LindseyKelk Posted June 25, 2018 Posted June 25, 2018 A couple of people and I went for a weekend trip to the mountains. It was me, my best friend, our friends and their friends. We all knew that we were going to drink a lot and have a lot of fun. The guy who organized it is a good friend of my friends´. I have known him for several years, and we hung out together quite a few times, too. He is a lot of fun, especially when he is drunk. Over the few years we have known each other, I learned he is quite an animal when drinking. He loses all inhibitions and does the weirdest (but funniest) stuff. I have heard, and seen, him grabbing other guys by their heads and full on making out with them. Everybody finds it weird but hilarious at the same time, seeing as he is not gay but will do anything to make them feel uncomfortable. I grew to like him over the past few years and always regarded him as the clown of the group who does the funny/weird things. When we arrived, we said hi and chatted for a while, but he stayed with the group of friends he knew. Then he heard me making some funny remarks about stuff and found it really funny. He would still stay with the other friends but now would engage me in more conversations, basically as you do when you „click“ with a new person. We spent the whole day outside, and it started getting colder and we were sitting in front of the house and talking. I got the shivers, and my best friend asked me if I wanted his hoodie. I said no, because I had mine back in the car, I was just lazy to get up and go get it. The other guy, however, heard it and immediately got his ignoring my protests that I did not need it, and literally helped me get dressed. He would tease me a lot, and I would do the same, because we have pretty similar personality. When I wanted to sit down, he would tell me to sit next to him. All of us started drinking, and boy did we drink a lot. We had the best night in a long time, and we laughed non stop. My best friend passed out and other friends went to sleep. It was only me, him and other people. It never ever crossed my mind that anything should happen between this guy and I – I never saw him as anything than a nice funny guy. After a lot to drink, they joked about how he has not kissed anyone yet the way he does and I made the mistake of asking what is it. Now I had his tongue in my ear, and we were all laughing. He was sitting beside me, and I think he would hold my hand a few times or put his hand on my leg or something. I did not pay attention to it, because I was drunk, and I saw it as harmless. Then him and I went to a balcony to breathe some fresh air, and we were just laughing when all of a sudden he got real close and I freaked out, but he started lauhing and did the ear thing again, but I do believe he was slightly turned on. We went to sleep early in the morning, different rooms, and he came to wake me up with a cup of coffee. The next day he would sort of just linger around me, we would chat and laugh again. They went for a hike, but I decided not to go, as I had a horrible headache. We went for a short walk in the evening, and had dinner. At dinner, the other friends would point out we were smooching (or rather him and I was telling him to stop while laughing) and I said I did not remember that. He looked at me funny. We were drinking again, this time I moved away from him, not intentionally, I just did not give it a thought. When a friend of mine left, I put my legs up on a couch and he came over immediately, and put my legs on his. I was like okay whatever, it is kind of comfortable. We were singing and drinking. I ended up leaving early and puking – I know, really attractive and mature. I have learned the next day that as me and him were talking and turned back to my best friend, said something, leaned forward to the guy, as I still had my feet up on him, and he looked at me and all of a sudden kissed me. Not in a make out way, it was more of a two second kiss on the lips innocent way, smiled and continued talking. I ended up falling asleep on his chest, and he was holding me around my shoulders. In the morning he woke me up by coming to my room, and sat on my bed. We were talking for a while, but I felt horrible. He lied down next to me for a while, then made himself coffee and came back again. Other people started coming to the room too and it kind of became a hang out spot for the morning. Some people were still sleeping and some went outside, and needed him for something. However, he was sitting beside me and they came to get him and it took him another 20 minutes to leave me. For the rest of the day, he would stay close to me and make fun of me. I noticed now that he was always in my presence. He also often checked up on me to see if I was okay. Wherever I was, he was, therefore all of the friend group was. It was time to go home, so we said goodbyes, and I was going for a kiss on the cheek, and managed to give him one, but he just kissed me on the lips. A real quick kiss on the lips. He is famous for doing this to women, but this time he only did it to me, apparently. I did not give it any thought up until today, because I kept feeling horrible the whole weekend. I never thought of him in any other way than being funny with me. One friend of his joked and said he (the guy I talked to) was into me. I just laughed and thought suuure. Nobody else really thought nothing of it seeing as he is quite well known for really weird behavior towards people, and has no real boundaries. I have also come to learn he is in a long term relationship. I was suprised to hear that, and now I feel terrible. I know it was the alcohol and that he is very affectionate and does not consider it cheating, maybe does not even think about it at all, but it is bugging me. The problem is, because I was already told it is something he does, I considered it to be a part of who he is. So what he kisses people.... Everybody takes it as a normal thing with him. I responded to him in the same manner always. I am a naturally flirty person, and I am single, so I thought nothing wrong would happen if we just shared some laughs. Now, however, I kind of regret it, and wish it did not happen because it made things sort of awkward for me, and the next interaction is going to be rather uncomfortable. I also think about the poor girlfriend (she knows he is like this), and hope she will not find out. I will definitely try to avoid it next time, but the problem is, it seemed to me that the statement IT IS WHAT HE DOES should not apply in this case. I am worried he might have got to like me slightly more than he should but I would never have the balls to ask him this. What do you guys think? What did it all mean?
Author LindseyKelk Posted June 25, 2018 Author Posted June 25, 2018 Is this the old guy? Nope. Which I guess also answers your question if I hang out with other people. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 25, 2018 Posted June 25, 2018 (edited) It means he was drunk and bending what most would consider appropriate boundaries in the absence of his girlfriend. Sounds like he was hoping for a little side action while he was away from her. And yes, his girlfriend will likely hear about it. If someone is in a relationship and behaving the way he does, you can't take him seriously. In my younger years, I saw this so frequently at these boozy getaways. Guy (or girl) is on the prowl while their significant other is not around. They get a little action, blame it on the alcohol. Then go right back to being Mr. Boyfriend of the Year when they go home. In other words, don't read into it. And don't feed into it next time either, now that you know he's not single. Keep your distance from this dude. He's a party animal and his behaviour is sketchy and obnoxious. Edited June 25, 2018 by ExpatInItaly 1
stillafool Posted June 25, 2018 Posted June 25, 2018 Well it actually sounds like a peck to say good-bye and since he does this with many girls perhaps his gf doesn't mind him doing that.
Author LindseyKelk Posted June 25, 2018 Author Posted June 25, 2018 Well it actually sounds like a peck to say good-bye and since he does this with many girls perhaps his gf doesn't mind him doing that. Yeah, it certainly is what he does. I've heard some people just do that while saying hellos or goodbyes. I think he did it before, never paid attention to it. It was just the weird vibe I got from the whole thing together after this weekend. I definitely sensed a change in how we interact. Also how he never goes TO people, but people go to him. He was following me the whole time. He was not really flirty, he started to be more caring, which is what freaked me out the most. Ugh.
Author LindseyKelk Posted June 25, 2018 Author Posted June 25, 2018 It means he was drunk and bending what most would consider appropriate boundaries in the absence of his girlfriend. Sounds like he was hoping for a little side action while he was away from her. And yes, his girlfriend will likely hear about it. If someone is in a relationship and behaving the way he does, you can't take him seriously. In my younger years, I saw this so frequently at these boozy getaways. Guy (or girl) is on the prowl while their significant other is not around. They get a little action, blame it on the alcohol. Then go right back to being Mr. Boyfriend of the Year when they go home. In other words, don't read into it. And don't feed into it next time either, now that you know he's not single. Keep your distance from this dude. He's a party animal and his behaviour is sketchy and obnoxious. Thank you for the answer. I know men do this sort of thing, and I knew he did when he was drunk. I am not sure about him and girls, but he would defintely be touchy with guys. I imagine the gf would be pretty pissed if she discovered it was a girl this time. At the same time, I do not want to hold it against him, because it was two of us there, there were other people, and nobody said anything about it at any point. If it also is a part of his personality, it is not really my place to say anything, I can only avoid it next time.
MaleIntuition Posted June 25, 2018 Posted June 25, 2018 He has a crush on you is my guess. Sounds more like he is looking to replace his girlfriend rather than some side action. He didn’t really try to sleep with you (?), but brought you coffee in the morning... kissing people randomly isn’t a personality trait but a wierd gimmick/party-trick in this case he used his past clown-behaviour as an excuse to get more physical with you. 2
Author LindseyKelk Posted June 25, 2018 Author Posted June 25, 2018 He has a crush on you is my guess. Sounds more like he is looking to replace his girlfriend rather than some side action. He didn’t really try to sleep with you (?), but brought you coffee in the morning... kissing people randomly isn’t a personality trait but a wierd gimmick/party-trick in this case he used his past clown-behaviour as an excuse to get more physical with you. Yeah, usually when a guy is after sex they sort of hint at it with subtle (or not so subtle) sexual remarks. I did not notice he’d say anything like that. He was just there, always beside me, teasing me like a little boy and touching me frequently. Which I sort of value. There were also other female friends, a friend of mine in particular who he is close with, and he would touch them, too, on the leg and arms, or whatever. As they started talking to him though and touching him, he would lean closer to me and still hold my legs, creating more distance between them. It was perfectly fine when I saw him being around them, but then on the last day he stopped also with that and just lingered around me. So he is a touchy guy, but I am not sure to what extent it is considered “normal” to him. It was just rather weird, and it makes me feel guilty and uncomfortable.
d0nnivain Posted June 25, 2018 Posted June 25, 2018 If he's in a LTR just give him a wide berth. If he reaches out for you, ask pointed Qs about this LTR. For all you know it's over or not as serious as the 3rd party led you to believe.
Author LindseyKelk Posted June 25, 2018 Author Posted June 25, 2018 If he's in a LTR just give him a wide berth. If he reaches out for you, ask pointed Qs about this LTR. For all you know it's over or not as serious as the 3rd party led you to believe. We never talked outside of these meet ups, as we did not really know each other so well, and I would never write to him just because. I am not interested in him that way. What do you mean by the 3rd party?
MaleIntuition Posted June 25, 2018 Posted June 25, 2018 Yeah, usually when a guy is after sex they sort of hint at it with subtle (or not so subtle) sexual remarks. I did not notice he’d say anything like that. He was just there, always beside me, teasing me like a little boy and touching me frequently. Which I sort of value. There were also other female friends, a friend of mine in particular who he is close with, and he would touch them, too, on the leg and arms, or whatever. As they started talking to him though and touching him, he would lean closer to me and still hold my legs, creating more distance between them. It was perfectly fine when I saw him being around them, but then on the last day he stopped also with that and just lingered around me. So he is a touchy guy, but I am not sure to what extent it is considered “normal” to him. It was just rather weird, and it makes me feel guilty and uncomfortable. Before I became older and more cynical I used to think that if I liked a girl and she liked me, we would both simply choose to be close to one another and somehow a relationship would then form. That didn’t work so well. What do you want? If you are interested, I would heed D0nnivans advice and figure out if this LTR gf is real or not. Generally speaking; people whom line up their next relationship while still in a relationship aren’t keepers. 1
Author LindseyKelk Posted June 25, 2018 Author Posted June 25, 2018 Before I became older and more cynical I used to think that if I liked a girl and she liked me, we would both simply choose to be close to one another and somehow a relationship would then form. That didn’t work so well. What do you want? If you are interested, I would heed D0nnivans advice and figure out if this LTR gf is real or not. Generally speaking; people whom line up their next relationship while still in a relationship aren’t keepers. I sort of know the girl. I remember her from a few years ago. I did not particularly seek her presence - she did not struck me as being very friendly, and she would often nag people around her. I don’t care for these sorts of things, but she is also not really taking care of herself, and you would not clasify her as womanly nor pretty. I recall seeing them together but I guess I never made the connection that they could be a couple. I am the exact opposite of her. I socialize a lot, I make fun a lot, I take care of myself, I read and study a lot, and people seem to think I am attractive. Which is possibly why he was flattered I responded to it in the same way.
d0nnivain Posted June 25, 2018 Posted June 25, 2018 What do you mean by the 3rd party? Whoever it was that told you about his LTR. If you are not interested in him romantically, just go back to acting like this never happened. 1
Author LindseyKelk Posted June 25, 2018 Author Posted June 25, 2018 Whoever it was that told you about his LTR. If you are not interested in him romantically, just go back to acting like this never happened. Yeah, it’s something I know I will have to do. Or I will just try to avoid him lol.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 Yeah, it’s something I know I will have to do. Or I will just try to avoid him lol. That would be best. I get the impression from your post that you like him a bit, but it seems as though he's the type of guy you should take with a gigantic boulder of salt.
Author LindseyKelk Posted June 26, 2018 Author Posted June 26, 2018 That would be best. I get the impression from your post that you like him a bit, but it seems as though he's the type of guy you should take with a gigantic boulder of salt. I do like him for sure, I think he is very likeable and fun and kind, but definitely not my type. I am a very open minded person and get all sorts of weird stuff people do but I would not exactly want my boyfriend to do things he does. I will never understand why people keep doing these things, literally nobody wins. I will feel like crap and will not talk to him, she will feel like crap and he is clearly looking for attention elsewhere. What even is the point lol
ExpatInItaly Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 I do like him for sure, I think he is very likeable and fun and kind, but definitely not my type. I am a very open minded person and get all sorts of weird stuff people do but I would not exactly want my boyfriend to do things he does. I will never understand why people keep doing these things, literally nobody wins. I will feel like crap and will not talk to him, she will feel like crap and he is clearly looking for attention elsewhere. What even is the point lol Because he has his cake and eats is, too. He gets attention and validation from you or other girls he plays kissy-face with, and goes home to his girlfriend. Win-win for a guy like him.
Author LindseyKelk Posted June 26, 2018 Author Posted June 26, 2018 the next interaction we have is going to be extremely awkward. I know he likes me as a person, I do not for a second doubt that, but I also feel slightly used. Like he used me for his own benefit, or wanted me to get tipsy so that he could be closer to me because he wanted some ego boost. Flirting is fun, that’s for sure, but there should always be boundaries, especially if they’re in a relationship. If he was not, it’d be easy for me to misinterpret it as an interest. But because I know it isn’t, I can’t take him as a serious person anymore.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 the next interaction we have is going to be extremely awkward. I know he likes me as a person, I do not for a second doubt that, but I also feel slightly used. Like he used me for his own benefit, or wanted me to get tipsy so that he could be closer to me because he wanted some ego boost. Flirting is fun, that’s for sure, but there should always be boundaries, especially if they’re in a relationship. If he was not, it’d be easy for me to misinterpret it as an interest. But because I know it isn’t, I can’t take him as a serious person anymore. Nah, just don't play into his obnoxious, attention-seeking antics. If he tries, say a firm "no" and step away. If he presses you for an answer, tell him you don't appreciate his behaviour knowing he has a girlfriend. Full-stop. He'll get the hint if you make your boundaries clear and avoid him. 1
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