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Should I just keep it this way and not stir the pot anymore,or keep my eyes open?

delilaho2

By delilaho2
in Dating

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JuneL Established Member

JuneL

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Is there chance the ex-wife has some medical issues that prevent her from being intimate with the guy? So she divorced him so that he could find another woman for sex, but they have remained a couple emotionally.

O'Malley Established Member

O'Malley

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I think that he's not emotionally done with her and if 6 years didn't damped that, nothing is going to, not even you.

 

This; it doesn't even have to be a romantic or sexual affair. They're still emotionally entangled and dependent on each other and probably always will be. If that's a dynamic that you're not comfortable with (and plenty of people wouldn't be comfortable with it), this relationship isn't for you.

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delilaho2 Member

delilaho2

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How long you and him have been dating?

 

 

What has been his dating history since his divorce? any long term girlfriend since?

 

 

 

 

We have been dating for 5 months now, yes he had a girlfriend after they divorce, I don't know if long term or what but this girl seemed nice at the beginning and then turned out according to him that she was an alcoholic drunk. she had told him that she worked in some place, and then he found out she worked at a strip club serving drinks and even possibly as a stripper.

 

 

The weird thing about all of this is that, this girl, was crazy jealous of him communicating with his ex (OH WHAT A COINCIDENCE!!) an she looked through his phone looked for her mobile number dialed it up and screamed and fought with his ex an told her that she was pregnant with his baby,(Because apparently his ex wife had an abortion before meeting him, an then they were going to try to have a child but she needed a treatment and so on, plus her mother came to live with them, so those plans were trashed. The point is that his ex wife and her started fighting over the phone and had A HUGE FIGHT and he decided to walk away from that, then he realize that this girlfriend he had was not a good choice. Too much drama, lies, so they broke up.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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We have been dating for 5 months now,.
That is a drop in the ocean, do yourself a huge favor and drop him. You have seen the tip of the iceberg that is hiding behind this man. I say abandon ship. Dating is to judge prospects and decide if their character is worthy of our affection. This one isn't.
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delilaho2 Member

delilaho2

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Is there chance the ex-wife has some medical issues that prevent her from being intimate with the guy? So she divorced him so that he could find another woman for sex, but they have remained a couple emotionally.

 

 

 

 

No I don't think so, I believe he was to horny, or his libido was very high, remember she is 12 years older than him, He told me she was not very hot in bed, that he always wanted more sex. so he felt short sexually speaking, he is a Latino men an she is an American woman, my first thought was oh, he married her to obtain a citizenship, but he told me that it was the case, that they were in love and married like any normal people that love each other would.

 

 

They also have 2 dogs, he LOVESS THOSE DOGS!! whenever she travels he goes stays in her house an takes care of the dogs, I told that this has to change once we live together, cause it's not true that he will leave me home alone for him to go an take care of their dogs, nah ah, there are lot's of animal hotels. I love dogs too, but this would be just to much!

JuneL Established Member

JuneL

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Omg, the more you have shared here, the more I wonder if any woman would be okay with their relationship.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Or she knew she had a cheater for a husband and set a trap for him to freely walk into.

 

Or she said it sarcastically out of anger and he just twisted it into a different meaning when he told you. The marriage was already over, and she may have got butt hurt that he had moved on. This doesn't make him a serial cheater.

 

 

 

But anyways, it was long ago. They are just friends, and he needs some boundaries set. That's it.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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She's trying to get him back -- either that or he's trying to get her back. And he's going along with it and will tell you you're crazy if you suggest she's being manipulative and using her. Been there. He likes that she needs him and she probably makes him feel like a hero for helping. And they may also still be having sex.

 

It's not anything I could live with. If they're this dependent on each other, why don't they just get back together. I think that's a fair question to pose to him.

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delilaho2 Member

delilaho2

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Omg, the more you have shared here, the more I wonder if any woman would be okay with their relationship.

 

 

 

 

No wonder the girlfriend he had 1 or 2 years after they divorced went crazy on his ex wife, cause they kept communicating.

 

 

He told me that her friends told him to be patient with her, because she had jealousy issues, but my thing is, I don't care how much of a drunk you are or jealous, facts are facts, if she called his ex wife and had this huge fight with her and both told each other hurtful things is because it''s more than obvious that she was sensing that something was not right, an maybe they still ha something with each other.

 

 

He told me the day that his girlfriend went crazy on him, was because she saw him speak on his mobile while he was driving his car, she was behind him on her car I guess!! WEIRD!! why not both in one car!! anyways and that he was speaking to his ex wife about a dog of theirs that was very sick at that time!! HUMM. This is where all the drama with his current girlfriend at that time and his ex wife started, also after this girl called out his ex wife, his ex wife told him why are you with this thot!! why the F*** does she get in his business, it was his new life after her, why in the world would she care.

salparadise Established Member

salparadise

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If you don't have this boundary - you will always have three people in the marriage... and that never works out.

 

I think it's HIM that needs to have the boundary. Even though it's no longer a romance (apparently), they never severed the attachment and still conduct it almost as a primary relationship.

 

I agree with Gaeta––five months is about the length of time it takes to start figuring things out, and many relationships that aren't quite right will dissolve in that time frame.

 

OP, I don't know how committed you are at this point, but if I were you I wouldn't issue ultimatums or try to manage their involvement... I'd just explain that your concept of a sustainable relationship/life partner does not include a triangular thing with a man and his ex-wife. Tell him it's not that you don't trust or have irrational jealousy or anything like that, but you just would not want this to be your future.

 

Secondary relationships like this are always at the expense of the primary relationship. I think you should simply choose not to date people who have ex-wives still in the picture on a daily basis. Your boundary setting should be in the form of a, "nuppers, I don't think so."

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delilaho2 Member

delilaho2

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I think it's HIM that needs to have the boundary. Even though it's no longer a romance (apparently), they never severed the attachment and still conduct it almost as a primary relationship.

 

I agree with Gaeta––five months is about the length of time it takes to start figuring things out, and many relationships that aren't quite right will dissolve in that time frame.

 

OP, I don't know how committed you are at this point, but if I were you I wouldn't issue ultimatums or try to manage their involvement... I'd just explain that your concept of a sustainable relationship/life partner does not include a triangular thing with a man and his ex-wife. Tell him it's not that you don't trust or have irrational jealousy or anything like that, but you just would not want this to be your future.

 

Secondary relationships like this are always at the expense of the primary relationship. I think you should simply choose not to date people who have ex-wives still in the picture on a daily basis. Your boundary setting should be in the form of a, "nuppers, I don't think so."

 

 

 

 

As I said in my original post, I talked to him about it and he understood how I felt and said I was right ( I told him that he cannot live in the past and that he needs to move on in order to make this new relationship with me WORK!), he seemed very sincere and told me he was really'' into me and he felt very good being with me'' and that if I did not like him going back to his hometown(where his ex wife lives) that he was not going to do it anymore.

 

 

I just wished this woman would call him again when he is with me, in front of me, cause trust me I will tell him answer the phone right away, stop with all this nonsense of not answering in front of me. Plus if he is not hiding anything or nothing is going on!! then he can answer in front of me perfectly fine.

 

 

This is another thing, why can't he answer her in front of me?, what would worry him about that? I forgot to tell him this.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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I just wished this woman would call him again when he is with me, in front of me, cause trust me I will tell him answer the phone right away, stop with all this nonsense of not answering in front of me. Plus if he is not hiding anything or nothing is going on!! then he can answer in front of me perfectly fine.

 

This is another thing, why can't he answer her in front of me?, what would worry him about that? I forgot to tell him this.

 

 

I would not do that. If you really want to know what this guy is made of then don't tell him what to do when she calls and observe how he handles it. He knows how you feel about it, if he keeps the same secretive behavior then you have your answer.

 

 

 

You've only been dating him 5 months I don't know why you don't drop him.

Malin889 Established Member

Malin889

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If she lives so close -- because she's asking him to change a tire, I assume she's close? Why is he staying at her house and not coming home at night? That's the only thing I question. Otherwise, he seems pretty transparent with you about the whole thing.

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delilaho2 Member

delilaho2

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If she lives so close -- because she's asking him to change a tire, I assume she's close? Why is he staying at her house and not coming home at night? That's the only thing I question. Otherwise, he seems pretty transparent with you about the whole thing.

 

 

Well it's not so close, she lives a little up north like 2 hours away.

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delilaho2 Member

delilaho2

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She must know when you're with him.

 

 

And he is hiding things from you since he goes outside when she calls.

 

Is he willing to completely end ALL communication with her or not?

 

If he's not... then he's not considering how HE is hurting your feelings -and I'd end it.

 

 

 

 

Humm, I wonder if she even knows he has me, I doubt it, but I really don't know.

 

 

I just feel she knows he is way to good and uses it to her advantage.she knows to much I would say!.

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delilaho2 Member

delilaho2

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Is he willing to invite her over to meet you? Willing to say in front of you that his relationship with her is secondary to his relationship with you... and when she has any emergency she needs to find someone else to solve her problems now...?

 

 

Is it possible he has a knight in shining armor problem? Where he feels important when someone needs him all the time to solve their problems.

 

Have you noticed this with him.

 

 

Bingo!! I have been noticing this too, he always wants to be known as the good man, if there is a cat on the street, he honks an gets all nervous cause he wants the cat to get away, if someone had an accident he gets off the car to see, he always wants to help an be the superhero, I am not saying this is bad, but it is kind of weird, I am not used to seeing this behavior with anyone I know, but him.

 

 

He feels bad that she is alone,both of her parents die, but this is not his problem anymore, I even told him, she should definitely find another man to entertain herself with and have a life and he replies:I am praying to god that she does find a man.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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This is another thing, why can't he answer her in front of me?, what would worry him about that?

 

You snatching the phone from him while your hair is on fire.

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delilaho2 Member

delilaho2

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You snatching the phone from him while your hair is on fire.

 

 

 

 

LOL !!:lmao::lmao:

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