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Am I putting myself in danger?

wondering728

By wondering728
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wondering728 New Member

wondering728

Posted
Posted (edited)

Met man online and text and calls for 8 straight days. I checked him out online for any court action and he appears to be a legit doctor with his own home.

 

Since he lives almost 2 hours away he offered to come to me for our first date. But he wants to cook dinner for me. Then because of distance he said that if things don’t feel right or I’m not ready he can sleep in my guest room.

 

My thought was to at least have dinner at a place close to my home and then see where things go.

 

I live alone. Am I putting myself at risk or is there another way to handle this?

Edited by wondering728
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
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Tell this man that you want to have dinner OUT and close to your home. Why are you hesitating to tell him what you want? No he can't stay over. He's a grown man and can drive home.

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JDJ Established Member

JDJ

Posted
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Someone you have never met has invited HIMSELF to stay in your house? Would you want to be with someone with such poor etiquette?

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bathtub-row Established Member

bathtub-row

Posted
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Cancel the date! Any man who makes this offer is either a complete idiot, rapist, or serial murderer. Yes! You are putting yourself in a very bad situation here. You know nothing about this guy and not only bringing him into your home is dangerous but also him even knowing where you live. Any decent guy would be sensitive to your situation and would NEVER make such an offer. Cancel, cancel, cancel.

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PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

Posted
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Worst case, yes you're putting yourself in a lot of danger.

 

Best case, this guy just wants casual sex.

 

Either way, NEXT.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Yes you are putting yourself in danger to be taken advantage of. He wants sex. The at home cook for you early date always means they want sex.

 

A quality man takes you out for a 1st date & does not invite himself to stay at your house.

 

At this point I wouldn't even meet him in public because of the audacious nature of his initial request.

 

With OLD the 1st meeting is always in a well lit public place & should be short -- coffee, drinks etc. They tell men this especially because multiple 1st meets can get expensive fast if it's always dinner. If distance is an issue you meet half way. He can still come to you if he is trying to be chivalrous & stay in a hotel if he is too tired to drive.

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babysacay Established Member

babysacay

Posted
Posted
Met man online and text and calls for 8 straight days. I checked him out online for any court action and he appears to be a legit doctor with his own home.

 

Since he lives almost 2 hours away he offered to come to me for our first date. But he wants to cook dinner for me. Then because of distance he said that if things don’t feel right or I’m not ready he can sleep in my guest room.

 

My thought was to at least have dinner at a place close to my home and then see where things go.

 

I live alone. Am I putting myself at risk or is there another way to handle this?

 

I really don't think that is a wise decision. I have had men drive two hours to go on dates with me in the past with the understanding I would not tell them where I live. As posted above, any good man will understand your desire to not inform him where you live until you know him better. I ALWAYS meet in public first, for safety reasons. And I always refrain from drinking on the first few dates for the same reasons and automatically reject men who do not respect these things. We women can never be too safe.

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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted
Worst case, yes you're putting yourself in a lot of danger.

 

Best case, this guy just wants casual sex.

 

This. NEVER let a man you have never met into your home. NEVER EVER.

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Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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I don't think you are placing yourself in a lot of danger but you are putting yourself in a place where he is expecting casual sex and will try for it without a doubt.

If you accept you are in essence agreeing to have sex with him, of course you can always say no but he is trying to put you in a position where it would be hard to say no.

 

 

Next!!

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caveman621 Established Member

caveman621

Posted
Posted

Agree with everyone. First date with someone you haven't met ALWAYS in a public location!!!! He suggested he come to your place and sleep at your place for the first date? Red flags all over that!

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CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

Posted
Posted

Can't you two meet halfway for dinner?

 

I did let a man stay over, on my couch, on a first date one time, but we had talked for nearly 2 months and I felt like I knew him very, very well. (And I was right). We ended up dating for 10 months. And he was totally respectful.

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Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted
Met man online and text and calls for 8 straight days. I checked him out online for any court action and he appears to be a legit doctor with his own home.

 

Since he lives almost 2 hours away he offered to come to me for our first date. But he wants to cook dinner for me. Then because of distance he said that if things don’t feel right or I’m not ready he can sleep in my guest room.

 

My thought was to at least have dinner at a place close to my home and then see where things go.

 

I live alone. Am I putting myself at risk or is there another way to handle this?

 

Always listen to your instincts and always, always have boundaries. When something doesn't feel right, speak up even if it comes at the expense of pushing a man away.

 

This guy sounds like bad news. Any man that is this blatant and has no awareness into how inappropriate such a suggestion may be is a huge red flag.

 

I would suggest you pass on this one and move on. Been there and done that -- the ones that are this forward are only in it for themselves -- he's only after one thing.

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CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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This guy sounds like bad news. Any man that is this blatant and has no awareness into how inappropriate such a suggestion may be is a huge red flag.

 

 

Or he's clueless about dating because he hasn't done it in a while. The man I referenced in my above post arrived at my home to pick me up for our first date 30 MINUTES EARLY! He hadn't had a first date in over 10 years and was very rusty ;).

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted (edited)
Or he's clueless about dating because he hasn't done it in a while. The man I referenced in my above post arrived at my home to pick me up for our first date 30 MINUTES EARLY! He hadn't had a first date in over 10 years and was very rusty ;).

 

Personally, I don't buy the clueless bit. A man picking you up early for a first date is one thing and it's tame compared to man, who is an absolute stranger blatantly inviting himself into a woman's home on a first date. Then going a step further by suggesting that he should stay the night regardless of where it goes. Sound like a guy who knows what he's doing.

Edited by Zahara
  • Like 3
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted
Met man online and text and calls for 8 straight days. I checked him out online for any court action and he appears to be a legit doctor with his own home.

 

Since he lives almost 2 hours away he offered to come to me for our first date. But he wants to cook dinner for me. Then because of distance he said that if things don’t feel right or I’m not ready he can sleep in my guest room.

 

My thought was to at least have dinner at a place close to my home and then see where things go.

 

I live alone. Am I putting myself at risk or is there another way to handle this?

 

Be brave---tell him "No, I do not wish to have a first meeting with a stranger in anyone's home. I need for it to be a public place. There's plenty of time for you to cook me dinner if things work out". If he's turned off by that, then you know he was up to no good from the jump.

 

I'd be concerned with him being a doctor I didn't know and putting some drug in the food.

 

He sound creepy for even suggesting him cooking for you for the first date and even more so by suggesting he'll sleep in your guest room. No. You'll book a room at a local hotel or don't try dating women out of your area.

 

Let this guy go and cull your dreams of being a doctor's wife.

 

.

  • Like 1
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

I agree with the others and ...

 

 

Who does he think you are? to invite HIMSELF into your home! and SUGGEST he'd stay under your roof when he's a complete stranger to you! He must be laughing at how easy it is to play women with his doctorate.

  • Like 2
Purrrfect Established Member

Purrrfect

Posted
Posted (edited)

I would say absolutely no to his house or yours.

 

And you have no idea if this man is legit until you meet him

 

Agree to meet locally for dinner and that’s it

 

I would make him come to you.

 

Btw my friend went through a nightmare experience with a super hot model like guy who said he was in med school. Turns out he is not and he is a huge con artist who was dating multiple women and was even driving a car in some woman’s name.

 

Don’t trust anyone online until you have met them a few times and know they are the real deal.

Edited by Purrrfect
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wondering728 New Member

wondering728

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks to all for your input. I told him if we were to meet it would be lunch in between our homes and he was very receptive and said that made more sense. I hope for the best and thanks again!

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Just guard your heart wondering728. You & this guy are not on the same page.

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wondering728 New Member

wondering728

Posted
  • Author
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So I met him in between for lunch on Saturday. We made a full day of it from lunch to dinner and going to a winery in between. As soon as I met him he hugged me and started holding my hand. A short time later, he kissed me on occasion. He kept on saying he was happy to meet me and wanted to see me again soon.

Then he said some things that I thought were somewhat strange. He is a dentist and asked me if I whiten my teeth. When I replied I only use waiting toothpaste, he told me that’s bad for you that I should use a different method. He then asked about a birthmark on my arm, which really isn’t too obvious. He told me that he has a friend has a special Doctor who could remove it without really any scar. He kept saying I was beautiful and telling me about his prior bad dates and how happy he was to finally meet a woman with wit, looks, etc. He was married twice before not uncommon for 67-year-old. He does have some animosity towards his first wife because of custody issues when the kids were young and he has no contact now with the second ex-wife. He listed his age on the dating website is 62 years old but he told me he’s really 66 years old I am listed at 58 years old but I’m really 60 however I did try to fix it and for some reason it wouldn’t work. He was the one that brought it up first interestingly enough. Gardening is his passion so he brought me a bunch of vegetables that’s also a first for me on a first date.

He invited me to a concert near his home on Thursday night and I told him that id think about it because it would involve me sleeping over which I’m really not ready for. Coincidentally by the time I got home that next day I fell I fell ill with a upper respiratory infection so I told him I wasn’t gonna be able to make it. I don’t think he believed me at first from the from his texts but once he realized I was sick he was very understanding.

I’ve been burnt with my prior 2 relationships because of control issues and lies. Also one of them was a narcissist and came on strong for the beginning. Further the distance killed my last relationship since he didn’t want to move in with me for another three years after we had already been dating two years and the only time I saw him was on Saturday nights and during the day on Sunday like a booty call? Not a good thing when he is 67 and I’m 60 years old.

Do I go out of my way to see this guy or not? He doesn’t work on Fridays and I can take off some Fridays so perhaps we can bridge the difference? Is his conduct indicative of a controlling person? We really enjoyed each other‘s company and I find that very hard to find these days. Also we are both about two years from retirement and then we are free to live elsewhere since both of our adult kids are out of the area anyway. Please let me know your thoughts.

SunnyWeather Established Member

SunnyWeather

Posted
Posted

the distance and schedules sound like a deal breaker, tbh

 

but if you want to go on a second do another day trip meeting half way

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
Do I go out of my way to see this guy or not? He doesn’t work on Fridays and I can take off some Fridays so perhaps we can bridge the difference? Is his conduct indicative of a controlling person? We really enjoyed each other‘s company and I find that very hard to find these days. Also we are both about two years from retirement and then we are free to live elsewhere since both of our adult kids are out of the area anyway. Please let me know your thoughts.

 

 

Whether you see him again is entirely up to you. But yes, he's a controlling person. First he invites himself over to your house. Then when you do meet, he's awfully touch very early in the date & throughout it. Then he insults the shade of your teeth under the guise of giving you free dental advice. Then he points out what he sees as a physical flaw, your birth mark, & starts telling you how to change your appearance through surgery & expensive medical care. He's already pressing you for a sleep over. What part of that whole thing doesn't sound controlling to you?

 

As for the distance, you are projecting. Just because your last relationship failed over the distance, doesn't mean this one will.

 

The idea that after one date you are already thinking about relocating in 2 years after retirement tells me you need to learn how to slow down. Live in the present. Right now after 1 date the only future you should be considering is a 2nd date. Do not think farther than that.

 

Do be careful. I have a bad feeling that this guy is a nail & bail type. He's too sexually pushy too early IMO.

bathtub-row Established Member

bathtub-row

Posted
Posted

I wouldn't have gone out with him in the first place. The minute he invited himself to your house, that's where it should've ended. This guy is WAY too pushy. Too much, too soon. Abusers are classic for this kind of behavior. Red flags everywhere, if you ask me. Holding hands, kissing, him saying he found someone -- ridiculous. I hope you don't fall for this crap.

  • Like 1
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Posted

I agree on all points with the previous posters. Add to that he's a liar. To me someone that lies on their age as much as he did is out to no good.

 

 

 

Also long distance will not allow you to have a good look at this guy. To get to know someone you need to spend face to face time together, a lot of it. I was 3 years long distance with my ex-h before we married and when we moved in together it was like moving in with a stranger and he becam abusive and violent within a year.

 

 

 

It's much better to find someone local that has nothing to hide, you can spend tons of time together and both go back to your respective homes.

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