She agreed to a second date but lukewarm?

[Sbla22]

Me again with another first date question!

 

(Me 26 male, her 26)

 

Went on a first date on Friday night with a woman I met on Tinder. We went for a few drinks.

 

She is very attractive but a little bit taller than me which I didn't anticipate from her photos. Anyway we had good conversation but I was certain she wouldn't want to see me again.

 

We were only out just over 2 hours, we'd had 2 drinks each (me beer, her gin) so I said do you want another drink (this was at 10:15 pm) and she said 'I better not as I have quite a few things I need to do tomorrow.

 

Could be legit but usually whenever a woman has declined to prolong a date it's always been a bad sign.

 

Outside we hugged goodbye, I didn't feel like a kiss was the right moment.

 

I said text me when you get home safely but I wasn't really expecting her to.

 

So she sent a text not long after I got home myself saying 'heyy, just got in, thank you for a good night, had a lovely time chatting with you '

 

I replied 'me too, would you want to see me again?'

 

Then she replied an hour later just 'yeah sure'

 

So the next day we set up a mini golf date for this wednesday but her texts have been quite short and she hasn't asked me any questions.

 

So I'm sort of thinking she isn't that bowled over but willing to give it a second date? Just the way she said 'yeah sure' was a bit odd - usually when someone was enthusiastic about seeing me again I'd get something like 'yeah definitely what would you be up for doing?'or something to that effect.

[salparadise]

Don't read so much into it. She may be trying not to seem overly enthusiastic. Follow through with the date and see how she responds in person. Go for the kiss when it feels right. If she reciprocates, great. If she gives you the cheek, you're probably done. Nobody here can tell you what she's thinking.

[smackie9]

You just met for crying out loud....these things take time, plus you need to kool it with the texting. Text her the day before the date to let her know you are looking forward to seeing her. that's it.

[Redguitar35]

You guys didn't have sex on the first date, so I'd say forget her, she's not interested.

[newyorker11356]

You guys didn't have sex on the first date, so I'd say forget her, she's not interested.

 

Oh boy, this again....

 

Absolutely not true at all.

 

She may or may not be interested, but it has ZERO to do with not having sex on the first date.

Edited June 10, 2018 by newyorker11356

[Redguitar35]

Oh boy, this again....

 

Absolutely not true at all.

 

She may or may not be interested, but it has nothing to do with not having sex on the first date.

 

Of course it does. This day and age, if someone really likes you, they aren't going to wait to f**k. My last gf who I just broke up with agreed to sex the first night. That's the only good thing I have to say about her.

[carhill]

Think less and feel more. You went out, had a good time, had some drinks and chatted and set up a mini-golf date. If it happens, cool, if not cool. If it happens, focus on the moment. No agendas or analysis. Mini-golf is great for teasing, banter, incidental touching, all kinds of off-ramps to more interesting and intimate contact. See how it goes. If it goes nowhere well you had a fun game of golf. If somewhere, make another date in person for next weekend, like Saturday night. Go with the flow.

 

Something I learned a long time ago, at least with my generation, women don't feel a guy is interested unless he initiates some sort of intimate contact pretty quickly. Kissing is generally a good start. If the lady likes the guy, meaning she finds him attractive, kissing during or at the end of a date should be welcomed and reciprocated. No tonsil chewing, rather respectful contact. If she's not feeling it, no biggie. Respect that, smile, and move on.

[Happy Lemming]

I remember one date that was "luke warm". She acted like she was doing me a favor by going out with me.

 

I didn't ask her out again, I didn't want to waste my time or money on someone who didn't seem to care either way.

 

I just moved on.

 

NEXT!!

 

In your case, you set up the mini-golf date, so follow through and see what happens. In my opinion, if she is still "luke warm" after this date, throw in the towel.

[Sussmaus7]

It's the first date.. I remember there used to be a 3 day rule before you contacted them again lol. I dont get the eager bever deal... throw in the towel if she's lukewarm after date 2? Um.. wow. Probably think she should close down her dating profile too after 1 or 2 dates.

 

Dating is just that.. dating. Getting to know someone. I didn't get to know people via text.. I went out, had fun and no.. never slept with guys I casually dated until a couple months in. Didn't mean I didn't like them. Just have fun, don't read too much into it.. things that go too fast tend to burn out.

[Happy Lemming]

Of course it does. This day and age, if someone really likes you, they aren't going to wait to f**k.

 

I've dated a lot of women in my lifetime and I can say over 50% of my first dates ended in sex.

 

The rest ended in sex by the third or fourth date or thereabouts.

 

There was only one instance where I dumped a woman because she kept telling me "no".

 

In my experience, sex seems to happen fairly quickly.

[mortensorchid]

Texting has muddied up our relationships with people. It used to be cut and dried that if you have not heard from the man in 48 hours after the first get together, 90% of the time you will not hear from him again. He might call a few days later, you might have a second get together with him, but he doesn't really care if you say yes or no. And after the second encounter you will not hear from him again. Now we have texting.

 

In my experience, if the man texts the next day and says something like "I had a nice time last night", I respond with a polite "Thank you I did as well". If I am not interested in him, I will not respond. Here are some additional things to go by when it comes to texting, especially as you used the Tinder app:

 

1) Phone number vs app - Do you have this woman's phone number where you can text her on her phone rather than through the app itself? And did this person text you on your phone number instead of the app when they contacted next? If the text was through the app, that is not a good sign. That means they are trying to keep you at bay. There were times that I offered the man my phone number and said if you need to reach me, do so at this number. And he does not call/text that number, he texts me through the app itself. This means he is not that interested and he is trying to keep me at bay in case I turn out to be a nutjob.

 

2) Text after the get together - There are times when one party will text the other and say "I had a nice time last night thank you" and the other responds with a "thank you I did as well". And ... That's that. You did specifically ask to see her again which is good but not the greatest sign in her response.

 

3) Response - Her response is lukewarm as you said and it reads to me as lukewarm. But all is not quite lost, she may just be feeling it out. Get together a second time with her if you want to see her again. Get a better sense of her once you have seen her the second time.

[newyorker11356]

Of course it does. This day and age, if someone really likes you, they aren't going to wait to f**k. My last gf who I just broke up with agreed to sex the first night. That's the only good thing I have to say about her.

 

Someone can like you, and still not have sex with you right away. Pretty much a lot of relationships go this route. Plus, logistics often make it to where two people can't have sex right away.

 

Clearly, you still lack a grasp in terms of how romantic relationships often go.

[newyorker11356]

I've dated a lot of women in my lifetime and I can say over 50% of my first dates ended in sex.

 

The rest ended in sex by the third or fourth date or thereabouts.

 

There was only one instance where I dumped a woman because she kept telling me "no".

 

In my experience, sex seems to happen fairly quickly.

 

Big difference between a 1st date and a 4th date (and even then, I don't think a woman likes you less because she hasn't had sex with you after 4 dates).

 

Redguitar seems to think if it doesn't happen by the end of the 1st date, then she doesn't like you, which is obviously not true.

Edited June 11, 2018 by newyorker11356

[basil67]

Let's go back to the date: You say you were certain that she wouldn't want to see you again. Why did you think this? Was it a boring date? If so, why ask her again?

[snowboy91]

You have the second date, so see how it goes. If things stay lukewarm then you know this isn't going anywhere.

 

On the night, she might have legitimately had a lot of things to do the next day, and another drink might not have been a good idea. Don't read into that too much.

[MaleIntuition]

With all date-games going on, it’s simply impossible to tell if she is interested or not. I would also slow down the texting...

[Sbla22]

Let's go back to the date: You say you were certain that she wouldn't want to see you again. Why did you think this? Was it a boring date? If so, why ask her again?

 

A) because she was a bit taller than me

B) she cut the date short

 

Other than that I think it went pretty well - I was into her, just didn't feel like she was going to see me again! Will see how it goes on Wednesday and report back!

[smackie9]

Good luck!

[Gaeta]

A) because she was a bit taller than me

B) she cut the date short

 

Other than that I think it went pretty well - I was into her, just didn't feel like she was going to see me again! Will see how it goes on Wednesday and report back!

 

 

Sbla: Everyone knows my story, when I met my bf the first time I had decided in 2 minutes I would say no to a 2nd date and here we are 2,5 years dating and I tell everyone all the time what an amazing catch he turned out to be.

 

 

Go on that second date and let life unfold as it's suppose to.

[Sbla22]

Update: pissed off now.

 

We were meant to go for the mini golf date tonight - she told me she was free and I said I'd book it for us which I did 2 days ago. It was ten pounds each as it's quite a popular venue.

 

I text her last night: "hey, looking forward to tomorrow, let's meet at half 7'

 

She replied 'hey sorry, I'm a dope, forgot I have a netball match tomorrow so can we do thursday instead?'

 

Me: no worries, I already booked the tickets and wont be able to cancel the booking though and I'm not free until Saturday now.

 

Her: ****, sorry! How much were the tickets? I'll give you half, can't cancel my netball match :/ '

 

Me: no worries, the tickets were ten pounds each, you can buy me a few drinks Saturday ;)"

 

She read the message and didn't reply. I rang the golf place and they said usually they require longer notice for refunds but would refund me.

 

I text her again 'don't worry about the money, got a refund now. Do you fancy this gin bar on Saturday night?'

 

She looked at the message and still not replied - it's been 15 hours...

 

Pissed off as I think it's rude to cancel when you know someone booked and paid for tickets. The excuse is probably genuine but she then didn't even reply to another chance of a meet up.

 

Done with this now.