flowergirl Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 Hey, everyone, I'm sure I'll be blasted for this, but here goes. I'm dating a really nice, thoughtful guy who loves God, mom, apple pie, all that, but he's kinda sensitive. He's very open with his feelings, talks about needing love, gave me a houseplant as a present and is very affectionate. Yes, I, unfortunately do somewhat buy into our societal belief that heterosexual men shouldn't cry (except for when someone dies, of course, or very briefly after a break up), and should be somewhat macho concerning their emotions, and I find it weird that a straight guy would constantly talk on the phone with his girl, or talk about needing love and wanting to be happy. Because of this belief, any guy who shows anything that could be construed as feminine is suspicious in my mind. I'm also used to being treated like crap and neglected, so that may a factor. Now, there are some aspects to him that are macho, such as girls being the one to take care of the housework, and cooking, and not crying too much. Another factor in all this is that I ended up with a couple guys whose sexuality was at best questionable, so I don't want to make the same mistake again. What say the gallery?
Mz. Pixie Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 Sensitive doesn't equal gay. My husband is very in touch with his emotions. He's very into communication, I've never met a man who likes to talk about a relationship like he does, he was open in the beginning telling me that he was looking for a serious relationship, he calls me several times a day, and loves his mom! He also likes to cook and knows how to keep a house clean. All thumbs up in my area. Just because a guy is in touch with his emotions it doesn't mean he's gay. That's a stereotype.
alphamale Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 I'm also used to being treated like crap and neglected, so that may a factor. and they say women don't like the bad boys....
Cecelius Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 There's a huge difference between being sensitive and being WEAK (a nice guy, a doormat, etc.). And to a certain extent, you are correct -- a man that is too nice, emotional, out of control emotionally, girlie, etc., is just less manly because he comes off as being unable to get things done. The question is, with all these characteristics, does he excite you on any visceral level? If not, then he's just too nice (gay or not) for you.
Dean3922 Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 I guess this "nice guy" will become your best friend and not your lover.
crazy_grl Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 I've been with 2 guys who were very affectionate, talked about love, and were open with their feelings. So very much NOT gay! In fact, the main thing they have in common is that they are very well endowed... could be a coincidence though. I have dated a guy who came out a few months after we broke up. He wasn't at all open with me. So gay does not always equal open. I guess the main thing for you to look for is whether or not he seems to be physically attracted to you.
Craig Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 and they say women don't like the bad boys.... What it really means is there's no pleasing a woman. One woman says, my guy is too sensitive, treats me well, brings me flowers and wants to talk about love and happiness. HELP! Another woman says, my guy is insensitive, treats me like crap, never brings me flowers and never wants to talk about our relationship. HELP!
alphamale Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 What it really means is there's no pleasing a woman. One woman says, my guy is too sensitive, treats me well, brings me flowers and wants to talk about love and happiness. HELP! Another woman says, my guy is insensitive, treats me like crap, never brings me flowers and never wants to talk about our relationship. HELP! ahh but you are wrong CRAIG.....there is a way to please a woman. You be the good boy and the bad boy all wrapped into one man for example...one day you rip her head off verbally cause she pissed you off and then the next day you send her a dozen flowers saying youre sorry for being such a dick. women love that!
Author flowergirl Posted August 31, 2005 Author Posted August 31, 2005 Crazy grl, love your username!! (I think you stole mine!! Haha!) Anyway, that's comforting to know, and yes, my man is really physically attracted to me!! AlphaMale: Ain't it the truth, man!! We just love them head games!! Gets us all excited for some strange reason.
alphamale Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 AlphaMale: Ain't it the truth, man!! We just love them head games!! Gets us all excited for some strange reason. its all about the emotions FLOWERGURL....
noname Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 What it really means is there's no pleasing a woman. One woman says, my guy is too sensitive, treats me well, brings me flowers and wants to talk about love and happiness. HELP! Another woman says, my guy is insensitive, treats me like crap, never brings me flowers and never wants to talk about our relationship. HELP! ex-f-in-xactly... the worst is when you hear all this from one woman. there is no formula. the best we can do is just be flexible and ready to deal with anything... good luck bro...
noname Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 ahh but you are wrong CRAIG.....there is a way to please a woman. You be the good boy and the bad boy all wrapped into one man for example...one day you rip her head off verbally cause she pissed you off and then the next day you send her a dozen flowers saying youre sorry for being such a dick. women love that! yeah. but then they would complain that you are being just like a woman and thus too feminine to be with...
Craig Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 yeah. but then they would complain that you are being just like a woman and thus too feminine to be with... :lmao:/5 There is always something!
AmberAriesMom Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 ahh but you are wrong CRAIG.....there is a way to please a woman. You be the good boy and the bad boy all wrapped into one man for example...one day you rip her head off verbally cause she pissed you off and then the next day you send her a dozen flowers saying youre sorry for being such a dick. women love that! I haven't read past your post to see if anyone else has blasted you it! Maybe you jest....but just in case not, ....women don't LOVE that! Some put up with it, but that's about all! And that's not the definition of a bad boy anyhow...it's more a definition of a jerk who needs a knee to the groin!
alphamale Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 And that's not the definition of a bad boy anyhow...it's more a definition of a jerk who needs a knee to the groin! well...that is you opinion AAM...but I stand behind my statement 110%
Outcast Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 Flowergirl, what you have is a truly secure man - one who doesn't believe he has to pretend to be 'macho' (because macho is a pretense - men have emotions too and die faster precisely because they stupidly try to stifle them). Instead, he deals with issues openly. The 'macho' idiot pretends nothing's wrong and then takes out his issues by treating you like crap. You think that's a way to live, well find yourself a 'bad boy'. But then don't complain here that you're treated badly when you let one of the rare good ones go. Read a book called 'Emotional Intelligence'. Your guy will score VERY high.
AmberAriesMom Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 Hey, everyone, I'm sure I'll be blasted for this, but here goes. I'm dating a really nice, thoughtful guy who loves God, mom, apple pie, all that, but he's kinda sensitive. He's very open with his feelings, talks about needing love, gave me a houseplant as a present and is very affectionate. Yes, I, unfortunately do somewhat buy into our societal belief that heterosexual men shouldn't cry (except for when someone dies, of course, or very briefly after a break up), and should be somewhat macho concerning their emotions, and I find it weird that a straight guy would constantly talk on the phone with his girl, or talk about needing love and wanting to be happy. Because of this belief, any guy who shows anything that could be construed as feminine is suspicious in my mind. I'm also used to being treated like crap and neglected, so that may a factor. Now, there are some aspects to him that are macho, such as girls being the one to take care of the housework, and cooking, and not crying too much. Another factor in all this is that I ended up with a couple guys whose sexuality was at best questionable, so I don't want to make the same mistake again. What say the gallery? I've debated this issue with people IRL before. Personally, I wonder how many men think they must be gay simply because they have a tender heart and enjoy sensitive moments and things usually attributed to females. I like a sensitive man, but as someone pointed out already, not to confuse with WEAK. My definition of a sensitive man is one who understands MY female emotions and doesn't make me feel like a weak person for having them. I think in order for a man to understand said female emotions he must have a tender heart and a sense of compassion for others. Particular to your situation, my gut feeling is that he's not gay, just needy as all get out! You say you have a history of being treated like crap and neglected. Please be careful with this 'sensitive' guy. I'm not saying this is what this guy is doing, but I've seen men use this act on women to break down and pre-empt resistance to them after which the testosterone makes them very bad men who manipulate your emotions and abuse your love and you will feel like the bad person because you failed to Love their needy selves enough. He brought you a houseplant...ok, so do you like houseplants? Did he get it for you because he knew it would make you happy to have one and that particular kind of houseplant? I ask because a guy who buys gifts that HE likes without knowing if YOU like them first is buying for himself to get something from you...like guilty feelings if you dump him OR he is not as sensitive as he makes out to be...if he were truely sensitive he would KNOW what you like before buying you things and expressly buy them FOR you to make you happy. So I guess I'm saying, watch out for token gestures....they often are the weapons of a wolf in sheep's clothing. I do not believe a real sensitive man would want to talk so much about feelings ahead of time. Especially since, if you think about it, all prior talk before there is a problem is subjective ground laying and therefore might be an attempt to see how you feel about the way you will have to always treat him....OR how much he can manipulate your emotions....in short, talk is cheap! If he shows you he's sensitive and strong as an individual, that's great. But if he has not shown that he accepts the sort of 'attention' you have given him- and what he's saying he needs/wants is different from how you've behaved with him thus far, then he's just trying to talk you into being something he wants, not necessarily looking for confirmation that you already are that way. Watch his wording....if he gives examples of things you do that make him feel the way he says he wants to feel loved, then he's honest. If he just talks about his wanting to feel loved, without mentioning things you do that make him feel that way, then it could be a ruse to abuse by a self-centered man. All that said, maybe he's just a momma's boy. And that can work if you like that sort of thing.
elijahBailey Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 Maybe you jest....but just in case not, ....women don't LOVE that! Some put up with it, but that's about all! And that's not the definition of a bad boy anyhow...it's more a definition of a jerk who needs a knee to the groin! sorry, I know ya just got blasted by Alpha, but I need to say that I don't agree with you either There's something about women that can be vaguely illustrated as 'peaks and valleys'. If they're in the valley too long, they may snap and leave you. But if they're on the peaks too long (as in when you put them on a pedestal), they think they have you safely in their bag and don't find you a challenge no more and they leave you. IMHO, what keeps them wanting more from you is when you take them on a ride thru the peaks and the valleys. And, yes, I do think we need to be jerks sometimes A man's gotta be a man. Certain 'bad' traits... like being 'insensitive', 'uncaring', etc... are just some of the things women love to hate, but these are the things that define a man. We are who we are. Remove these from a man and you might as well be dating a woman.
alphamale Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 . IMHO, what keeps them wanting more from you is when you take them on a ride thru the peaks and the valleys. And, yes, I do think we need to be jerks sometimes A man's gotta be a man. Certain 'bad' traits... like being 'insensitive', 'uncaring', etc... are just some of the things women love to hate, but these are the things that define a man. We are who we are. Remove these from a man and you might as well be dating a woman. the above is prose ELIJAHBAILEY...i could not agree more. A lot of what attracts men and women are our differences. The same things that women hate about men they also love.
RecordProducer Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 So EB and Alpha, are you truly insensitive or do you pretend a little bit to keep the woman's interest? I have the feeling that my BF sometimes pretends to not be so interested and thinks that he is achieveing something by that. He thinks he loves me more than I love him. Does this make any sense? BTW, he is the typical alpha male type of guy.
Author flowergirl Posted September 1, 2005 Author Posted September 1, 2005 Thanks to everyone for their responses. AmberAriesMom: I'm not terribly concerned that he's trying to emotionally manipulate me. My main concern was stereotypical behavior based on assumptions of what straight guys are supposed to act like. He always seems appreciative of my my behavior towards him, and I'm not really worried, because I've been through so much extreme crap, my radar is pretty damn good, and I'm much better at knowing when someone's trying to f*** with y emotions and my heart.
alphamale Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 So EB and Alpha, are you truly insensitive or do you pretend a little bit to keep the woman's interest? sometimes it is real sometime pretend R.P. sometimes I get mad for a good reasons and sometimes I get mad just to get mad. One cannot be nice all the time and one cannot be bad all the time. Mix it up and try not to be too predictable. Do things that are not expected sometimes. Don't let her get too comfortable, etc....
whichwayisup Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 sometimes it is real sometime pretend R.P. sometimes I get mad for a good reasons and sometimes I get mad just to get mad. One cannot be nice all the time and one cannot be bad all the time. Mix it up and try not to be too predictable. Do things that are not expected sometimes. Don't let her get too comfortable, etc.... As long as it is done in a respectful way and you're not calling her wench or beyotch! Crossing that line is just not good. I don't get your way of thinking at times Alpha, but if it works for you and keeps the women you date interested and on their toes, then all the power to you. I for one, wouldn't like or appreciate if my husband turned around and was an a**h*** just cuz he felt like being pissy with me to make himself feel better.
Dean3922 Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 I think it's different when your married WWIU. When your hooking up you are not supposed to show your hand to soon or the women will lose interest. As Alpha says you're trying to not be predictable or let the women think she has you by the short hairs. Do not appear weak in their eyes or they think your not man enough for them. I do not get mad just to get mad but I do try to upset the apple cart sometimes and make her question my interest. No matter what women say they like a man who keeps them on their toes.
Outcast Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 No matter what women say they like a man who keeps them on their toes. Oh really? I'm sure women everywhere thank you for speaking for them. Keep telling yourself that and you'll end up with what you deserve - a fellow game-player. And good luck with that.
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