Coral Evan Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 So I need some advice. I went on a date with a man and he was really physically attracted to me. However, a couple of things did not click. Overall, his taste is for motorcycles and he works in film and likes sports bars. I am a bit more into cultural events, travel, meeting new people, workong out and sushi places. Hit all that aside, he kept saying how “sweet” and “wholesome, clean cut, beautiful,positive and SUPER smart” I was compared to his exes who were more loose living (sleeping around, drugs, etc). He also said I was a bit out of his age range (I mean he’s 2 years older than me) but we could still “have fun”. Well, I was non responsive to that because I feel I am more valuable than some booty call. However,despite strong sexual chemistry I said goodnight with a simple hug and sent a courtesy text thanking him for a nice evening. Why do men compliment and seem to admire my qualities but then do not call again?
Lotsgoingon Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 He was putting out feelers to you ... saying, you're not my dating type ... but slyly also saying, "I wouldn't mind sleeping with you." He's bluntly telling you that you and he are not compatible ... You just told us in your post that you're far different from this guy ... So this guy didn't call you ... because he thinks you're out of his league ...he noticed you didn't want to sleep with him immediately ... he clearly feels like you're more cultured or something than he is (and you feel this way too). The real question is, Why in heavens would you want this guy to call? This guy clearly is not a good fit for you ... you felt uncomfortable with his come on ... You see huge gaps in interest ... what am I missing? You need to find guys with the same cultural interests and guys who don't treat you as a booty call, as you say ... But maybe I'm getting you wrong ... did you want to hook up ... just at a slower pace? .... You mention "sexual chemistry" but literally, there's not one line of your post that indicates you guys had any relationship chemistry ... 2
TheFinalWord Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 So I need some advice. I went on a date with a man and he was really physically attracted to me. However, a couple of things did not click. Overall, his taste is for motorcycles and he works in film and likes sports bars. I am a bit more into cultural events, travel, meeting new people, workong out and sushi places. Hit all that aside, he kept saying how “sweet” and “wholesome, clean cut, beautiful,positive and SUPER smart” I was compared to his exes who were more loose living (sleeping around, drugs, etc). He also said I was a bit out of his age range (I mean he’s 2 years older than me) but we could still “have fun”. Well, I was non responsive to that because I feel I am more valuable than some booty call. However,despite strong sexual chemistry I said goodnight with a simple hug and sent a courtesy text thanking him for a nice evening. Why do men compliment and seem to admire my qualities but then do not call again? He was trying to sweet talk your pants off, but you didn't fall for it. Good for you. You're not a booty call and good for you for sticking to your guns. Giving him the sexual attention he wants isn't going to gain his respect. All it will do is make you feel degraded for giving him something you don't think he deserves. With men, and women for that matter, pay attention to actions, not words. If actions don't line up with words, he's probably lying or has an ulterior motive.
Andy_K Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 You have nothing in common with the guy and he knows it, but there's physical attraction on both sides so he put out hints that you guys could be casual/fwb instead. Since you didn't respond favourably to his suggestion, he's not going to push it any further, so has little interest in contacting you again. 3
GemmaUK Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 Why would you want him to contact you? All he wants from you is sex, it sounds like you want more than that from him - though I could be very wrong. If that is all you are after with him you could straight up tell him so. 1
guest569 Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 Yuck, comparing you to his exes on the first date isn’t making a good first impression. You should consider yourself lucky that he isn’t calling you.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 Good heavens, I would be glad this guy isn't calling. He was looking for a hook-up. He compared you to his exes. You have very little in common. You didn't lose anything here, OP. 3
stillafool Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 I agree with Andy K that this guy realizes that you two aren't compatible and it sounds like he is used to dating much younger women than him. He probably did think you were attractive and sweet but sweet and wholesome probably isn't his type. 1
ChatroomHero Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 He basically said he wanted to bang you and not have anything serious because of the "age" range...ie, set up a fwb. You rejected that idea with what sounds like a non-verbal response and he picked up on it. I am guessing since you mention the differences in things you like to do like it's a problem, he probably picked up on that too. It's odd, you indicate you are not interested in being a fwb like he apparently wants and you admit personality differences that you do not seem to thrilled with, so why would you expect or why would you want him to call you back? I would think you would be happy he let you off the hook easy. What I read in your question narrows down to, "I met a guy that was attracted to me. We had nothing in common and he wanted a fwb which I absolutely did not want. How could he not be interested in me anymore?" 2
preraph Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 You're not his type. I mean, he said it. You're wholesome. Not everyone is into that. He offered to have sex with you, basically, and didn't offer anything else. His age range might be 10 years younger than him. He was attracted to you physically but that's all. It's just not a match, so don't try to make it fit. 1
smackie9 Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 You need to pick better. Compatibility is a real asset....so look for guys that match more to your taste and intellect. Maybe try a more exclusive dating site.....for more cultured people. Of course guys like him ooze with masculine sexuality...he's a bad boy. He prefers, peelers and skanks, so no loss there. And ya the world is full of people looking for hookups. Better luck next time. 3
Malin889 Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 (edited) Yes I think you should be thankful he didn’t call back. I like how he said you were out of his age range even though you were two years younger... that probably means he dates women much younger. You don’t need that! And apparently much more loose as you said. This guy knew immediately you were too good for him and wouldn’t give him what he wanted. Forget him and be glad he didn’t call you back. Edited June 12, 2018 by Malin889 1
smackie9 Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 He was totally negging you...those kind of guys are asshats
fredflint Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 So I need some advice. I went on a date with a man and he was really physically attracted to me. However, a couple of things did not click. Overall, his taste is for motorcycles and he works in film and likes sports bars. I am a bit more into cultural events, travel, meeting new people, workong out and sushi places. Hit all that aside, he kept saying how “sweet” and “wholesome, clean cut, beautiful,positive and SUPER smart” I was compared to his exes who were more loose living (sleeping around, drugs, etc). He also said I was a bit out of his age range (I mean he’s 2 years older than me) but we could still “have fun”. Well, I was non responsive to that because I feel I am more valuable than some booty call. However,despite strong sexual chemistry I said goodnight with a simple hug and sent a courtesy text thanking him for a nice evening. Why do men compliment and seem to admire my qualities but then do not call again? Maybe he only wants FWB but realizes you will likely want more
thefooloftheyear Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 Seems pretty normal to me.... Square peg and round hole...He figured he'd see if you would be down to a b/c, you didn't seem receptive and he moved on... He actually handled it pretty well...I can't see any reason why you would even push it or expect anything of him at this point... TFY 2
mortensorchid Posted June 13, 2018 Posted June 13, 2018 Hey, you have nothing in common so ... It's really best that you nipped it in the bud then rather than later. You may not be bad people deep down, but if you're not right for one another then ... You're not right. 1
Author Coral Evan Posted June 27, 2018 Author Posted June 27, 2018 So the man I have been talking about started texting me and saying we should meet up again and see how the chemistry goes. Finally, after HE flaked out a few times, I agreed to a second chance. Actually I saw his Facebook and he seems to be devoted to his mom and dad and nieces and nephews so I figured ok he is probably on ok guy maybe just awkward. We exchanged some pics (nothing nude or anything like that). When I arrived at the restaurant he was at the bar with a slightly older lady with a wedding band who introduced herself as his "married friend". It was awkward cuz I thought it was just a date going to be us! However I felt weird to leave after he ordered me a drink and then they began to talk to me about having similar backgrounds and family. At one point she went to talk to a friend and he kissed me and asked me if I wanted her to leave and I felt EXTRA weird as this was a public place and she was married with kids so I said no cuz that seemed rude. He then invited me to his place for coffee and since by now I know him and who his family is I went and she was THERE. We sat by the pool talking and he kissed and this woman leans in to watch! Then she keeps watching and asking if she can stay and watch cuz that is all she wants and all she can do anyways cuz she's married and can't cheat on her husband. Then she asked me if I have ever been with a woman and this kinds of questions and finally I said look this is weird and yes I do mind! At that point she left and he and I remained alone and things were super awkward the rest of the visit so finally I left. WTF? Needless to say I will NOT be seeing him again.
Author Coral Evan Posted June 27, 2018 Author Posted June 27, 2018 I have also blocked his number and deleted from contacts because this was BEYOND creepy. I can't understand what the hell even happened there! I mean how is this cinematogrpaher who is known and this prominent realtor whose face is on billboards and who has a husband and two small kids gonna do this kind of stuff? I don't even know what the hell they were trying to accomplish
Interstellar Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 I have also blocked his number and deleted from contacts because this was BEYOND creepy. I can't understand what the hell even happened there! I mean how is this cinematogrpaher who is known and this prominent realtor whose face is on billboards and who has a husband and two small kids gonna do this kind of stuff? I don't even know what the hell they were trying to accomplish GOOD. This dud sounds like a nut job. You dodged a bullet there. And it sounds like they wanted a threesome lol. 1
mortensorchid Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 They don't call / contact you again because they are no interested in you. He may have come on strong and said he was very interested when you were together at the meeting time, but if he will not take the time out to call / text you after you have met him, it's done. Remember the 48 hour rule : if you have not heard from him within 48 hours after the first get together, you will not hear from him again 80% of the time. IN the pre-texting world they might call you a few days/a week later, you might even have a second get together with him, but he doesn't really care if you say yes or no to the second request. In the with-texting world the same rule applies, but 20% of the time you will get a text the next day (or even within an hour of parting ways) with a polite "thank you I had a nice time", and then you will have a few days of texting "hi how are you", "how's your day", etc. And then you won't hear anything. A few days later you will text him with "Hey you disappeared how are you?" And they will either not respond or they'll say they are busy. Then they go poof once and for all. A man who is interested CAN'T WAIT to reach out to a woman he is interested in. A man who is not interested could care less. Facts. And some like to yank your chain, get you interested, and then hurt your feelings because they are evil. Also facts.
stillafool Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 Since you weren't really interested in some kind of 3 person sex play he lost interest once the married woman went home. He was planning on doing you both but it didn't work out.
hippychick3 Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 Why on earth did you not listen to any of the advice given here and see him again? I"m not sure why you were so surprised. He pretty much showed you who he was on the first date. 3
Author Coral Evan Posted June 27, 2018 Author Posted June 27, 2018 Nooooo I am not interested in why he doesn't call, look at my story of the second date. Even if he wanted to call I blocked him. What I am wondering is, because I have never experienced something like this before, what the hell those two were thinking and what can I do to avoid this. I mean should I tell him not to put another woman in such a situation?
Author Coral Evan Posted June 27, 2018 Author Posted June 27, 2018 @hippiechick3: I thought after seeing how devoted he is to family on his social media that maybe he just lacked dating skills but was a decent person inside. Boy was I wrong. I should've listened to you. I admit it.
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