Is he doing this on purpose to play a game?

[lawin789]

HI, I met this guy at a bar on Saturday in my town - he was visiting his friends from another city - and he pursued me very hard.

We ended up sleeping together and spent the next day together as well. He left on Monday morning and said he'd come back in two weeks b/c I'd be on a cruise this weekend. (He works for an airline)

 

We've been texting since Monday but his texting habit(?) is a bit weird.

We text back and forth and he suddenly stops texting and replies me the next day.

 

When he asked me what I was doing this weekend I told him I was going on a cruise with a friend (girl) and he went 'Yeah, you are going on a cruise with a "girl" friend.' I didn't say anything at the time and just laughed.

 

And yesterday, while we were texting - he said have fun on the cruise with your friend who is totally not a guy'. So I told him I'd send him a picture with her once I got on the cruise so that he could stop being jealous.

 

He said, 'I just have a hard time believing that a beautiful, intelligent and driven woman like yourself doesn't have guys fighting over you'. I said 'who says they aren't? I might have high standards and be really picky'.

Then a couple of texts later he stopped texting me all of sudden

 

I just can't figure out if he is doing this thing on purpose to play a game with me or this is how he always does. Or if he is being insecure. When we were out, whenever I offered to pay he said 'I appreciate it but when you are with me you are not going to pay for anything. I'm traditional like that.' I was like huh??? alright.

 

I'm a lawyer and I have had guys being insecure with me or intimidated even and assumed that I juggled ton of men BUT I don't!

I'm just sick and tired of getting this kinda attitudes from men T_T. Is there something wrong with me?

Edited June 14, 2018 by lawin789

[Versacehottie]

{snip}

 

He said, 'I just have a hard time believing that a beautiful, intelligent and driven woman like yourself doesn't have guys fighting over you'. I said 'who says they aren't? I might have high standards and be really picky'.

Then a couple of texts later he stopped texting me all of sudden

 

 

Bolded: great answer! And also good move to send a photo of you and your girl friend.

 

So here's the thing though about his behavior--he is showing you who he is. He's a guy that can't quite believe his luck, probably stemming from some insecurity about himself and a generalization about women. Sometimes guys are like this at the beginning with their own insecurity and (bad) generalizations about women. As he feels more secure, the individual stuff should go away but if it's because he has bad generalizations about womenkind, not so much. Just keep your eyes and ears open. Don't do the work for him, like reassuring more than you would another guy or you will establish an unhealthy pattern.

 

So nothing wrong with you except presuming that all people will process info the same and that his own issues aren't significant influencing his comments toward you.

 

About the texting, i think you might be expecting too much. To me, this is normal, especially from guys. He has a life and can't do marathon texting sessions. Also guys tend to use texting for a purpose, convey information (although he might do it more so at beginning to build a rapport with you). The danger if you text too much without spending time together is you mess with the momentum and excitement of seeing each other in person. In other words, hold something back. Give yourselves something to look forward to (and don't put yourselves on the hook for constant or mundane conversation nor to tell background or stories that would be much better in person). Lastly regarding texting, part of the reason it probably bugs you is that when he decides to pick right back up, you might feel as if you are expected to be right there.

 

In a way, that comes from you being too available and too invested when he's involved with the texting. You have a life! You're a lawyer for god's sake & have lots of friends & take vacations! Don't be at his beck and call or feel like you need to be (that's exactly what he is doing) and right for this stage of the game. It doesn't matter if you are responsible or always have your phone with you--play the game a bit more! The power shift will be more balanced then. In a way he is already confused by you because he can't believe his luck! Being readily available is confusing for a guy too. Then they don't value you as they should (we all do this!). Also it gives the impression that he is in an insta-relationship and you don't want that. Otherwise what you are getting now is the best you will get. You want him to treasure you and try to impress you. I realize I sound super old school but it's basic economics Good luck!

Edited June 14, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[lurker74]

To be clear...you met with and slept with him, he said he'd see you again when you are back in town, he teases you in what appears to be a good natured way that is getting you to admit that you like him...what is the game? That sometimes he stops texting until the next day?

 

He could be out with another woman, out with friends, dead battery, or flying a plane. It doesn't sound like a game to me.

 

I'd relax and let things take their natural course. It's not as if you have a ton invested in the relationship.

[Lotsgoingon]

This is his insecurity getting in the way ... and obnoxiously getting in the way. Worse, he could be controlling. But that level of insecurity --trust me--it doesn't go away.

 

If he doesn't trust you this early on ... with a straightforward piece of information--you're going on a cruise with a woman friend--then he'll distrust you much later.

 

Very needy on his part and controlling ... And puts you in this no win situation. As if it's your job to convince him you aren't going with a man.

 

Basically, don't try to convince him. It's not your job to convince him. You don't have some exclusive commitment to him ... so going on a cruise with a man would be fine ...

 

Of course, the real truth is that if you were going on a cruise with a man, you wouldn't have to tell him anyway ...

 

Very dumb on his part: you're attractive--therefore you'll be sleeping with men 24/7 ... dumb ...

 

You got a lot of information from this exchange ... leave him alone ... He's got all kinds of immature thoughts about relationships and about men and women. He's totally not seeing you as an individual ... and he's incredibly suspicious and insecure from the jump.

Edited June 14, 2018 by Lotsgoingon

[Versacehottie]

oh and to answer your question, it's a bit of a natural game people play with each other. You don't fully let someone into your life when you met them a few days ago. Stable, normal people with value & things going on in their lives tend to do it a bit more gradually. Not saying that you aren't stable and normal & trust me, girls tend to go with the flow regarding texting, phone calls and letting guys into our lives a bit easier because our perspective is different. Guys are more careful, IMO & as a generalization, because they don't want to over promise or get "stuck". They are still deciding--as you should be too! After all, he thinks you are juggling other prospective guys--as you should be in case he's not up to the task!

 

ps some people also just leave others alone when they know they are on vacation. I do mostly. ok let us know how it goes

[JuneL]

So he’s a pilot or crew member? I got the impression he might have the habit of picking up women at various stops.

[smackie9]

He's possessive. He's being passive/aggressive about it. Time to cut him loose.

[preraph]

I think he's too aggressive about it and I think since you already slept with him, he assumes you're sleeping with every guy you meet. He's insecure and probably judgy, in other words. In the process of not wanting you to think he's stupid (and knows you're going on a cruise with a guy), he's revealed how insecure he is and probably doesn't have a very high opinion of women in general. He assumes they all cheat as much as he probably does. Always remember it's the guys who are always looking for an opportunity to cheat who assume the women they date do the same. People tend to think everyone thinks about things like they do, but when it comes to men and women, they don't.

[bachdude]

Just looked it up,

 

“A University of Pennsylvania study reported that the majority of communication is transmitted non-verbally. 70% of communication is body language, 23% is voice tone and inflection, and only 7% is your spoken words.”

 

This is why texting is a crap form of communication.

 

It’s impossible to know if he meant what he texted in a playful, bantering manner or if he was being a possessive, jeleous, insecure jerk.

 

I propose all new relationships go cold turkey on texting.

[Versacehottie]

Just looked it up,

 

“A University of Pennsylvania study reported that the majority of communication is transmitted non-verbally. 70% of communication is body language, 23% is voice tone and inflection, and only 7% is your spoken words.”

 

This is why texting is a crap form of communication.

 

It’s impossible to know if he meant what he texted in a playful, bantering manner or if he was being a possessive, jeleous, insecure jerk.

 

I propose all new relationships go cold turkey on texting.

 

Since the "like" function is missing at the moment:

 

LIKE!

[Versacehottie]

I think he's too aggressive about it and I think since you already slept with him, he assumes you're sleeping with every guy you meet. He's insecure and probably judgy, in other words. In the process of not wanting you to think he's stupid (and knows you're going on a cruise with a guy), he's revealed how insecure he is and probably doesn't have a very high opinion of women in general. He assumes they all cheat as much as he probably does. Always remember it's the guys who are always looking for an opportunity to cheat who assume the women they date do the same. People tend to think everyone thinks about things like they do, but when it comes to men and women, they don't.

 

Agreed, apart from what I said in my post with how to deal with the issue, I agree it doesn't baud well when a guy shows his cards like this. Unfortunately, it could be due to sleeping together right away. Some guys aren't judgy about that and some are. On the first night, there really isn't a way to tell which type you are dealing with. Not even sure they could let you know outright. In the moment, of course, they will say they are not judgy because they are caught up in the moment and not thinking far past that. It's a double standard and of course it shouldn't be that way, but it is for some guys. To be fair, it could also be about your looks--which he perceives much better than his or your career, which he perceives as much better than his or if he just sees himself as having bad dating experiences previously rather than just the having sex part. But basically, he is acting if you are out of his league & trying to find an explanation (i.e. she must be easy, she must be a serial cheater, etc) to justify the inequity. Don't let him. I would jokingly or gently call him out if he says something stupid again. Such as your great line where you explained why you were single, would have been good if you also followed it with "what's your excuse?" or something like that (not aggressive but lighthearted showing him that people are single for various reasons & calling him out for the subtle diss). I agree with prerpah though that maybe he doesn't have it in him to rise to the level you need with the combo of comments.

 

The overall insecurity and bad generalizations (i.e. why is this chick single, something must be wrong with her--bc that is what he is implying with his line of questioning) aren't cool and a reflection of who HE is. As they say, stay woke

[lawin789]

Agreed, apart from what I said in my post with how to deal with the issue, I agree it doesn't baud well when a guy shows his cards like this. Unfortunately, it could be due to sleeping together right away. Some guys aren't judgy about that and some are. On the first night, there really isn't a way to tell which type you are dealing with. Not even sure they could let you know outright. In the moment, of course, they will say they are not judgy because they are caught up in the moment and not thinking far past that. It's a double standard and of course it shouldn't be that way, but it is for some guys. To be fair, it could also be about your looks--which he perceives much better than his or your career, which he perceives as much better than his or if he just sees himself as having bad dating experiences previously rather than just the having sex part. But basically, he is acting if you are out of his league & trying to find an explanation (i.e. she must be easy, she must be a serial cheater, etc) to justify the inequity. Don't let him. I would jokingly or gently call him out if he says something stupid again. Such as your great line where you explained why you were single, would have been good if you also followed it with "what's your excuse?" or something like that (not aggressive but lighthearted showing him that people are single for various reasons & calling him out for the subtle diss). I agree with prerpah though that maybe he doesn't have it in him to rise to the level you need with the combo of comments.

 

The overall insecurity and bad generalizations (i.e. why is this chick single, something must be wrong with her--bc that is what he is implying with his line of questioning) aren't cool and a reflection of who HE is. As they say, stay woke

 

 

First of all, thanks for all the inputs. It does help

 

The thing is, when I first met him I told him I don't like hookups or one night stand and wasn't really my thing. But things just happened hours later - I just wanted to see how it was tbh lol and I enjoyed it!

 

And the later day he told me that my friend who was with me, him and his friend that night told his friend (while they were hooking up) that I wasn't into one night stands and his friend told him about it. So he did believe that he was an exception. Or at least I think he did.

 

So I think you are right - he was a little insecure and wanted to prove himself to me in not a total healthy way. And it is certainly not my job to reassure him when it wasn't my issue!

 

I just have some time of my own before the vacation and have time to think lol guess I was over analyzing and investing in the situation.

 

Thanks again.

[lawin789]

To be clear...you met with and slept with him, he said he'd see you again when you are back in town, he teases you in what appears to be a good natured way that is getting you to admit that you like him...what is the game? That sometimes he stops texting until the next day?

 

He could be out with another woman, out with friends, dead battery, or flying a plane. It doesn't sound like a game to me.

 

I'd relax and let things take their natural course. It's not as if you have a ton invested in the relationship.

 

 

Yes, I guess I was overthinking it for some reasons. I think it'll be better to just take a step back and relax.

[Versacehottie]

First of all, thanks for all the inputs. It does help

 

The thing is, when I first met him I told him I don't like hookups or one night stand and wasn't really my thing. But things just happened hours later - I just wanted to see how it was tbh lol and I enjoyed it!

 

And the later day he told me that my friend who was with me, him and his friend that night told his friend (while they were hooking up) that I wasn't into one night stands and his friend told him about it. So he did believe that he was an exception. Or at least I think he did.

 

So I think you are right - he was a little insecure and wanted to prove himself to me in not a total healthy way. And it is certainly not my job to reassure him when it wasn't my issue!

 

I just have some time of my own before the vacation and have time to think lol guess I was over analyzing and investing in the situation.

 

Thanks again.

 

thanks for the thanks! The truth is that lots of guys are conflicted about it, for real. I wish i had a thread to quote because honestly just read one here in the last few days where a guy said that (about sleeping together on first date/too soon). The anonymity allows people to say their real thoughts. Whereas with your friends and with you he is going to tell you what you want to hear to avoid coming off like a jerk or hypocrite.

 

in the future, don't say a big song and dance that you "never" do this. I think that has some guys thinking the opposite. It's a cliche that there are jokes made about. I know it's true that you never do it and you don't need to convince me or anyone here. Just do it if you want to; don't if you don't. But i always would lean toward "not" for the multitude of things you don't yet know about a person (not that for some people it hasn't worked out just fine).

 

So let's go with your theory, that he had no issue with having sex right away. Then suffice it to say, on the surface on one hand you seem out of his league (in his perception) and he is trying to justify "why"/what is wrong with you that you would step down to his level. Again economics. It doesn't mean at all that this is true but his brain and thought patterns are trying to rectify things. Instead of just thinking, here is the great person who recognizes the great in me (low self-esteem on his part). So see what happens in the next few interactions with him.

 

for what it is worth, i was thinking of a situation of mine in the past where a guy i met at a bar who i thought was pretty cool and definitely accomplished and cute said some similar things to me that night and few weeks after talking (i never went out with him on the date he asked me for because i was paying attention to how he was & it got annoying). He was short & i think had dating hangups about it--where obviously i didn't care about his height. Anyway to rectify things in his head about why i would be interested, they came in all sorts of veiled insults toward me really. I finally called him out on it and at least got him to admit that it was his good luck that i was single, i.e. at least in words a change of perspective. The thing about ingrained thought patterns is that they are very hard to change. I genuinely believe they had shifted...a bit, but only a bit. His subsequent behavior toward me showed that he still really didn't believe his luck, concluding therefore something must be wrong with me (and kinda treating me like "less than"). Not something anyone should sign up for unless you want your self esteem to be torn down. I had never even kissed him, just hung out with him that night and talked a lot afterward--on one hand he thought i was gorgeous & accomplished, on the other something must be wrong with me. btw, he did the jealous thing too when i stepped away from the table and talked to other people, etc. Trust me, with some people they just can't get past their insecurities.

 

It will be interesting to see what happens with your guy. You will learn something regardless. Good luck!

[lawin789]

thanks for the thanks! The truth is that lots of guys are conflicted about it, for real. I wish i had a thread to quote because honestly just read one here in the last few days where a guy said that (about sleeping together on first date/too soon). The anonymity allows people to say their real thoughts. Whereas with your friends and with you he is going to tell you what you want to hear to avoid coming off like a jerk or hypocrite.

 

in the future, don't say a big song and dance that you "never" do this. I think that has some guys thinking the opposite. It's a cliche that there are jokes made about. I know it's true that you never do it and you don't need to convince me or anyone here. Just do it if you want to; don't if you don't. But i always would lean toward "not" for the multitude of things you don't yet know about a person (not that for some people it hasn't worked out just fine).

 

So let's go with your theory, that he had no issue with having sex right away. Then suffice it to say, on the surface on one hand you seem out of his league (in his perception) and he is trying to justify "why"/what is wrong with you that you would step down to his level. Again economics. It doesn't mean at all that this is true but his brain and thought patterns are trying to rectify things. Instead of just thinking, here is the great person who recognizes the great in me (low self-esteem on his part). So see what happens in the next few interactions with him.

 

for what it is worth, i was thinking of a situation of mine in the past where a guy i met at a bar who i thought was pretty cool and definitely accomplished and cute said some similar things to me that night and few weeks after talking (i never went out with him on the date he asked me for because i was paying attention to how he was & it got annoying). He was short & i think had dating hangups about it--where obviously i didn't care about his height. Anyway to rectify things in his head about why i would be interested, they came in all sorts of veiled insults toward me really. I finally called him out on it and at least got him to admit that it was his good luck that i was single, i.e. at least in words a change of perspective. The thing about ingrained thought patterns is that they are very hard to change. I genuinely believe they had shifted...a bit, but only a bit. His subsequent behavior toward me showed that he still really didn't believe his luck, concluding therefore something must be wrong with me (and kinda treating me like "less than"). Not something anyone should sign up for unless you want your self esteem to be torn down. I had never even kissed him, just hung out with him that night and talked a lot afterward--on one hand he thought i was gorgeous & accomplished, on the other something must be wrong with me. btw, he did the jealous thing too when i stepped away from the table and talked to other people, etc. Trust me, with some people they just can't get past their insecurities.

 

It will be interesting to see what happens with your guy. You will learn something regardless. Good luck!

 

 

Thanks for sharing! That sounds pretty similar to my situation...

 

Tbh, he is very cute, tall, intelligent and has money! I'm not "totally" out of his league I think..... He might put me on a pedestal for some reason but he was very attractive too. And he was a little obnoxious about it lol That's why I think there could be some issues.

 

And when I told him the reason I was single, he said "I hope you do" - well, I do!

And after I told him that I'd send him the picture, I subsequently said, Admit being jealous? He said possibly.

 

When we were together, he kept saying things like, oh did you see how guys stopped talking when you walked in? did you see how people stair at us? -_- I mean, seriously... stop?!!

 

Maybe he's just into my looks and can't look pass it? Ugh... sorry if I sound obnoxious too but since it is anonymous, I feel like I can be honest...

Edited June 14, 2018 by lawin789

[Normm]

The thing is, when I first met him I told him I don't like hookups or one night stand and wasn't really my thing. But things just happened hours later

 

 

If I was just starting to date a girl who said she doesn't sleep around and I was screwing her a few hours later I wouldn't take her seriously and I definitely wouldn't see her as relationship material. In fact I wouldn't view a woman who I screwed right away as relationship material in any case but if she SAID she didn't do that it would be just another reason not to have any respect for her or put any weight in anything she has to say.

[d0nnivain]

I'm a lawyer and I have had guys being insecure with me or intimidated even and assumed that I juggled ton of men BUT I don't!

 

There's nothing wrong with you. He already told you he's a bit of a traditionalist. I think he's being a bit self deprecating because he may be a bit intimidated.

 

I invite you to look at the evidence counselor:

 

1. You just met

 

2. You already had sex

 

3. You are in a profession that intimidates many people & were trained by education & experience to be intimidating when necessary

 

4. You have the ability to convey self assurance even when you may not be feeling it so the other people don't get an accurate read on you.

 

5. He wanted to come back sooner rather than later to see you but you are unavailable.

 

6. Since he just met you & is attracted to your self confidence he doesn't quite believe that a). you are into him & b). that you aren't going on the cruise with a guy or that you won't be hit on by lots of guys on board.

 

 

At best you have circumstantial evidence of game playing but even that doesn't rise to a preponderance, let alone beyond a reasonable doubt.

 

Go on the cruise. Send him a picture from on board with your female friend so he knows you are not dating another man. Buy him a dopey trinket ( less than $10) & give it to him when you next see him

[bathtub-row]

A lot of men can’t handle a beautiful, intelligent woman who’s sexy and sensuous. Be sure that you end up with someone who can handle it or he’ll make your life a living hell.

 

I think sleeping with this guy right away gave him the impression that you sleep around. If you’re just looking for fun, no biggie. But if you’re looking for a serious relationship, most men aren’t going to see that as a positive sign. Call it old fashioned if you want but that’s how most of them think.

[Versacehottie]

Thanks for sharing! That sounds pretty similar to my situation...

 

Tbh, he is very cute, tall, intelligent and has money! I'm not "totally" out of his league I think..... He might put me on a pedestal for some reason but he was very attractive too. And he was a little obnoxious about it lol That's why I think there could be some issues.

 

And when I told him the reason I was single, he said "I hope you do" - well, I do!

And after I told him that I'd send him the picture, I subsequently said, Admit being jealous? He said possibly.

 

When we were together, he kept saying things like, oh did you see how guys stopped talking when you walked in? did you see how people stair at us? -_- I mean, seriously... stop?!!

 

Maybe he's just into my looks and can't look pass it? Ugh... sorry if I sound obnoxious too but since it is anonymous, I feel like I can be honest...

 

ok, well here's another thing about human nature and these type of guys (people as some women do this as well): he might be a touch narcissistic like he wants the things that surround him, i.e. including who he dates to add value to who 'he' is. (which frankly almost everyone does in some way) but i definitely think it affects those who hunger for success more than others--this matches with someone who would be obnoxious about what they have to offer (outside things vs inside things). In a way, he wants some arm candy (doesn't have to be all looks based but what you do, your morals etc)--the difference between him and a guy who would be acting more normally is that he cares what you two would look like/be like to other people vs just how it makes him feel being with you. This type of guy cares more about that stuff first and wants a "prize".

 

The truth is people can be prizes for lots of reasons--lots of people know that & seek that out. His type concentrates more on what it looks like to others & how it, the surface stuff, matches up to how he thought his life would unfold. Again, keep your eyes open & in meantime, if he wants to think he got a prize in the ways he values then play those elements up as they are certainly part of you too (it just might lose it's appeal to you after a while if he is lacking substance or failing to appreciate yours). But it's totally possible this is what is going on. I have met lots of people like this in life & would also match up with what he is doing to you/saying to you. And again is driven by his poor self-esteem.

Edited June 14, 2018 by Versacehottie

[Marley Rizzla]

It's really so-very-too soon to have those kinds of reactions.

 

 

 

You don't own him anything, much less sending a picture to prove you're with a girlfriend... And he has no right to demand anything from you, like proof that you're telling the truth.

 

The way you're describing it, raises all kinds of red flags for me. I'd suggest you stay away... As another woman, one our worst fears is ending up with a possessive, overjealous and controlling partner. So be careful.

[Marley Rizzla]

Bolded: great answer! And also good move to send a photo of you and your girl friend.

 

So here's the thing though about his behavior--he is showing you who he is. He's a guy that can't quite believe his luck, probably stemming from some insecurity about himself and a generalization about women. Sometimes guys are like this at the beginning with their own insecurity and (bad) generalizations about women. As he feels more secure, the individual stuff should go away but if it's because he has bad generalizations about womenkind, not so much. Just keep your eyes and ears open. Don't do the work for him, like reassuring more than you would another guy or you will establish an unhealthy pattern.

 

 

Um... there's a fine line between being "adorably" jealous and insecure and being controlling and possessive when you have no right to. If he's being this way after one meeting, who know how much worse he could get later...

[Marley Rizzla]

This is his insecurity getting in the way ... and obnoxiously getting in the way. Worse, he could be controlling. But that level of insecurity --trust me--it doesn't go away.

 

If he doesn't trust you this early on ... with a straightforward piece of information--you're going on a cruise with a woman friend--then he'll distrust you much later.

 

Very needy on his part and controlling ... And puts you in this no win situation. As if it's your job to convince him you aren't going with a man.

 

Basically, don't try to convince him. It's not your job to convince him. You don't have some exclusive commitment to him ... so going on a cruise with a man would be fine ...

 

Of course, the real truth is that if you were going on a cruise with a man, you wouldn't have to tell him anyway ...

 

Very dumb on his part: you're attractive--therefore you'll be sleeping with men 24/7 ... dumb ...

 

You got a lot of information from this exchange ... leave him alone ... He's got all kinds of immature thoughts about relationships and about men and women. He's totally not seeing you as an individual ... and he's incredibly suspicious and insecure from the jump.

 

THIS. I couldn't have said it better myself.

[lawin789]

There's nothing wrong with you. He already told you he's a bit of a traditionalist. I think he's being a bit self deprecating because he may be a bit intimidated.

 

I invite you to look at the evidence counselor:

 

1. You just met

 

2. You already had sex

 

3. You are in a profession that intimidates many people & were trained by education & experience to be intimidating when necessary

 

4. You have the ability to convey self assurance even when you may not be feeling it so the other people don't get an accurate read on you.

 

5. He wanted to come back sooner rather than later to see you but you are unavailable.

 

6. Since he just met you & is attracted to your self confidence he doesn't quite believe that a). you are into him & b). that you aren't going on the cruise with a guy or that you won't be hit on by lots of guys on board.

 

 

At best you have circumstantial evidence of game playing but even that doesn't rise to a preponderance, let alone beyond a reasonable doubt.

 

Go on the cruise. Send him a picture from on board with your female friend so he knows you are not dating another man. Buy him a dopey trinket ( less than $10) & give it to him when you next see him

 

 

This made my day lol loving this hahaha

Are you a law professional as well?

 

Yeah, I don't have evidence beyond a reasonable doubt lol

 

Thanks for the input

[lawin789]

It's really so-very-too soon to have those kinds of reactions.

 

 

 

You don't own him anything, much less sending a picture to prove you're with a girlfriend... And he has no right to demand anything from you, like proof that you're telling the truth.

 

The way you're describing it, raises all kinds of red flags for me. I'd suggest you stay away... As another woman, one our worst fears is ending up with a possessive, overjealous and controlling partner. So be careful.

 

 

Yeah, he seemed a little possessive... I don't need that in my life.

I actually kinda see some other red flags but thought I could be too dismissive.

 

I've been told that I was very dismissive - was trying to break that pattern and to let things go at early stages. But if it's gonna be something serious I better stay away. Hmm.

[Versacehottie]

Um... there's a fine line between being "adorably" jealous and insecure and being controlling and possessive when you have no right to. If he's being this way after one meeting, who know how much worse he could get later...

 

Maybe you have misunderstood me? I barely think any jealousy is adorable. In my own example that i gave, i discontinued things with a guy who acted insecure & jealous. And other guys in my life that have acted jealous, it's a turn-off & usually a deal breaker--actually can't think of a time where it hasn't been.

 

Just helping the OP, sift through possibilities, as my general stance is that she needs more information--after all, it's been one date. Think she is control of herself enough that she won't get sucked in, if he continues insecure and jealous behavior. Personally, i feel most people ARE capable of that and should let experience and self-reliance guide them rather than FEAR. Sure, might he become more jealous, of course. Will she be able to handle it, yes, if she wants to. Out of posters that have posted with similar issues over time, she seems more capable than most and certainly not sucked in to his b.s. And the general gist of my posts, is that while she owes it to herself to find out more about him, that his thought processes and seemingly having an inferiority complex will prove too much--that's how I see it leaning. But there is no reason she can't find out more to feel sure about whatever decision she takes--she is not in danger