BakkenMoaad Posted June 17, 2018 Share Posted June 17, 2018 (edited) Hello everyone, I'm not a native english speaker so excuse me for any garammatical/spelling mistake. I m currently studying, and I'm from Morocco. We are a pretty concervative country, rather a split between those who are concervative especially the older generations and those who are not us, so we kinda are in a mix up but we are getting there more and more people are acknowledging dating especially the elderly, I hope you can understand what I m getting at. (Muslim country btw.) So, I have known this girl 2 years now on internet, but we stopped talking to each other. Then we started talking again a year ago and now we are bf and gf. I love her so so so so so much she does too. She is a beautiful girl, I'm really glad to have her. Next months we are celebrating 1 year together. We have a long distance relationship, she came here to visit me like 3 times now, and we spend some unforgettable moments together. That should give you an idea that we trust each other so much, and we are actually planning to maret each other after studies So, as all of other couples, we fight from time to time, but we fight about somethings that are related to our relationship. Recently I've become a little be jelous/protective of her, because she is beautiful, and I don't think that guys she is willing to meet are just trying to be friends with her and stuff, I don't mind her meeting new people bcs i know she does and I'm cool with it even going out smtms, but I just don't like the fact that each guy will eventually try to hit on her, I just hate it, it annoys me, and I feel like I wonna punch the other guy in the face. I mean not being there by her side is really annoying because I can't mark my presence there, I mean I can't make guys acknowledge that Hey I'm her, u can be friends with her, if u do something I'll f*** you up. She had some guys flirting with her asking her out, she tried to shut them off, I know that because she showed me the texts and stuff. I trust her, she knows her boundaries, and I don't want guys hitting on her. I mean lately a guy 2 or 3 years older than her, (a senior in her school) that I knew she is texting helping her with homework... I mean I really liked him, I thought he was a cool guy, I told myself yeah that there is good guys there so I was cool with it. But one day my gf got out with another guy to have dinner, I was indifferent about but I thought hey, she just finished her finals, she needs a break, I'm not there to go out with her, and I don't need to be that abusive. So when the other guy knew what's going on he stopped texting her, when she asked him, he told her that how much he loved her and wanted to be with her but her having a bf he can't do nothing, I respected him for that, and for not hitting on her the entire time, but I lost hope in having a guy friend who can she trust, and tell him about her probs when we are fighting, because I know girls like it when they have that guy friend who they can tell stories too. Anyways I lost hope, I talked to her about this, how guys are just going to wait for u to be sad or something and try to make a move when u r down she kinda agreed to it, and we moved on. She was allowed to talk to guys, but not get toooo close them. After a while something came up, we got in a fight, this subject came up, and she told me she wanted a guy that she can rely on to tell her about what's happened and what to do (btw I respect her old friends, I totally don't mind her going with them because they have been there before) she tried to convince but I was nowhere to be ever convinces, because she is telling even after that incident that she will find another guy who she can trust and stuff. So what you can get by that is she kinda in a pursuit for this little angel. I was mad pissed because we were fighting, I had sm finals and this fight was consuming me. I couldn't focus, so I told her to do whatever she wants I wouldn't care. I told her to never talk to me about a new guy (btw I cared, I was just angry. I couldn't think healthier, I trust her she knows her boundaries, but I didn't like how things are standing now) , I just wanted for our fight to end, I love her we can't stay like that. So she knows that I'm not convinced, but I'm just doing this for her, and she appreciated it, I hope, I don;t know if she is just playing naive when she tells me this guy is good, that one is good, because I thought she learned a lesson when she found out about the guy who liked her ( trust me even I was shocked when I found out, I genuinely thought that he is the one, he is a good friend, and I should probably meet him and talked to him one day) . So now I'm writing to you, I want to know what do u think about this, am I bad person for thinking like this? Am I being overprotective because I just don't want guys hitting on my love? What should I do? About me, I don't talk to girls that much, when I go out with girls, or go out with a group of friends (except if a friend that I haven't seen for over a year, and happens about twice a year) we love each other, we trust each other but we need to fix this. Sorry for long post, I hope you read it all before u comment on it because everything is important there, thank you. Edited June 17, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Format and parapgraphs ~ V Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 17, 2018 Share Posted June 17, 2018 To fix this is to let her go. She is meeting these guys because she is lonely and in need of male companionship. You are being a fool to think this relaitonship has any longevity. I know this is not what you want to hear, but you cannot stop her from doing what she is doing. I know it seems no fair, but the distance between you and expecting a relaitonship out of her isn't fair. I say you need to let her go because even tho you have your heart in this...in reality this isn't a real relationship. Real relationships are not only emotinal, but physical. You cannot provide her with what she needs physically....and that isn't fair. She desires to be courted, taken out, hold hands, hug, kiss, and have sexual pleasure. I speak the truth here....she's starting to let go. Yes these guys are asking her out, and yes they are courting her. She may call it being "friends" but she lies. She hasn't admitted it yet but she needs more than phone calls and chat on a computer screen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BakkenMoaad Posted June 17, 2018 Author Share Posted June 17, 2018 I respect your opinion, but i must disagree,you have no idea of how much she sacrified emotionally or physically for this relationship to work, I did a lot of mistakes in the beginning of our relationship but she forgived me. I know that I can live with this situation but it is annoying me, I just want to see this from a girl pov. If u had a bf and u r feeling that way, would u agree with it? Thnx again Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 17, 2018 Share Posted June 17, 2018 I respect your opinion, but i must disagree,you have no idea of how much she sacrified emotionally or physically for this relationship to work, I did a lot of mistakes in the beginning of our relationship but she forgived me. I know that I can live with this situation but it is annoying me, I just want to see this from a girl pov. If u had a bf and u r feeling that way, would u agree with it? Thnx again In the beginning yes...but after a year, the honeymoon phase is over and that's when the feelings/and excitement fades. If everything is so wonderful, she wouldn't be needing the company of other men now would she? and you wouldn't be on here worried about your relationship, am I right? The logical thing is to set boundaries with her and tell her no one on one dates with these guys. Then see what happens. That's it. Or move there. Those are your options other than breaking up. Just so you know, people can change their plans, have a change of heart, this can change, things can end. Doesn't matter how much is invested... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BakkenMoaad Posted June 17, 2018 Author Share Posted June 17, 2018 Okay, thank you Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 17, 2018 Share Posted June 17, 2018 How would I feel if my BF did this? I would start to question very quickly why he had a need to be with other women, and go on dates with them if he loved me so much. This would be a dealbreaker. I would feel disrespected, devalued, and our relaitonship is being jeopardized...I would wonder why he would do this to me. I would not put up with it, and send him on his way. I tell you now, the dynamic of your relationship is changing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BakkenMoaad Posted June 17, 2018 Author Share Posted June 17, 2018 I meant, based from what i said, do you think i m just being too paranoid, too protective. Would you accept if your boyfriend felt the same way as I did, or you ll consider to be normal? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 17, 2018 Share Posted June 17, 2018 Did you not read what I posted? It's in appropriate behavior for someone to do that while in a relaiotnship. Basically she is dating other guys. She is going out for dinners one on one, talking, laughing, having a good time, receiving attention from guys that hope there will be more. It's normal if you had an open relaitonship. If she won't stop doing it, then you take other women out "as friends" and see what she thinks about it. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 17, 2018 Share Posted June 17, 2018 btw if she is sweet and beautiful...no guy will be her true friend. You know this, I know this...they want her. There is already proof of that. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelliousme Posted June 17, 2018 Share Posted June 17, 2018 I meant, based from what i said, do you think i m just being too paranoid, too protective. Would you accept if your boyfriend felt the same way as I did, or you ll consider to be normal? You are not being too paranoid or too protective. If my boyfriend felt the same way you did, I'd consider it normal. HOWEVER, if I truly love my boyfriend I would not let him feel this way. I will not go on dates or hang out with guys. I wouldn't even send texts to my boyfriend of men hitting on me. It's almost as if she's purposely making you jealous or showing you that she has more options. It is ABSOLUTELY normal to feel the way you do because your girlfriend is terrible. Any girl that tells you she wants to hang out with new guy friends or guy friends alone and that she NEEDS A MAN who she can trust and talk to as a "friend" is not worth your emotion and time. Let this girl go, you deserve better. I don't care about beautiful she is or how much she has done for you in the past, it is obvious that she's not satisfied with the long distance relationship and you. Be nice to yourself. Let her go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 17, 2018 Share Posted June 17, 2018 You need to sit down and make some rules together for both of you. Is she okay with you meeting new women and going out with them? No? Then why would you be okay with her meeting new guys and going out with them? Now, if she IS okay with you meeting new girls and going out and getting to know them, then fine, but what you now have is you are dating but not in a committed relationship. It doesn't sound like she wants a committed relationship to me. It sounds like she wants to explore and be social and meet new people. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 17, 2018 Share Posted June 17, 2018 I agree 100% with smackie. You are not being paranoid or nice, you are being a fool and naive. It doesn't matter she made a lot of sacrifice for your relationship, time has run its course and now this relationship isn't enough for her anymore. She wants men's attention, wants to be taken out, wants to be courted and you are not there to offer that to her so she is getting it under the cover of finding a male friend. Her mistake is take you for a fool and make you beleive it's all about having a male friend. If my BF would be set on going out to find a female friend to confine into : sh&t would hit the fan! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts