MintyMermaid Posted June 24, 2018 Posted June 24, 2018 After having my heart broken a month ago, I turned to Tinder again, to find a friend with benefits. Matched with a dude who is cute and funny, early 30s, I think he has potential, BUT... he's a complete oddity to me. To list a few... - doesn't have facebook/instagram, etc (lol I know) and never asked for mine - his IM media is hooked to a foreign number (he says he travels for work a lot and has that one active) - I am still not sure if he has given me his real name, it sounds so strange and unusual for our country - he's reluctant to tell me a lot about his job, just bits and pieces And on a personal level... - not really a good kisser - looked like he wanted to take me home, had two opportunities so far, but didn't do a move (and I decided not to push it, because I haven't figured him out yet) We've been on two dates so far, with kissing but everyone pays their own bill so he's not out there to impress me I think. He looks really shy in person, and gets nervous, but the cute kind of nervous. I'm pretty open minded, so I don't mind talking about ex girlfriends or hook ups, but a woman has never crept in his talk about himself. So... from where I stand, he's either a virgin (to which I don't object, this might be fun), or a weird psycho (to which I object greatly), hah. Looks like if something's gonna happen, I will be the initiator. I don't want to get really emotionally invested in this, I am too tired of that now, so I was contemplating inviting him over to my place for "movie night". Just wondering if it's a good idea to give him my address...
coolheadal Posted June 24, 2018 Posted June 24, 2018 To soon for too bring this guy over to your house. Plus he's not acting right you said. I would be cautious until you get to know better after a couple more dates. 1
MaleIntuition Posted June 24, 2018 Posted June 24, 2018 Perhaps you should tell him you aren’t looking for anything serious. Sounds to me like you are stereotyping quite a bit. He is either a virgin or a psycho? But anyway; you don’t trust him, better not invite him home then. 1
MidwestUSA Posted June 24, 2018 Posted June 24, 2018 What if he's psycho AND a virgin?! What would be an appropriate movie? 4
Author MintyMermaid Posted June 24, 2018 Author Posted June 24, 2018 What if he's psycho AND a virgin?! What would be an appropriate movie? Haha what if indeed! We're both nerds, so something totally not sexual at all Perhaps you should tell him you aren’t looking for anything serious. Sounds to me like you are stereotyping quite a bit. He is either a virgin or a psycho? But anyway; you don’t trust him, better not invite him home then. I am, I know. I asked him what he's looking for and he said "whatever comes my way" so I don't think he has expectations either. To soon for too bring this guy over to your house. Plus he's not acting right you said. I would be cautious until you get to know better after a couple more dates. Maybe I'm gonna wait yes, although that's gonna make me invest more time and emotion... which I already lost with the last dude I let come near me.
Casio167 Posted June 24, 2018 Posted June 24, 2018 It sounds like you dont even really like this guy, even for a casual fling maybe just hold out for someone who you think might be a decent person. Nothing tou’ve mentioned about this guy screams to me that you like him in any possible way! If you want someone to sleep with, you should at least like then in some capacity!
Author MintyMermaid Posted June 24, 2018 Author Posted June 24, 2018 It sounds like you dont even really like this guy, even for a casual fling maybe just hold out for someone who you think might be a decent person. Nothing tou’ve mentioned about this guy screams to me that you like him in any possible way! If you want someone to sleep with, you should at least like then in some capacity! I think he's ok - I like his appearance. I've always held out for people I really like, and I end up getting really hurt for one reason or another... mainly because I like them so so so much that I cling to them as a drowning man does a piece of wood lol... so was wondering if I should try someone I am not head over heels for... but I do get your point.
d0nnivain Posted June 24, 2018 Posted June 24, 2018 Have you Googled him? What does that tell you? Another tactic I have resorted to is turn to the conversation to a lament about how much you don't like your driver's license photo. I have a great story about one that was so bad, I joked that I'd never get a DWI because I looked so stoned in the photo the cop would have to conclude that I was not drunk, I just looked like that. (It's a joke people I am NOT advocating driving while impaired by either drugs or alcohol). Anyway, you then get the guy to show you his driver's license so you can get info about his real name, DOB & address. Don't mention it if the info doesn't match. Do some more sleuthing, then ask on the next date. All that said, this seems like waaaaayyyyy too much effort for NSA sex. 1
Author MintyMermaid Posted June 24, 2018 Author Posted June 24, 2018 Have you Googled him? What does that tell you? Another tactic I have resorted to is turn to the conversation to a lament about how much you don't like your driver's license photo. I have a great story about one that was so bad, I joked that I'd never get a DWI because I looked so stoned in the photo the cop would have to conclude that I was not drunk, I just looked like that. (It's a joke people I am NOT advocating driving while impaired by either drugs or alcohol). Anyway, you then get the guy to show you his driver's license so you can get info about his real name, DOB & address. Don't mention it if the info doesn't match. Do some more sleuthing, then ask on the next date. All that said, this seems like waaaaayyyyy too much effort for NSA sex. Googled him and nothing came out. Weird! I did joke about how unusual his name was, and suggested he shows me his ID to prove it. But we were way too drunk and he brushed it off. I couldn't even get his zodiac sign, SHEESH. It is waaaay too much effort just for sex, I agree. That's why I'm wondering if I should go directly or let it go. I need to move to a bigger city 1
stillafool Posted June 24, 2018 Posted June 24, 2018 I am, I know. I asked him what he's looking for and he said "whatever comes my way" so I don't think he has expectations either. Maybe I'm gonna wait yes, although that's gonna make me invest more time and emotion... which I already lost with the last dude I let come near me. Did you tell him you were looking for a FWB as stated in your opening post? If you are just looking for a FWB why are you worried about time and emotion? It's for casual hookups.
act00 Posted June 24, 2018 Posted June 24, 2018 I think there's way too much mistrust and things that aren't making sense or adding up that you should not put out your address or any high level of personal information. If you're hell-bent on some sex, rent a hotel room. That carries its own dangers. Phone numbers and sketchy history to the point you question he gave you his real name...red flags. My deal-breaker is if they can't tell me their major crossroads of which they live. With strangers on the internet with online dating, I don't expect an address and will not provide my own, but general vicinity and location is important to me because I want someone who lives close enough I can actually see them in person on a regular basis. Most people can provide major crossroads, and if they can't, they're either stupid or lying about their life, don't live in the area and are lying, or foreign and scam alert. A foreign phone number when he supposedly lives and works locally? Red flag. Not being active on social media is not a red flag for me, but I'm in my 40s. You've met in person, so this is a bonus, but you have way too many questions and things are not adding up...something is wrong with this picture...there's something shady going on, so my vote is NO.
BaileyB Posted June 24, 2018 Posted June 24, 2018 I don't date anyone unless I am sure that I know their real name... Be careful with this one. You are engaging in some pretty risky behavior here. 2
mortensorchid Posted June 24, 2018 Posted June 24, 2018 This person sounds shady. I wouldn't go any further than you have already, just say you don't want anything serious.
lurker74 Posted June 24, 2018 Posted June 24, 2018 I am certainly not encouraging you to be unsafe but I've known WAY WAY less about some of the women I've met at bars/club/Starbucks/grocery store that I ended up sleeping with sooner than two dates from Tinder. And vice versa. Yes, be safe, listen to that inner voice if you are uncomfortable, and make sure your friends know where you are, but if you're just looking to get laid, you already know more about him than some rando you met at a bar. Having said that, I don't do that stuff anymore but I certainly don't judge those that do.
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