alluc Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 About 6 weeks me and my girlfriend broke up. In that time she slept with another man., her best friend. When we decided to try again she didn't tell me. I found out the truth by accident a few days ago. Of course I felt angry but we were broken up so I accepted and to be honest I was flirting with a few other girls at that time . The problem is she's still jealous. Even though she slept with another man she can still get jealous. It could be with a girl i talk to on facebook, or even a girl in a bar, which we go to together. I told her she no longer has the right to be jealous and if she can't change then the relatipnship will become toxic. Question is can jealous people in relationships change? and if they can how?
DrReplyInRhymes Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 About 6 weeks me and my girlfriend broke up. In that time she slept with another man., her best friend. When we decided to try again she didn't tell me. I found out the truth by accident a few days ago. Of course I felt angry but we were broken up so I accepted and to be honest I was flirting with a few other girls at that time . The problem is she's still jealous. Even though she slept with another man she can still get jealous. It could be with a girl i talk to on facebook, or even a girl in a bar, which we go to together. I told her she no longer has the right to be jealous and if she can't change then the relatipnship will become toxic. Question is can jealous people in relationships change? and if they can how? Everytime she gets jealous of you and wants to start a fight, Just gently remind her she slept with another guy that night, It won't go over too well, but you'll have to make do, As women getting jealous is a known stereotype that's often true!
Author alluc Posted June 7, 2018 Author Posted June 7, 2018 Everytime she gets jealous of you and wants to start a fight, Just gently remind her she slept with another guy that night, It won't go over too well, but you'll have to make do, As women getting jealous is a known stereotype that's often true! Hmm I tried this.I started to visualize what they did together and then i got angry. I said some pretty horrible things. I want to move on, not remember it. I'm leaning towards breaking up. I can't seem to find a solution. I've never dated a jealous girl before so its a weird situation for me 1
kendahke Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 About 6 weeks me and my girlfriend broke up. In that time she slept with another man., her best friend. When we decided to try again she didn't tell me. I found out the truth by accident a few days ago. Of course I felt angry but we were broken up so I accepted and to be honest I was flirting with a few other girls at that time . The problem is she's still jealous. Even though she slept with another man she can still get jealous. It could be with a girl i talk to on facebook, or even a girl in a bar, which we go to together. I told her she no longer has the right to be jealous and if she can't change then the relatipnship will become toxic. Question is can jealous people in relationships change? and if they can how? There is a difference here that you aren't grasping. Her fling was while you two were broken up. YOU are flirting now that you're back together with her and of course, that's going to set her off---you're in a relationship with her. Stop punishing her for being free to do as she pleased when she was single by shoving your flirting with other chicks in her face. That's really bad form. You have totally instigated her reaction by trying to punish her. 1
DrReplyInRhymes Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 Hmm I tried this.I started to visualize what they did together and then i got angry. I said some pretty horrible things. I want to move on, not remember it. I'm leaning towards breaking up. I can't seem to find a solution. I've never dated a jealous girl before so its a weird situation for me Personally I like jealous girls. They turn me on. Because of who I am and my personality, jealous girls go along with me very well. I like the jealously. I like the idea of my girlfriend getting up in the face of another interested woman. I like if she throws a fit because a girl showed interest so I can go grab her and whisper in her ear - "hey sweets, you got nothing to worry about, she doesn't even hold a candle to your gorgeousness."
DrReplyInRhymes Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 There is a difference here that you aren't grasping. Her fling was while you two were broken up. YOU are flirting now that you're back together with her and of course, that's going to set her off---you're in a relationship with her. Stop punishing her for being free to do as she pleased when she was single by shoving your flirting with other chicks in her face. That's really bad form. You have totally instigated her reaction by trying to punish her. You may have misread. He said he was flirting with other girls at the same time she was bumping uglies with some other dude.
kendahke Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 You may have misread. He said he was flirting with other girls at the same time she was bumping uglies with some other dude. No, you missed this: It could be with a girl i talk to on facebook or even a girl in a bar, which we go to together. Those sentences aren't written in past tense. 1
Author alluc Posted June 7, 2018 Author Posted June 7, 2018 There is a difference here that you aren't grasping. Her fling was while you two were broken up. YOU are flirting now that you're back together with her and of course, that's going to set her off---you're in a relationship with her. Stop punishing her for being free to do as she pleased when she was single by shoving your flirting with other chicks in her face. That's really bad form. You have totally instigated her reaction by trying to punish her. Sorry, I flirted with girls when we were broken up the same as her. the moment we got back together I made the decision to commit and no longer flirted. and i never flirted before the fight
kendahke Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 Sorry, I flirted with girls when we were broken up the same as her. the moment we got back together I made the decision to commit and no longer flirted. and i never flirted before the fight It could be with a girl i talk to on facebook or even a girl in a bar, which we go to together. Neither the word "talked" nor "went" were used in those sentences, so it makes it sound like you are provoking her jealousy now, not in the past. Those are active verbs you are using. Might want to make yourself clear on this point. It makes a difference in what it's conveying. and if her jealousy is too much for you to bear, then dump her. Problem solved.
preraph Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 Insecurity is the insecure person's problem. But you can keep from making it worse by being totally transparent and not ever looking and flirting . If you really want to be with her, then be totally transparent, let her see your phone, etc., on the condition you also see hers. To me, it's no way to live, but if you're in that deep that you love her anyway, talk to her about mutual transparency to ease both of your jealous mistrust. 1
Author alluc Posted June 7, 2018 Author Posted June 7, 2018 Neither the word "talked" nor "went" were used in those sentences, so it makes it sound like you are provoking her jealousy now, not in the past. Those are active verbs you are using. Might want to make yourself clear on this point. It makes a difference in what it's conveying. and if her jealousy is too much for you to bear, then dump her. Problem solved. English isn't my native language so I make mistakes We will meet tomorrow to talk about this problem. I don't want to lose her but if she can't change I must finish it
kendahke Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 English isn't my native language so I make mistakes you can see how importance verb tense is in our language... it makes a huge difference to what you're trying to impart. Still--if her jealousy is that bad, then dump her.
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 You are trying to take the high road here. As has been pointed out, just because she slept with somebody else while you were apart does not give you a free pass to flirt with others now that you are "back together." You had every right to flirt, kiss, have sex with other women while you & your GF were broken up, same as she had the right to sleep with the other guy. If she's telling you that you need to be OK with her having sex with this other guy but she's going to give to grief and get mad because you talked to other women or liked their social media, she's a hypocrite & is being unreasonable. If she is mad because you are continuing to carry on like you are still a single man, yes she can get annoyed about that. I think what you are also trying to say is that her jealousy & insecurity is part of what led to the break up in the 1st place. If so, you have to expect that is not going to change. It's always a bad idea to get back together if you haven't fixed what broke you up in the 1st place. As people mature & grow, they tend to get a better handle on their jealousy. So it's possible that she may change this view during her lifetime. But she won't change it during your relationship. When you break up over the course of her lifetime she will hopefully reflect on what went wrong so she can learn from it & not make the same mistake in the next relationship. At that point . . . a few relationships after yours . . . she might get her head screwed on straight but not while it will benefit you.
Author alluc Posted June 8, 2018 Author Posted June 8, 2018 You are trying to take the high road here. As has been pointed out, just because she slept with somebody else while you were apart does not give you a free pass to flirt with others now that you are "back together." You had every right to flirt, kiss, have sex with other women while you & your GF were broken up, same as she had the right to sleep with the other guy. If she's telling you that you need to be OK with her having sex with this other guy but she's going to give to grief and get mad because you talked to other women or liked their social media, she's a hypocrite & is being unreasonable. If she is mad because you are continuing to carry on like you are still a single man, yes she can get annoyed about that. I think what you are also trying to say is that her jealousy & insecurity is part of what led to the break up in the 1st place. If so, you have to expect that is not going to change. It's always a bad idea to get back together if you haven't fixed what broke you up in the 1st place. As people mature & grow, they tend to get a better handle on their jealousy. So it's possible that she may change this view during her lifetime. But she won't change it during your relationship. When you break up over the course of her lifetime she will hopefully reflect on what went wrong so she can learn from it & not make the same mistake in the next relationship. At that point . . . a few relationships after yours . . . she might get her head screwed on straight but not while it will benefit you. The girl I talk with on facebook is my old fwb. we stopped a long time ago and became good friends. When we went to a bar together a random woman approached me and asked to join her table for a drink. I tried to polite and be nice and of course I said no. My gf didn't like the way I handled the situation. I also have many female friends on facebook. I can see why she gets jealous and because of my history, but I have always been honest and upfront to the point I show her my messages. Her ex cheated, she told me that is the cause of her jealously.
d0nnivain Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 She's punishing you because of her EX's actions. People like her -- who can't accept that you are not her EX -- don't change.
BaileyB Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 I'm not sure that this is insecurity as much as it is showing a lack of kindness, trust, and respect for a partner. Jealousy has no place in a healthy relationship.
Author alluc Posted June 8, 2018 Author Posted June 8, 2018 I'm not sure that this is insecurity as much as it is showing a lack of kindness, trust, and respect for a partner. Jealousy has no place in a healthy relationship. I have asked her why are you jealous her response is "I trust you, I just don't trust the other girls". So, this is like jealousy is a form of projection? That she knows that she is capable of cheating? The reason we broke up was mainly my fault. I didn't care for her enough. Now that she knows I can change and become more warm and caring I thought the jealously thing would go away. I am meeting her tonight. I feel, I already know what the outcome is. I'm upset but its right
BaileyB Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 "I trust you, I just don't trust the other girls". Personally, I don't buy that. If she really trusted you, it wouldn't matter what the other girls did because she could trust that you would be faithful. The other girls would be inconsequential.
kendahke Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 I have asked her why are you jealous her response is "I trust you, I just don't trust the other girls". Translation: I don't trust you to not end up with one of those girls on the business end of your johnson. That's a mealy mouthed way of saying she doesn't trust your judgment unless she is there to witness you. That means: she doesn't trust you. If she did, her behavior and attitude would not be what it is.
stillafool Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 About 6 weeks me and my girlfriend broke up. In that time she slept with another man., her best friend. When we decided to try again she didn't tell me. I found out the truth by accident a few days ago. Of course I felt angry but we were broken up so I accepted and to be honest I was flirting with a few other girls at that time . The problem is she's still jealous. Even though she slept with another man she can still get jealous. It could be with a girl i talk to on facebook, or even a girl in a bar, which we go to together. I told her she no longer has the right to be jealous and if she can't change then the relatipnship will become toxic. Question is can jealous people in relationships change? and if they can how? They can control their jealousy through counseling. More than likely because your gf had sex with another guy during the breakup she now feels like you may feel that you're owed a fling and might take it. 1
TheFinalWord Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 About 6 weeks me and my girlfriend broke up. In that time she slept with another man., her best friend. When we decided to try again she didn't tell me. I found out the truth by accident a few days ago. Of course I felt angry but we were broken up so I accepted and to be honest I was flirting with a few other girls at that time . The problem is she's still jealous. Even though she slept with another man she can still get jealous. It could be with a girl i talk to on facebook, or even a girl in a bar, which we go to together. I told her she no longer has the right to be jealous and if she can't change then the relatipnship will become toxic. Question is can jealous people in relationships change? and if they can how? Besides the fact this does not sound like a match made in heaven, the real question is, does she want to change? People only change if they want it, not because you want it to happen. You broke up once and probably for this reason. Unless you both talked through it and have decided to work on this issue, nothing is going to change. It also sounds like you are not fully committed. You are keeping FWB on the backburner. 1
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