Dodgersfan11 Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 (edited) Last month, I met this guy at a club, I noticed that he was "checking" me out, as soon as he walked over to me, I knew that he was going to start talking to me. We talked and he asked me all these questions about me, but not in a sleazy way that most guys do at a club. He asked for my number, I gave it to him, and asked me out, he wanted to know my last name, which I wouldn't give it to him. He told me that he was from the area, but that he lives out of state-lets an 8 hour drive from the city I live in, he is going to graduate school there and told me he was leaving for school the following week. We went on a date-this is what he called it and later on during the night he brought up the subject of us having sex. We went back to my place, had sex, then the next day, he came over, we watched a movie and we had sex again. I texted him and told him that if he starts dating someone, he should tell me and that I should tell him too, I start seeing someone. I asked him if he was planning on dating someone where he lives, and he said, that most likely he will, he just doesn't do long distance relationships, but that he will like to still hang out with me when he's back home. After he left, he told me he wants to keep in touch with me, which is what he have been doing. He tells me he likes me, but he doesn't want LDR. Now, he's saying these things like how much he wants me to visit him and how he can't wait to see me when he come back in the summer. I'm like...why even bother talking to me if he lives out of state and go though all this trouble like taking me out on a date, like why bother? Clearly if he was just looking for a hook up he could find it where he is living at now. Edited July 16, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
BaileyB Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 Clearly he was just looking for a hookup, and he would like it to happen again... The question is, how do you feel about this situation? Are you looking to possibly date this man? Are you ok with hooking up again when he comes back to town? Are you considering going to visit him in his state to have sex again? And, do you appreciate the safety concerns involved with bringing a guy that you do not really know back to your place for sex? And furthermore, the safety risk of travelling to stay with him in his state?
Author Dodgersfan11 Posted June 12, 2018 Author Posted June 12, 2018 Yeah, but if he's looking to hook up , why would he want me to visit him? And I've had a few hook ups in the past where the guy didn't even ask me for my last name or get to know me in anyway. This guy asked me for that info. So, it just seemed like he cared?
BaileyB Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 Yeah, but if he's looking to hook up , why would he want me to visit him? And I've had a few hook ups in the past where the guy didn't even ask me for my last name or get to know me in anyway. This guy asked me for that info. So, it just seemed like he cared? He cared, enough to get you to sleep with him again? He has clearly told you that he doesn't want a LDR. Which means, he wants sex. Why ask you to visit him? I don't know, maybe it's the cynic in me.. But, it's just more no strings attached sex for him. Why not ask you to visit? 1
MidwestUSA Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 Yeah, but if he's looking to hook up , why would he want me to visit him? And I've had a few hook ups in the past where the guy didn't even ask me for my last name or get to know me in anyway. This guy asked me for that info. So, it just seemed like he cared? Well, he wants to keep it easy for himself - you do the traveling, he gets laid. He's just doing the bare minimum of politeness to get you to sleep with him again (and again, and again......).
act00 Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 Look, I think this guy has the right idea -- don't expect a long-term relationship with someone you barely know and who lives far away. It's realistic. There's nothing wrong with friends, and there's nothing wrong with FWB...if you are also on board with this arrangement. He seems to like you enough to want to maintain some contact and communication to the point he wants you out to see him...he can get hookups locally, so I perceive there's a bit more to your relationship than just plain sex, but realistically speaking, the timing and the insecurity of future and the distance is stopping the situation from going further...it could, but who knows? He's in graduate school. Where is he going after he graduates? Is he going to go back home? Is he going to plant roots in his current location? Will job opportunities pull him to some other state, further away? You have two choices. You can enjoy the time and the company and the sex when he's around and available and you're single, but go in this with no expectations of a future. We're talking casual and fun with no strings. The other option is to end this. If you want more, and especially if you think you're going to get attached and want him to be more than an occasional fling or FWB, when clearly he is not in that mindset, then this occasional fling and sparse communication and inability to see each other is not going to work..it' will be painful. To answer the question of why? I don't know. You hit it off. He likes you. He likes the sex and he likes the idea of more sex. He realizes that at this time in his life, a relationship is probably not the best idea, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to have some companionship and someone he enjoys on a more casual level. It doesn't come across as a cheap booty call, but maybe that's all it is. Only you can decide this.
stillafool Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 He liked the sex he had with you and wants it again when he's in town or if you are willing to travel to see him. You didn't ask for much from him before you had sex so he thinks you are easy to chill with but he has made it clear he is going to be dating/having sex with others but he will also have sex with you.
smackie9 Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 It's casual, and he likes that you are available to him when he travels there. He makes it sound like he is going out of his way to see you, but if you weren't available, he would just open up his little black book.
Author Dodgersfan11 Posted July 15, 2018 Author Posted July 15, 2018 Look, I think this guy has the right idea -- don't expect a long-term relationship with someone you barely know and who lives far away. It's realistic. There's nothing wrong with friends, and there's nothing wrong with FWB...if you are also on board with this arrangement. He seems to like you enough to want to maintain some contact and communication to the point he wants you out to see him...he can get hookups locally, so I perceive there's a bit more to your relationship than just plain sex, but realistically speaking, the timing and the insecurity of future and the distance is stopping the situation from going further...it could, but who knows? He's in graduate school. Where is he going after he graduates? Is he going to go back home? Is he going to plant roots in his current location? Will job opportunities pull him to some other state, further away? You have two choices. You can enjoy the time and the company and the sex when he's around and available and you're single, but go in this with no expectations of a future. We're talking casual and fun with no strings. The other option is to end this. If you want more, and especially if you think you're going to get attached and want him to be more than an occasional fling or FWB, when clearly he is not in that mindset, then this occasional fling and sparse communication and inability to see each other is not going to work..it' will be painful. To answer the question of why? I don't know. You hit it off. He likes you. He likes the sex and he likes the idea of more sex. He realizes that at this time in his life, a relationship is probably not the best idea, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to have some companionship and someone he enjoys on a more casual level. It doesn't come across as a cheap booty call, but maybe that's all it is. Only you can decide this. I didn't understand the whole "keeping in touch" part while he's living in another state, though. If he's going to date while he's living there, what would be the point of even talking to him as friends? Obviously, we are not "friends" to begin with. Just the whole dynamic changes, when he starts dating someone, I mean after all that lovey talk and then starts acting cold towards me/being friendzoned, isn't a good feeling. Would it be better to cut ties with him?
BaileyB Posted July 15, 2018 Posted July 15, 2018 (edited) I didn't understand the whole "keeping in touch" part while he's living in another state, though. If he's going to date while he's living there, what would be the point of even talking to him as friends? Obviously, we are not "friends" to begin with. Just the whole dynamic changes, when he starts dating someone, I mean after all that lovey talk and then starts acting cold towards me/being friendzoned, isn't a good feeling. Would it be better to cut ties with him? Do you want a FWB buddy who wants to sleep with you whenever he comes to town? If not, then you should cut ties with him. Look for someone local who actually wants to date you, not just sleep with you. There is nothing to be gained this "relationship" except the possibility of no strings attached sex in the future. Edited July 15, 2018 by BaileyB
act00 Posted July 15, 2018 Posted July 15, 2018 I didn't understand the whole "keeping in touch" part while he's living in another state, though. If he's going to date while he's living there, what would be the point of even talking to him as friends? Obviously, we are not "friends" to begin with. Just the whole dynamic changes, when he starts dating someone, I mean after all that lovey talk and then starts acting cold towards me/being friendzoned, isn't a good feeling. Would it be better to cut ties with him? Definitely just end it if you don't want to be his friend and you don't want to be a fling when he breezes into town. You have to define a boundary for yourself...be a friend if you like him enough to keep him as a friend, or be an occasional lover with no expectations. It seems better off for you to just end it. The guy seems to genuinely like you as a person, but mostly he's enjoying some sex with no strings or attachments, and will continue to do so if you're willing. You're feeling conflicting feelings...he's hot/cold, friendzoned/sex...you want more, he doesn't. You had a great time, now end it.
Art_Critic Posted July 15, 2018 Posted July 15, 2018 I'm with everyone else, he likes the sex and wants to keep it coming, easy peasy... I do think maybe there might be a GF in the picture somewhere though that he hasn't told you about...
mortensorchid Posted July 16, 2018 Posted July 16, 2018 First of all, yes he was just looking for a hook up. Second, he has enough courtesy (just enough based on what you know about him that you have shared here, and chances are, that's all you know about him) to say if you would like to travel to see him, he would be open to seeing you. He's not looking for a relationship of any kind other than a FWB who he might see every once in a while. And you have to put the travel effort into it, not him. Just see it for what it is and it's probably best to move on.
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