His feelings faded over LD but now I’m coming back will that change?

[arrow12]

My ex and I were together for a bit over a year before I moved home for 9 months of long distance, we saw each other every two weeks but as he works weekends and I work week days we never really got more than a day and a half together and he’d sleep a lot of it cos he also works nights., after 7 months he broke up with me as his feelings had faded and he no longer saw a future with me. I feel like that has a lot to do with out of sight out of mind, he forgot what that he enjoyed having me around and how it felt when we were always together. Especially with the distance but also different working hours we struggled with communication, like only one phone call a week everything else was texting.

 

I’m moving back early now as I’m really unhappy in my current job and lonely at home so don’t want to stay here any longer than I have to when all of my friends are there. I move back in 3 weeks and don’t plan on talking to him in the mean time. We are part of the same social circle so I know we will be seeing each other around.

 

He said he had felt like his feelings had been changing for a couple weeks, he knows nothing about me has changed and he still thinks I’m amazing and he wasn’t sure how or why it had happened but it just had and he no longer saw me as someone he’d spend the rest of his life with

 

My question is, if I’m still the same person he fell in love with and saw a future with up until fairly recently but lng distance has caused a huge drifting, will me moving back change that? Can his feelings come back if he just saw me more often? Does anyone have any similar experience?

[PegNosePete]

Well, it really depends how far the relationship with his new girlfriend has progressed, and whether he'd want to dump her to go back to you, I suppose.

[arrow12]

He doesn’t have a new girlfriend haha!? We broke up like 5 days ago. It has nothing to do with him liking someone else, his feelings for me just decreased after a lot of time apart, but I’m moving back in a couple weeks so want to know if the problem that made him drift is changed then will I be able to rekindle the spark

[central]

Time will tell. Distance sometimes gives perspective, and his view of you may have changed. Give him time to see you in a new light, which may return to seeing you as a gf.

[PegNosePete]

He doesn’t have a new girlfriend

I wouldn't be so sure about that. The relationship seems to have been going south for a while, at least from his perspective. Meeting someone else could well have been the jolt he needed to end it with you.

[stillafool]

I really don't see how he's now going to want the relationship back after he already said he was losing feelings before you left. I don't see how that is going to change in just 2 weeks. Are you really only coming back to try to get him back? I hope not.

[arrow12]

I really don't see how he's now going to want the relationship back after he already said he was losing feelings before you left. I don't see how that is going to change in just 2 weeks. Are you really only coming back to try to get him back? I hope not.

 

At no point did I say his feelings have changed before I left... we got through 7 months of long distance, working opposite hours and him working weekends and barely being able to talk and he said over the last couple of weeks he’s just felt less in love, it doesn’t take me too much by surprise that after 7 months of not a lot of contact his feelings began to fade, my question is can they be reignited when I’m back in his life

[preraph]

I will say that with a lot of men, they're so visual that it's out of sight, out of mind, so he might warm up when he sees you, but also, being away, he may have grown away from you, so just take it as it comes and hoping for the best.

[d0nnivain]

Why aren't you telling him that you are coming back? If you think he only broke up over the distance, you'd think he'd be thrilled that you are returning. If you are going back just for him, & he doesn't want you -- distance or local -- you are going to be equally unhappy there. At least you have a job where you are.

[arrow12]

My ex broke up with me because his feelings faded, I’ve been very unhappy in my job and not had any time for a social life and it’s made me

Miserable and caused arguments and we never had time for each other.

 

Since he ended it I’ve realised I was sticking in a job I hated and being so lonely for no good reason, so I’m leaving my job for a new one and getting my social life back.

 

My question is, if I get back to being the person he fell in love with. Will I be able to reignite that spark and bring back his old feelings for me that he’s had for the last 2 years? Or when feelings have faded is that it?

[ExpatInItaly]

It's very hard to say if you two can reconcile.

 

It sounds like he lost interest quite a while ago, and that can be very difficult to get back.

 

Does he know you're returning?

[d0nnivain]

The longer this break up lasts the harder it will be to reignite the spark.

[arrow12]

It's very hard to say if you two can reconcile.

 

It sounds like he lost interest quite a while ago, and that can be very difficult to get back.

 

Does he know you're returning?

 

Yeah he does, we have a ton of mutual friends so he knew I’d not want to lose all of them too so he understood. When he broke up with me he said he’d been feeling like it for about two weeks but really hadn’t been sure cos we obviously weren’t face to face but had decided he was making the right decision but I feel like When you’re no longer around the person, the chemistry gradually disappears and talking by phone or text is not the same as talking by face to face

 

So I need help with reigniting that spark and love he had for me when we did live in the same city as I feel it just faded over lack of communication