Author TheRainbow Posted October 18, 2018 Author Share Posted October 18, 2018 The Rainbow - have you and your husband sat down with your daughter to talk to her about all this? No. I tried once again last night to discuss it with him but it really didn't go anywhere. But I planned an early dinner date this evening, to talk to her and see what is on her mind. Not just about school but how she is feeling in general. I am worried about her. I know the adjustment has been difficult for her, so I want to see what I can do for her. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 I think Montessori is great and a really good fit for how my daughter learns which is hands-on, and through exploration. Montessori programs are also very unstructured and student-led, which does not usually do well for kids with ADHD who struggle with attention, organization, and executive functioning. Never mind the fact that she does not want to be there and will not be challenging herself and directing her own learning... Furthermore, let's not forget the role of social relationships for teenagers, the importance of finding a peer group to develop social skills, confidence, and a sense of belonging... I don't know what to tell you regarding your husband. He seems quite unbending which may perhaps be his attempt to be more "alpha" and "in charge" of the family - something you have told him has been a problem for you in the past and contributed to your tendency to turn away from him, outside the marriage. I'm just saying, just because it's "Montessori" doesn't meant that it is the best school, or the best place for your daughter. There are many important things to consider when choosing the best school for a child... Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 He does say while they are under the age of eighteen and living under his roof, he'll make sure he can provide them with the best start in life. Whether they like it, or not! It's not your job as a parent to be their friend, or to make your kids happy all the time. Sometimes, you have to make decisions that will be unpopular and they do not agree. What concerns me about your husband is that he's made an autocratic decision and he is unwilling to listen or consider anyone's opinion but his own. He is the father, the leader of this family... But, he is not a dictator. What message is he sending to his daughter right now - that her feelings and her opinions don't matter? That she has no right to voice her opinion and "cast a vote" in decisions that affect her own life. If he continues in this way, I would not be surprised if your daughter rebels, withdraws and does poorly in school, and loses trust and affection for her father. But hey, as long as she gets a good education - right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted January 22, 2019 Author Share Posted January 22, 2019 I'm wondering if I should suggest booking a marriage counselling appointment regarding this. My daughter brought this up again last night, how she's not happy, and hates her life and her school. She has made new friends, and is doing decent in school. I tried to ask my husband if he would at least consider other options, to have an open mind, and he shut me down. Not to go into details but it ended with me moving to sleep on the couch to get some distant because I was upset. I didn't argue with him while emotions were high. I just want what is best for my husband as he wants the same. It's just we can't seem to discuss this objectively. Link to post Share on other sites
Artdeco Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 I don't know about this, I believe the latest statistics are that private school students are twice as likely to obtain a bachelor's degree than their public school counterparts. I went to a private school and I can probably count the number of kids in my graduating class who don't have a college degree on one hand That’s probably because people who can afford to send their kids to private schools already come from the suitable socioeconomic background that supports higher education, ie the majority of these families have the financial means, good jobs, and a good education themselves. So the majority of children who attend private schools are already “privileged” and “prepared” if you will, before they start any type of school, so the likelihood is high that any given private school produces successful college graduates. It’s because they get to educate those who already come from a certain social group. Any college “failure” there would be an outlier. Link to post Share on other sites
Artdeco Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 I'm wondering if I should suggest booking a marriage counselling appointment regarding this. My daughter brought this up again last night, how she's not happy, and hates her life and her school. She has made new friends, and is doing decent in school. I tried to ask my husband if he would at least consider other options, to have an open mind, and he shut me down. Not to go into details but it ended with me moving to sleep on the couch to get some distant because I was upset. I didn't argue with him while emotions were high. I just want what is best for my husband as he wants the same. It's just we can't seem to discuss this objectively. That’s sad. Depending on how old your daughter is, I think she should be “heard”. It’s rare that a kid wants to switch schools, but at the same time she’s not that deeply rooted there, because you just recently moved to the area iirc. I’m sorry your H is so stubborn. Sounds like he’s taking something out on you that he’s mad about on some other level. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted January 22, 2019 Author Share Posted January 22, 2019 That’s sad. Depending on how old your daughter is, I think she should be “heard”. It’s rare that a kid wants to switch schools, but at the same time she’s not that deeply rooted there, because you just recently moved to the area iirc. I’m sorry your H is so stubborn. Sounds like he’s taking something out on you that he’s mad about on some other level. On an everyday level, he's easy to communicate with. But with this particular issue, I just don't know why we can't discuss it. He knows how my daughter feels. He acknowledges it. I think maybe I just need to approach this a different way. I've considered getting our daughter a counsellor and see what an unbias third party suggests or maybe hire a marriage counsellor so we have an unbias party being able to provide support while we discuss this. Because I dont' know what else to do. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 Sounds like he’s taking something out on you that he’s mad about on some other level. Sound like he is feeling immasuclated because of your affair/the fact that your daughter is not his child, so he is taking “control” and taking his position as “head of the household” in this situation. I’m sure he has the best of intentions, but he is being unreasonable. He is being dismissive toward your daughter when he refuses to really listen and consider her wishes... and, as a daughter who has had a similar experience - trust me, it feels terrible and it does nothing for their future relationship. Is there anyway that you could include him in one of your “individual counselling” sessions - to discuss your progress, to work on your communication, and to have them discussion about school with a third party mediator... just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted January 23, 2019 Author Share Posted January 23, 2019 Is there anyway that you could include him in one of your “individual counselling” sessions - to discuss your progress, to work on your communication, and to have them discussion about school with a third party mediator... just a thought. I really want to keep my therapist for me. I find it is a safe place for myself and my progress. But I'm going to bring up with him tonight that I think we need to adjust communications with a marriage counsellor. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 I really want to keep my therapist for me. I find it is a safe place for myself and my progress. But I'm going to bring up with him tonight that I think we need to adjust communications with a marriage counsellor. I understand. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 mine wanted to leave private school because public school had better electives for their chosen goals. they also wanted a "normal" school with, believe it or not, a football team and a band. their smaller catholic school could not offer this and only went up to ninth grade. i simply could not afford a private high school education for all the kids equally. not while having the younger ones in private middle and paying 15,000 for high school. not on, while saving for my own future. since they would not be going to private HS i changed them after they made their holy communion or when they started middle school which was not in my neighbor hood. they auditioned for a better school in a wealthy neighborhood and they got in. that school fed in to large urban "gifted" school, which they auditioned for and got in. along with most of the friends they made in middle school. the point is to have friends and to keep the children together as they grow up. my kids were close to two grades ahead academically when the moved from private to public, so i know that were getting taught. two have adhd and i believe the public school was better for that condition. all were in "gifted", with higher IQ's. tested. maybe just let her know she can choose her own college. if you have enough money left over to pay for it. it doesn't sound like you can get any low income aid like we did. only merit aid based on grades. esp. if you own your own home. it's tough for the upper middle class. unless you're divorced in which case she might qualify for aid based on your income alone, not including her fathers. which i did. and there is some money available to students who's parents didn't complete college. which worked for me. consider what else you could be doing with the money. my oldest daughers education at a large urban uni cost over 100,000 dollars, which made me wish i didn't buy her that pony way back. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
TomeStanley Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 p { margin-bottom: 0.1in; line-height: 120%; }a:link { } KetoViante Sweden => Some wellbeing experts and scientists can't help contradicting concentrating on weight reduction while exhorting patients and customers. They trust that eating less junk food and weight reduction endeavors may prompt further weight gain and poorer wellbeing. http://www.visitworldnutrition.com/ketoviante-sweden/ Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 I don't like private school education for higher grades. My son will attend public. BUT we also have some of the absolute BEST public schools in the United States here. He is attending a private preschool currently and will stay there through kindergarten. I/we made that choice because even though public preschool/kindy is available through the school district...the actual physical building is an older elementary school that they've 'retrofit' into a preschool/kindy and just doesn't compare to what he has available at the private preschool program we pay for. I'm the 'product' of a public school education. My husband was forced to attend a private Catholic school until 9th grade and then try to integrate into a public high school. Our experiences were vastly different and mine trumped his because he HATED it. Whereas I loved it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted February 5, 2019 Author Share Posted February 5, 2019 I managed to convince him to at least tour a few local high school with our daughter in some of the few school districts we are considering moving to in the next few months. Our daughter is resiting. It's not that we are letting her make decisions, but to keep an open mind. Maybe after a tour, she may realize that public school is not all it cracked up to be. Because she is getting older, and we both don't want her to start rebel or feel like she can't come to us. Link to post Share on other sites
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