My girlfriends paranoia is destroying us!

[Pigeonpino]

Where to begin... *sigh*

 

I really hope someone can help me save my relationship somehow (if it is even salvageable!) or at least give me guidance on how to progress. I am trying my absolute best, but the woman I love so much is driving a wedge between us due to her complete stubbornness to get to the root cause of the issue and recognise how much her paranoia is destroying us. This is a woman that believes in God as well, btw.

 

So last night my girlfriend/fiancé/love of my life of 4 1/2 years (engaged for 2 of those and were planning to be married in the late summer) has pretty much near ended our relationship. I say ‘near’ as I am trying to hold on to it in the hope she will see sense as to what she is doing and how it makes no sense to end it the way she is about to. I am resigning myself to defeat but it’s not fair to end a relationship on mistrust that she has created in her head. She is an intelligent woman (below will probably not make it seem that way) but I just don’t know how to get through to her anymore.

 

Our relationship has seen its fair share of ups and downs like every relationship does. It does not matter what type of life you have, there will always be things to disagree or argue about. You are there to shoulder each other’s burdens, discuss things like adults and attempt to come up with solutions to issues that you are both facing at the same time.

So the situation that is bringing it all to a head? Some of you may laugh or pity me for this...

 

My fiancé thinking I logged into her PayPal account to change her payment details to my bank card in order to, as she put it, 'frame her' for fraudulent activity.

 

Yes, you read that right...she thinks I would do something so daft in some roundabout and half-arsed way to ruin her life somehow. Even suggesting my intention is to get the police to investigate/charge her for a crime. Something that makes me seethe with anger and heartbreak that she would think such a thing. It makes absolutely no sense when I am engaged to this woman, wanting to build a family, trying to build my career, stabilise my finances and ultimately build a long, prosperous and happy future with her.

 

Can you imagine if I went to the police with this story? They would laugh at me right there and then and probably lock me up!

 

So how did this come about? Well partly due to my failure to make her aware of her PayPal or email associated with it pulling money from my bank account over the last couple of years. Mostly at the time, these were small amounts for travel that I thought to be inconsequential at the time. We're talking amounts that sometimes went unnoticed and did not bother me. Certainly, I had financial commitments to deal with but was not in a position where this would hurt or jeopardise those.

 

Only on this particular occasion the amount was far larger (a holiday booking) and caused me to initially contact my bank, where I thought someone had fraudulently used my account. When the lady on the phone told me that it was a PayPal transaction for a holiday, it clicked and I realised that we'd only been discussing the same subject a day or two prior about her being on the verge of booking a summer holiday with her immediate family.

 

When we got into a massive heated argument on the phone did it click that there was a situation back in late 2015 where we were shopping for Christmas presents, and whilst being logged into her eBay/PayPal account we made a couple of purchases using my card. I can't remember the circumstances as to why we used my card back then but we did and it then seemingly saved my bank details as her preferred method or main payment method since then. She even paid me back in cash for this particular transaction(s) – no drama.

 

I never raised it sooner because of how she reacts. Even though it has an innocent explanation and is not some pre-conceived idea to get her in trouble or ‘ruin her life’ - as she puts it.

 

I have even tried to do my own homework and look at old bank statements from 2 ½ years ago in my attempt to show her this as being the catalyst for what she believes to have ill intent. This is perhaps something I should have looked into sooner, but again we are talking about the mindset of a person who cannot rationalise a simple or innocent explanation at times.

 

Look, I know this all sounds ridiculous and that some will tell me to end it and find someone that is more easy-going and understanding. I am also man enough to admit I have made mistakes in our relationship over the time we've been together, but nothing so serious as to warrant us breaking up over something that has no malicious intent whatsoever.

 

But through all of this and how she is smashing my feelings right now, I love this woman. Even with her completely irrational and nonsensical behaviour I still love her. We've got so much to lose as a couple and I keep going over in my head over and over again what we are about to lose over what is a simple misunderstanding that can easily be fixed if she would just THINK things through properly for a change and understand that she needs to let this side of her personality go. The stubbornness will ruin her, forever.

 

There have been far more episodes than this one by the way. Several times she has accused me of wrongdoing for things that would also make many of you question the validity of my relationship with her. Really ridiculous stuff such as keeping earrings for some sort of fetish, going through her bag (which I have never done!!), logging into her phone (again, never!!) – she could easily lock her phone down for heaven sake! There are far more examples than this as well… stuff that makes me both angry and devastated (especially when she had confronted me with them).

 

Perhaps I should have personally called time on the relationship back when first accused of this and been more of a man, but I didn’t.

 

I don’t want that now as I am too far gone with her. I’ve invested all this time into her and we’ve had such wonderful moments over the years and memories that I know she values, too. She is, for the most part, a good person with a good heart and I love so many things about her that wipes away the doubts I have in my mind about her being a life-long partner.

 

Perhaps she has wanted to exit the relationship. I have thought about this too for obvious reasons. But my instinct tells me this is not her personality at all and she is simply in a state of complete paranoia that needs to stop.

 

For the sake of our future (if there is even one left to salvage), it needs to stop.

 

Many thanks for reading. Thoughts welcome.

[d0nnivain]

Show her all the statements I guess so she can follow the money for herself.

 

If you are about to be married & she's religious, her religion most likely offers some premarital counseling. Those things focus on handling money & conflict resolution.

[kendahke]

My fiancé thinking I logged into her PayPal account to change her payment details to my bank card in order to, as she put it, 'frame her' for fraudulent activity.

 

The guilty always make the most noise.

 

Is she doing anything that could be construed as fraudulent? That seems a far-fetched charge to come out of the mouth of someone who supposedly loves you and wants to marry you.

 

we are talking about the mindset of a person who cannot rationalise a simple or innocent explanation at times.

 

There's not enough love in the world for me to leap that divide. Why be bothered with someone like that?

 

I never raised it sooner because of how she reacts.

 

But through all of this and how she is smashing my feelings right now,

Even with her completely irrational and nonsensical behaviour

a simple misunderstanding that can easily be fixed if she would just THINK things through properly for a change and understand that she needs to let this side of her personality go.

The stubbornness will ruin her, forever.

 

You don't get it: this works for her. It keeps you exactly where you find yourself right now, which is where she wants you.

 

She knows full well you didn't try to get her caught up on fraud charges because that's not your nature--so why would she assign this opprobrium to you when it's not in your nature to begin with?

 

Several times she has accused me of wrongdoing for things that would also make many of you question the validity of my relationship with her.

Really ridiculous stuff such as keeping earrings for some sort of fetish, going through her bag (which I have never done!!),

logging into her phone (again, never!!) – she could easily lock her phone down for heaven sake!

Perhaps I should have personally called time on the relationship back when first accused of this and been more of a man, but I didn’t.

 

I don’t want that now as I am too far gone with her. I’ve invested all this time into her and we’ve had such wonderful moments over the years and memories that I know she values, too. She is, for the most part, a good person with a good heart and I love so many things about her that wipes away the doubts I have in my mind about her being a life-long partner.

 

It's fascinating to read how you're turning yourself into a pretzel to rationalize someone who treats you like dog poop.

 

It sounds like, from what you've written, that you're way more invested in your relationship than she is and you're doing everything in your power not to see that. I see you making really lame excuses for some really abhorrent behavior, but at the same time, you're expecting her to flip into someone she has absolutely no intention on being.

 

She's turning you into her whipping boy and you're going to have to be happy, quiet and content that you're with her with each lash of her strap across your behind.

 

Seems to me she need a psychiatrist/therapist more than she needs a boyfriend.

 

Meanwhile, there are wonderful, loving, emotionally mature and sane women out there who would love you the way you deserve who aren't going to get a chance because your answer to all this is drill down further til you get to magma.

Edited June 6, 2018 by kendahke

[Gaeta]

All through your story I had only one thing in mind, the son of a friend who's schizophrenic because of the similarities. I am not diagnosing her here, but simply ringing an alarm that something is not normal with her and she should consult a professional.

[Lotsgoingon]

Dude, call a halt on the wedding.

 

This kind of behavior ... typically gets WORSE after marriage. Not better--worse ...

 

Really though situation ... because you deeply love her .... But keep in mind ... love is not a great judge of character ... and the feeling of love is not enough.

 

Love and the feeling of love is not enough to sustain a good relationship.

 

Now ... what I think is really happening if I were to stretch and guess ... I think she's trying to break up with you and doesn't have the nerve to directly do so ... so she's provoking dumb conflicts ...

 

Relax, pause ... breathe ... hold off the wedding until this gets resolved ... Do not back off and smooth over the conflict. This is bad behavior, destructive behavior ... Don't pretend it's not there.

[basil67]

When she does her paranoid stuff, are you still having the discussions with her? Thing is, if you started this way and it didn't work then it serves no purpose to keep doing it.

 

If I were you, I'd shut down the conversation each time she starts it up. Something like "I am not having this conversation with you" or even just walking away. Ultimately, she needs to start getting zero feedback if she's to consider stopping.

[Pigeonpino]

Thank you for the comments.

 

I have to say maybe I am doing her a bit of an injustice. She is a compassionate person with a good heart 95% of the time and our relationship has had special, warm and tender moments that only 2 people of similar values and personalities can share.

 

I am not putting her on some untouchable pedestal and I am certainly not approaching this like some lapdog whipping boy. This is simply about loving someone who you know has issues to resolve. Knowing, yes knowing, they love you too but they have a real problem with cognitive reasoning power when it comes to relationships conflict. I'm not perfect but I know when I am wrong and when I am right. At least I hope I do!

 

I just think her irrational thinking has become cyclical, in that she reinforces situations in her head that I am guilty, then I fight it and she thinks I am lying about it. Basically expects me to confess to things that are impossible for me to confess to. And so the cycle continues.

 

Perhaps cutting her short or walking away might have worked previously, but I think at this late stage she will see it as a sign of guilt rather than trying to diffuse the issue.

 

And because she won't let go or understand she can make errors in judgement, it has just got worse and worse to the point she can't believe a single word. No matter what is said or how much protesting is done from my side. I've never met anyone like this in my life...ever.

 

She has not let go of instances of these 'made up' situations in her head 4 years on. It's really weird and I do believe counselling is the only way to show that her mindset needs some evaluating and adjustment.

 

Getting a 3rd party outsider to sit us down and talk out the problem facing our relationship may be the only way I am sure. I can certainly see how this might work as a rational thinking human being. I pray she could see this way too and would give it a shot.

 

I know putting it to her is another matter altogether and it will be very difficult for her to agree to something like this. If she can't do this then our relationship is doomed, certainly.

[Gaeta]

I know putting it to her is another matter altogether and it will be very difficult for her to agree to something like this. If she can't do this then our relationship is doomed, certainly.

 

 

Yes it's doomed without counselling. The thing is she needs individual conselling not relationship counseling. You may convince her to start with relationship counseling. Present it as pre-marital counseling. If she doesn't want to I suggest you put on hold your wedding date.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I think that her behaviour is really far out of the ballpark of what I would consider “trust issues”. She likely has an untreated mental illness.

[ExpatInItaly]

I think that her behaviour is really far out of the ballpark of what I would consider “trust issues”. She likely has an untreated mental illness.

 

I was about to speculate on the same thing.

 

Either she is doing something she shouldn't be and blame-shifting on to OP to distract him, or she is dealing with a much bigger mental health issue.

 

OP, as someone else suggested - counseling is in order here. She needs help, independent of the relationship. Whatever the real reason behind it, her behavior is not that of a rational adult.

[Pigeonpino]

Again, thanks for the comments.

 

Just to say we have not got a marriage date set yet. We were about to plan that very scenario out after she recently started a new job and all the pressures that brings.

 

I want to marry and build a life with her still but this is all beginning to become too much to deal with and it is her responsibility as it is mine to resolve the issue. I just hope she is willing to see it from my perspective as a rational adult and give counselling a go.

 

If she does value our relationship even in the slightest she will do this. If she doesn't, well...

[Eternal Sunshine]

Again, thanks for the comments.

 

Just to say we have not got a marriage date set yet. We were about to plan that very scenario out after she recently started a new job and all the pressures that brings.

 

I want to marry and build a life with her still but this is all beginning to become too much to deal with and it is her responsibility as it is mine to resolve the issue. I just hope she is willing to see it from my perspective as a rational adult and give counselling a go.

 

If she does value our relationship even in the slightest she will do this. If she doesn't, well...

 

 

If she is mentally ill, she literally can't see your perspective as a rational adult.

[Downtown]

She is an intelligent woman (below will probably not make it seem that way).

Pigeon, your description of her behavior does not cast doubt on her intelligence but, rather, the intensity of her paranoid fears. Whenever we human beings experience intense feelings, our judgment flies out the window because such feelings distort our perception of other peoples' intentions and motivations. Significantly, this thought distortion occurs regardless of how intelligent we are.

 

Nearly all of us understand this thought distortion process well by the time we're entering high school. That's why we try to keep our mouths shut -- and our fingers off the keys -- until we have a chance to cool down. We know that our judgement is impaired whenever we experience strong feelings.

 

You're describing warning signs (i.e., behavioral symptoms) for PPD (Paranoid Personality Disorder). You will find the 7 symptoms listed and described in this PPD Case Report. By their very nature, personality disorders nearly always are invisible to the person suffering from one. Although the symptoms are easy to spot, only a professional can determine whether they are so severe as to constitute a full-blown disorder.

 

Unfortunately, PPD sufferers rarely seek therapy or diagnosis unless encouraged by a family member or partner -- and that may not work. Hence, for your own peace of mind, you may want to see a psychologist -- for a visit or two all by yourself -- to obtain a candid professional opinion on what you're dealing with. Take care, Pigeon.

Edited June 7, 2018 by Downtown

[act00]

This woman either has a mental illness, is projecting her shady behavior onto you (a liar expects everyone to lie), or she's doing everything in her power to force you to break things off with her because she won't break up with you...and she has a crazy excuse to end things if you don't. It's messy, and no matter what the issue is, it's not going to get better - it's going to get worse. If it's an issue of mental illness or pure, vindictive behavior, this could really damage you.

 

I'm sorry, but she noticed that the money wasn't coming out of her own account. Money was going "out," not "in," so I don't see how this can be fraudulent on your part, but you noticed these little "hits" and it was so irrelevant, you never bothered to deal with it...until you saw that huge chunk of money come out. Now, I'm suspecting it's still not a major deal, as you have the finances to cover it, and planning marriage and living together, finances can and do intermix, so okay, the only thing you need is to be aware of large purchases because you need to be prepared and know if you can afford it. Again, I'm almost 100% certain she was also aware that your account was linked to Paypal, not hers, and she went and spent an alarming sum of money, and when you had something to say about this large purchase, though innocently, she flew off the handle with accusations and a "fight or flight" mode with some bizarre accusations, and this raises all kinds of concerns...especially given the outrageous accusations...very strange.

 

You state this isn't the only instance, and other accusations have been equally bizarre and outrageous or completely without any reason. What makes you think a wedding ring will change any of that? It won't. It will get worse.

 

She won't listen and she's irrational. It's time to face reality...time to let go.

[Lotsgoingon]

It really does not matter that you "love" her ... "Love" is a feeling that has gotten me into all kinds of trouble ...

 

It does not matter than 95 percent of the time, she's OK. This behavior is disturbing ... sorta like it doesn't matter if 95 percent of the time, my spouse is faithful to me ... or 95 percent of the time robbers don't rob people.

 

I actually know something about mental illness ... and I don't know how old you are ... but mental illness can emerge in a person's 20s ... I had a relative with late emerging schizophrenia ... And ... the pressure of possible marriage might be making her illness and behavior worse!

 

Really do not marry someone with signs of serious mental illness or strange behavior ... not unless they have come to you with a clear non-defensive acknowledgement of the problem/condition... and a clear commitment to aggressive treatment ...

 

Do not overlook this behavior. You will be in torture after you get married ... and you will feel like a total fool ... probably embarrassed to even share her disturbing behavior with others ...

 

If she continues this behavior and you want to help her ... be her friend ... Seriously, friendship is what such a odd behavior needs ... not marriage ...

 

But she sounds so defensive that you wouldn't be able to be her friend.

 

Her defensiveness and your worry that she won't respond well to a discussion of this behavior ... red flag ... We all have flaws, true ... But this behavior is outside the bounds or "normal" flaws ... and she's taking no responsibility for these problems ... That's the relationship killer.

[ExpatInItaly]

If she is mentally ill, she literally can't see your perspective as a rational adult.

 

Exactly.

 

I don't want to alarm you, OP, but she is displaying some very concerning behaviour.

[bachdude]

I think she is showing signs of mental illness. I know someone who has paranoid personality disorder and she accused me of recording our conversations and giving them to her enemies to harm her. That was 20 years ago and she is still paranoid. Sorry, OP.

[Pigeonpino]

Pigeon, your description of her behavior does not cast doubt on her intelligence but, rather, the intensity of her paranoid fears. Whenever we human beings experience intense feelings, our judgment flies out the window because such feelings distort our perception of other peoples' intentions and motivations. Significantly, this thought distortion occurs regardless of how intelligent we are.

 

Nearly all of us understand this thought distortion process well by the time we're entering high school. That's why we try to keep our mouths shut -- and our fingers off the keys -- until we have a chance to cool down. We know that our judgement is impaired whenever we experience strong feelings.

 

You're describing warning signs (i.e., behavioral symptoms) for PPD (Paranoid Personality Disorder). You will find the 7 symptoms listed and described in this PPD Case Report. By their very nature, personality disorders nearly always are invisible to the person suffering from one. Although the symptoms are easy to spot, only a professional can determine whether they are so severe as to constitute a full-blown disorder.

 

Unfortunately, PPD sufferers rarely seek therapy or diagnosis unless encouraged by a family member or partner -- and that may not work. Hence, for your own peace of mind, you may want to see a psychologist -- for a visit or two all by yourself -- to obtain a candid professional opinion on what you're dealing with. Take care, Pigeon.

 

Thank you to all of you for taking the time to piece together your comments and thoughts on this matter. It has been really difficult for me these past few days, to feel I am not able to do much except give her some space to think about things herself, but ultimately know that the only way forward for both of us is to eventually put some of these thoughts to her that might help her re-evaluate her mindset of what she continues to believe about me and my intent in this relationship. I know that if this fails, it will be impossible to have a future with her, certainly.

 

Though at the same time I feel I am obligated to help her in some way with this. Even if we don't end up staying together as a couple, I still love and care about her enough for her to come through all of this.

 

I've had to reason in my own mind as to what was really going on inside my girlfriend's head this past week and how she could draw such bizarre conclusions to, not just this situation, but dozens of situations that I just more or less just let slide rather than tackling it head-on. This often made me cast doubt on myself that perhaps there was something I was doing wrong to cause her to act this way.

 

Certainly, I feel I have caused her paranoia to worsen in 'some' immeasurable way with my own behaviours early on in the relationship or not knowing how to react when she confronted me with several of these similar situations. At the time I could only really be defensive or emotionally charged and refute any wrongdoing, but now realise that whilst this can be a normal human reaction from almost anyone, I had no idea that one of my own personality traits in being this way was likely adding fuel to the fire.

 

I think knowing what I know about my girlfriend's personality and knowing that her behaviour has also extended to people in her workplace(s) over the years and how she tends to mistrust almost everyone's actions and has shared stories with me of individuals she felt/feels are conspiring against her or doing things maliciously to her. It's probable PPD, as has been alluded to above or some other variant is to blame here.

 

I tried to be the supportive and caring boyfriend when she told me these stories previously, but later on and especially so the last couple of years started to feel that perhaps these were situations blown out of proportion and it was actually all in her mind. Perhaps 1 or 2 of those stories might have some truth in there, as people do have the capacity to deceive or do things to cause others to mistrust their actions for personal gain, but this is also mirrored by the fact that she's had trouble building lasting friendships with people because of her lack of trust and paranoia.

 

Even going as far back as her University days and stories she has told me of deception by some of her peers there, makes me think this and any situations prior to that in her childhood has made her the woman she is today.

 

It feels like all the pieces of the puzzle are now slowly coming together and the penny is dropping, but I was blind to it all because of not having much experience in this area.

 

The bottom line is that this really hurts.

 

I love her so much still to make a go of it but feel like I am only just now beginning to understand her, but know only she can turn this around now and realise where she is in her mind and help us move it forward.

[Lotsgoingon]

Just to make sure you understand the seriousness of what may be paranoia.

 

I hear you talking about being supportive and understanding ... and I appreciate that ... I have mental illness among multiple relatives ... and these folks were good people who needed lots of family support and care.

 

But ... the mental illness is just that ... her family needs to step ... You, the boyfriend, are in the worst position to help.

 

What you're missing is that paranoid people can and do hurt others ... not even talking physically (though that is certainly a possibility) but emotionally for sure. Your gf could suspect you of something, get mad ... you end up hurt ... really hurt. And she'll have no remorse.

 

Add in the emotions of love and betrayal ... and you've got a really bad combination. In other words, dude, you are are closer to danger than you're letting on right now ...So time for you to think about protecting yourself--yes emotionally and physically.

 

Maybe she would hurt herself before hurting you ... but as I can attest, even that (being a partner of someone who hurts themselves) can be traumatic.

 

And the longer you stay partnered with such a person, the more you normalize their insanity ... you start shaving edges of off a crazy statement here ... or a ridiculous statement there ... you leave out key information with friends ... and pretty soon, you're more in their crazy world than you ever thought possible.

[mortensorchid]

That was painful to read. ANd having finished it, I have this to say about this situation:

 

1) If something doesn't seem right, it usually isn't. You may never know what that is or is not, but if you choose to ignore it will always haunt you or come back and show itself.

 

2) This gal is paranoid, to be sure, and she sounds borderline personality disorder.

 

3) Accept these facts about her : she has a mental health issue, it has nothing to do with you or the financial circumstances (to a small extent it does have to do with that but maybe 10% of it does), and there is nothing you can do about this to make her happy.

 

With all that being said - you're DONE. Move on.

[Pigeonpino]

Easier said than done when still in love. She was and still is important to me and not keen to just throw the towel in like that and call it a day.

 

We both owe it to one another to see if we can come through this. But I know this will not be possible if she cannot see things clear enough to move past the mental health issues that are holding her back.

 

Wish I had come to.this forum sooner to get that perspective.

[ExpatInItaly]

Easier said than done when still in love. She was and still is important to me and not keen to just throw the towel in like that and call it a day.

 

We both owe it to one another to see if we can come through this. But I know this will not be possible if she cannot see things clear enough to move past the mental health issues that are holding her back.

 

Wish I had come to.this forum sooner to get that perspective.

 

Is she willing to seek help? Mental health issues are not something one really moves past, per se. They require a diagnosis and course of treatment, which can take many forms. Generally, ongoing treatment and management are necessary in order to keep symptoms in check and give the suffered tools to cope and recognize when things aren't going well.

 

The type of help I suspect she needs is not going to be a regular therapist. I would encourage her to see a doctor and psychiatrist to discuss what's been happening. She may not be open to that at all, if she's truly suffering from a mental illness or if she's ashamed. If this is a mental health issue, she likely can't even see that there is a problem (that has nothing do to with you) This is something that goes far beyond some relationship jealousy, and is thus is above the pay-grade of a relationship counselor.

 

She's very likely got issues that are entirely unrelated to you, OP. You cannot fix what you didn't cause.

Edited June 10, 2018 by ExpatInItaly

[Pigeonpino]

I have not asked her yet to seek help. I am trying to pluck up the courage to do so but knowing that she is likely to fly off the handle and still firmly believe that I am making up excuses for all of the things she thinks I have done to her. Then cut all contact completely with so many loose ends in our relationship to deal with.

 

I wish I knew how to approach this.

 

I need her to try and understand this is the likely cause of her mistrust in me and this is most certainly a way to repair that damage.

 

I know this is easier said than done. It hurts to think that all the power is in her hands and there may be nothing I can do to change that and then go on to probably lose her forever.

[Pigeonpino]

Just to make sure you understand the seriousness of what may be paranoia.

 

I hear you talking about being supportive and understanding ... and I appreciate that ... I have mental illness among multiple relatives ... and these folks were good people who needed lots of family support and care.

 

But ... the mental illness is just that ... her family needs to step ... You, the boyfriend, are in the worst position to help.

 

What you're missing is that paranoid people can and do hurt others ... not even talking physically (though that is certainly a possibility) but emotionally for sure. Your gf could suspect you of something, get mad ... you end up hurt ... really hurt. And she'll have no remorse.

 

Add in the emotions of love and betrayal ... and you've got a really bad combination. In other words, dude, you are are closer to danger than you're letting on right now ...So time for you to think about protecting yourself--yes emotionally and physically.

 

Maybe she would hurt herself before hurting you ... but as I can attest, even that (being a partner of someone who hurts themselves) can be traumatic.

 

And the longer you stay partnered with such a person, the more you normalize their insanity ... you start shaving edges of off a crazy statement here ... or a ridiculous statement there ... you leave out key information with friends ... and pretty soon, you're more in their crazy world than you ever thought possible.

 

I could contact her family to give them some sort of perspective and hope for the best, but I fear that she has probably brainwashed their thinking toward me with these stories in the past.

 

Perhaps she would take it extremely personally I am contacting them behind her back and then we are back at square one again.

 

I have made some breakthrough today by talking to her through text but she is still looking for answers from me to which are not there and admit guilt.

 

I know I can't do that and it's going to be a rough landing from here on in.

[Gaeta]

I could contact her family to give them some sort of perspective and hope for the best, but I fear that she has probably brainwashed their thinking toward me with these stories in the past.

 

Perhaps she would take it extremely personally I am contacting them behind her back and then we are back at square one again.

 

I have made some breakthrough today by talking to her through text but she is still looking for answers from me to which are not there and admit guilt.

 

I know I can't do that and it's going to be a rough landing from here on in.

 

 

You give her an ultimatum. You tell her you have concerns she is suffering from a paranioa disorder and you wish her to go meet a therapist and that you'll accompany her on her first visit. This is your condition to remain in the relatonship.

 

If she refuses, you leave. It may not register with her right away because she's young and combative but when she's at her 1000 failed relationship because of paranoia she'll start considering it.

 

Yes you love her but love isn't enough, it's never enough in majority of situations not involving mental illness so imagine what are the odds against you when it is involved and it's not treated. You will simply exhaust yourself in the process.

 

Life is simple right now you're just dating but throw in a mortgage and a couple of kids and see how your life will become a living nightmare. You need to look out for your best interest before anything else.

 

 

.