything the other person has ever dreamed of having in a life partner - and so much more.

 

Our connection, our similarities, and everything else that makes us special had me doing some research on soul mates and in that process I discovered that we're much more than soul mates. We're what is called Twin Flames. A person can have many soul mates, and even different kinds of soul mates, but only one Twin Flame. I didn't even know what that was until recently, but the definition is beautiful. I'm going to share it with you along with a video I found that my future wife has also watched. I hope you and your special gal enjoy it as much as we did.

 

Twin Flames Definition: "Out of all of the souls in existence there is only one other soul that has an identical frequency to you. This energetic match is your twin flame, sometimes referred to as a sacred or divine partner, and is a connection unlike any other. You and your twin flame were created together at the dawn of time. The inexplicable bond between twin flames transcends the limitations of space and time and can never be broken."

 

Here's the video we watched that perfectly describes us:

 

 

I hope this was helpful to you. Good luck!

[agawam25]

I have received answers from some very courageous and romantic people... And I salute you for that. Thank you, friends. Your encouragement and clarity backed by your experiences are more than helpful.

[mortensorchid]

Wow. Well, I hope this is what you are saying it is and this isn't wishful thinking. I had a former friend of mine who was crossing state lines to meet guys she was connecting with on Match.com. She was living in my state at the time and she would fly out to CA to meet these guys there. And the story was always the same. Whatever happened happened when she was there with them, but at the end of it they (as in the guys she would meet) said that they were not coming out to see her, which she asked them if and when they would come to see her when the time was coming to an end, because they were not sure how they felt about this set up. She made the effort to come out and see them, how come they are not doing this? I think she was being very ridiculous to do this but she was bent on it.

 

SO what happened with you and this woman? Want to hear now.