SiaLv82 Posted June 24, 2018 Posted June 24, 2018 I'm noticing a trend where prior and after the first date my dates tend to be very quick on the petal - constant texting, asking to hang out very next day and then again shortly after, and then *poof* gone. I want to take my time plus get to actually know my dates prior to rushing into things. I also have a life and a career to juggle in between dates. The last guy told me he noticed i dont like to text during work...um I'm working? Is this normal for most of you when dating or are these red flags and just the wrong guys. I think one or two dates a week is enough during the first month or so and just leaving texting to establishing dates during first two weeks or so. I also find it difficult that it's assumed i should give up so much time to devote to that particular person when they are just at the acquaintance stage. I warm up to partners. I dont find it healthy to be 24/7 about someone right off the bat. However its a trend that im losing out here so maybe im wrong. And I was interested in the last one. Girls AND guys how much do you devote to a new date in the first few weeks of dating...textings, calls, seeing each other.
bathtub-row Posted June 24, 2018 Posted June 24, 2018 If a guy disappears because you don’t text during work hours, then you don’t need such a guy in your life. I have no idea why the guys are disappearing but it may be because they’re just looking for a one-night stand. It’s not a good idea to be available all the time. Any mature guy won’t expect you to do that. Whenever I’ve been on the dating sites, I turned off the feature where someone can instant message me. I really dislike that feature because it seems overly invasive to me. Some guys have asked about it and I just let them know I don’t care to do that. You need to do what’s right for you. Don’t lower your standards for anyone. 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted June 24, 2018 Posted June 24, 2018 (edited) I have had those guys that disappear after initially showing a ton of interest and I started reciprocating. Those I think only wanted something (sex, ego boost etc), after they get that, on to the next one. As for time spent together, take that at the pace which suits you, just as long as you show interest and keep the dating going. My bf and I did spend quite a bit of time together when we were dating, but we also gave each other time if either of us were busy. Spending 24/7 texting/calling/being together, is really unhealthy, dated a guy like that and it got out of hand, I wanted out of that situation really badly. Find someone who is compatible w/your pace. Nothing wrong w/you, just need to go through a lot of duds. Edited June 24, 2018 by I'veseenbetterlol
d0nnivain Posted June 24, 2018 Posted June 24, 2018 It amazes me when I read about people here on LS texting throughout the work day. I'm like how do you get any work done? I'm also like you. In the beginning 1-2 dates per week is fine & for heaven's sake stop trying to talk to me daily. I don't know you well enough yet & have to ease you into my life. I have never dated in this instantaneous era. I suppose I could learn to put up with the daily good morning text but I would have a chat with anybody early on that I'd like 1-2 dates per week & maybe 2-3 phone calls but that is about it. It's not a lack of interest; it's a desire to build to daily contact by not moving too fast. My interactions with a brand new person in my life do not look the same as my interactions with a friend I've known for 10+ years.
Art_Critic Posted June 24, 2018 Posted June 24, 2018 From what you posted you sound grounded and not doing anything wrong. Maybe your people picker is off and you are picking out guys only after a quick hookup, which is the opposite of what you are geared up for.. Dating is a numbers game, keep going thru those numbers till you find your guy.. 3
Sunlight72 Posted June 24, 2018 Posted June 24, 2018 (edited) "...how much do you devote to a new date in the first few weeks of dating...textings, calls, seeing each other." I don't know what age you are, but in my very limited experience recently, constant contact is the usual. My last girlfriend of 18 months really liked to text and talk on the phone. I was 44 - 45, she was 47 - 48. It soon became mandatory from her edict to have 2 phone calls with a not-less-than 20 minute duration. Often it was 3 or 4 per day. We were living together most of that time, so we saw each other nightly. Also, she wanted several text exchanges most days. I did not like this after the first couple months, and brought it up a couple times, to her great disappointment. So, I wanted to stay with her, and chose to continue, though it sometimes made me feel I was 'reporting in', which eroded my interest. Current relationship of 4 months, she is 29 which is more the cell-phone generation where I expect more use of the phone. We talk usually 1 to 3 times a day, and several text exchanges also. However, there are days where it is less, almost 0. The difference for me is, for some reason with this woman I enjoy the constant contact. We both initiate calls and texts, and if we're busy with work neither gets upset if the other doesn't reply for hours, but typically it's within some minutes. I don't feel I am 'reporting in' with this woman, yet the frequency of contact sounds extreme when I read it back! I am happy to see her name on the phone, or on a text, and a little deflated if it's been more than several hours without. We do not yet live together, so we will see what happens if we get that far. In my limited experience from the past 2.5 years, constant contact is now the standard, beginning within days of meeting, if I am interested in an ongoing relationship. Edited June 24, 2018 by Sunlight72
act00 Posted June 25, 2018 Posted June 25, 2018 I think you're right as far as maintaining some normalcy, but I'm also wondering, would a few texts here and there be that bad? Maybe not during work or breaks unless this is something you're okay with and can sustain, but in the evening, check in, how was your day? Certainly tell the guys you're not a big texter and you would rather see them. Make a plan to see them mid week. Having a plan can lessen the anxiety around if you like them or not. If they can't accept that you have a life and responsibilities and it can't be an all day, every day conversation and seeing each other every day, then it's best to move on anyway. I just question if you're exhibiting really low interest, so they move on. In the beginning, you don't want to lose that momentum, so there does tend to be a little more excessive talking, texting, and seeing each other, and maybe it's just a matter of you extending yourself just a little extra, and of course communicate your preferences. I don't mean a lot, or anything that is too disruptive of your life, responsibilities, and your comfort zone, but a little. If you are taking some extra time already, it just may be an issue of incompatibility. If you are busy and they are not, they're going to want to seek someone who's more available. The right guy will come around.
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