pc31 Posted June 11, 2018 Posted June 11, 2018 (edited) I met this guy at a bar. He started talking to me first, but didn't ask for my number. I ended up being the one who got his number, and had to text him first and asked him for a date, to which he eagerly agreed, but set the date to be 2 full weeks after that. It was like 5 text exchange in total. From the time we set the date until the day before the date, zero communication from him. I tried not to text to avoid looking too eager since i already did the asking. The day before the date, he texted me first to confirm if the plan was still on and fixed details like time and location. It was another 10 exchanges, or so. We finally met, after 2 weeks, on a Tuesday night. The date surpringly went really really well! I felt very comfortable and laughed a lot. So did he (or so it seemed?). We ended up talking for more than 4 hours (from 7.30pm to midnight). There was also some touching from his side- He touched my hair and caressed my thigh from time to time, which i was okay with and kinda enjoyed. . I was also leaning agaisnt his body slightly. Anyway, it was a lot of fun, for me. But when i mentioned that i wanted to see him again, he (jokingly?? ) said that let's see how he would feel in the morning (??). So i dropped the topic there and didnt force it. At the end of the night we had a 10-sec hug and parted (kinda long right?) (i kinda regret not kissing him..but at the time i felt there was already enough "action" for the first date) So the next morning (Wednesday) he texted me a picture, referencing to something we discussed during the date. To which, i replied with an inside joke, also related to the same convo. To which, he didnt reply. 2 texts in total. No news from him on Thursday. On Friday morning, i texted him a pic of something i also mentioned during the date. Then he replied in a relatively playful way. Then u responded, also pretty playfully. And then he stopped. 3 texts in total. No news on Saturday. On Sunday noon, i texted something funny, but basically wanted to ask what he was up to. He replied in a playful manner, but not very engaging- as in, he didnt ask me what i was up to, he didnt ask me any question in general, and his reply sentences though light hearted were pretty short... So i decided to stop texting after around 10 exchanges. (My last sentence was, "Ah great. Have a good day!) No more text from him obviously. So today is monday, and no text from him. I've decided that i wont start reaching out again. But i am ao confused tho.. We had such a good time. Fun n flirty. Why wouldnt he want to see me again? And why is it that he seems soooo un-inteterested? Is there anything I can do to spike up his attraction and get him to ask me out on a second date? (i already asked the first time) Some background info: The guy is a bit younger than me. He is around 25-26, and is working on his own start up.. I am 30 and i have a very solid corporate job. I am also leaving the country in 2-3 months to start an MBA. Im not looking for anything long term. But it would be nice to hook up with someone who is so handsome and shares similar interests... Edited June 11, 2018 by pc31 Typo
SunnyWeather Posted June 11, 2018 Posted June 11, 2018 Im not looking for anything long term. But it would be nice to hook up with someone who is so handsome and shares similar interests... then by all means, ask him out again.
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2018 Posted June 11, 2018 Some background info: The guy is a bit younger than me. He is around 25-26, and is working on his own start up.. I am 30 and i have a very solid corporate job. I am also leaving the country in 2-3 months to start an MBA. Im not looking for anything long term. But it would be nice to hook up with someone who is so handsome and shares similar interests... You may have had a better time then he did. The fact that you are leaving may be a red flag to him. He might not want to start something that will be an LDR & therefore too much trouble. Also starting a business takes 60-80 hours per week & eats up all your cash. He may not have the time or money to date. You get a pay check. He has no money unless his clients pay him (accounts receivable is a huge issue with start ups) & he makes a profit. Profits are hard to come by in the beginning.
Author pc31 Posted June 11, 2018 Author Posted June 11, 2018 You may have had a better time then he did. The fact that you are leaving may be a red flag to him. He might not want to start something that will be an LDR & therefore too much trouble. Also starting a business takes 60-80 hours per week & eats up all your cash. He may not have the time or money to date. You get a pay check. He has no money unless his clients pay him (accounts receivable is a huge issue with start ups) & he makes a profit. Profits are hard to come by in the beginning. Ah..but it cant be that expensive. I meant, the first date he literally suggested street food, to which i said no..and so we decided on a relatively cheap bar. It was fine with me. And i also paid for my half. Sigh my sense is that this guy is used to dating only students which typically dont have high standards... Im used to being wined n dined by men of my age and older.. I tried to hide this. But i am not sure if he noticed it?! Or maybe he doesnt like how i am much older than he is? This, i cant do anything about... I wouldnt want the cost to be a discouraging factor tho..im okay with casual settings too. He is just really fun and attractive. I would like to meet him again, and maybe get physical. Is it too much to be intimate on the 2nd date? I have never done it before. All my exes were relatively serious/long term. But ever since i reached 30, i care less about what others think and focus on what i want and need loll i might regret this later. I dont know. This is also pretty new to me :/ basically i feel a bit confused and in dilemma
Author pc31 Posted June 11, 2018 Author Posted June 11, 2018 then by all means, ask him out again. But it's not fun going out with someone who is not interested in me...i would like to make sure that he also likes me/ is attracted to me. Any tips on how to make him more interested AND asks me out?
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2018 Posted June 11, 2018 If you want this to happen, you probably have to be the initiator again.
lakerman34 Posted June 11, 2018 Posted June 11, 2018 (edited) Sounds like a guy who reads dating guru websites. Every single one of his moves is something I've read from someone who is an "expert" at the "game." Seems to have worked here, so good for him! If you like him, act natural. Seems to me like he was trying to get laid (hence the "next morning" comment -- that's a feeler to see if you'd laugh uncomfortably, comfortably, or take him up on it), so it's up to you what you want to do. I'd be careful though. If you see a relationship with this guy, make sure he's asking genuine questions about you. Seems like he might be looking to get laid. Just my .02 as a man who has used all these moves before. If "getting laid" is your end game, prepare for him leaving once that's accomplished. If a relationship is your end game, I wouldn't give it to him unless YOU wanted to. Don't do it because you think it'd make him like you better. Overall, doesn't sound like a relationship-seeking man. Edited June 11, 2018 by lakerman34
fredflint Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 But when i mentioned that i wanted to see him again, he (jokingly?? ) said that let's see how he would feel in the morning (??) Well if it was a joke, it was a bit insensitive, and if it wasn't its a huge red flag. Many people will think this guy's not interested if he's not pursuing but there are some guys who just are not interested in pursuing. And there are others who are playing "the game". And there are others who are just not that into you. You can estimate your probabilities on each of those three all day, but you won't get much more clarity until you reach out to him... 1
Romantic_Antics Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 But it's not fun going out with someone who is not interested in me...i would like to make sure that he also likes me/ is attracted to me. Any tips on how to make him more interested AND asks me out? If you liked being fun and flirty before then send him a fun and flirty text tomorrow asking him where he's taking you on your next date. I guarantee a response. 1
klicker Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 Sounds to me like he has another girl going on. And even if that is not the case, why even bother with this guy? OK, the date went well, but do you really want to be with someone who doesn't communicate with you or show you he is interested? Trust me, I've been there, it doesn't get better.
GoreSP Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 But it's not fun going out with someone who is not interested in me...i would like to make sure that he also likes me/ is attracted to me. Any tips on how to make him more interested AND asks me out? Ask him out. If he gives you anything but a yes with a plan, next him.
stillafool Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 Okay you can ask him out again but you kinda already did and he said something like "we'll see" if I remember correctly. He sounds barely lukewarm and if he's as good looking as you say you've got competition. Women say they don't care about looks but I'm finding more and more women are going for the lookers. I'm just not a fan of chasing men who aren't showing a strong interest. 1
lurker74 Posted June 12, 2018 Posted June 12, 2018 If you're just looking to hook up, be forward and forthright about your goals. If you are looking for a relationship, move on. He gave you every signal he could give that he wasn't interested other than saying he wasn't interested. Here's the important part...if you want to hook up as a path to getting into a relationship, please don't. You'll just get hurt. So be honest with yourself...is it just sex and the pre and post sex conversation or do you want a boyfriend? If you can honestly say it's the former and not the latter, reach out clearly to him. 1
mortensorchid Posted June 13, 2018 Posted June 13, 2018 It sounds like a lot of OLD - You meet, have a good time, and then you have a few days of texting and then ... Nothing. Unfortunately since the advent of texting we are all rather confused. A phone call is more direct. But I digress ... The day after he sent a text first saying he had a good time. A good but not a great sign. Unless he asks or tells you specifically "I want to see you again, what's a good time for you?", he's not that into you. You'll just be updating about your day and chatty things, then one will get bored and go poof. Sounds like that's what happened. 1
gaius Posted June 13, 2018 Posted June 13, 2018 I'd be a little weirded out if I sent so many "I'm not really into it" messages to a woman and she still didn't get the hint. =/ Not asking for your number, not even agreeing to a 2nd date after YOU brought it up, not replying to your texts. He can probably sense your ready to get physical and even that's not interesting enough for him to put any effort in. Time to wake up to reality. =/
Author pc31 Posted June 14, 2018 Author Posted June 14, 2018 He can probably sense your ready to get physical and even that's not interesting enough for him to put any effort in. This stings. A lot. :/ I have not communicated with him since the day I asked the question here, and no reaching out from him either. I guess that was it then :/ Thanks all.
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