Macaronie Posted June 15, 2018 Posted June 15, 2018 I am in the most ridiculous predicament at the moment. I have a work colleague who irritates me every day but despite this I cant stop thinking about him. He is flippant, tries to jokingly get me into trouble, sexist, rude and a multitude of other sins. I feel like my brain is betraying me as I don't want to be interested in him. I have tried to avoid him and Im quite good at doing this but he will often find reasons as to why I have to hang around with him and complete work projects - sometimes staying late after work. I cant stand the guy, I don't even find him physically attractive but I cant stop thinking about him and it is seriously affecting my health having to be around him - mentally and physically. Does he know that I like him?! Is he turning the screws and doing this on purpose to watch me squirm and how do I untangle these feelings? I feel like Im going insane.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 15, 2018 Posted June 15, 2018 I am in the most ridiculous predicament at the moment. I have a work colleague who irritates me every day but despite this I cant stop thinking about him. He is flippant, tries to jokingly get me into trouble, sexist, rude and a multitude of other sins. I feel like my brain is betraying me as I don't want to be interested in him. I have tried to avoid him and Im quite good at doing this but he will often find reasons as to why I have to hang around with him and complete work projects - sometimes staying late after work. I cant stand the guy, I don't even find him physically attractive but I cant stop thinking about him and it is seriously affecting my health having to be around him - mentally and physically. Does he know that I like him?! Is he turning the screws and doing this on purpose to watch me squirm and how do I untangle these feelings? I feel like Im going insane. Which is it? Maybe you like the attention more than you like him? 1
Lotsgoingon Posted June 15, 2018 Posted June 15, 2018 You're not crazy or insane ... I think your unconscious brain has concluded that he's someone you really like ... but your conscious mind hasn't gotten the message yet. I think there are two levels to how we view people ... or think about people when it comes to dating and romance and to friendship for that matter. There is the outward obvious level. We want a person who does X, Y, and Z, and who has A, B, and C opinions and treats like this specific way, etc. But every now and then there are people we encounter who don't meet our official criteria ... they fail our official criteria ... badly so ... and yet they somehow win our affection. Most likely beneath some of his outwardly annoying behavior, this guy is doing something that you really like or you are sensing something really good and attractive about his energy. It might be his confidence ... or the way he fearlessly plays and talks ... He might be funny, even if he is annoying. I am a teacher ... and every now and then there are students ... who break all the rules of my class ... who don't seem to get what I'm saying ... who speak out in ways that I officially disapprove of ... and who I nevertheless totally love ... And usually, it's because the person is really funny ... And yes, it's often because this kinda student is unapologetic ... isn't politely b.s.-ing me. I had a kid like that in a class that I can remember right now. He outwardly played a dunce ... gave really dumb answers in class but he always did so with really good cheer ... as if with a smile on his face ... He totally won me over ... and by the way, he has gone on to achieve a lot of success in the world. What's holding you back from exploring your affection for this guy? ... You're probably laughing at his jokes ... You probably love the attention ... He probably catches you off guard ... most likely, you're much more proper and formal and officially mannerable than he is ... You're just gonna have to let your guard down a bit ... and see what he's really like ... Have you spent time with him outside of work? ... Any chance you can go out for lunch? ... coffee? ... drinks? ... I think if you saw this person outside of work, you might see another side to them and see why you really like him. And you'll get more clear on whether this is someone you like or dislike. And I hate to tell you this ... but this sounds like one of those cases where yes, you are starting to fall for someone who just you never in a million years thought you could fall for. Don't assume this is pathological ... Most likely he's a lot of fun ... 1
Author Macaronie Posted June 15, 2018 Author Posted June 15, 2018 Well you're definitely right about enjoying the attention, if I'm being honest with myself. I hope my brain can actually catch up with the constant butterflies etc. I get when Im around him. I do feel like I'm on a rollercoaster ride as I am often angry with myself for giving him the time of day. I don't know how he feels about me at all as Im pretty sure his behaviour in consistent with everybody so I wouldn't want to make a fool of myself and think that Im anything special. I feel like Im in high school again or very gradually turning into that girl from Hey Arnold... 1
Lotsgoingon Posted June 15, 2018 Posted June 15, 2018 But you said he stays late to work with you ... and he spends time with you ... Any chance you can put a feeler out to other coworkers about him ... Coworkers often can notice if someone really likes you ... Or you can skip that and just ask him to lunch or a drink one day ... "spontaneously" .... With the attitude of "take it or leave it ... it's no big deal." 1
Author Macaronie Posted June 16, 2018 Author Posted June 16, 2018 I would love to ask one of my work colleagues, except that it is a very small office and I have spent the majority of the last few months spewing about how much he annoys me. I actually suspect everyone knows I like him as he gets under my skin so much and I bitch and moan about him all the time. I am also loathe to admit that I like him to anyone. I have only told one of my friends and she is under instruction not to blab to anyone, as gossip, even with friends outside work, seem to be all interlinked. I will however take your advice on putting the feelers out with him but I fear he just likes the constant cat and mouse games he plays with me rather than anything serious.
Andy_K Posted June 16, 2018 Posted June 16, 2018 (edited) I cant stand the guy, I don't even find him physically attractive Does he know that I like him? First, figure out why you like him. A little self awareness will be of considerable value for the rest of your dating life. Without it, you can be easily manipulated. With it, you can make informed decisions. e.g, if he's confident, charming, playful, and the rudeness/sexism etc is just his sense of humour with no real ill intent, then those are valid reasons to like him. He could be great fun if you let your guard down a bit. On the other hand if he really isn't a nice person but you're just a sucker for the attention he is giving you or his persistent manner, that's not a good reason. Edited June 16, 2018 by Andy_K 2
fredflint Posted June 16, 2018 Posted June 16, 2018 (edited) This is another one that's going to end badly, unless you find the strength to stay out of his way and firmly reject him every time. You are addicted to him and need to make a conscious decision to stay sober. This will entail always saying no whenever he's offering himself to you. Practice phrases like "I have work to do", "go away", "leave me alone" If you fail to do this you will end up sleeping with him and that will really f*k with your head, so unless you like drama and heartache, and emotional anguish much more than you have now, failure is not an option. And also, all this focus on him is keeping you from being open to find someone who you actually respect. Edited June 16, 2018 by fredflint 1
smackie9 Posted June 16, 2018 Posted June 16, 2018 omg he so like my husband's friend to a T. He talked like that to girls in the bar. At first they go mad, then they were chasing him, and then he took them home. That guy always got laid doing that lol. It's called peacocking. It's in the pick up artists handbook. Being outrageous, whether it being physical (wearing goggles and flippers to a club) or verbal or both, over the top strong personality...is very stimulating. Women want some of that energy for themselves and when they get that attention focused on them, they are flattered beyond belief. It's how our female brains work, so there is nothing wrong with you. You don't have mental illness or are a fixing for abuse. I bet money on it, if you do end up dating him, he's going to turn into a pussy cat. He does that crap just for show, to get your attention that's it.
Author Macaronie Posted June 17, 2018 Author Posted June 17, 2018 He is slightly cretinous as he has the whole of the office running around and doing errands for him. He is making some ridiculous demands and everyone is literally falling over themselves to do it. I'm not, I hasten to add and I make a point of doing nothing for him. After much soul searching I have figured out that he has has the exact same personality as a boy I used to lust after at college. The macho posturing, the confidence everything etc. but I don't know why I find this behaviour attractive as if I was watching a film with this type of character I would be screaming at the actress that he's a vile human being. I don't get attracted to men very easily as often I end up walking all over them and getting bored. I am often branded as emasculating by past boyfriends and I feel like I may act this way to try and get a reaction out of them to be this over confident jerk. Maybe I feel like I've met my match again and that is what is exciting. Or I'm just nuts. 2
smackie9 Posted June 17, 2018 Posted June 17, 2018 I don't get attracted to men very easily as often I end up walking all over them and getting bored. Bingo! This is why. This guy is a challenge to you, and your energies match. It does sound exciting lol 1
Author Macaronie Posted June 18, 2018 Author Posted June 18, 2018 It's very exciting smackie9, Im getting a little addicted to it and I don't want to appear unprofessional and blatant. Cant stop looking at him LOL. Im in hell.
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