clueless_4ever Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 I've gone on 3 dates with this guy in the last 2 weeks. We get along really well. In the first week, he always texted me good morning and good night. He used to send some sweet texts throughout the day. But lately, he leaves me on read or doesn't reply at all when I text good morning. Most of the time he just replies to me hours later. However, he's not like this in person at all. He is very attentive and caring. He takes me out on real dates. He is very open about his life with me. He isn't on his phone when we are together. He doesn't reply to his friends either. He was showing me a text on his phone and I realized he had messages from days ago from friends that he didn't open. So I'm trying my best to not assume the worst that he's lost interest but just that he is horrible at texting. Also, I just texted him that I couldn't wait for our date tomorrow and he texted back that he forgot a friend was in town and asked if we could meet the day after instead. I want to believe that since he asked to reschedule AND picked a day it means he is interested in me still. I'm just looking for advice on how to date someone who is bad at texting. I also don't know how and if it is something I should bring up because I don't want to come across as needy.
BaileyB Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 Its only been three dates. Try not to get ahead of yourself... My boyfriend wasn't texting me good morning and goodnight after three dates. Don't bring it up to him or you will seem needy and demanding. Go with the change of plans, see what happens. Consistency of his actions when you are together are the most important thing. It is possible to be a bad texter but a good boyfriend. Give it more time and try not to worry. Have fun. 1
heavenonearth Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 My boyfriend is TERRIBLE at texting. He is 39 years old and even though he works in communications and is the chattiest person I know, he prefers to leave the talking to face on face conversations. Actually, when we first met he was texting me MUCH MORE than now, but that has changed gradually over the past months. I attributed this to him becoming comfortable in the relationship, and not much longer feeling the need to 'reel me in'. When we are together, however, he is more attentive than ever, and even more affectionate and needy than towards the beginning of us dating. Personally, I do believe that the actions face to face are what matters most. And with the texting: It worries me sometimes too, but everyone is different in how they want/need to communicate, and everybody has different standards. I would not interpret too much into this just yet and see how things develop. I would DEFINITELY NOT bring this up with him. Not because it seems needy, but because it is just not something you bring up this early on. You are only creating problems where there aren't any. 1
Kelliousme Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 Just gotta have patience. Being horrible at texting is totally okay. I'd rather have someone who's horrible at texting but is extremely caring and attentive in person. Also, it sounds GREAT that he doesn't look at his phone during your date. I absolutely HATE it when people do that.
smackie9 Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 He's not a horrible texter, he is losing interest or he has his sights on someone else. It's one thing to be horrible right off the bat, it's another when it was frequent and now it's down to almost nothing.
fredflint Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 What does "bad at texting" mean? If someone isn't communicating enough for you they are obviously bad at texting lol
coolheadal Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 I've gone on 3 dates with this guy in the last 2 weeks. We get along really well. In the first week, he always texted me good morning and good night. He used to send some sweet texts throughout the day. But lately, he leaves me on read or doesn't reply at all when I text good morning. Most of the time he just replies to me hours later. However, he's not like this in person at all. He is very attentive and caring. He takes me out on real dates. He is very open about his life with me. He isn't on his phone when we are together. He doesn't reply to his friends either. He was showing me a text on his phone and I realized he had messages from days ago from friends that he didn't open. So I'm trying my best to not assume the worst that he's lost interest but just that he is horrible at texting. Also, I just texted him that I couldn't wait for our date tomorrow and he texted back that he forgot a friend was in town and asked if we could meet the day after instead. I want to believe that since he asked to reschedule AND picked a day it means he is interested in me still. I'm just looking for advice on how to date someone who is bad at texting. I also don't know how and if it is something I should bring up because I don't want to come across as needy. Let him come to pick you up after he sees his friend off...Just text him that bit when you get an okay you just say okay back nothing else okay.
stillafool Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 If someone isn't communicating enough for you they are obviously bad at texting lol But, how much communication is enough? 1
fredflint Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 (edited) But, how much communication is enough? My comment was tongue-in-cheek. I was making the point made in Aesop's fable, The Fox and the Grapes. The tendency is for people to reject with prejudice whatever is unavailable to them. As far as how much communication is enough, this all depends on the individual. Some men like to chase and initiate a lot, personally I find it annoying as heck if a woman is unresponsive. I'm not going to beg, demean and degrade myself just to have a conversation. So I do reject women like this with prejudice. I do so not by getting angry, but by simply moving on quietly. Example. Recently after I called her, a woman texted me back saying she had a meeting and would be done in an hour. I said ok, just call me when you're done with your meeting. I haven't heard from her in 2 days now. Maybe she's not that interested, maybe she wants or expects me to chase. Either is deeply unattractive from my perspective. She's going to lose me to women who are actually currently talking to me and showing an active genuine interest, and not playing silly games for validation or attention Edited June 20, 2018 by fredflint 1
hippychick3 Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 He's not a horrible texter, he is losing interest or he has his sights on someone else. It's one thing to be horrible right off the bat, it's another when it was frequent and now it's down to almost nothing. Sorry OP, I agree with this. It’s too soon for the texting to decrease this drastically. It’s easy for guys to be attentive and affectionate in person. But if they seem this disinterested between dates, he’s probably talking to other women. This coupled with the fact that he rescheduled your date because his “friend” is coming to town doesn’t bode well for you. You know what happened when my bf’s friend came into town unexpectedly after 2 weeks of dating and we had a date already planned? He introduced me to him and we hung out together even though it was too soon to introduce each other to friends. He would have never canceled (or rescheduled) on me for a friend. I recommend you pull back and stop initiating any communication. And keep your options open. 1
stillafool Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 My comment was tongue-in-cheek. I was making the point made in Aesop's fable, The Fox and the Grapes. The tendency is for people to reject with prejudice whatever is unavailable to them. As far as how much communication is enough, this all depends on the individual. Some men like to chase and initiate a lot, personally I find it annoying as heck if a woman is unresponsive. I'm not going to beg, demean and degrade myself just to have a conversation. So I do reject women like this with prejudice. I do so not by getting angry, but by simply moving on quietly. Example. Recently after I called her, a woman texted me back saying she had a meeting and would be done in an hour. I said ok, just call me when you're done with your meeting. I haven't heard from her in 2 days now. Maybe she's not that interested, maybe she wants or expects me to chase. Either is deeply unattractive from my perspective. She's going to lose me to women who are actually currently talking to me and showing an active genuine interest, and not playing silly games for validation or attention I see, Thanks for explaining this. I know I am a horrible texter.
Happy Lemming Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 So I'm trying my best to not assume the worst that he's lost interest but just that he is horrible at texting. Try this... Call him and talk to him, yes an actual phone call. If he doesn't pick up leave a voicemail message for him. In my opinion, if he doesn't return your phone call in 24 hours, he has lost interest. 1
Adiron Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 Some people simply dislike sending messages back and forth on their phone. They prefer face to face conversations and/or voice calls. They're not wrong. 4
d0nnivain Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 However, he's not like this in person at all. He is very attentive and caring. He takes me out on real dates. He is very open about his life with me. So I'm trying my best to not assume the worst that he's lost interest but just that he is horrible at texting. I'm just looking for advice on how to date someone who is bad at texting. I also don't know how and if it is something I should bring up because I don't want to come across as needy. Don't bring it up. If you must say something try "I miss the good morning & good night texts. Can we go back to that?" I wouldn't even do that. Texting is among the worst ways to communicate. Trying to build a relationship through such an imperfect medium guarantees failure. To build a connection you need context. 90% of all communication is non verbal -- body language, eye contact, inflection etc. None of that can be conveyed through text. Texts should be reserved for short non-emotional things: I'm running late; please buy milk etc. If this guy is wonderful in person, appreciate that & stop worrying about something as trivial as how frequently he texts you. If he stops being wonderful in person, then you can worry. 1
mortensorchid Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 I don't think he's bad at texting, I just think he's not that into you. It's happened more than once with people - you go out and meet someone, you have a day or two of texting afterwards with "good morning" "hi how are you" texts, and then one day … One does not respond to the other. Chances are one will send a text after a few days of silence, the other responds "Oh sorry things have been busy" and you text a bit more, and then … They go poof once and for all. I'm rather bitter when I say this, but it's been proven to me more than once that this is how it is. It's a language that people are in with it. Of course, should you meet that person and as you are parting they stop halfway to the parking lot, shake your hand say "Good-bye have a nice night" or "Good luck" then they will not contact you ever again after that. And … That's a definite message. 1
Arieswoman Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 Clueless4ever, At the risk of sounding like a BOF - in England a "boring old f@r£" - what the heck is all this stuff about texting? Why can't people pick up a 'phone and actually talk to one another? I just wonder how people have all this time to be punching buttons on a mobile? Just my 6 penneth 3
phineas Posted June 21, 2018 Posted June 21, 2018 Texting is annoying. even when i'm drinking beer and typing on this forum more than a few texts in a row annoys me. you want to communicate to me with the written word all night grab some body markers and come over. 2
quankanne Posted June 21, 2018 Posted June 21, 2018 I'm with the minority, and feel that if you're really into this guy, TALK to him. Texting is for when you don't have the time for a genuine conversation, IMO ... and I think that when you like someone, you shouldn't relegate them to text conversation unless it is absolutely necessary. but I'm very much old school. 2
stillafool Posted June 21, 2018 Posted June 21, 2018 Clueless4ever, At the risk of sounding like a BOF - in England a "boring old f@r£" - what the heck is all this stuff about texting? Why can't people pick up a 'phone and actually talk to one another? I just wonder how people have all this time to be punching buttons on a mobile? Just my 6 penneth I'm with you on this one. What in the world do people have to say to each other all day? How boring. No wonder some don't respond. 2
LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 21, 2018 Posted June 21, 2018 To all those people saying he is obviously losing interest, or is playing games etc etc, I disagree. As per previous posts, my new girlfriend is a horrible texter. In the initial couple of months or so of dating before we became official, she would rarely get back to me, I did all the chasing, setting up dates etc etc. I have come to realise however that she just doesn't like to text. When I am with her, she has her phone switched off. She doesn't take it out with her. She can take days to get back to friends of hers. She also has some personal issues which I won't go into here, and sometimes she just gets home from work and wants to shut herself away and not talk with anyone. This happened for instance one memorable week when we had spent an awesome weekend together, and I text her on the Monday with a few sweet nothings. I didn't hear back from her until Wednesday. I of course was going through every thought, emotion etc etc under the sun. Was she ghosting me, was she just not that interested. Turns out she had had a huge argument at work, gone out that night with some colleagues and got very drunk, then didn't want to deal with any issues the next day and then finally 72 hours later decided that she could text me and everything was great. Maybe he isn't into you, it's an option definitely. I wouldn't however just jump straight to this conclusion. Some people just really really don't like to text / value their personal space. Coming up to 3 months in with my girl, things are improving and we text / speak daily, but I've also come to realise she sometimes just needs to forget the world and be on her own. 1
quankanne Posted June 21, 2018 Posted June 21, 2018 Some people just really really don't like to text / value their personal space. Coming up to 3 months in with my girl, things are improving and we text / speak daily, but I've also come to realise she sometimes just needs to forget the world and be on her own. I think that, in this world of "instant communication," we forget the basic truths of human nature: We are protective of our space, we need genuine interaction (not via machine) when we are in a communicative mood, and that the new ways ~ while quick and easy ~ are not always the best. OP, just chalk it up to your fella not being comfortable with conducting a relationship via text. Personally, I think you're quite lucky that way, because there is so much room for interpretation and error otherwise. 1
Gaeta Posted June 21, 2018 Posted June 21, 2018 Does he call you? My BF doesn't text, AT ALL but he calls. When we started dating he text a little bit at the beginning but after 2-3 dates his texting days were over and he started to only call. 1
mortensorchid Posted June 24, 2018 Posted June 24, 2018 Clueless4ever, At the risk of sounding like a BOF - in England a "boring old f@r£" - what the heck is all this stuff about texting? Why can't people pick up a 'phone and actually talk to one another? I just wonder how people have all this time to be punching buttons on a mobile? Just my 6 penneth I agree. I lived in the day before texting and since the advent of texting I think we have muddied ourselves in terms of communications.
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