napoli Posted June 13, 2018 Posted June 13, 2018 I've been with my BF almost 8 months now. He's divorced with two kids. His parents are here staying with him from out of the country for the next 3 months (been here 3 months now so total 6). Before his parents were here, I would stay at his house for 1 week, then when his kids came (I haven't met them yet) I would go back to my place for a week, and we would meet here and there during the week. It was that way for about 3 months and was great. Since his parents came, of course that totally changed. They come from a traditional background where you don't live together before marriage or anything like that. He did introduce me to them and had told me it was the first time he had introduced a girl to his parents (his marriage was arranged). He's met my parents, I met a few of his friends and extended family etc. But in the last 3 months we've had a week together when his parents stayed with his sister. I wasn't prepared for this, basically going from 100 to 0. I admit I have lost my temper a few times because I felt like he wasn't making enough effort to see me or spend time with me. He barely spends the night and will leave around midnight so his parents don't question where he was (he's in his 40's FYI) I have been very clear about how I feel and what I need, I don't like not knowing when I will see him again and told him last week I feel like I'm still single because I can't plan for us to do anything. He did make an effort and we went for dinner that evening instead of him coming to my apt and me cooking. When I've been upset or not comfortable with something he's always done something to make it better. We talked a few days ago and I asked him if this is how its going to be for the next 3 months, and he couldn't really answer me. I'm trying to be patient and understanding, I've seen his parents about two times but since then I haven't, one of my friends said I should try to be around them more but I'm not going to invite myself over. I also feel that I have messed things up by losing my temper so much the last few months, I've apologized and told him it was me being frustrated and bottling it up, but I still feel bad. He'll make jokes about 'not wanting to get his a$$ kicked, and don't get mad again'....I told him I'm not this kind of person and hate that I've been that way. He says he understands but nothing changes. All I want is for him to plan in advance and maybe come to me once in a while and say 'hey, we're going to spend the weekend together'...and yes, I told him that too. He then said he feels he's not good enough no matter what he does, and all he wants is to make me happy. So I got a nice greeting card and listed all the things that he's done that made me happy. Of 85% of these things were before his parents came. I just feel lost and sad and tired of thinking about it all.
kendahke Posted June 13, 2018 Posted June 13, 2018 So stop dwelling on it all. Do something with your time since his parents seem to occupy his. It doesn't appear that he's going to flip into someone he's not comfortable being around his parents, if he comes from a country with very strict ways of conducting oneself. I mean, you said it yourself: They come from a traditional background Clearly, their good opinion of him means a lot to him. He is following his culture and if you're going to date him, you're going to have to somewhat acquiesce to a mindset of which you have no experience, especially when his parents or being in his culture are the reasons for him doing so. You losing your temper like you are this early on is giving him a real sobering look at how you handle disappointment or not getting your way. He jokey-jokes with you, but there's truth in jest. Those things that you want him to say? You're going to have to spell it out to him. If he won't do it, then you know this involvement is a learning lesson and move on. 1
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