stillafool Posted June 23, 2018 Posted June 23, 2018 Chalk this up to my naïveté if you like, but I don’t really understand this. If you have feelings for girl A and don’t really feel happy getting married to girl B, why lie? This isn’t a Tinder date where you’re scouting for a hook up: this is a lifetime commitment. If you already know you carry the torch for one girl, why put someone and yourself through a loveless marriage just to make your parents happy? I understand that I can’t judge the potential future happiness of a marriage from one encounter, but I can know for certain it will be a disaster if he’s still hung up on someone else. My problem is I’ve dug this hole for myself by agreeing to this, and can’t just back out without providing a good reason. This would happen as you explain in the bold part above; but yours is an arranged marriage where your reasons for getting married have to do with your family's traditions and that obviously may have little to do with how much you two love each other or if you're even in love at all. He too is trying to please his parents.
Veronica73 Posted June 23, 2018 Posted June 23, 2018 I don’t think you’re a creepy stalker because you checked out his social media. Who wouldn’t do that? I mean you’re possibly marrying the guy...there’s nothing wrong with googling him and looking him up on Facebook and whatever else. I mean, you’ve never even met him. What else are you going to do? I’d look at it as doing your due diligence. So talk to him. I really don’t think there is anything to be ashamed of for researching him on the internet. I think anybody would do so. There is nothing at all pathetic about it. 1
Author brtd Posted June 24, 2018 Author Posted June 24, 2018 I don’t think you’re a creepy stalker because you checked out his social media. Who wouldn’t do that? I mean you’re possibly marrying the guy...there’s nothing wrong with googling him and looking him up on Facebook and whatever else. I mean, you’ve never even met him. What else are you going to do? I’d look at it as doing your due diligence. So talk to him. I really don’t think there is anything to be ashamed of for researching him on the internet. I think anybody would do so. There is nothing at all pathetic about it. Yeah, but I’ve taken it to a new level of crazy—looking at FB and YouTube likes every day to find evidence of lingering emotions for the old love. I also feel a sense of discomfort every time my stepmom mentions anything ‘after you’re married’ with happiness. While my in-laws are very sweet, telling me that they consider me a daughter, sending me gifts, I just feel that i am acquiring a debtI’ll have to pay back later on, and feel dreadful about it. Worse yet, I have this horrible need for external validation—desperately wanting men to admire me and ask me out, just to feel some sense of self worth, which just makes me a sleazy person. My mind keeps running over worst case scenarios—what would happen if we were married and he just avoided me, was embarrassed of me, never spent time with me, while secretly longing for her. And then, of course, he runs into her, sees that she’s single and still so wonderful, amusing, beautiful, even though she still isn’t interested in him (because let’s face it, if she had given the slightest indication of interest, he would have come running) while considering how uninteresting I am. Then he begins treat me coldly, as I am not her, and am seen as an impediment to reaching, even though it isn’t the case. I then am forced to file for divorce as I can’t stand the idea of being in such a loveless marriage, and don’t want to bring kids into it.
Author brtd Posted June 24, 2018 Author Posted June 24, 2018 Ending this. The reality is I have nothing to bring to the table for a relationship, and he’s better off without me. Being single is what I deserve.
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