Zahara Posted June 19, 2018 Posted June 19, 2018 Based on you other threads about her, it's a blessing that this has ended for you and while you don't see it now, with time and the gift of emotional clarity you will see things as they are rather than romanticize a woman that you admitted was one of the worst girlfriends you've ever had. 3
Author TeddyPSmith Posted June 19, 2018 Author Posted June 19, 2018 Based on you other threads about her, it's a blessing that this has ended for you and while you don't see it now, with time and the gift of emotional clarity you will see things as they are rather than romanticize a woman that you admitted was one of the worst girlfriends you've ever had. I wish I could have that clarity right now Zahara. I don't understand why it's been so hard for me to see. Even after all these months she seems like the closest to perfect girl Ive ever had. Yet you are right, my old posts and my journals show the opposite. Her being able to land a new boyfriend that might be perfect for her has caused me to really doubt my judgment about her. If a guy that has his sh*t together as much as him likes her, then what must be wrong with me? I realize that my post probably sounds moronic but I just cant get right. Maybe more time is needed. I went strict NC (no more facebook stalking or asking about her) and hopefully that will help.
Zahara Posted June 19, 2018 Posted June 19, 2018 I wish I could have that clarity right now Zahara. I don't understand why it's been so hard for me to see. Even after all these months she seems like the closest to perfect girl Ive ever had. Yet you are right, my old posts and my journals show the opposite. Her being able to land a new boyfriend that might be perfect for her has caused me to really doubt my judgment about her. If a guy that has his sh*t together as much as him likes her, then what must be wrong with me? I realize that my post probably sounds moronic but I just cant get right. Maybe more time is needed. I went strict NC (no more facebook stalking or asking about her) and hopefully that will help. It's hard because toxic relationships are more difficult to let go of because we become addicted to those highs and lows. The more push and pull, the more we idealize and cling to these toxic partners. We want to be validated and we want to be accepted and when we aren't we try harder and in turn fall deeper into a hole. Their relationship is new. People are always on their best behavior in the beginning and they're likely in the honeymoon period but all that will change when people start to settle into who they truly are -- stop comparing yourself to him and what might become of their relationship. Focus on what you truly want -- values you desire in a partner and a relationship. Yes, you need NC. And you need to stop picking at your wounds by checking her social media. You need to self-preserve. 3
Author TeddyPSmith Posted June 19, 2018 Author Posted June 19, 2018 It's hard because toxic relationships are more difficult to let go of because we become addicted to those highs and lows. The more push and pull, the more we idealize and cling to these toxic partners. We want to be validated and we want to be accepted and when we aren't we try harder and in turn fall deeper into a hole. At this point I cant even tell if it was really toxic. The mind has a strange way of warping memories. Several friends always thought it was tumultuous, though, and toxic was thrown around. Either way, your point is well taken. Focus on what you truly want -- values you desire in a partner and a relationship. Yes, you need NC. And you need to stop picking at your wounds by checking her social media. You need to self-preserve. I agree. I cant believe I waited so long to do that. It did give me the closure I needed in knowing why she never tried to contact me.
preraph Posted June 19, 2018 Posted June 19, 2018 What I get from your post is that you didn't respect her anyway. You seem condescending when it comes to her. People pick up on that stuff. That said, it always sucks after a breakup. But of course, she's going to move on. I think bottom line is you didn't really respect her as a person and that, therefore, you were not compatible for the long run. Doesn't mean this guy is either, but she's free to date any and everyone she wants to now until she finds one that is. And so are you, and so you should whenever it feels right. Good luck.
Author TeddyPSmith Posted June 20, 2018 Author Posted June 20, 2018 What I get from your post is that you didn't respect her anyway. You seem condescending when it comes to her. People pick up on that stuff. That said, it always sucks after a breakup. But of course, she's going to move on. I think bottom line is you didn't really respect her as a person and that, therefore, you were not compatible for the long run. Doesn't mean this guy is either, but she's free to date any and everyone she wants to now until she finds one that is. And so are you, and so you should whenever it feels right. Good luck. I can see how it looks that way but I think it’s an artifact of the pain I’ve been in and being bitter that she’s in none. Mostly in the relationship I felt disrespected. We probably weren’t compatible. I broke up with her in the beginning for this reason but she convinced me otherwise. Two years later she decided we weren’t compatible and said we should’ve stayed broken up after the first time. It all just burns a bit. She got a very strong resolve at the end that she never had before. That’s why I wondered if the other guy was there. 1
LimboGuy Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 My previous posts show the history but we dated for 2 years. Been broken up for 4 months. I found out the other day that she's got a new boyfriend. He's 8 years younger than her and barely out of college. She's a single mom in the service industry. This kid is a superstar with all sorts of awards and credentials. I always thought she had a pissy and entitled attitude, was mean to me, lazy, and slacking on her mothering abilities. I thought I would be the one that came out of this smelling like a rose but it's been the complete opposite. I'm having a really hard time understanding how she got over me so quickly and landed this guy. He seems to be so straight laced and Christian. Her past is nothing of the sort. She's wasn't horrible but I suspected she was promiscuous, dabbled in some of the heavier drugs, and generally made poor decisions. This has been the hardest breakup I've ever been through. I've been in a deep depression the entire time and here she is, seeming to have freed herself from the "burden" of me, someone that was always generous, hard working, fatherly to her child. What gives?! I also wonder if he was the motivation for her to leave me. They work together and every other time we broke up, she was always begging to come back. This time she was out the door and never looked back. Never even checked up on me once. If she never looked back and is loving life, you should take a leaf from her book and move on too. Yes I know, easier said than done. My ex got married to a guy she knew for 10 weeks lol, that sucked. But hey, I worked on myself as a person, spiritually and physically, and that helped immensely. Often when we are broken up with, it's because we have flaws we cannot see. So work on yourself to become a better version of yourself, and source some new happiness. Also working out helped me SO much, I cannot emphasise how much that helped with my life, confidence after the break up, and moving on. It has numerous benefits, physical and spiritual. Also, when I was bettering myself, my ex came back into my life several times (at a distance) and every time it burned me, I realised that she wasn't 100% happy in her new life, and that made me want to keep going making myself yet more happier
Author TeddyPSmith Posted June 20, 2018 Author Posted June 20, 2018 If she never looked back and is loving life, you should take a leaf from her book and move on too. Yes I know, easier said than done. My ex got married to a guy she knew for 10 weeks lol, that sucked. Man that does suck! There is something especially painful about feeling that you weren't worth tears or grieving. That someone could find so much happiness after you. What does that say about me then? This is the second time it's happened. My ex wife had an affair. They are now happily married with 2 kids. Often when we are broken up with, it's because we have flaws we cannot see. I wish I knew what these were. Ive been told a few things but I've forgotten through the fog of all this. So work on yourself to become a better version of yourself, and source some new happiness. Also working out helped me SO much, I cannot emphasise how much that helped with my life, confidence after the break up, and moving on. This is something I fully believe in. I am starting to wonder if the main reason I am in misery is that she was just masking a problem Ive always had...Im not happy by or with myself. Ive recently started meditating and trying to be mindful and present. It's actually the only thing that stops the pain temporarily. Thanks for all your advice. I hope I can heal like you did sooner rather than later!
preraph Posted June 20, 2018 Posted June 20, 2018 I don't think it makes a difference if the other guy was there except then you can be madder at her. Sounds like she just always knew this wasn't ideal and is more decisive and able to move on once she knows things aren't working out. We all have different thresholds for that stuff. Good luck.
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