becca564 Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 Hey, Following on from sharing my latest experience which, in summary, looks like I am having to end a 3 month relationship with a guy I was extremely interested in due to him having some issues and puling away. This was my first relationship following a long term relationship that was like a battle only I was fighting. I stupidly believed it would all be worth it in the end but finally after 6 months of serious soul searching, we mutually ended it. He got engaged 1 month later. So my question is, when you find someone who is right for you, is it obvious? I know life isn't a fairy tale but so far my experience has been that I am always the one giving everything while the guy gives virtually nothing (but just enough to make me believe it will eventually all fall together). I have only had one experience of a guy really liking me and telling me everything I am dying to hear but unfortunately the feeling wasn't mutual from my end however I really wished it was but knew it wouldn't have been right for either of us. I know all relationships are difficult but especially at the beginning, is it obvious when you eventually find someone who is right for you?
stillafool Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 I don't know about others but for me I know instantly when my eyes meet theirs. I just feel the chemistry and I'm usually correct.
Author becca564 Posted June 20, 2018 Author Posted June 20, 2018 I don't know about others but for me I know instantly when my eyes meet theirs. I just feel the chemistry and I'm usually correct. I would love to have this moment. I can honestly say the only one time I have seen a guy looking at me with feeling is this relationship that looks like it is ending and I guess I just don't believe it can happen again.
preraph Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 Love was hard for me too and would have been extra hard if I'd been set on being domestic, which I wasn't. But no, love should not be that hard. If you find someone compatible who likes you and respects you as much as you like and respect them, it should enhance your life and not make it harder. So just keep that in mind. What point is there in being with someone who only makes you miserable and feel like you're in a battle trying to keep it going? No point at all.
smackie9 Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 I knew plenty of people that got engaged to someone else right after a breakup. They ended up divorced 6 months later. He got engaged quick because he's in the obsessed phase, not because he met "the one" When you are too thirsty you drink too much, and end up with a hang over. 3
MaleIntuition Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 Hey, Following on from sharing my latest experience which, in summary, looks like I am having to end a 3 month relationship with a guy I was extremely interested in due to him having some issues and puling away. This was my first relationship following a long term relationship that was like a battle only I was fighting. I stupidly believed it would all be worth it in the end but finally after 6 months of serious soul searching, we mutually ended it. He got engaged 1 month later. So my question is, when you find someone who is right for you, is it obvious? I know life isn't a fairy tale but so far my experience has been that I am always the one giving everything while the guy gives virtually nothing (but just enough to make me believe it will eventually all fall together). I have only had one experience of a guy really liking me and telling me everything I am dying to hear but unfortunately the feeling wasn't mutual from my end however I really wished it was but knew it wouldn't have been right for either of us. I know all relationships are difficult but especially at the beginning, is it obvious when you eventually find someone who is right for you? For this particular guy - probably someone you considered a friend? You where the obvious girl. In a sense the relationship can never be obvious - only in hindsight - a relationship requires two people.
KBarletta Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 Hey, Following on from sharing my latest experience which, in summary, looks like I am having to end a 3 month relationship with a guy I was extremely interested in due to him having some issues and puling away. This was my first relationship following a long term relationship that was like a battle only I was fighting. I stupidly believed it would all be worth it in the end but finally after 6 months of serious soul searching, we mutually ended it. He got engaged 1 month later. So my question is, when you find someone who is right for you, is it obvious? I know life isn't a fairy tale but so far my experience has been that I am always the one giving everything while the guy gives virtually nothing (but just enough to make me believe it will eventually all fall together). I have only had one experience of a guy really liking me and telling me everything I am dying to hear but unfortunately the feeling wasn't mutual from my end however I really wished it was but knew it wouldn't have been right for either of us. I know all relationships are difficult but especially at the beginning, is it obvious when you eventually find someone who is right for you? I think it really depends on the situation, and what you're looking for, which determines what is "right" for you. I've had situations where my GF and I both were in love, totally compatible, attracted to each other, etc. ... but because of distance it didn't work out. Or other situations where we seemed like a perfect fit but we just didn't want the same things. One had religious issues, or one wanted kids and one didn't, or one wanted to live somewhere different, etc. These are things you don't find out until you know someone better. Things you don't always figure out until after you decide someone is "perfect for you. So it can feel "obvious" but you can still have issues that can derail the relationship no matter what. When you find someone you love and who loves you and you want the same things and you "fit" - it can be obvious quickly. But just as often it takes a while to realize whether all that is true. 2
BaileyB Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 So my question is, when you find someone who is right for you, is it obvious? I know all relationships are difficult but especially at the beginning, is it obvious when you eventually find someone who is right for you? Yes. I have been in your shoes... Thought for the longest time that I had unreasonable expectations and wondered if I was looking for an unrealistic fairy tale ending... And then, I met my boyfriend. Did we know right away that we were meant to be together? No. Did I know right away that we had a lot in common? Yes. Did I know right away that he was a good guy who would treat me well... I suspected, and he proved me right over time. So no, I didn't know that he was "the one" right away... But, he proved to me that he was serious by showing his interest, progressing the relationship, communicating consistently, and just being a reliable, dependable, and all around good guy! I'm glad that I waited. You should have expectations for the man that you will chose to be your life partner. And, when you meet the right guy... You will know... I do believe that.
d0nnivain Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 It's usually more obvious when you find somebody who is wrong.
SevenCity Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 Although I’ve had many girlfriends in my life (I’m mid 40s), I can only recall two times where it clicked like that and it was like getting slapped in the face obvious. Everything was effortless in the beginning. My issue with the first one was I didn’t understand women as well and was blindsided when she dumped me 2 years ago after being together for 7 years. Since then I have done a lot of research and recently started a relationship with a new girl. My new girlfriend is an amazing communicator (my ex was horrible but so was I) which has helped us resolve issues quickly rather than letting them fester. The connection I speak of is extremely rare, but man, you will know it when it happens as it’s like a bolt of lightning. 1
Rocker71 Posted June 21, 2018 Posted June 21, 2018 (edited) Although I’ve had many girlfriends in my life (I’m mid 40s), I can only recall two times where it clicked like that and it was like getting slapped in the face obvious. Everything was effortless in the beginning. The connection I speak of is extremely rare, but man, you will know it when it happens as it’s like a bolt of lightning. I'm 47. I posted about this woman. But I remember when I first saw her I couldn't stop thinking about her. Then one evening she came up to me at work, introduced herself and we proceded to flirt with eachother. We exchanged numbers. Then a coupke weeks after that we had our first date. It was 4 hrs. She said she had to pick her daughter up at the mall @9pm. I walked her out to her car, kissed her on the lips, and she drove off. I've never in my life felt so natural with someone. We talked on the phone and she said she felt like we known eachother all our lives. I felt like that too but didn't tell her. That's the bolt of lightning. While I walked her to her car I had the feeling she's always been present in my life. Edited June 21, 2018 by Rocker71
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