Xavi Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 Hello everyone, So my ex GF and I broke up back in November. We dated for about eight months. She is 25 and I am 32. While we didn’t live in the same city for most of the time, we saw each other very often as we made it a priority to visit, and her family lives in the same city I do. It was going great for the first 6 months. I already knew her parents prior to dating her, and they loved me. She was thinking of coming back to our home town after graduating in December and she even suggested we get a place together. I was head over heels in love with this girl. I seriously thought I had finally found the one. In retrospect, I missed several red flags. At times she seemed distant and unavailable but was fine the next day. I ignored these and several other issues that probably should have warned me of what was to come. The only major fight we had prior to the breakup was related to her parents. They felt she was on the road too often and were concerned, as she has crashed quite a bit over the years. She got in a fight with them as a result. She took it out on me and I defused the situation by promising to visit more often. She apologized. All was well again. Then November came along, and she received the very unfortunate news that her mother’s cancer had returned in a big way. I tried to be as supportive as I could. Here is where it got weird. Her father asked her to come back after graduating in order to help him with her mom, as she more than likely had a year or two left and required support. My ex had no major commitments keeping her in her current city. My ex and her parents then got into a big fight after that, as she decided then and there that she wanted to stay in her current city and did not want to be forced to go back. She called me after that and told me (in a very agitated way) that she needed some time apart to figure things out. This is one week after she suggested we get a place together. I tried contacting her a couple of weeks later just to see if everything was ok and got no response, so I took the hint and tried to be patient. She then sent me a text message officially breaking up with me saying that she wasn’t ready for a serious relationship and that she was staying in her current city. She wasn’t speaking to her parents and was seeing a therapist to come to terms with everything that was happening. I was devastated. I had been in breakups before but this one hit me like a truck. I just could not fathom how, at this critical moment, she could distance herself from her parents. I understand breaking up, but this was a complete shock to me. I was a wreck for the first months after that. I went NC, but my friends told me she was posting videos having a blast in bars and the like. I just could not understand how she could be like this. I started working out, lost some weight, got new hobbies, worked on myself and the pain started to subside. I started seeing a therapist as well just to make sure I was doing fine. It has been a long road to recovery. I even went on a couple dates already, though nothing serious yet. I found out this week that my ex’s mother had to be rushed to the hospital and only has days to live. I was extremely saddened to hear this, as I knew the mother quite well. All of the memories of the breakup came rushing back, especially my disappointment with my ex over how she could act like she did. Fortunately, she patched things up some weeks after our breakup, but she did not come back. I have not seen or spoken to her since breaking up. This week has been very rough. I feel like I took two or three steps back in my recovery. I hope this is temporary but time will tell. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. -Xavi
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 Intellectually I think you realize her life is a mess. When you lose a parent, everything gets turned upside down. This break up really wasn't about you. It's more about her dying mother. She's losing her anchor. If you are so inclined, pray for her family. Do send condolences if the mother passes. After that you can reach out again to see if your EX is in a better place emotionally & capable of trying again Meanwhile keep yourself busy & if an interesting woman comes along who piques your fancy, ask her out. Do not wait for this EX.
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