Openend Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 Ok so where to start first I’m 26 and she’s 24 we’ve been dating for around a year and a half. I’d say it’s pretty serious and so far as things have gone we see ourselves being together indefinitely. Before this I really haven’t had a relationship some one night stands and flings but nothing serious. Today on a car ride she seemed upset so I asked her what was up she said nothing I still worried and asked her again 10 mins later and then 3 more times she called me annoying and she just wanted time alone well flash forward to tonight I still sense the heavy atmosphere and I asked again this time we got into it she said she need some time alone but I just wouldn’t have it. This is the gist of the argument eventually she says she’s going to stay at her place for the night after that I ended up crying and begging she stayed. I realized shortly after that how insecure and clingy I have become I never wanted to be like that ever. It hurts me thinking about it now and I desperately want to change this somehow so that this relationship will last. Honestly I don’t know if she’s at the end of her rope with me I don’t want her to be I want to change this behavior because I think this fight gave me some insight. Honestly it seems that all or most of our fights boiled down to these two things. I guess my question(s) is is there anyway to change this? Do I have a chance in changing this while in this relationship? Any specifics? Do you think it is possible to save this relationship from failing? I know the way I’m going now it will fail she’s great but no one has infinite patience.
BaileyB Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 I would suggest that it would be good start with an apology. And, next time she asks for space it would be a good idea to respect her request and give her some space. Find something else to do - go see a friend, read a book, exercise, sleep. 1
basil67 Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 After being all needy with someone who had 'moods', I developed a no nonsense approach to his behaviour. I ended up saying to him "If you're not going to share what's wrong, then please spare me the sad attitude". Or something to that effect. Ultimately, he left and I grieved the loss. Then he went on to do the same behaviour with someone else and hurt them terribly. Good riddance. 1
smackie9 Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 To be desirable is to be undesirable/less available. Be a man and just walk away. Give her what she wants...space. Let her come to you. Make her earn your attention...be aloof.
BluesPower Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 To be desirable is to be undesirable/less available. Be a man and just walk away. Give her what she wants...space. Let her come to you. Make her earn your attention...be aloof. While I usually agree...With @smackie9 a lot, not this time... Her advice is actually great, for your next GF. The crying and begging, I mean dude could you have less respect for yourself? This relationship with this girl is done. Go find your balls, and practice being a man for a while and then come back to the dating scene. And, if you have not figured out a few things yet, let me help... 1) If a woman does not want to be with you, why would you want to be with her? There are literally millions of women out there, one of them will want to be with you. 2) Being weak a clingy with a woman is a sure fire way to lose her. Don't ever, ever, EVER do that. 3) Always be willing to walk away from a relationship if it is not working. Not saying never work on one, but be willing to leave. And, brother, have some confidence about yourself, crying and begging a woman, that is just embarrassing...
d0nnivain Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 During a car ride you asked somebody what was wrong 5 times & got the same answer -- nothing. What became wrong after the 2nd ask was you constantly asking her what was wrong. You ask once. When you see the person is clearly lying to you, you don't ask again. Instead you say, "I can see you're upset but I won't push. I'm here if you want to talk but try to remember I can't help or fix it if you don't tell me what the problem is." Then you leave them alone. I'd try this: send her flowers. Include a note. You have to put it in your own words but I'd say something like this: I'm sorry about yesterday. I hate when we fight. I'm still learning how to be in a relationship & sometimes I push too hard. Please forgive me. I'm going to back off for the weekend but I hope we can talk again Monday & clear the air. I really do care about you. Love, Openend Then sit back & see what happens on Monday. 1
Gaeta Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 Why were you crying exactly? I am not sure I grasp what's the problem here. You've been together 1,5 year, you should have built a strong enough connection by now to not worry about those little phases. So what she was moody and needed time alone? Why did you assume it was because of you? Why do you assume the relationship is in jeopardy?
BluesPower Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 Why were you crying exactly? I am not sure I grasp what's the problem here. You've been together 1,5 year, you should have built a strong enough connection by now to not worry about those little phases. So what she was moody and needed time alone? Why did you assume it was because of you? Why do you assume the relationship is in jeopardy? Well actually... after his behavior, he kind of should be concerned that the relationship is in jeopardy, don't you think?
Gaeta Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 Well actually... after his behavior, he kind of should be concerned that the relationship is in jeopardy, don't you think? Not really. If this is a 1 isolated event in 1,5 year dating I don't know why the relationship would be in jeopardy. So he got annoying and got a weak moment, I hardly see this has a break-it moment.
BluesPower Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 Not really. If this is a 1 isolated event in 1,5 year dating I don't know why the relationship would be in jeopardy. So he got annoying and got a weak moment, I hardly see this has a break-it moment. Yeah, that is a reasonable point of view, I can dig it. Who wants to bet that she breaks up with him inside of a month?
Gaeta Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 Yeah, that is a reasonable point of view, I can dig it. Who wants to bet that she breaks up with him inside of a month? You are most likely right. OP's fear of her reaction indicates, to me, that it's not the first time he acts cligny and he knows she's at the end of her rope. Also we don't know why she was moody, was it because he was aggravating her with something else? Who knows. It would be interesting to hear about their history. OP how has been your relationship in the past 1,5 year?
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