hamsterhouse Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 (edited) For the record, I hate hate hate analyzing my dates and trying to decipher how she feels about me. I'm pretty bad at it and tend to overthink things. I went on a really nice date last Friday, kind of last minute, super casual. We wound up getting a couple of drinks, playing some games, then grabbing a late dinner. We had good conversation, nice rapport, and she has a sarcastic wit that I love. We also have quite a bit in common. She laughed at my stupid stories and jokes and I asked her a lot about herself. So, at the end of the date we walked to where her Uber was picking her up (I was taking the bus). She jumped the gun and told me she had a really nice time and would like to see me again, to which I agreed and we decided to see how things go with our work schedules. I walked her to her ride, and before she left we went in for the hug. She held on and rubbed my back (good or bad sign?), but before we let go she kind of lingered and smiled so I went in for a peck on the lips. Not a long passionate kiss, but she welcomed it. Admittedly, I was a bit nervous because it was a well-lit and busy area, and I felt strange hugging and kissing in front of her driver. Either way, we parted ways and I went home. She texted me later, nothing too major, I responded. So, the next day I didn't hear from her all day so I texted her later that night. Just a small little anecdote. We exchanged only another text or two, then she didn't respond to my final text. Today we didn't text at all. Could this be a bad sign, or literally not a sign at all? I feel like this was one of my better dates I've had and it showed through her actions, but I'm a bit surprised that I haven't heard from her. Am I overanalyzing? Is it way too early to tell? Maybe she just isn't much of a texter? Even though she didn't respond to me, I feel like I should text her again tomorrow asking her to get together this week. Edited June 5, 2018 by hamsterhouse
act00 Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 She could be waiting on you to text her, and you're not. I don't know why you're fretting so much about it and just do it. She was first to say she had a great time, which I don't think is "jumping the gun" at all. She had a nice time and she said so. Do you feel there is a specific time that someone is allowed to say that they had a nice time, and when would that time be? She gave you a full green light to kiss her. She welcomed physical contact. She texted when she got home. I'd say we have a little bit of "your turn" at this point. I personally don't like the all day, every day texting and it could be she's just not a big texter. Just text her. You could set up a next date or even something fast, like grab a cup of something if timing isn't allowing a full evening. Call her and ask her out. Put in some effort so you don't lose this momentum. It seems like she has been the first to reach out and make her interest known so far, and she may start to feel like you're not interested in her or not as much as her because so much time is passing by without any communication. At this point, it's hard to say if this was a "one off" type of date. She seems into you, and I think you should work with that and just reach out to her.
d0nnivain Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 I'm bad at analyzing dates. One of the worst 1st dates I ever had was with my now husband. Anyway, stop with the texting. Pick up the phone. Use the voice feature. Ask her on the next date & do give her more then a few hours notice. 1
Author hamsterhouse Posted June 5, 2018 Author Posted June 5, 2018 You may be right that shes waiting for me to make the next move, but I guess from my own past experiences I’m just used to seeing more reciprocal effort from the other person. I’m surprised she didn’t respond to my last text. Today I’ll reach out to make a second date, wish me luck!
carhill Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 Friday is a preferred date night, you had a good time, brief kiss, interest from her to see you again... Call today and set something up for this Friday. Use the 'I'd love to take you xxx on Friday' deal. If she's interested, even if that particular idea doesn't work for her, she'll definitely have an alternative on the tip of her tongue. Why? Because if she is interested, she's been thinking about you and running scenarios through her head exactly as you appear to be doing here. Get to it. Babies to make
d0nnivain Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 Today I’ll reach out to make a second date, wish me luck! Good luck. Look at it this way: even if she says no, by asking & getting a response you can stop wasting your time.
mortensorchid Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 I agree that if you want to see her again to CALL HER do not text her. Texting is a passive means of communication and calling is direct. Eventually one party will taper off and go poof on the other if it's an all texting relationship.
Author hamsterhouse Posted June 6, 2018 Author Posted June 6, 2018 Just an update. In going against the grain of the advice here I decided to text her. It was the morning during work hours so I wanted to get it out there but not really bother her. She was receptive and agreed, but frankly I think she just isn't a big texter. We had a small banter, then when I asked what her week was like I didn't hear back from her, even after asked me a question. So, if I want thing to progress with her I'll just have to accept that she doesn't text much...? We'll see. Either way, I'm sure we'll at least go out a second time.
lurker74 Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 Just an update. In going against the grain of the advice here I decided to text her. It was the morning during work hours so I wanted to get it out there but not really bother her. She was receptive and agreed, but frankly I think she just isn't a big texter. We had a small banter, then when I asked what her week was like I didn't hear back from her, even after asked me a question. So, if I want thing to progress with her I'll just have to accept that she doesn't text much...? We'll see. Either way, I'm sure we'll at least go out a second time. The one thing you were most correct about in your original post is that you over think things. Stop. She could not be a big texter or she could be sleeping with two guys a day. Who knows? And at this point, who cares? Pursue her appropriately...ask her out, tell her that you're looking forward to it without getting creepy. Basically, just be truthful. When you try to overthink things, you lose confidence and when you lose confidence, you become less attractive. Just act as if she wants to see you again until you have concrete evidence to the contrary. I always forget what lady here has it in her signature, but expectations are the building blocks of resentment. Just go with the flow at least for now. 1
Imajerk17 Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 Just an update. In going against the grain of the advice here I decided to text her. It was the morning during work hours so I wanted to get it out there but not really bother her. She was receptive and agreed, but frankly I think she just isn't a big texter. We had a small banter, then when I asked what her week was like I didn't hear back from her, even after asked me a question. So, if I want thing to progress with her I'll just have to accept that she doesn't text much...? We'll see. Either way, I'm sure we'll at least go out a second time. I think next time you should...*ahem*...listen to our advice and instead of texting, CALL her!
LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 (edited) My new girlfriend was like this at the start. She would just drop text conversations, not get in touch for a day or two etc etc. Basically, she doesn't use her phone a lot. Still has a Filofax for her diary instead of a smart phone calendar. Very much stuck in the 80's as far as communication is concerned. I learned this after a few weeks of staring at my phone waiting for the replies that never came. So. I started to call her if I wanted a reply. She always picked up the phone, and we would invariably end up chatting for an hour or two. I think that at the end of the day, if a girl likes you and wants to be with you then she will be. This is regardless of whether you text a lot, a little, wait a few days, wait a few minutes, never double text, send her 100 texts a day etc etc. If someone wants to be with you then you won't put them off. Go with your heart. I had to chase like hell to get with my girl, like really. Always making the effort, always the one setting up dates, always the one calling or texting first, but now we are official, she has started to call, text and set up dates etc. She just wanted to be pursued I think in the beginning due to past issues - she is from a broken home, has had a few guys in the past cheat on her or otherwise mess her around, and I think that for her she wanted to see whether I was just after a shag or was serious about her. I think a bit of old fashioned romance in my case at least went a long way - wrote her hand written notes, brought flowers etc etc. In essence, be a man, call the girl, show her you know what you want and what you want is her. How easy is it to send a text? How many same old boring texts do you suppose she has had off guys in the past? Be different. Be bold. Be romantic in a day and age where everything is tinder this and bumble that. Where she feels like just the next conquest on your 10 dates a week online dating schedule. Edited June 6, 2018 by LifeBeginsAt40
Author hamsterhouse Posted June 6, 2018 Author Posted June 6, 2018 I’ve heard this debate a lot, to call or text. I’m in my early 30s and, when it comes to dating, grew up with the texting game. A couple lady friends of mine have told me they don’t like phone calls and will always prefer texting, but I’ve also heard that women respect phone calls. My friends have told me it’s weird. With women I’ve dated, we’ve always texted. Frankly I don’t know what to believe at this point. Yesterday I texted her because it was the morning and she was at work. Still no response. If I were to call her, at this point when should I do so?
d0nnivain Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 At this point the ball is in her court but it looks like she is not interested in tossing it back. You can try again next Monday to see if she wants to go out but at this point I think she's not as interested in you as you are in her.
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