toverr54 Posted June 17, 2018 Posted June 17, 2018 July 22nd 2016 her and I got together after I returned home from the service. Things were perfect. We were so happy. Seeing her smile was one of the things that calmed my soul. But I had issues. Unresolved problems from the Army that I never dealt with properly. After about a year I would start shutting down at the first sign of an argument. Inside I was screaming at myself "say something you idiot! Tell her how you really feel on the inside. Tell her how much you love her!" But I couldn't bring myself to snap out of it. The argument would fade away, but the hurt didn't. We started fighting about my son. She wanted me to parent differently. I wouldn't admit that I knew he needs a father and not a friend. I would get so mad. It would overpower me and I would shut down again. This went on for a while. We still had plenty of good times. But every couple months there would be a fallout with slow recovery. God how I wish I could have just overcame my stupid issues. Left my baggage back where I got it. I got it in my head that things wouldn't work out. So on April 17th of this year I packed my things. And I drove away. Numb. As I laid there in bed a week later I cried for the first time in years. Stayed up all night thinking of her. And what exactly I had thrown away. She made me so happy. So I checked her Facebook to see what she was up to. She had found someone else. After only a week. I was even more devastated then before. How did she move on like that? When I'm completely broken? I figured that was it. She's gone forever. But a couple weeks ago I messaged her. Telling her how wrong I was about everything. And pleaded for a second chance. She told me how happy she was with this new guy and I just fell apart. I called her and explained everything. Why I was so distant. Why I acted how I did. Everything. She told me there was a lot she had to think about and she needed time. So I gave her time. I only texted her a couple times as to not bug her. I sent her flowers once. I felt it would be wrong for me to go to her house to try to talk because she has a new boyfriend. I hoped and prayed. I laid in bed at night talking to the ceiling, hoping she would somehow be able to feel how badly I wanted her back. Then I got a text. It said she was sorry I spent so much on flowers, but she couldn't take me back. And somehow this new guy is worth more to her than I could ever be. I didn't know what to do. I got in my truck and drove around for hours. I ended up in an empty parking lot trying to call her. Trying to get her to see that I can be the man she needs. She finally told me that she is with her new love now, and he deserves her attention. That was Friday and I literally haven't slept or eaten or anything since then. I don't know what to do. This is the worst mistake I've ever made. Is there any way I can get her back? She doesn't even want to talk. She seems so happy with him, but I know I can make her even happier. I've been through breakups before and have never once felt this. It feels like I'm constantly about to have a heart attack. And I did it all to myself. Is there any hope at all? What can I do??
Marc878 Posted June 17, 2018 Posted June 17, 2018 There is no guarantee of a second chance. If you chase they just move farther away. Pestering her will only make it worse. Unfortunately you've made your bed now you have to sleep in it. She's told you and shown you she's moved on. Leave her alone. Fix yourself for your next relationship or you'll just do a repeat.
Author toverr54 Posted June 17, 2018 Author Posted June 17, 2018 As of now I don't know if I can have another relationship. I do have issues. She was the only one who understood that. And still loved me for it. I guess you're right though. I feel like my own worst enemy. Thank you for the reply.
ItIsNotMe Posted June 17, 2018 Posted June 17, 2018 Someone else 1 week after the break up? That's suspicious
Marc878 Posted June 17, 2018 Posted June 17, 2018 As of now I don't know if I can have another relationship. I do have issues. She was the only one who understood that. And still loved me for it. I guess you're right though. I feel like my own worst enemy. Thank you for the reply. What you are going to find later: It's not the end of the world. The sun will come up in the AM. She's not irreplaceable. You can become anything you want to be. Your life is going to be what you make it. We all have this option. You will be fine
overcome Posted June 17, 2018 Posted June 17, 2018 Hi Toverr, I am sorry for your pain. I know your pain to a degree, but I have not experienced something like this. Something you said in your post about unresolved issues from the Army. I don't know what these issues are, your parenting skills, but would it not be worth seeing a therapist to work out these issues. She may be just as heart broken as you and is moving on as fast as she can to remove the pain. Never a good idea. But as just about everyone has said in a post at some point or another, you gotta go NC. It's hard man. But it's the only thing you can do right now. Leave her be. It's the right thing to do for her and for you. I know you're pain is not going to go away anytime soon. It will take time and you will learn to live with it. But I can't stress enough that if you have unresolved issues, please talk to a professional. Find out all you can about what's going on inside your head so that one day you will be a better person for whomever comes knocking on your door. Good luck to you. I wish you the best.
Author toverr54 Posted June 19, 2018 Author Posted June 19, 2018 Yeah 1 weak is suspicious to me too. I asked her about that and she "assured" me she had never met him before. From what I can tell she is telling the truth. I know her pretty well but I don't know. The Army put me through enough counseling for 10 lifetimes. Either it doesn't do anything for me or I don't know how to do it. But it's something I'm continuing to do. The issues are complicated and I feel like nobody wants to hear me b***h. Nature of the beast I guess. I actually am feeling better than when I posted that. I took the advice of no contact. Let her do what she needs to do and follow her heart instead of hoping she will follow mine. My son's mother has always been there for me so talking with her helped out a lot. My son and I are gonna start camping and fishing more often. That will be good too. Father's day was great. Thank you all for your replies. Sometimes you just need to hear the honest truth and get it over with. I always saw myself as tough. Not like "I'm tougher than you" but more of a resilient person. But that breakup knocked me down a few pegs. Showed me a side I didn't think I had anymore.
Normm Posted June 19, 2018 Posted June 19, 2018 You need to be realistic. She was in love with a new guy 1 week after you split. She didn't take any time to grieve the relationship, get in touch with her feelings, figure out what she wanted going forward, she just jumped right in with someone new and tossed you aside like yesterday's news. Either she's got more serious issues than you do, she fell out of love with yo a loooong time ago and was just passing the time until the plug was pulled by you or by her, and/or she was already with this guy. Either way there's nothing left for you, and the sooner you accept it and that you will be better off without her and start healing yourself, the better off you will be. She's just one person on a planet filled with billions just like her. She's not worth your time and emotional investment.
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