bathtub-row Posted June 13, 2018 Posted June 13, 2018 (edited) [] Respect is an absolute basic. If you’re not getting anywhere with women, it’s not because you’re being respectful. Being respectful isn’t an automatic open door to winning someone over, and it’s not something you do as a favor to get what you want. Hopefully, it’s part of your basic personality. To believe that women want a disrespectful man is utterly ridiculous. Even the scenarios where women are in abusive relationships, they almost always got there because the guy was wonderful and caring and loving. He didn’t start out being a jackass. He hooked her, sucked her in with charm, and then showed his true colors. Edited June 13, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Response to hydra redacted 3
BaileyB Posted June 13, 2018 Posted June 13, 2018 (edited) They title of this discussion makes me laugh... I don’t think you can ever go wrong with being respectful. It’s always good to be respectful, you will get yourself into a world of trouble when you are not. Many women will appreciate the fact that you want to get to know them before having sex. Obviously, if she is gone after the first date - this girl is not the one. She chose not to have sex with you. That’s her choice. It probably didn’t mater what you did that night. And it has nothing to do with whether you were polite and respectful. But, if your intent was not to have sex... why were you sleeping in her bed? Edited June 13, 2018 by BaileyB
William Posted June 13, 2018 Posted June 13, 2018 Good afternoon, It appears our customary hydra bombed this thread with hyperbole, inciting some colorful responses. The hydra is gone and I tried to leave as much topical content as possible but did have to delete a couple posts. Please, if encountering postings clearly intended to incite and inflame, report them to moderation and ignore them and keep addressing the starter's topic. Thanks!
SmartDude Posted June 13, 2018 Posted June 13, 2018 You totally played this wrong. If your intent was to be "respectful" & stop engaging in ONS you needed to go home, not spend a sexless night in her bed. She invited you to stay over because she was DTF & you rejected her. She didn't see that as respect. She saw it as an insult. A deep soulful kiss at her doorstep & then you go home leaving her breathless & wanting more would have played much better. That was my first reaction as well. He slept at her place AND didn't have sex with her. Sleeping over and then not having sex might be viewed as clingy and fake politeness.
Noproblem Posted June 14, 2018 Posted June 14, 2018 There are tons of reasons that make her not interested in you. You should have stated that you don't want to have sex too soon in a relationship, there is nothing wrong with it. Obviously, this girl is not the one for you. Respect has nothing to do with it, why do you think sleeping with a girl is disrespectful toward her? The only thing disrespectful is how you treat women after the sex or how you treat them every day. Not all women want to be treated nicely, or respectfully though, some likes a guy to treat them roughly, but as a general rule, most girls and women want to be treated with respect and love.
Noproblem Posted June 14, 2018 Posted June 14, 2018 I think I am getting a feel for why she lost interest, I would lose interest as well. First, you told her you lose respect for women who have sex on first date! Second, this comment I quoted! I also used Tinder way back in 2014, was fun. Nowadays you have three kind of people on those apps, at least from my experience. 2. The more older (32+) & desperate people I mean, I really feel you are very judgemental and opinionated. Just because someone is older does not mean they are desperate! Hell, I've seen desprate teenagers as well! Saying that older people are desperate is just too much! Now, be honest with yourself, don't all age criteria contain desperate people, there are many people who just want to be in a relationship. 1
Author SG2014 Posted June 16, 2018 Author Posted June 16, 2018 Sorry for the late reply. We met again, and had sex. She never took it against me that I didn’t sleep with her in the first date, she did appricaite it. I can’t see her for a few weeks seeing I’m out of the country for work. She called me and texts me quite often. Basically the only person who was right was, Hottie. Again, she seems the list rational and experienced person in this thread. I would have been surprised that she lost interest in me for a different reasons. I know who I am, and can accomplish. 1
Author SG2014 Posted June 16, 2018 Author Posted June 16, 2018 And yes, I’m judgemental. Let’s say I know people, I can read people pretty well. Already had saved a lot of drama in my life.
act00 Posted June 16, 2018 Posted June 16, 2018 I would like to touch on the use of the word "anymore," especially on a first or second date or very early on, but particularly that first or second date. It's come up a few times with the OP and a couple other posters. To me, sating "anymore" carries an aura of "not that interested." When invited in, the response is "I don't have ONS *anymore*," could possibly suggest to me that this guy isn't interested. The date didn't go so well for him as it did me. In the past, he would have slept with me and disappeared, but now he's not going to have sex, but in his mind, this is the last time we'll see each other. Frankly, I wouldn't make efforts to invest more in this guy. He's already got one foot out the door, even if he does contact me and see about another date. I guess there's room to change the situation, but I'm done wasting my time on someone who comes across as minimally interested and has nothing better to do. The other issue is "anymore" suggests exactly how you were; also who you could still be. Someone who has slept with a lot of women, and in many cases, fast encounters, one and done in some interesting circumstances. A player. This type of past could be problematic for a woman (or a man, for that matter). We all know that men, particularly young men, are driven by a very high sex drive, and that's fine, and some men are smooth and can get into panties pretty fast, and the past history can be an issue, and it can also bleed into mistrust on the present and future...we know this is a phenomenon. Obviously in a relationship, the past is part of the package, and a partner will be let in on it, and you have to have some transparency here. There does not have to be a lot of detail, and I would avoid it, but sexual antics like the "mile high club" and "swingers clubs, public sex, in the bar, taxi, at the office, are likely to come out. Again, no detail is necessary, but she might ask, and she might hear stories from friends. Unfortunately, this could be a deal-breaker or something a current partner cannot come to terms with. Tossing "anymore" right out of the gate could be a red flag or a glowing warning sign. Actions and behaviors are more important here. I would stay away from "anymore" on a first date or early dating. I don't know that it's necessary to use it at all. In fact, take ONS out of the vocabulary as well. This also suggests one and done. You could say, "I want to get to know you first; go out on a couple dates. I enjoy you." This topic doesn't have to come up at all (sex) because you're simply going to kiss her and get her to her car safely and go home. Of course, as mentioned a hundred times over...don't go to their house or invite them to yours. Just don't. It's the best way to avoid any awkwardness and keeps you from getting into a position that makes you uncomfortable or brings up an uncomfortable topic...it also avoids mixed signals. I'm also going to guess that you and this woman simply aren't on the same page. You could have left her at the door or at the bar with some passionate kissing and "had a great time," texted her that night or in the morning about how much you enjoyed it, and been met with the same outcome.
Andy_K Posted June 16, 2018 Posted June 16, 2018 Sorry for the late reply. We met again, and had sex. She never took it against me that I didn’t sleep with her in the first date, she did appricaite it. More than likely she did feel rejected, but liked you enough to see you again anyway. Now she's telling you now she appreciates it because she thinks it's what you want to hear. I can’t see her for a few weeks seeing I’m out of the country for work. She called me and texts me quite often. And if you'd slept with her first time round, she'd already have been calling and texting you often. Sounds like it's going well, so hope things work out for you anyway.
mortensorchid Posted June 16, 2018 Posted June 16, 2018 Without knowing much else about the situation leading up to your staying over her house, it's pretty much a given if someone invites you over to their place it is … Assumed you will have sex. And you didn't so she must have been disappointed. As for your past, if you want to make some changes that's fine. I have fluxed between wanting a relationship and partying like I was in my twenties with others. At the moment I am back to the mentality of my twenties (if you meet someone and it's just an encounter, it's just an encounter and that's that). I don't date anymore because I am tired of the constant disappointments and hurts I have experienced. But that's another story … As for this woman? Just move on. If you want to make changes like you say you do, then you may make these changes but starting after this woman.
Author SG2014 Posted June 16, 2018 Author Posted June 16, 2018 (edited) You are right, I have to move on. I’m for work in a new country and it’s difficult not to got out and meet girls. It already happened... I know this is bad, don’t know what’s wrong with me. I want to change my lifestyle, but it’s hard. I can blame it on my job, but in the end, it’s me who makes the decision. Edited June 16, 2018 by SG2014
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