bikinibeach Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 It's only been 4 months. He is constantly pushing the envelope with sex so that he can have it numerous times a day. He leaves our time together feeling satisfied and content... I am sore and slightly annoyed. I like sex with him, but not that many times in a day. I do want to make him happy so I let myself be cajoled. I am 29, he's 34 and we're both marriage minded. We've met each others families. He does a lot of sweet things for me: romantic nights out, massages, great discussions etc. But I'm just starting to feel like he is asking for more than I am willing to give and he is livin' large in this relationship while I'm sitting back wondering what I am getting out of this?? I know it sounds un-pc but that is why I am here to ask you ladies. It's not the dark ages, I don't need him to physically protect me. He pays for dinner but I can afford that myself. If anything, this is all starting to cost me money ie: driving to meet him to go on roadtrips every other week (gas cost), cooking him dinners a few times a week (price of groceries). I just graduated and have yet to find employment, so I'm living in a tiny bachelorette suite and cutting coupons and slightly stressed about the money I'm spending to be dating him. Meanwhile he is well established in a 6 figure career, owns his home, has 3 cars etc. I'm not sure what it is that I want from him so that I feel like my needs are getting met on the level he feels when he pressure me for sex multiple times a day. Well, I suppose I do know: some financial help. I don't think that's so absurd. You could say HE'S NOT YOUR PERSONAL ATM!! but I could also say I'm not his personal sex slave. Can someone give any insight on this situation please? It might also help to know that he is very religious, really shy with everyone but me and not stereo typically good looking. But he is confident, smart and good at what he does.
snowboy91 Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 Not a lady here, but I'll still answer. Do you feel that sex is the only thing that you feel you're getting in this relationship? I mean that in the sense, do you feel like you have his love and affection? Do you feel an emotional connection to him? Do you genuinely enjoy spending time with him? It's been 4 months... the "honeymoon" period often lasts longer than this. It might be just that your sex drives are different, and that's it. Which is perfectly fine (and in fact, don't have sex more than you want - you'll only resent him more). But if you're questioning what this relationship is giving you, then there must be something not right, as much as you may not have worked out what it is yet. Try and consider what you feel you want from a relationship, and whether you're getting it here. Others may have more insight, but that's a starting point. 1
Frogwife Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 (edited) . I'm not sure what it is that I want from him so that I feel like my needs are getting met on the level he feels when he pressure me for sex multiple times a day. Well, I suppose I do know: some financial help. I don't think that's so absurd. [] Are you implying that you would like him to help you financially because of all of the sex he is "getting" from you? If I were in his shoes and heard my partner tallying up gas and groceries and number of times we were having sex as though they were some type of burden, I would be out of there. Yikes. These things should all be a joyful part of the relationship, honeymoon period or not. Edited June 8, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3
PegNosePete Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 I'm not sure what it is that I want from him so that I feel like my needs are getting met on the level he feels when he pressure me for sex multiple times a day. Well, I suppose I do know: some financial help. I don't think that's so absurd. If you don't even know what you want out of it (other than $$) then how is he supposed to know? He is not a mind reader, I assume. Did you discuss this with him? If he pressures you and you don't feel like it then just say NO. If he carries on then tell him NO MEANS NO and ask him to leave. I could also say I'm not his personal sex slave. Yes, you could, and maybe you should. Say that to him, I mean! Telling us on a forum isn't going to achieve anything.
MaleIntuition Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 You aren’t attracted to him, and it doesn’t even sound like you like him. Why are YOU in this relationship?
basil67 Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 Bikinibeach, you've got two different issues here and they must not be combined into one. Issue one is you feeling like a piece of meat for all that sex. What happens if you say no? Issue two is that you can't afford the lifestyle you're living with him. Discuss this separately to issue one. 3
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 It’s not a matter of liking, sometimes you just feel like someone is in it for sex even though he says all the right words. If frequent sex is a part of an otherwise loving relationship then that’s great. I feel like people are missing the nuances here. I was once in a relationship like this and tried to tell myself not to be “silly”. He did take me out but he seemed kind of apathetic unless sex was on the cards. Like he just went through the motions to appease me. I’m sure most people would not notice these subtle mood shifts...Long story short, I realised I was right all along when I got sick and couldn’t have sex. He got really angry and pushy People don’t post threads like these when they are in happy and healthy relationships. 2
Author bikinibeach Posted June 7, 2018 Author Posted June 7, 2018 It’s not a matter of liking, sometimes you just feel like someone is in it for sex even though he says all the right words. If frequent sex is a part of an otherwise loving relationship then that’s great. I feel like people are missing the nuances here. I was once in a relationship like this and tried to tell myself not to be “silly”. He did take me out but he seemed kind of apathetic unless sex was on the cards. Like he just went through the motions to appease me. I’m sure most people would not notice these subtle mood shifts...Long story short, I realised I was right all along when I got sick and couldn’t have sex. He got really angry and pushy People don’t post threads like these when they are in happy and healthy relationships. Oh, that sounds terrible But yeah, I get the impression that every time he has sexual access to me, he is trying to wring every last drop of sexuality activity that he possibly can from me. That would be like ....if he took me out for dinner and I ordered two entrees, extra appetizers and a couple of desserts every time. Wouldn't he start to feel taken advantage of? I don't even think these guys do this stuff on purpose. They think they want a relationship but what they really want is regular access to frequent sex. I'm not sure what to do. I'm supposed to see him tomorrow night but I'm really not into it 1
Author bikinibeach Posted June 7, 2018 Author Posted June 7, 2018 I know. This is the exact question I am asking myself I think it's because I wanted a boyfriend. I want to feel like I'm a grown up by getting married. I want to prove something to myself.
salparadise Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 (edited) If anything, this is all starting to cost me money ie: driving to meet him to go on roadtrips every other week (gas cost), cooking him dinners a few times a week (price of groceries). I just graduated and have yet to find employment, so I'm living in a tiny bachelorette suite and cutting coupons and slightly stressed about the money I'm spending to be dating him. Meanwhile he is well established in a 6 figure career, owns his home, has 3 cars etc. I'm not sure what it is that I want from him so that I feel like my needs are getting met on the level he feels when he pressure me for sex multiple times a day. Well, I suppose I do know: some financial help. I don't think that's so absurd. It might also help to know that he is very religious, really shy with everyone but me and not stereo typically good looking. But he is confident, smart and good at what he does. Why don't you just sit him down and lay it out in black and white... you feel that you're hot and he's not, you don't really like him or enjoy the sex Edited June 7, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed insults
stillafool Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 I don't understand you women. Why can't you open your mouth and tell these guys what you want and don't want?????? You say you give this guy your body until you're wrung out; but yet you can't even have a talk to tell a guy that you don't have the money to cook for him and waste your gas? What is this? What are you afraid of, not having a man???? 1
Robert Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 ****Moderators Note**** Let's leave the insults at home please, there is no reason to post trash instead of good advice and posting to call the thread starter names will be deleted or edited, thanks
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 I don't understand you women. Why can't you open your mouth and tell these guys what you want and don't want?????? You say you give this guy your body until you're wrung out; but yet you can't even have a talk to tell a guy that you don't have the money to cook for him and waste your gas? What is this? What are you afraid of, not having a man???? The problem is that in my case I said so repeatedly. He claimed that it’s more than sex and that I’m wrong. When I made plans for us to go out, he would suggest restaurant across the street from my apartment building. If we went say to the beach, he would be silent most of the time, acting completely disinterested. The moment we would get close to my place, he would start to perk up and then sex right at the door...again and again. It wasn’t like I didn’t like the sex, I just wanted more.
introverted1 Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 What are you getting out of this? Presumably a consensual, adult relationship. If you don't want to have sex with the guy, end it. If you think you should be paid for providing sex, then he's a customer, not a boyfriend. 2
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 bikinibeach If you are measuring the price of gas to drive to him something is wrong here. If you feel like a piece of meat things are really wrong. On his side he could be pressing for more & more sex because he likes you so very much & just wants to be as close to you as possible all the time. That should be a good thing. While he's not your personal ATM as you put it if he's making 6 figures & you are unemployed, there is a financial gap. You cannot be expected to pay half in this relationship. Talk to him about your financial situation. Point blank tell him you can't afford to keep dating him. He may start showing up with groceries or treating you more often. It doesn't sound like he's using you -- there are dinners & trips. I'm sure there are tremendous pressures on you given your finances. You may feel better about things once you get a job. How's your search going? Are you sending out daily resumes? Are you networking? Are you attending job fairs? Once you get more settled, you may see all of this difference. 1
caveman621 Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 OP. You say he provides, "romantic nights out, massages, great discussions etc." So, IMHO, it just sounds like you two are dating and his sex drive is higher than yours. A pretty common occurence, I would think. Have you told him he wants too much sex? I can't see here where he might think of you as a "piece of meat" just for sex. He probably thinks you two are in a relationship. I can't see exactly why you think otherwise. I just think you need to communicate with him about what you want. 1
stillafool Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 The problem is that in my case I said so repeatedly. He claimed that it’s more than sex and that I’m wrong. When I made plans for us to go out, he would suggest restaurant across the street from my apartment building. If we went say to the beach, he would be silent most of the time, acting completely disinterested. The moment we would get close to my place, he would start to perk up and then sex right at the door...again and again. It wasn’t like I didn’t like the sex, I just wanted more. Well if he can't act interested at dinner then I'd surely act disinterested to any sexual advances he made after dinner. These men are getting away with whatever they want to do.
stillafool Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 bikinibeach If you are measuring the price of gas to drive to him something is wrong here. If you feel like a piece of meat things are really wrong. On his side he could be pressing for more & more sex because he likes you so very much & just wants to be as close to you as possible all the time. That should be a good thing. While he's not your personal ATM as you put it if he's making 6 figures & you are unemployed, there is a financial gap. You cannot be expected to pay half in this relationship. Talk to him about your financial situation. Point blank tell him you can't afford to keep dating him. He may start showing up with groceries or treating you more often. It doesn't sound like he's using you -- there are dinners & trips. I'm sure there are tremendous pressures on you given your finances. You may feel better about things once you get a job. How's your search going? Are you sending out daily resumes? Are you networking? Are you attending job fairs? Once you get more settled, you may see all of this difference. Of, better yet just tell him you don't mind cooking but could he buy the groceries. Trust me, he will kick in the money gladly; you just have to ask. What man doesn't want a home cooked meal following by wrung out body sex? Groceries are a small price to pay for that and don't be surprised if he isn't bringing a bag of groceries over everyday.
normal person Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 I know. This is the exact question I am asking myself I think it's because I wanted a boyfriend. Well then it sounds like to me like a large part of this issue is that you're simply with "a" person rather than the "right" person. You just wanted to be in a relationship, regardless of who it was with, and now you're dealing with the consequences of not being more scrupulous about it. Choose a guy you actually want to be with, who adds something to your life (by your standards) and you won't have this problem. I want to feel like I'm a grown up by getting married. Making a life-altering decision to legally bind yourself to someone you don't seem to see the upside to will make you look like a child, not a grown up. Get married because you love the person, want to be with them, and see the potential in the relationship. Not to satisfy your own ego. I want to prove something to myself. What, exactly? That you can make awful decisions and potentially ruin 2+ peoples' lives? 2
Ruby Slippers Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 I'm not sure what it is that I want from him so that I feel like my needs are getting met on the level he feels when he pressure me for sex multiple times a day. Well, I suppose I do know: some financial help. I don't think that's so absurd. There are sugar baby sites where you can find men to give you money for "companionship", outlining a fair exchange from the beginning, if that's really what you want. These sites are soaring in popularity, with the increasingly commodified world we live in. Even when I was on conventional dating sites, sugar daddy types approached me regularly with thinly veiled offers. Never give anything you feel resentful about giving. Don't have sex just because you feel obligated, and don't spend money on ingredients or trips that stretch your budget. I come from nothing and have always been very frugal. I make it clear to anyone I'm dating where I stand financially and what I can/can't afford to do. It's never been a problem. A relationship is about the way you treat each other and enjoy time together, nothing to do with how much money is spent. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 I agree with Basil that there are two separate issues here; sex and money. If he was paying the bill for everything, would the amount of sex be such an issue? If he was less sexually demanding would the fact that you're having to invest $$ into seeing him bother you quite as much? You just admitted in your last post that you have to see him tonight and you're "just aren't into it". That's pretty telling given you're only 4 months into the relationship. I agree with everyone who said you need have an honest chat with him if you want to continue on with the relationship. If not, then do yourselves both a favor and get out. Personally, you don't sound like someone who is blissfully happy with this guy and enjoying your pink bubble. 3
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