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Is this genuine anger or hate?

natashalove

By natashalove
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natashalove Established Member

natashalove

Posted
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We liked each other a lot last year. We remembered each other as well and he talked to me but went back to ignoring in public.

 

he would look at me and that was his signal to come and talk to him but he used to ignore me a lot publicly so I stopped talking.

 

He ignored me but suddenly started saying hi and how are you.

I also just responded with hellos only and didnt ask him anything. He would look back at me and we had eye contact and I could tell he was annoyed.

 

I got a chance to talk to him and it seemed a little rough. So here goes

Me- Can I talk to you?

He- Yes.

Me- I thought u dont want to talk to me but I was not ignoring you. I only thought you dont want to talk to me

He- I was saying hi to you but you were ignoring me. I dont know what to say to you as we are acquaintances

Me- i was not ignoring you ( he gives me a serious look)

Me- Have lots to clarify about last year as you started ignoring me since then.

He- i dont remember. Since last year when i was here and had long hair

I nodded

He- I dont remember and I am sorry if it offends you but you asked me for coffee 3 months ago but i had work then as well (i didn't ask him for coffee, it was just if he was free)

Me- I'm not offended but I need to ask you about it

He- Okay I have to go to work now but yeah I would like to hear what you want to say.

I'm here a lot so yeah.

Have a great day. See you.

 

So, basically he was trying to deny everything after I just kept saying hi and nothing else as he had a pissed look on his face.

 

Whats going on here? Does he even like me or he has anger towards me and is taking out like this?

MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

Posted
Posted

You accused the guy of ignoring you. How's he supposed to react?

 

 

Why couldn't you start fresh and just have a conversation with him, if that's what you wanted?

 

Why is everything so cryptic with you? Lots of assumptions and speculation. Maybe life would be easier if you just asked people straight up. You know, 'why are you whistling?'. 'What does THIS man, what does THAT mean?'

 

It's not as if anyone here has a crystal ball, and you're closest to the action, just sayin'.

  • Like 5
Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

Posted
Posted

What's going on here is that you guys are acting like I acted with my "girl friend" in fourth grade.

 

We were only 9 and 10 ... so at that age, I wasn't gonna tell a girl that I really liked her ... so I would ignore her ... or go push her on the playground ... But at least we didn't have foolish conversations like this one.

 

But presumably you're an adult now ... if you guys can't have a conversation, then move on ... yesterday.

 

I'm not going to spend more than 30 seconds trying to find out about why someone ignores me ... ignoring me is the sign they are not for me.

 

Period.

 

And no, I don't get "hate" or "anger" ... I get immaturity and foolishness from his words and behaviors ... and if you chase him down for more depth, you're being as immature and as foolish as he is.

  • Like 3
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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It sounds like the guy doesn't even know what you are talking about, like forgot. You should have just moved forward from where you are today. No one want to regurgitate old stuff.

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natashalove Established Member

natashalove

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What's going on here is that you guys are acting like I acted with my "girl friend" in fourth grade.

 

We were only 9 and 10 ... so at that age, I wasn't gonna tell a girl that I really liked her ... so I would ignore her ... or go push her on the playground ... But at least we didn't have foolish conversations like this one.

 

But presumably you're an adult now ... if you guys can't have a conversation, then move on ... yesterday.

 

I'm not going to spend more than 30 seconds trying to find out about why someone ignores me ... ignoring me is the sign they are not for me.

 

Period.

 

And no, I don't get "hate" or "anger" ... I get immaturity and foolishness from his words and behaviors ... and if you chase him down for more depth, you're being as immature and as foolish as he is.

 

Immaturity? Foolishness?

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natashalove Established Member

natashalove

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You accused the guy of ignoring you. How's he supposed to react?

 

 

Why couldn't you start fresh and just have a conversation with him, if that's what you wanted?

 

Why is everything so cryptic with you? Lots of assumptions and speculation. Maybe life would be easier if you just asked people straight up. You know, 'why are you whistling?'. 'What does THIS man, what does THAT mean?'

 

It's not as if anyone here has a crystal ball, and you're closest to the action, just sayin'.

 

He used to ignore me. So i was confused. But i did feel he was getting similar feelings so i told him that he didnt want to talk to me and how i wasnt ignoring him. Simple. I just felt passive aggressiveness coming from him

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natashalove Established Member

natashalove

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It sounds like the guy doesn't even know what you are talking about, like forgot. You should have just moved forward from where you are today. No one want to regurgitate old stuff.

 

He obviously knows. He ignores me and hes the only one who knows why. He started it.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
We liked each other a lot last year. We remembered each other as well and he talked to me but went back to ignoring in public.

 

he would look at me and that was his signal to come and talk to him but he used to ignore me a lot publicly so I stopped talking.

 

I am going to ask for a little more clarity, as I'm not sure what your connection to him actually was:

 

How do you know he liked you? Did you two used to hang out? Talk a lot?

 

You insist he ignored you publicly, but what about privately?

Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

Posted
Posted
You accused the guy of ignoring you. How's he supposed to react?

 

 

Why couldn't you start fresh and just have a conversation with him, if that's what you wanted?

 

Why is everything so cryptic with you? Lots of assumptions and speculation. Maybe life would be easier if you just asked people straight up. You know, 'why are you whistling?'. 'What does THIS man, what does THAT mean?'

 

It's not as if anyone here has a crystal ball, and you're closest to the action, just sayin'.

 

Agreed. ok, wow, very victim-y and not confident. That convo was torturous. I wouldn't expect to get much of anywhere with communicating like that. It sounds needy, nagging, immature and a broken record. If you want to start over with him, give him a clean slate. If he doesn't deserve one, don't start over with him. Very cryptic and going in circles. As a generalization, guys like direct communication with a point. IMO, if you want to start back up with him, keep it light and breezy and IN PERSON WHEN HE IS PREPARED TO MOVE THE RELATIONSHIP forward, let him know your concerns in a lighthearted way (or even as a roadblock to you getting back together in a more serious way) because he disappeared on you in the past.

 

TBH, it's pretty transparent when you are reaching out to him that he has you in the palm of his hand and there is no incentive for him to change behavior if you come back to him after he's done the behavior (ignore you) ... and to start the start back up conversation as you did,,,oh gosh, not good IMO. Anyway, at this point, let him make the next move and be yourself without nagging/being needy.

  • Like 2
Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

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He ignores you ... that's immature ...

 

If he's angry and doesn't say so ... that's immature ...

 

You're asking him why he's ignoring you ... foolish ... he's not worth the ask.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
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On May 28th you were all happy he asked you for a coffee, what happened from there?

preraph Established Member

preraph

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You need to remember that people just want to have fun. They don't want to say hi to someone only to get a major confrontation, lame as it was, and have to try to appease you. He probably forgot why he started ignoring you before or hoped you had changed, but no, you still make a big deal out of nothing.

 

If you feel a person isn't being respectful or considerate, then stop pursuing them. Don't try to wrangle some explanation out of them to justify why they were doing it so you can say, Well, okay, I guess it's alright then. From his perspective, all he may see is that you never seem happy.

  • Like 1
coolheadal Established Member

coolheadal

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OMG are your serious and he should know better. Why are you doing a tic and tad over this not right you know. Let it go. Someone is wrong and you need to let go and he does too. Otherwise look where your at. Everyone here has their own thoughts on this matter. I say it this way.. Better to relax about this instead of going on about it like you both are. Someone needs to say their sorry other wise you going to go mad and he's going to get confused. GOD help him if he doesn't loose it in the mix. Grown-ups need to play nice, this childish and really no need for us to debate over this. Whoever is at fault just forget it okay!

CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

Posted
Posted
On May 28th you were all happy he asked you for a coffee, what happened from there?

 

I'm not sure all of her posts are even about the same guy. It's hard to decipher.

  • Like 2
BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted

This could be a study of the effectiveness of indirect communication...

 

It is difficult, if not impossible, to understand how another person thinks, feels, or what they want without asking them directly. Yet, by asking him if he was ignoring you, were quite confrontational. This is not a particularly effective way to communicate when you want to have a relationship with someone...

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natashalove Established Member

natashalove

Posted
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This could be a study of the effectiveness of indirect communication...

 

It is difficult, if not impossible, to understand how another person thinks, feels, or what they want without asking them directly. Yet, by asking him if he was ignoring you, were quite confrontational. This is not a particularly effective way to communicate when you want to have a relationship with someone...

 

So what should I do? Just sit and keep ignoring him? He wouldnt say anything to me and I didnt even confront him.

I simply said can I talk to him and how I wasnt able to talk to him as I felt he didnt want to talk to me.

He straight away said I was ignoring him and then I said I wasnt ignoring him.

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natashalove Established Member

natashalove

Posted
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Posted
Agreed. ok, wow, very victim-y and not confident. That convo was torturous. I wouldn't expect to get much of anywhere with communicating like that. It sounds needy, nagging, immature and a broken record. If you want to start over with him, give him a clean slate. If he doesn't deserve one, don't start over with him. Very cryptic and going in circles. As a generalization, guys like direct communication with a point. IMO, if you want to start back up with him, keep it light and breezy and IN PERSON WHEN HE IS PREPARED TO MOVE THE RELATIONSHIP forward, let him know your concerns in a lighthearted way (or even as a roadblock to you getting back together in a more serious way) because he disappeared on you in the past.

 

TBH, it's pretty transparent when you are reaching out to him that he has you in the palm of his hand and there is no incentive for him to change behavior if you come back to him after he's done the behavior (ignore you) ... and to start the start back up conversation as you did,,,oh gosh, not good IMO. Anyway, at this point, let him make the next move and be yourself without nagging/being needy.

 

Its not needy? Its simply asking whats going on? Theres no time for giving clean slate as he wouldnt say anything. Unless I say it.

If someone ignores you , you just ask them whats wrong. I did it politely. He just kept brushing it as he was clearly pissed.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted
So what should I do? Just sit and keep ignoring him? He wouldnt say anything to me and I didnt even confront him.

I simply said can I talk to him and how I wasnt able to talk to him as I felt he didnt want to talk to me.

He straight away said I was ignoring him and then I said I wasnt ignoring him.

 

Sorry Natasha, your opening to the conversation was a lesson in how NOT to resolve an issue. The starting line of "Me- I thought u dont want to talk to me but I was not ignoring you. I only thought you dont want to talk to me" is only ever going to get things off on the wrong foot. You backed him into a corner and put him on the defensive.

 

Imagine if you'd started with "Hey, we've been strangers recently. I miss your company. No assumptions, no accusations. Just a statement about how it is and that you'd like to be on speaking terms again. The outcome of the conversation would most likely have been way different.

  • Like 3
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natashalove Established Member

natashalove

Posted
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You need to remember that people just want to have fun. They don't want to say hi to someone only to get a major confrontation, lame as it was, and have to try to appease you. He probably forgot why he started ignoring you before or hoped you had changed, but no, you still make a big deal out of nothing.

 

If you feel a person isn't being respectful or considerate, then stop pursuing them. Don't try to wrangle some explanation out of them to justify why they were doing it so you can say, Well, okay, I guess it's alright then. From his perspective, all he may see is that you never seem happy.

 

Lmao who is starting a confrontation. I just cleared that I wasnt ignoring him. He directly told me I was ignoring him.

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natashalove Established Member

natashalove

Posted
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I

Sorry Natasha, your opening to the conversation was a lesson in how NOT to resolve an issue. The starting line of "Me- I thought u dont want to talk to me but I was not ignoring you. I only thought you dont want to talk to me" is only ever going to get things off on the wrong foot. You backed him into a corner and put him on the defensive.

 

Imagine if you'd started with "Hey, we've been strangers recently. I miss your company. No assumptions, no accusations. Just a statement about how it is and that you'd like to be on speaking terms again. The outcome of the conversation would most likely have been way different.

 

Well we havent been friends. We only talked 2 times so theres no company. He clearly said I was ignoring him.

I was not rude or confrontational. I was saying this very politely and told him I need to speak more which includes apology and he said he will speak with me as he wants to hear what I want to say

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natashalove Established Member

natashalove

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And even when I went and asked him if I can talk to him, he simply said what do you want to talk to me about.

He was clearly pissed.

CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

Posted
Posted
And even when I went and asked him if I can talk to him, he simply said what do you want to talk to me about.

He was clearly pissed.

 

It sounds like you're pestering him so maybe you should just leave him alone.

  • Like 3
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natashalove Established Member

natashalove

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It sounds like you're pestering him so maybe you should just leave him alone.

 

Lol. Pestering. How? Just by asking someone for a talk is pestering?

Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

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Why do you care what this guy thinks? That's what we're asking.

 

If I have to go up to someone and say, "look, I'm not ignoring you," then there's a problem. I wouldn't tell someone "I'm not ignoring you."

 

If they think I'm ignoring them when I'm not, that's THEIR problem. I can't solve that ...

 

Again, this sounds like the way two fourth graders talk.

"I hate you." "No, I hate you more."

 

"I'm not ignoring you." "I never said you were ignoring me."

 

Clearly this is not someone worth the effort of your worry.

  • Like 2
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