January209 Posted June 10, 2018 Posted June 10, 2018 My bf and I have been dating two years. I feel he can sometimes be extremely verbally abusive but he doesn't think so. He criticizes me for lots of things including how I put my glasses down, how I may hang up my clothes or once he even told me I was wearing a blanket on the wrong side. He constantly rolls his eyes when I make a point, and he used to call me stupid a lot but since he started therapy, he 's curved it a little, though every once and a while he will point out how he can't believe I did something so stupid when I am really smart. During an argument once he told me he was so angry for something I had done days before (I slammed a plate onto a table because he wanted me to repeat a slur and I refused.) that he wanted me to slam my head against the dashboard. Depressed and angry and I almost did it. He stopped me and later apologized. He had told me before that if I hurt his furniture again he would send my head through a wall. Later on he admitted a small part of him wanted to see me bash my head in. He and I are co-owners of a business that is taking off. I work pretty hard, and we went to an event. They had some sort of fun, dance contest. I used to dance professionally, but I just changed my mind and didn't want to do it. After he got a bit angry, I did it. It was fun but afterwards he told me how proud he was of me and that he "would have lost all respect for me if I hadn't done it." I got upset and yelled at him. He hates when I so that and feels like "I yell at him all the time," when I feel that the things he days and does are horrible and I try standing up for myself. Long story short, he apologized but felt I should sleep on the couch for arguing with him for two hours and treating him "disrespectfully." Sometimes I wonder if I am causing all this. That maybe I do complain too much or expect too much. But I also feel horrible and underappreciated most of the time too. I don't know what to do.
d0nnivain Posted June 10, 2018 Posted June 10, 2018 Yes he sounds horrible & dangerous. You care not causing this. He's abusive. Him telling you it's your fault is him gas lighting you. Why would you get into business with him? If he really thought you were stupid why would he want you as a business partner? That makes no sense. If somebody repeated called me stupid, I would not stick around. After the 1st threat of physical violence I would have been out of there. You are playing a very dangerous game with this lose canon. One of these days he is going to move from words to action. Break up. Dissolve the business. Go off on your own & be safe. 1
BaileyB Posted June 10, 2018 Posted June 10, 2018 I feel he can sometimes be extremely verbally abusive but he doesn't think so. He criticizes me for lots of things including how I put my glasses down, how I may hang up my clothes or once he even told me I was wearing a blanket on the wrong side. He used to call me stupid a lot. During an argument once he told me he was so angry that he wanted me to slam my head against the dashboard. He told me that he would send my head through a wall. He admitted a small part of him wanted to see me bash my head in. He felt I should sleep on the couch for arguing with him for two hours and treating him "disrespectfully." I don't know what to do. My friend, you need to leave. That's what you need to do. Don't wait for the sun to go down... This man has threatened you with physical violence on more than one occasion. You are not safe with him. I don't care if he is getting counselling. This will only get worse. Get out NOW!
ExpatInItaly Posted June 10, 2018 Posted June 10, 2018 No, you are not causing this and you are not wrong in your assessment of his abuse. He is abusive and a danger to you. It will one day become physical. Don't want for the day that he actually does put your head through a wall. What a mentally unstable jerk he is. Please extricate yourself form the joint business, end this awful relationship. The money is not worth the horrible emotional damage this is causing. And then seek some counseling for yourself. You will need a strong guide to help you heal from this, and learn to love yourself more. This isn't love.
smackie9 Posted June 10, 2018 Posted June 10, 2018 This is what you can do. Get a lawyer and figure out your options for the business, like make him buy out your portion or you buy him out, breakup, settle your business venture. BTW he is a first class abusive jerk....get out NOW! 1
act00 Posted June 10, 2018 Posted June 10, 2018 This guy is not only abusive, he is downright frightening and violent...he's positively scary. I was terrified at the fact that he wanted you to slam your head against the dashboard, and even more terrified at the fact that you almost did it...and then telling you how badly he wanted to smash your head through a wall...don't think for a second these are just words...one day he just may do it...it's very likely he will. You are not at fault, and you are not causing this. He is abusive, and all you need to do is breathe air to set him off. He is adequately breaking you, and you need to get out now before he breaks you permanently, both physically and mentally. I have no idea how you're going to manage your business, as this is your bread and butter, but you definitely need to remove yourself from this "dating" relationship. Seek legal council on the business.
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