I'veseenbetterlol Posted June 15, 2018 Posted June 15, 2018 I adore my bf and love him very much. When I 1st met him, he was overweight, but told me he was working to lose that weight. We have started going to the gym together and he has cut down on soda (still drinks some at work, which I really think he needs to stop). A main issue is that he is drinking a lot of sugary drinks (chocolate milk, juice etc). Those fine in measure, but he finishes a whole jug of juice w/in a couple days and he lives alone. This isn't about looks, but I know he would look a lot better w/out the excess weight. My biggest issue is health. I don't wanna be stuck a single mom or caring for a sick bf/husband, when these health issues could have been avoided. I'm terrified of this happening and I'm starting to realize something major needs to change or I'll walk. I don't want to throw it all away, but I do not want to be stuck while young w/a sick partner.
BaileyB Posted June 15, 2018 Posted June 15, 2018 I love alone and sometimes I will drink a whole jug of juice in a few days... Seriously, your boyfriend has a right to eat or drink what he chooses. He doesn't need you to micromanage his diet and if you try, guaranteed it will build resentment and it will not work. Good health is a good goal to have and it's great that you can support each other by participating together in physical activity. But, if you don't like his weight or his lifestyle choices... You have the option to vote with your feet. It's best that you do leave so that you can both find someone more compatable. 1
Gaeta Posted June 15, 2018 Posted June 15, 2018 Sugar is the number 1 killer in North America. I would not date someone that drinks that much sugar. When l met my ex-h he was drunking 28 coffee a day and he died from it at 54. I wasn't too smart at 20 and didn't realize the consequences. I think you are smart to think long term. Your bf is already overweight and with the amount of sugar he is ingurgitating a day he is on his way to becone diabetic with all the side effect of it like ED, short temper, glucoma, etc. You are at a crossroad. You can still chose to not have that in your future.
TheFinalWord Posted June 15, 2018 Posted June 15, 2018 I adore my bf and love him very much. When I 1st met him, he was overweight, but told me he was working to lose that weight. We have started going to the gym together and he has cut down on soda (still drinks some at work, which I really think he needs to stop). A main issue is that he is drinking a lot of sugary drinks (chocolate milk, juice etc). Those fine in measure, but he finishes a whole jug of juice w/in a couple days and he lives alone. This isn't about looks, but I know he would look a lot better w/out the excess weight. My biggest issue is health. I don't wanna be stuck a single mom or caring for a sick bf/husband, when these health issues could have been avoided. I'm terrified of this happening and I'm starting to realize something major needs to change or I'll walk. I don't want to throw it all away, but I do not want to be stuck while young w/a sick partner. I wouldn't be able to date someone that doesn't care about their health. But I'm calling you out on the looks part. You care, and so do most people that care about their weight and health. He's comfortable in the relationship. The other issues is you have to go into any relationship assuming the person is not going to change. A lot of people talk about losing weight, but do nothing about it. If he was overweight from the start, you can almost guarantee it will only get worse (and you may be the same way after a couple kids).
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted June 15, 2018 Author Posted June 15, 2018 Sugar is the number 1 killer in North America. I would not date someone that drinks that much sugar. When l met my ex-h he was drunking 28 coffee a day and he died from it at 54. I wasn't too smart at 20 and didn't realize the consequences. I think you are smart to think long term. Your bf is already overweight and with the amount of sugar he is ingurgitating a day he is on his way to becone diabetic with all the side effect of it like ED, short temper, glucoma, etc. You are at a crossroad. You can still chose to not have that in your future. That's what I'm afraid of. He doesn't look after his health. I took him to a work get together and I found out from my co worker friend that people were kind of surprised I was dating someone much older then myself. They thought he was 40 instead of 30, this is a bit shocking. I'm not a shallow person, but I am concerned that I will lose attraction to him in the near future.
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted June 15, 2018 Author Posted June 15, 2018 I wouldn't be able to date someone that doesn't care about their health. But I'm calling you out on the looks part. You care, and so do most people that care about their weight and health. He's comfortable in the relationship. The other issues is you have to go into any relationship assuming the person is not going to change. A lot of people talk about losing weight, but do nothing about it. If he was overweight from the start, you can almost guarantee it will only get worse (and you may be the same way after a couple kids). You are right, I do care about looks, I want to be attracted to my partner in the future.
d0nnivain Posted June 15, 2018 Posted June 15, 2018 He'll change his diet when he wants to & not a minute before no matter how often you nag him. If you push this he will lose weight quickly. He will eliminate [your current weight] pounds by dumping you. 2
Gaeta Posted June 15, 2018 Posted June 15, 2018 That's what I'm afraid of. He doesn't look after his health. I took him to a work get together and I found out from my co worker friend that people were kind of surprised I was dating someone much older then myself. They thought he was 40 instead of 30, this is a bit shocking. I'm not a shallow person, but I am concerned that I will lose attraction to him in the near future. I do not consider you shallow, not at all. Would you remind me how long you've been dating?
Lotsgoingon Posted June 15, 2018 Posted June 15, 2018 You basically have to take him as is. You can share your concern about premature mortality ... but stay out of micromanaging his diet and explaining to him what he needs to do. Share your concern about his health ... but really you want to do this in a positive way ... say all the good things you like and what you want for him and you long term ... Then let it go ... and decide ... as he is right now: take him or leave him. If you can't get past the weight, maybe you don't really like him ... I'm not trying to be snarky ... Just saying ... And if you are REALLY into your health and fitness and all of that ... then maybe you'll only be happy with a partner who is the same.
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted June 15, 2018 Author Posted June 15, 2018 I do not consider you shallow, not at all. Would you remind me how long you've been dating? We have been going out nearly a year. He is the best guy I've ever dated, but its a big turnoff that he isn't working that hard to get healthy. I find myself not attracted to him at times and that really kills me inside because I love him. I feel terrible, but I cannot help myself. Looks aren't super important to me as I have met good looking guys who were jerks. My ex was hot, but always had an eye out for other women and just wasn't respectful. My bf never mentions any other hot women and always has his eyes on me.
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted June 15, 2018 Author Posted June 15, 2018 You basically have to take him as is. You can share your concern about premature mortality ... but stay out of micromanaging his diet and explaining to him what he needs to do. Share your concern about his health ... but really you want to do this in a positive way ... say all the good things you like and what you want for him and you long term ... Then let it go ... and decide ... as he is right now: take him or leave him. If you can't get past the weight, maybe you don't really like him ... I'm not trying to be snarky ... Just saying ... And if you are REALLY into your health and fitness and all of that ... then maybe you'll only be happy with a partner who is the same. I am taking him as is otherwise I wouldn't be dating him. The problem is if a person doesn't take care of themselves, their health will decline. 1
Gaeta Posted June 15, 2018 Posted June 15, 2018 Does he continue going to the gym? has he been losing weight? It's highly conter-productive to drink juice, sodas, and chocolate milk and go the gym. Your boyfriend sounds addicted to refine sugar and the caffein found in soft drinks. He needs to switch to something else. There are 0 calory juices, lemon in water is delicious, he needs to find a substitute. How is his eating habit? If he eats fast food and junk food then he has a long road ahead of him.
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted June 15, 2018 Author Posted June 15, 2018 Does he continue going to the gym? has he been losing weight? It's highly conter-productive to drink juice, sodas, and chocolate milk and go the gym. Your boyfriend sounds addicted to refine sugar and the caffein found in soft drinks. He needs to switch to something else. There are 0 calory juices, lemon in water is delicious, he needs to find a substitute. How is his eating habit? If he eats fast food and junk food then he has a long road ahead of him. Thing is he also eats out quite a lot. As much as we are going to gym 2-3 times a week, I really don't think we are getting anywhere. He told me he is drinking water instead (which I started doing as well), but I'm afraid nothing will change.
kendahke Posted June 16, 2018 Posted June 16, 2018 Does he know that you feel this way? What is he saying to you when you bring it up? It's true that people are not going to change their eating habits/look after their health until something forces them off of that mindset. It could be that you telling him that it's down to you thinking about leaving that makes him take a second look. I'd have one last conversation with him about it and let him know what remedies are up for negotiation--so that he's not blindsided. Then stop talking about it and put your plan in motion for whatever you're seeing fall out in experience. Sugar is a horrible chemical and it's going to be hard to give it up. I used to be on sugar and it took me about 2 years to totally transition out of sugar in my tea and coffee. I'm at the point now where I can't eat anything sweet because of how chemically sugar tastes. I was skipping along the precipice of diabetes and now I'm good.
Gaeta Posted June 16, 2018 Posted June 16, 2018 Thing is he also eats out quite a lot. As much as we are going to gym 2-3 times a week' date=' I really don't think we are getting anywhere. He told me he is drinking water instead (which I started doing as well), but I'm afraid nothing will change.[/quote'] Does he eat out because his work requires it? If he must eat out there are still healthy choices he can make. Grilled is better then fried, steamed veggies are better than fries. Your next step would be to have a convesation with him. First so he understands this is not a casual conversation tell him you want to talk to him about something and it's important to you.
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted June 16, 2018 Author Posted June 16, 2018 Does he eat out because his work requires it? If he must eat out there are still healthy choices he can make. Grilled is better then fried, steamed veggies are better than fries. Your next step would be to have a convesation with him. First so he understands this is not a casual conversation tell him you want to talk to him about something and it's important to you. He does work a crap shift for sure, but he can still not eat so unhealthy. I have talked to him and we do make food at home as much as possible.
Happy Lemming Posted June 16, 2018 Posted June 16, 2018 When was the last time he went to a Doctor?? Last time he had a physical exam?? Blood work or Blood panel?? Maybe a doctor could discuss his diet, exercise regiment, Body Mass Index, and future dangers of poor life choices with him; do you think he would listen to a health professional?? Is it possible to suggest a routine physical exam to him?? 1
guest569 Posted June 16, 2018 Posted June 16, 2018 I am taking him as is otherwise I wouldn't be dating him. The problem is if a person doesn't take care of themselves' date=' their health will decline.[/quote'] I don’t think so, as you’re trying to change him. He was unhealthy when you met and still is. Take it or leave it.
TheFinalWord Posted June 16, 2018 Posted June 16, 2018 You are right' date=' I do care about looks, I want to be attracted to my partner in the future.[/quote'] ...and there's nothing wrong with that. You have to be attracted, physically. If he's not doing anything for his health, all that will happen is he will get more overweight and unhealthy. The older you get the more purposeful you have to be to offset negative health outcomes. I don't think there's anyway to bring this up without your partner taking it the wrong way. But the alternative is you are going to become more and more resentful.
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