blondeabroad Posted June 11, 2018 Posted June 11, 2018 Hi, this I my first post here and am just looking for some breakup advice. My boyfriend and I had been dating for two years before I left to study abroad for 4 months back in February. He supported my decision to leave, but was always hesitant about how our relationship would withstand the distance. After I left, everything was good, but about two months in he voiced concerns of not being able to do it, and that he felt like he was dating a memory. We gave each other some space to think about what we wanted and then decided to continue our relationship. However, since the beginning of April (2 months ago) he became very distant, ignoring texts and phone calls. I was giving so much effort to the relationship but he just wasn't reciprocating it. I guess you could say we were on-and-off for the last two months. Two weeks ago he called and broke up with me, saying the distance was too hard and he had begun to re-evaluate our whole relationship. I have had anxiety and been depressed and don't know how to cope with it. I return to the U.S. in week and will have to see him to pick up my stuff a month after I get back, so that is looming over my head along with the fact that we haven't seen each other in 5 months. I don't know how to move on and recover when I know I will have to see him in a month. I want to see him to get face-to-face closure but I also want to just move on.
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2018 Posted June 11, 2018 If you want your stuff back go get it. If you want closure, look in the mirror. You aren't going to get it from him. If you want to get back together talk to him. He couldn't handle the distance. Since the gap is now closed if you can forgive him for being week (& probably for being with another girl in your absence) you may be able to fix things. However, in your shoes, that break up would tell me the relationship wasn't strong enough to go the distance because he was too weak, didn't have enough faith & isn't reliable. Those behaviors would have changed my opinion of his character & made it impossible to reconcile because I would no longer like the man it turns out he is when faced with adversity. Your choice.
fromheart Posted June 11, 2018 Posted June 11, 2018 I'm sorry to have to say this, but he's showing all the signs of seeing other women. Its best to not see him, get your stuff and just move on. In the meantime you are young and in another country. Don't waste the opportunity to enjoy where you are, when you look back in later years your trip will be all you remember.
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2018 Posted June 11, 2018 In the meantime you are young and in another country. Don't waste the opportunity to enjoy where you are, when you look back in later years your trip will be all you remember. She's only there for another week. Some ONS will make her feel worse at this point. OP, why will you have to wait a month after you get home to see your BF/EX?
stillafool Posted June 11, 2018 Posted June 11, 2018 You don't have to see him. Hire someone, or get a friend to go over there and collect your things. Just arrange a time for them to be picked up. No need to put yourself through further angst.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 11, 2018 Posted June 11, 2018 You don't have to see him. Hire someone, or get a friend to go over there and collect your things. Just arrange a time for them to be picked up. No need to put yourself through further angst. I was coming to write the same thing. I wouldn't meet up with him in person, OP. It's going to be too painful.
Author blondeabroad Posted June 11, 2018 Author Posted June 11, 2018 She's only there for another week. Some ONS will make her feel worse at this point. OP, why will you have to wait a month after you get home to see your BF/EX? I live in a different state than I go to school, so I’m going home for a month before I go back to where he lives so that I can get my stuff and move in.
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2018 Posted June 11, 2018 I assumed the delay in seeing you was a school thing. But . . . you two would have been "long" distance even if you had no gone abroad for the semester. He didn't have enough fortitude to handle it. How valuable is the stuff? Can you get him to send it? Can you get your BFF to get it back from him when school starts so you don't have to see him?
Author blondeabroad Posted June 11, 2018 Author Posted June 11, 2018 I assumed the delay in seeing you was a school thing. But . . . you two would have been "long" distance even if you had no gone abroad for the semester. He didn't have enough fortitude to handle it. How valuable is the stuff? Can you get him to send it? Can you get your BFF to get it back from him when school starts so you don't have to see him? No, we wouldn’t have been long distance. We live 30 min from each other where I go to school and I would have been there for the semester and I will be back there for another year of school and then starting a job there once I graduate. It’s not like we’ll never see each other again because we run in the same circles and live close to each other. There is a lot of stuff that I left at his apartment, I could have a friend get it but I don’t think he could ship it all.
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