deni9 Posted June 18, 2018 Posted June 18, 2018 (edited) I have been dating this man for 3.5 years. We have excellent chemistry but there is many conflict that is preventing us to the next level (marriage). I am single mother. I am 26 and he is 32. (if that matters to anyone). He has is own business with his mother. They are realtors. I am back in school, I am in my Radiation Therapy program, and i will be graduating the summer of 2020. Now here are some bullet points of the problems that are enabling us to proceed any further. *We have different faith beliefs *I am his first serious relationship; therefore, he is not that great at communicating or expressing his feelings, therefore, he bottles them in *He smokes (not a fan of it) *He has a brother that I do not get along with *His mother is jealous *We have busy lives, so its difficult to grow together at this time * Our families are very different. My family are reserved, whereas his family speak their mind, and have no filter. Yesterday, (Fathers Day), I finally met his dad (parents are divorced, and this shows how busy we are, that I am finally meeting his dad after 3 years). His dad was douche bag. I was excited to see him, but he seem so uninterested in me. He is obnoxious and spoke his mind, and disrespecting without even realizing it. My "boyfriend" just sat there saying nothing. My excitement turned into nervousness, because I did not want to disrespect him by saying something bad in response to his comments. It was a very awkward and hurtful situation. The father made some rude comments, saying that im too skinny, giving me dirty faces. All his dad kept saying that he was tired and it was a long day. Which I understand and felt bad for coming by to meet him at a late time. So I suggested to leave. So I did. When i left my "bf" drive way, I started bawling my eyes. I realized that it wasnt going to work. I dont get along with his family at all. They are not a fan of me and to be honest, I am not a fan of them neither. I wonder how my "bf" is part of that family, when he is the complete opposite of them. I dont feel comfortable with them. I was embarrassed. I didnt want to talk to my "bf" after taht . We already have problems with the faith issue, which is such a heavy burden in our relationiship. Adding this family problem is just too much. So i blocked him. I dont know what to say. I just simply blocked him. I dont want to talk to him, because I know he will talk me out of it. But this has been going on for such a long time, that I just ended it like that. What do i do now? I dont have a great history of relationships. I never formally ended a relationship with anyone. Edited June 18, 2018 by deni9
preraph Posted June 18, 2018 Posted June 18, 2018 Your bf is from a rude abrasive family and probably was afraid to communicate because he knew he wouldn't come out well, so he's not ever going to be a good communicator. His strategy is to clam up and lay low. Not good for making a life together. These are the people who are his models for being a parent. Think about that for a minute. How is he with your kids? Is he a passing parent type or is he more like another kid? A really bad family for me would be a dealbreaker UNLESS the person I was dating had completely distanced themself from them and weren't taking any crap from them.
Lotsgoingon Posted June 18, 2018 Posted June 18, 2018 (edited) Just so you no, I'm on the view that if someone is verbally rude to you, you have the right to reply sharply ... doesn't matter that it's a bf's dad. In fact, I would say it is extremely important to reply to a rude dad because that dad is in the picture ... Anyway, you raised a ton of red flags even before you get to this incident. This just confirms things. Your bf could have stepped in .... when his father spoke poorly to you ... Strong person: "Dad that's enough. Who are you to be talking about her being skinny. I like the way she looks." Weaker person: "(Speaking to partner) ... Ignore that ... come here. Give me a hug. You are wonderful ... Dad can you keep your comments to yourself." Sounds like bf didn't even do the weak intervention ... Bad sign ... if he can't intervene to support the gf in his life ... really bad sign. But this even is superfluous ... it just confirms all the other problems ... move on ... By the way ... just because he's inexperienced doesn't mean he'll be a bad communicator. Plenty of inexperienced people are open and communicative ... they might be awkward sometimes in other ways ... but experience and clear communication ... I don't see the correlation. The answer seems obvious. Why are you afraid to drop this guy? I say that specifically ... not as a rhetorical question. Like what is it ... lack of confidence, fear you won't meet another man? ... What's scaring you about dropping this guy? Or maybe you're asking this ... The answer is YES it's totally part of the equation what your bf's family is like. Absolutely ... He doesn't even have a healthy distance from his family ... He's got what seems like a dysfunctional relationship ... So yes, I would run from someone with a family like that ... who doesn't make clear to me that he understands how messed up his family is .. .and who doesn't make clear to me that they will not allow the family to interfere with our relationship. I heard no such pledges from your bf. Run! Edited June 18, 2018 by Lotsgoingon 1
Gaeta Posted June 18, 2018 Posted June 18, 2018 Why do you even date this man? If you marry him you will be stuck with his family and their ignorance for the rest of your life. Think of every birthday and holildays and BBQ you have to endure their trashy ways. Then the children will come along and they'll be expose to that? No thank you! I am not getting into the matter of you not respecting each other's faith. How can you raise children is such environment.
olivetree Posted June 18, 2018 Posted June 18, 2018 I cannot say whether you did the right thing or not by leaving the relationship. These are issues that are very personal to you. Some people can tolerate different faiths and crappy in-laws, others cannot. HOWEVER, simply blocking a man you've been dating for 3.5 years is pretty awful. Please consider his feelings and how painful it is to just be shut out like that, without a word or explanation. Unless he was abusive to you, I think you owe him that much.
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