mmx Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 I met a foreign guy on a dating app. We went on two dates, and then he told me he just wanted to be friends because he is planning on going home in a year. He doesn’t want a reason to stay here. I told him that I couldn’t be friends because it has never worked for me being friends with guys. I liked him thus far and knew it would be hard on me: Did I make the right decision? Should I have stayed friends and see what happened in the future. Maybe thing would’ve changed? I’m feeling sad.
mortensorchid Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 I think you did. You want something that he's not going to give you, and he told you he is not going to give you that immediately or in the long run. I think it's best you just closed the book and moved on. This is part of why I don't date anymore, people don't "work together" at things, it's just "all about me".
act00 Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 I think it's the right choice for you. He made his intention clear, and this is not what you want. I'm guessing this "friends" situation would include kissing and sex and basically dating except he wants something "casual." If that's not for you, it's best to just make a break and move on. He has no desire or intent to stay, and don't be blind to think that he would stay for you...he could stay for you and then 2-3 years down the road determine he wants to go back home. It's rocky and unstable footing to start. He basically wants casual relationships to fill the time and then he heads home to continue his life. This is not for you. You suffer loss and insecurity in not knowing if you made the right choice or "what if", but I think you did.
Author mmx Posted June 6, 2018 Author Posted June 6, 2018 I don’t think he would have over stepped the friendship bounds. I just thought it would be hard because I was already interested in him. I guess the only reason I’m second guessing my choice is because I would want to be friends in hopes he would change his mind and want to date. Who knows I could’ve considered moving back with him if it worked out, but he doesn’t know that.
Andy_K Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 I don’t think he would have over stepped the friendship bounds I don't think you know guys as well as you think you do. I would want to be friends in hopes he would change his mind and want to date In which case you'd (at best) become friends with benefits, maybe with some dates thrown in. Who knows I could’ve considered moving back with him if it worked out, but he doesn’t know that. And if he was REALLY interested in you, he'd want to date you and find out where you stand on moving with him at a later date. He's letting you down gently by using his moving back home as an excuse, rather than the truth that he's not into you enough. Not pushing to keep seeing him is the right thing to do, because otherwise you'll get hurt. 1
stillafool Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 I don’t think he would have over stepped the friendship bounds. I just thought it would be hard because I was already interested in him. I guess the only reason I’m second guessing my choice is because I would want to be friends in hopes he would change his mind and want to date. Who knows I could’ve considered moving back with him if it worked out, but he doesn’t know that. He's not going to change his mind. Believe people when they tell you something. You can't be friends with this guy because you have feelings for him and want more. Being friends means he can tell you about other girls he wants to date, meeting up with him and his gf, hanging out with him while he pursues other girls. Are you ready for that? I didn't think so. You will get hurt. You only had 2 dates so it shouldn't be too hard to move on from him.
Author mmx Posted June 6, 2018 Author Posted June 6, 2018 I am the first person he has dated since being here a year and a half. He said he didn’t want a reason to stay here and that reason being me. He said he wanted to be friends because genuinely likes me. He is not going to be dating anyone else because he is set on going home. For me it’s not often that I like someone.
smackie9 Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 Oh no my dear he is so feeding you a line... he's been dating alright, dating other women for sure. Maybe he's thinking he will eventually sleep with you on a casual basis if you stay friends. Hah isn't that funny? You thinking if you stay friend he might change his mind for a relationship? and him maybe hoping for casual sex? You did the right thing.....he told you he doesn't want a relationship...take his word for it. If you offered to sleep with him he would jump at the chance. He was just angling for sex, plain and simple. 2
Gaeta Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 You did the right thing, his offer to remain friends was only to eventually sleep with you as fwb. You should have asked him before meeting what his intentions were. I am in Canada and my boyfriend moved here from Europe. On our first online conversation I made sure to ask him if he was aiming at being a citizen of my country and where he wanted to retire. I was not going to meet a man only here temporarily AND/OR that planned on retiring in Europe in 20 years. 1
stillafool Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 I am the first person he has dated since being here a year and a half. He said he didn’t want a reason to stay here and that reason being me. He said he wanted to be friends because genuinely likes me. He is not going to be dating anyone else because he is set on going home. For me it’s not often that I like someone. I normally want to be friends with people I like too. It doesn't matter if they are male or female but being friends means being platonic in most cases. You don't know what he is going to do or who he is going to meet between now and the time that he leaves. You've only been on two dates with him.
Author mmx Posted June 6, 2018 Author Posted June 6, 2018 I normally want to be friends with people I like too. It doesn't matter if they are male or female but being friends means being platonic in most cases. You don't know what he is going to do or who he is going to meet between now and the time that he leaves. You've only been on two dates with him. He has been very open and honest thus far and I told him I respected that. He didn’t realize he was going to like me. I think I should’ve taken his offer as a friend because I could tell he wouldn’t try to be FWB. Can I tell him I reconsidered and we could be friends?
Gaeta Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 He has been very open and honest thus far and I told him I respected that. He didn’t realize he was going to like me. I think I should’ve taken his offer as a friend because I could tell he wouldn’t try to be FWB. Can I tell him I reconsidered and we could be friends? Why? You are in the business of finding a boyfriend, not friends. Why get in a friendship that has an expiration date? While you are spending time with this *new friend* you will not be concentrating on your mission which is finding a boyfriend. You like the *friend* as someone you'd like to date, that won't go away, he will continue interesting you that way and distract you from meeting a good boyfriend prospect. . 1
smackie9 Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 I don't understand why you haven't clued in...you go on two dates, then he puts the brakes on with "lets be friends" and gives you this shim sham excuse of "oh I am starting to like you" bs. You should be asking yourself, what is the purpose of him going out on dates if he doesn't want to get involved for he is leaving in a year? can't you see how there are inconsistencies there? it's not adding up. 1
stillafool Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 He has been very open and honest thus far and I told him I respected that. He didn’t realize he was going to like me. I think I should’ve taken his offer as a friend because I could tell he wouldn’t try to be FWB. Can I tell him I reconsidered and we could be friends? Yes he was open and honest that he wants you as a friend and nothing more. He cushioned it with "he doesn't want you to be a reason for him to stay" which is bull because if he wanted to make a go with you he wouldn't have said that. It's bull that he didn't realize he was going to like you. So he hasn't "liked" anyone he's met since he's been here? Liked is not Love.
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