max3732 Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 With OLD the last 10 women are so I've been able to get into actual conversations with things seem to be going well after a few messages and then I'll suggest meeting up. Half of them disappear at that point, but with the rest they say it sounds great and they're looking forward to it. I'll suggest a place and time and then some will disappear and others will suggest alternative time or place. Then when I message them to confirm they're gone. I've only had 1 actual date after multiple prospects in the last 6 months. I just got into a conversation with someone else and I don't want to repeat the same mistake.
smackie9 Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 better offers that's what it is. Question: What kind of dating success have you had before using online sites?
Author max3732 Posted June 13, 2018 Author Posted June 13, 2018 better offers that's what it is. Question: What kind of dating success have you had before using online sites? When I was in school it was much easier to get dates since I was around people my own age pretty much every day. After that I had some success. Certainly never had anyone I met completely ignore me when I planned something. Having someone just stop responding mid conversation is a relatively new phenomenon for me.
TheFinalWord Posted June 13, 2018 Posted June 13, 2018 With OLD the last 10 women are so I've been able to get into actual conversations with things seem to be going well after a few messages and then I'll suggest meeting up. Half of them disappear at that point, but with the rest they say it sounds great and they're looking forward to it. I'll suggest a place and time and then some will disappear and others will suggest alternative time or place. Then when I message them to confirm they're gone. I've only had 1 actual date after multiple prospects in the last 6 months. I just got into a conversation with someone else and I don't want to repeat the same mistake. Depending on the site, those odds don't sound too bad. OLD is flaky, and even if you go on these dates, a lot of the women don't know what they're doing on these sites. No clue what they want, or their expectations. IMHO you're doing it right by trying to arrange meetings. The only thing I would change is I don't think you need to message to confirm. If they want a confirmation, that mostly likely means you're a back up. Withdrawal the offer if they suggest a last minute confirmation. Otherwise, just set the date, and have it near something you'd be doing anyway. That way you won't waste your day if it's a no show.
PegNosePete Posted June 13, 2018 Posted June 13, 2018 (edited) At least they're letting you know (by their silence) that they've lost interest, rather than letting you turn up to the meeting! That would be even more angrifying, wasting your time and money going to the location only to be stood up. I don't agree with dropping the confirmation. It doesn't have to sound like a weak "are we still on"... it can be "looking forward to meeting you tomorrow!". Doing this would seem to have saved OP many hours and $$, getting stood up. Edited June 13, 2018 by PegNosePete 1
hercules22 Posted June 13, 2018 Posted June 13, 2018 online dating for men is tough females have way more options i bet some of them think i wish i didnt ghost on a certain person after they may of thought the other person was better
SevenCity Posted June 13, 2018 Posted June 13, 2018 As others have stated this is what women are like on OLD. I got into the habit of asking them out within about 3-4 messages to stop wasting time. You’ll quickly find out if they are interested or not. I too experienced the silence after asking - it’s rude IMO. I created a policy in which I deleted them if I got anything other than an enthusiastic “yes”. I would give hotter ones a few days to respond but for the most part unless they said yes right away I never met them in person. My gf who I met IRL would tell me she pulled the same bs of not responding after being asked out. I asked why and she said something about building a comfort level or something. I told her I would have unmatched her so fast her head would spin had we met online. Keep OLD as a tool which is primarily good for sex with emotionally damaged women but if you are looking for something long term you will have better luck IRL....even with the same chick who is online. Remember it’s a numbers game plain and simple.
Sbla22 Posted June 13, 2018 Posted June 13, 2018 This happens to me a fair bit too (26 male) and I follow the same rules as others have said now - a few messages online, no enthuasiasm towards me I stop messaging. Some enthusiasm I ask for the number. Maybe 2 or 3 more messages then I ask for the date. Anything but a firm yes is game over. Then I try and set it for no longer than 3 or 4 days after. In between there's usually a vibe I get when I know they will probably cancel. I don't text much though - day before or on the day 'looking forward to seeing you! Will meet you outside----------at-----------' if they reply with a still enthusiastic message it's usually game on. You can just sense it when they have decided to cancel. Then the inevitable 'hey, sorry going to have to postpone, feel really unwell/something at work came up" if that happens I delete the number. No one who has said this has ever rescheduled - it just doesn't happen.
TheFinalWord Posted June 13, 2018 Posted June 13, 2018 At least they're letting you know (by their silence) that they've lost interest, rather than letting you turn up to the meeting! That would be even more angrifying, wasting your time and money going to the location only to be stood up. I don't agree with dropping the confirmation. It doesn't have to sound like a weak "are we still on"... it can be "looking forward to meeting you tomorrow!". Doing this would seem to have saved OP many hours and $$, getting stood up. I've had more luck this way...but, and this is a big but, you should only plan the first meeting at a place you would be going to anyway. Please note the context. Do not plan some massive, super involved first date. If you are going hours out of your way, you're really setting yourself up for failure. I normally plan it next to the gym or a place I would meet my friends. If they're not there, I just move on with my day, doing what I'd be doing anyway. No money spent, no additional time. If you ask for a last minute confirmation, or worse yet, they do, that's usually a sign you're a back-up and you already know they're going to flake. If they ask for that, withdrawal the offer by saying something like "it doesn't sound like you're too sure of your schedule. Please get back to me when you know for certain you have definite free time." If they say, okay, you were likely a back up. If they had any interest, they'll usually affirm the original time and place. The power of walking away is real. It's much more of a time saver than any other option you have in the first date context.
preraph Posted June 13, 2018 Posted June 13, 2018 I agree it's probably just OLD weirdness, but there are guys who make a point of being nice and respectful and interesting and then once they ask you out, may start making sexual remarks in anticipation, which is going to be a turnoff with a stranger.
smackie9 Posted June 13, 2018 Posted June 13, 2018 Find other ways to meet women. You get what you pay for on those free sites.
newyorker11356 Posted June 14, 2018 Posted June 14, 2018 I have another problem. I can usually get plenty of first dates with different women from online dating apps. It's getting past the first date that seems to be my biggest hurdle. Rarely does it turn into a 2nd date, and even more rare a 3rd and beyond.
fredflint Posted June 14, 2018 Posted June 14, 2018 With OLD the last 10 women are so I've been able to get into actual conversations with things seem to be going well after a few messages and then I'll suggest meeting up. Half of them disappear at that point, but with the rest they say it sounds great and they're looking forward to it. I'll suggest a place and time and then some will disappear and others will suggest alternative time or place. Then when I message them to confirm they're gone. I've only had 1 actual date after multiple prospects in the last 6 months. I just got into a conversation with someone else and I don't want to repeat the same mistake. Some might be scammers. Men have to deal with quite a lot of that with OLD. They will engage in convo but get booted off the site/app pretty quickly, which of course looks like they just ghosted you. In particular look out for unusually attractive women, who tend to have limited conversational ability and/or ask you about stuff you already have written in your profile. Most women will read your profile if they are genuinely interested.
Highndry Posted June 14, 2018 Posted June 14, 2018 I will never resort to OLD. Either I'm going to meet a quality woman in real life, or my dating life is over.
Logo Posted June 14, 2018 Posted June 14, 2018 It's not only online dating. It seems that this phenomenon is seeping into the real world of dating. I have had occasions where women would give me their number only to either disappear or respond and say that they were busy from now until eternity or they would agree to go on a date only to cancel at the last minute. Mind you, in all these cases, they appeared excited and happy to give me their number. At least with online dating I didn't have to make so much effort in going out. I've tried some activity groups, but they were a bust.
SevenCity Posted June 14, 2018 Posted June 14, 2018 It's not only online dating. It seems that this phenomenon is seeping into the real world of dating. I have had occasions where women would give me their number only to either disappear or respond and say that they were busy from now until eternity or they would agree to go on a date only to cancel at the last minute. Mind you, in all these cases, they appeared excited and happy to give me their number. At least with online dating I didn't have to make so much effort in going out. I've tried some activity groups, but they were a bust. One thing I learned about women in my day is they don’t like rejection. Therefore, they often don’t like to directly reject guys and find it more humane to say yes and dodge you later. The truth is that can be far more hurtful and time consuming for a guy. Part of it is also a safety thing. Many have had guys freak out on them after they were rejected so they want to avoid that. Lastly, they change feelings like the wind. What could seem like a great idea now is a bad idea tomorrow. When dating I learned not to get excited until I was inside of them. And even then I realized the chances of something working out long term are akin to winning the lotto. 1
Author max3732 Posted June 14, 2018 Author Posted June 14, 2018 As others have stated this is what women are like on OLD. I got into the habit of asking them out within about 3-4 messages to stop wasting time. You’ll quickly find out if they are interested or not. I too experienced the silence after asking - it’s rude IMO. I created a policy in which I deleted them if I got anything other than an enthusiastic “yes”. I would give hotter ones a few days to respond but for the most part unless they said yes right away I never met them in person. My gf who I met IRL would tell me she pulled the same bs of not responding after being asked out. I asked why and she said something about building a comfort level or something. I told her I would have unmatched her so fast her head would spin had we met online. Keep OLD as a tool which is primarily good for sex with emotionally damaged women but if you are looking for something long term you will have better luck IRL....even with the same chick who is online. Remember it’s a numbers game plain and simple. Interesting it worked out with your gf IRL but wouldn't have worked with OLD. If they want to message you more before meeting up why don't they just say that? I've I'm having a conversation with someone and they say something I'm confused about or I think they're rushing into something I'll say it. I won't just walk away and never talk to them again.
Author max3732 Posted June 14, 2018 Author Posted June 14, 2018 I've had more luck this way...but, and this is a big but, you should only plan the first meeting at a place you would be going to anyway. Please note the context. Do not plan some massive, super involved first date. If you are going hours out of your way, you're really setting yourself up for failure. I normally plan it next to the gym or a place I would meet my friends. If they're not there, I just move on with my day, doing what I'd be doing anyway. No money spent, no additional time. If you ask for a last minute confirmation, or worse yet, they do, that's usually a sign you're a back-up and you already know they're going to flake. If they ask for that, withdrawal the offer by saying something like "it doesn't sound like you're too sure of your schedule. Please get back to me when you know for certain you have definite free time." If they say, okay, you were likely a back up. If they had any interest, they'll usually affirm the original time and place. The power of walking away is real. It's much more of a time saver than any other option you have in the first date context. That's hard for me since most of my matches are 30+ minutes away. Some are even 2 hours away. The last one that ghosted wanted to meet 1 hour from where I lived and 1.5 hours from her. I asked if she liked this other place that was much closer and she said she did so I suggested going there. That was the last I heard from her.
Author max3732 Posted June 14, 2018 Author Posted June 14, 2018 Find other ways to meet women. You get what you pay for on those free sites. I tried speed dating and am going to do it again. In addition to the free sites I'm also paying for Match and Eharmony. It's so surprising that someone paying for a dating site would message back and forth, make plans and then disappear.
TheFinalWord Posted June 15, 2018 Posted June 15, 2018 That's hard for me since most of my matches are 30+ minutes away. Some are even 2 hours away. The last one that ghosted wanted to meet 1 hour from where I lived and 1.5 hours from her. I asked if she liked this other place that was much closer and she said she did so I suggested going there. That was the last I heard from her. Oh, well Long Distance puts a massive spin on things. In order to date being hours apart, a person almost has to set aside a whole day. That's probably why you're getting ghosted. Dating is much easier in more urban areas. If you're in a more secluded city, dating is much more difficult.
TheFinalWord Posted June 15, 2018 Posted June 15, 2018 I tried speed dating and am going to do it again. In addition to the free sites I'm also paying for Match and Eharmony. It's so surprising that someone paying for a dating site would message back and forth, make plans and then disappear. One thing I've found on eharmony, is there are a lot more fake profiles than I expected. Yeah that is a weird situation, but you're dealing with a lot of people with poor communication skills in the world of OLD.
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