chichi Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 well i have been talking to this guy for about a month and half. we have had sex and it was great, we talk on the phone all the time and when he is down here where i live he always comes and sees me even for a lil bit. the problem is that he doesnt want to be with me like in a relationship. he says he likes me alot but he just got out of a relationship recently. so did i by the way but this guy is so perfect that i would be with him if i could. well my question is how do you make a guy want to be in a relationship there are so many girls that like him...what could i do to stand out from all the other girls and make him want to be with me....by the way i have met is family and i stay at his house alot.....does he just want to take things slow or what?
JS17 Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 Sounds like a game to me. If he really liked you then he would be with you.
elijahBailey Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 well my question is how do you make a guy want to be in a relationship uhm, you basically can't coerce a guy into wanting a relationship with you. Had you not mentioned the 'I have met his family' thingy, I would've been pretty sure it's headed down the FWB road. But then, it still could be, as long as you provide him the sex everytime he swings into town. You can improve your chances by not acting needy, he's gotta know you still got a life even without him around.
noname Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 what do you mean by "game"? the most important factor in what makes a relationship is timing. not everyone is ready at the same time, even if they are "perfect" for each other. i don't know exactly what is going on in his head, but i would say that if he tells you he is not ready, the best thing to do is take what he says at face value until he proves to be untrustworthy. don't read into it until you have damned good reason. if the pace is no good for you, tell him or bail out. you cannot "make" him want to be in a relationship. you can stand out by just being yourself and let him come to you naturally. the rewards will be more fulfilling in the long run...
Author chichi Posted August 31, 2005 Author Posted August 31, 2005 i dont have sex with him everytime we see eachtoher....usually he comes and just sees me a lil bit and then he goes home and we dont do anything...thats why i think the whole FWB thing is unclear.....and as far as the whole life thing he called me last night and wanted me to come to his house and stay with him bu i told him i was hanging out with my best friend so i couldnt come and stay with him....so he knows i have a life. even when we are out at the same place and we see eachother i dont run up and talk to him i say hi and then do my own thing. he actually got mad the other night when we were out and i dint say anything to him he said so that is how it is...and i told him no but m trying to give you your own space ya know.....please reply and let me know what you think
elijahBailey Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 i dont have sex with him everytime we see eachtoher....usually he comes and just sees me a lil bit and then he goes home and we dont do anything...thats why i think the whole FWB thing is unclear.....and as far as the whole life thing he called me last night and wanted me to come to his house and stay with him bu i told him i was hanging out with my best friend so i couldnt come and stay with him....so he knows i have a life. even when we are out at the same place and we see eachother i dont run up and talk to him i say hi and then do my own thing. he actually got mad the other night when we were out and i dint say anything to him he said so that is how it is...and i told him no but m trying to give you your own space ya know.....please reply and let me know what you think Good and keep things that way. He *needs* to know you aren't gonna be there for him at his own whims and fancy. I was gonna ask you to ignore him a little just to pique his interest, but it sure looks like you've, inadvertently, done that already. The fact that he got mad is actually a good sign because that means that he cares! Just keep things the way they are, but, every once in a while, give him the 'shock treatment' (ie, ignore him or act aloof). I hate telling you to play games, but, the reality is that, guys (myself included) love the chase, if you know what I mean. Whatever is difficult to get always seems good. good luck.
Author chichi Posted August 31, 2005 Author Posted August 31, 2005 thank you for all the advice....just to say i dont call him alot either if we are talking and he tells me he will call me back and he doesnt i wont call him back until he calls me weather it be a day or two i dont call....do you think i made a mistake by sleeping with him....even though we dont sleep together everytime we see eachtother...could that be all he wants from me? we have gone to dinner and chilled with his friends but he doesnt want a relationship? what does he want from me?
Merin Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 Sounds to me that he is happy with how things are... he still gets to sleep with you if or when he wants to, he still can call you and/or see if or when he wants to and he doesn't feel responsible to do anything more because the 2 of you are not in a "relationship" IME it is better to not have sex with someone when you're wanting a exclusive relationship and they have not offered that or have told you they are not wanting that... because then it seems there is only ONE person getting what they want and need in the situation and it isn't the person who was hoping for more (You) Good Luck
alphamale Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 Sounds to me that he is happy with how things are... he still gets to sleep with you if or when he wants to, he still can call you and/or see if or when he wants to and he doesn't feel responsible to do anything more because the 2 of you are not in a "relationship" sounds like the poifect relationship to me
JS17 Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 I second this. Also, IME I also believe it's better to not have sex with someone with whom you want to be in an exclusive relationship and you have not yet set those boundaries. If all you want is casual sex/FWB, well there ya go - you have it. But if you want more, you gotta establish the "more" before you sleep together. Just be careful of the ones that make you believe they're exclusive then change their minds later and forget to tell you.
flowergirl Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 ChiChi, dear girl, I hate to see this because I've been through this B.S game before, and it'll leave you nothing but hurt and angry. If you want a real relationship with someone, go somewhere else, because this guy's got more game than Parker Brothers.
animo Posted August 31, 2005 Posted August 31, 2005 Well maybe this not the best approach but my point of view is that if things aren't happening on my terms then i pretty much lose intrest and if i don't then i know it's important enough to persuit... If you want a relationship the you shouldn't settle for less. His phobias are his problem and not yours. Asside from not getting annoyed and frustrated, you also don't run the risk of getting hurt when you find out he was playing you or was just keeping you on the side. But it's your call, if you want to play the waiting game and play his hard to get game then it's upto you... Just don't 'forget' yourself...
jdubinva Posted September 1, 2005 Posted September 1, 2005 The women are right on...you should lay down your feelings before, uh, laying down. By the way, a menage with Star Gazer and Merlin would be a dream come true!
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