Author AskIt Posted June 6, 2018 Author Posted June 6, 2018 Thank you all for the responces guys! I think im gonna ask her out as some you have suggested. Dating her while hinting my intentions and mentioning that i am not aiming towards a long term relationship. But is it cool to take a girl out and do that to her? It feels a bit like a deception isnt it? She will probably say then to herself "uuff... an other ******* that is dating me and just want to put me in his bed" In theory it would be much nicer if i could save it from her and hint her my intentions right from when i ask her out. Yes-Yes, No-No. But i guess it doesnt work like that ha? For those of you whove wondered- yes, english is my second language. After hebrew, and before spanish.
basil67 Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 AskIt, before you do all this - has she given any indication that she finds you sexually attractive? For example, does she choose you as a dance partner first? Does she leave her hands on you a little longer than usual?
Author AskIt Posted June 6, 2018 Author Posted June 6, 2018 Well she smiles at me and i can feel that she likes being around me. Its mutual. But it doesnt mean she wants a FWB, its likely that all she wants is a long term relationship. I really dont know. But we do have a good vibe. Thats why she turns me on...
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 Well she smiles at me and i can feel that she likes being around me. Its mutual. But it doesnt mean she wants a FWB, its likely that all she wants is a long term relationship. I really dont know. But we do have a good vibe. Thats why she turns me on... Why don't' you want a long-term relationship?
maxi105 Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 dear ask it..i havent read all of the answers to your post and maybe i should but i dont think you should be dissapointed. you like someone and she is very pretty, but it doesnt mean that you will be entering a relationship with her that will be just sex whatever you think about your emotional wants and or needs...it doenst simply just work like that often. sooner or later (if you get this gal into the bedroom or at the back of the firedoors whatever...then there is a chance that somone is going to feel more and possibly will get hurt or emotionally hooked). its better to get to know someone than start on a venture to only set out to want that. my response is jokey but it is not mocking you. i really think that if you are serious then you have to take this issue to her and her only...i dont think this is an online topic the way you have written it that is something that will be taken that seriosuly or respectfully from people. from the little i have read for the replies...i havent come across anything that is too brutal. jsut as someone else said it is honesty!!! im sure noone means you harm or anything like that but if you write something then you have to stand by what youve said or at least be prepared to explain it or say well its what i think etc... i do think that you have to think of the context of your feelings...you are in a salsa class with a pretty woman very close and intimate in the music, that is going to bring a bond ...the point is whether she feels that or will only want sex!!!! as i say good luck in this, but dont dismiss what people are saying...a conversation to friends about this kind of thing is one thing, but online to strangers who dont know anything about you is another thing....and people are likely to tell you what they think, because you are asking them to tell you what they think. and there is nothign to say that the girl in question may not also provide you with some harsh thoughts if she knows and doesnt like the idea of dancing with you and you wanting just sex with her. i mean it when i say good luck to you, but you also have to be realistic and think about this in a more mature and a bit healthier way. she smiles nicely and has a good vibe that turns you on...it doesnt sound enough of a strong reason for anyone to be taking their clothes off, but if you know any different (and she is happy to take her clothes off because you are smiling then good luck to you....yes i am smiling as i write that part...but hey....you win some and lose some.... best of luck with it all...i think youre gonna need it if i am honest with you! but i admire your pluck anyway...i just dont think your reasons are that attractive, thought out or are likely to catch someone (for long) if you do manage to catch them. what;s not to say she does sleep with you and you really start gettting hooked on her and really fall for you and then she drops you like a stone in a canyon!!!!! tehn what... you will certainly know the downsides to fwb and youve only got to read endless other posts on here to realise how hurt people can get when it all goes wrong and they are heartbroken. maybe you should actually let your HEART drive your emotions, that way you can have a healthier more honest time of it all. im not saying that fwb cant and dont ever work, but if you dont even have that much of a relationship and you dont really know her other than a dance class or well enough to know what she is about then i think it all sounds rather doomed im afraid!!!! good luck and take on what folks are saying, you dont sound as though you have had that much experince in relationships and it sounds as though you are falling into what society shallowly fantasises or pushes as the acceptable norm...life has so many different things and relationships and emotions are also very complicated and its hardly ever just a case of sleeping with someone. if its just casual sex you want, id be more inclined to say get it from someone willing and mutual. i really dont see this girl as being the one that will be that good for your experiences and i think it iwll be you that ends up dissapointed and hurt. honest as ever im afraid. but good luck. maxi.
d0nnivain Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 I think im gonna ask her out as some you have suggested. Dating her while hinting my intentions and mentioning that i am not aiming towards a long term relationship. But is it cool to take a girl out and do that to her? It feels a bit like a deception isnt it? She will probably say then to herself "uuff... an other ******* that is dating me and just want to put me in his bed" In theory it would be much nicer if i could save it from her and hint her my intentions right from when i ask her out. Yes-Yes, No-No. But i guess it doesnt work like that ha? It's absolutely OK to take a woman on a date but announce that you don't want a relationship then flirt with her. A savvy woman will know you are fishing for FWB. If she's open to that you are good to go. If she thinks what you expect --"Ugh another **** who just wants to use me for sex" she remains free to leave. What's not OK is for you to lie her & tell her you want a relationship & commitment when you don't.
d0nnivain Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 Why don't' you want a long-term relationship? In post # 11 he said she was hot & cool but that he did not see her as GF material. 1
Author AskIt Posted June 6, 2018 Author Posted June 6, 2018 Thank you both! I think im gonna stick with finding out about her intentions, and if they are like mines, i will go for it and will ask her out. Because if not- it quite says that a man cannot find a FWB girl... which is nit true of course. if not like that way, then how? Thats what i mean...
lurker74 Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 Most women find it disrespectful and incredibly disgusting to get hit up for sex only <- a fact. That is not a fact. That is an opinion. Why does the internet cause so many to confuse the two? If the OP were in Brazil, for instance, then a sex-only relationship is not only entirely possible but a lot more likely. Unless it's rural Brazil, in which case, forget it. If the OP is in Japan and under the age of 23, it is also possible. But if he's from Wisconsin, probably not so much. As to how or if to do it, of course, AskIt, you shouldn't. Not because it's immoral or disrespectful but because if you have to ask in an internet forum how to do it, you won't be able to pull it off. I am VERY good at rapport early on and get offered sex on first dates more often than not these days but converting a salsa class woman into a bed mate in one conversation? Not easy. You need to ooze confidence and truly not care if she rejects you all while being charming and not a douche. You best bet is to ask her out and build rapport and then, if you get to the physical part, have the conversation eventually. I don't think you need to tell her it's only physical if you end up having sex on the second date but if you go past two or three dates, it is incumbent on you to make things clear.
Recommended Posts