AskIt Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 I want a friends with benefits relationship with this lovely beautifull girl i know. The problem is that i am affraid of ruining it between us in case she will not want it as i do. I dont want her to get far from me and that the whole situation to get weird. After, we dance salsa in the class (and then in the party) two times a week. Should i go for it? And if so, what should i tell her that will not be too intense (for case she is not intereated and then we would like to continue to be good friends)? I have thought about something like "you seem like a beautifull cool girl, do you wanna hang out sometime? But i am saying in advance that i am not sure about something commiting, more like something light and fun". How is that? Thanks!
basil67 Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 I want a friends with benefits relationship with this lovely beautifull girl i know. The problem is that i am affraid of ruining it between us in case she will not want it as i do. I dont want her to get far from me and that the whole situation to get weird. After, we dance salsa in the class (and then in the party) two times a week. Should i go for it? And if so, what should i tell her that will not be too intense (for case she is not intereated and then we would like to continue to be good friends)? I have thought about something like "you seem like a beautifull cool girl, do you wanna hang out sometime? But i am saying in advance that i am not sure about something commiting, more like something light and fun". How is that? Thanks! Terrible approach. It's too soon and too direct. And there's no coming back if she's not interested. Also, if she really is so beautiful and cool, why do you only want her for casual sex? Imagine if she's looking for a relationship and you suggest she might be good for casual sex. Pretty insulting really. Use your inner flirt and be smooth. Casual sex tends to happen between people who've known each other for a while and have built a flirty rapport - possibly over drinks. They would know already know if the other has a partner and whether or not they are looking for a relationship, a fling or nothing. Before you do anything, you need to build a solid rapport and chemistry. If you find out that she's single but doesn't want a relationship, then make a move. Get to know her before making any moves at all.
grays Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 I'm curious. Why just fwb? Why don't you want to just see what happens if you hang out with her? 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 (edited) I would be super creeped out if a guy I barely knew suggested a FWB situation outside of a dating site. Who says she only wants that? I find it extremely disrespectful to want someone just for sex (males or females) no matter how sexy/hot/attractive they might be. Not all good looking people are just into sex. Edited June 5, 2018 by I'veseenbetterlol 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 I would block you forever. You don't seem to realize that "sex only" relationships are extremely easy to find for most women. I have rejected 4 leading-to sex "catch-ups" in the last 2 weeks. I am also getting on in age and don't use online dating anymore. "Sex only" is about as shallow and meaningless as you can get. You better have rock hard abs, huge dk and a model face to even think about it 3
SmartDude Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 In my opinion age is one of the bigest factors. I have noticed that young women are quite horny and fling their panties up into the air more often . Some older women really get offended and don't like to have sex for the sake of having sex anymore. It just has no value to them because its not what their looking for (most of the time). But ya, you have to be carefull. Some people are very sensitive about forming relationships and the meaning behind it. To suggest just having sex is like drowning kittens to them.
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 Hi I'm Tim. Great spin before. I think you've nailed it! Hey by the way, I was wondering, do you want to come over and start having casual sex? Yeah, great idea I know. I don't sound insecure, immature, creepy or desperate at all. Thanks for noticing. And they say romance is dead. 1
maxi105 Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 I think you may find yourself salsa'ing straight to the fire doors at the end of the building once her alarm has sounded!!!! and if she doesn't pour a bucket of cold water on your ardour or the teacher locks those very heavy fire doors (with you on the other side of them) and all the other dancers make fun of you then you will be very lucky. don't you value this girl or yourself other than to just have sex. is she even up for this kind of thing or is it a case of you fancy her and are fantasising about her wanting you back. ok so she's really pretty and all that, but just cos you like something doesn't mean you have a right to it or that she has the same ideas about you or even sees you in that way.i salsa and all that kind of latin stuff is very intimate and passionate and maybe you are deluding yourself being so up close and personal with her. even if she does want that from you, I can't think it would last that long really. you would be better meeting someone online on an appropriate site for casual sex if that's all you want, there are lots of willing people and im sure some of them are equally as good looking. hmmmm....you are either having us on or are very young in your ideals but either way, I think you are not really seeing things in a clear way. don't go there unless you want to be made a fool of. sorry but good luck, maxi
fredflint Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 I would be super creeped out if a guy I barely knew suggested a FWB situation outside of a dating site. Who says she only wants that? I find it extremely disrespectful to want someone just for sex (males or females) no matter how sexy/hot/attractive they might be. Not all good looking people are just into sex. That's not logical though. Is it better to be wanted just for sex, or not be wanted at all?
d0nnivain Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 Is it better to be wanted just for sex, or not be wanted at all? It's better to be respected. AskIt -- Seriously why don't you want to date this girl? If she's good enough to shag, why isn't she good enough to date? 1
Author AskIt Posted June 5, 2018 Author Posted June 5, 2018 (edited) In fact i'm really disapointed from your responds... its completely not what i ment. Many of you are accepting the idea itself of having a fwb, but mocking solely about the way of getting it. And that was excacly me question! My way doesnt seems to you, but actually thats why i am asking here! It is not a good reason to laugh at me just because of my lack of knowladge really...! Not cool guys. Putting me as a creep. And regarding to why i dont want her as a gf although that i wrote that she is "beautifull and cool", thats because she is not the girlfriend material for me specifically. She is cool and hot, but thats not enough guys, im sure you can find many examples of your own like this. The best suggestion from the comments was to start talk with her from time to time and to "spy" whether she has a boyfriend, and if not, what are her intentions. But im affraid it will lead me straight into the friendzone... Asking kindly for kind comments only. Edited June 5, 2018 by AskIt
donotmicrowave Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 In fact i'm really disapointed from your responds... its completely not what i ment. Many of you are accepting the idea itself of having a fwb, but mocking solely about the way of getting it. And that was excacly me question! My way doesnt seems to you, but actually thats why i am asking here! It is not a good reason to laugh at me just because of my lack of knowladge really...! Not cool guys. Putting me as a creep. And regarding to why i dont want her as a gf although that i wrote that she is "beautifull and cool", thats because she is not the girlfriend material for me specifically. She is cool and hot, but thats not enough guys, im sure you can find many examples of your own like this. The best suggestion from the comments was to start talk with her from time to time and to "spy" whether she has a boyfriend, and if not, what are her intentions. But im affraid it will lead me straight into the friendzone... Asking kindly for kind comments only. The people here are being honest with you. Nothing from with FWB, everything wrong with how you want to get into one of those relationships. If you want responses that would encourage you to ask her, I'm sure there are some la-la land forums out there.
BaileyB Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 People are being honest... If you approach this woman and ask her to have sex, you are probably not going to like her response. A woman wants to be respected as a person, not seen as a sexual object.
Jasonntot Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 (edited) Ask her out for drinks or something that you both like. You need to have a one on one and build rapport, flirt, escalate physically, do all the normal courtship stuff and then when you get to the subject of what you want, let her know you're just looking for something casual. If she's ok with that then you're set. After the first few dates you can progress into booty calls. That's how it worked for me. It's tougher to just go straight for sex i imagine, although I'm sure it happens. But she probably has to be checking you out already, she has to be showing interest, giving you looks. You can't just come out of the blue and proposition her. You gotta ask if shed be interested in going out first. Or you could invite her to a night club on the weekend since you both like dancing. Get that bump and grind on. Edited June 5, 2018 by Jasonntot
fredflint Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 (edited) It's a reasonable question. Why would a woman be disrespected more by a guy who wants her just for sex, than a guy who's not interested in her personality AND doesn't want sex with her? It makes no sense to me. By your argument, every guy who turns a woman down because he's not attracted to any aspect of her, is disrespecting her less than the guy who says, well I'm not looking to get into anything relationship oriented, but I do think you're hot. What sense does that make? Edited June 5, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited out quoted material ~ V
donotmicrowave Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 Not sure why you felt the need to attack personally. It's a reasonable question. Why would a woman be disrespected more by a guy who wants her just for sex, than a guy who's not interested in her personality AND doesn't want sex with her? It makes no sense to me. By your argument, every guy who turns a woman down because he's not attracted to any aspect of her, is disrespecting her less than the guy who says, well I'm not looking to get into anything relationship oriented, but I do think you're hot. What sense does that make? Most women find it disrespectful and incredibly disgusting to get hit up for sex only <- a fact. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 In fact i'm really disapointed from your responds... its completely not what i ment. Many of you are accepting the idea itself of having a fwb, but mocking solely about the way of getting it. And that was excacly me question! My way doesnt seems to you, but actually thats why i am asking here! It is not a good reason to laugh at me just because of my lack of knowladge really...! Not cool guys. Putting me as a creep. And regarding to why i dont want her as a gf although that i wrote that she is "beautifull and cool", thats because she is not the girlfriend material for me specifically. She is cool and hot, but thats not enough guys, im sure you can find many examples of your own like this. The best suggestion from the comments was to start talk with her from time to time and to "spy" whether she has a boyfriend, and if not, what are her intentions. But im affraid it will lead me straight into the friendzone... Asking kindly for kind comments only. I never said you couldn't have a FWB only with her but I did take umbrage at your approach. I get where you are coming from. I had a FWB interaction with this hot guy who was dumb as a stone, under employed & going no where fast in his life but he was funny, had a hot body & was great in bed. I certainly didn't want to date him but I was happy to have a good time. The key is how you ask. After salsa ask her to go grab a drink with you. See if you can make a move on her once she has a drink or 2 in her (Not drunk, she has to be sober enough to consent). If you are not getting a sexy, DTF vibe, your next move is to ask her to "hang out" at some point in the future (both the ask & the hang out are later). Hang out is vastly different then a real date. During this hang out, again you read her body language & see if she's good to go. For heaven's sake you don't ask her for NSA sex. You just let things flow into the bedroom & you make no promises about anything else.
smackie9 Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 Askit if you want to something to lead to a FWB, you need to be friends first. Hang out and interact as friends. You have to work your way into it. Talk of personal things like dating, sex and mention you prefer staying single, should come up. In these conversations you can make it clear you don't want a relationship. Once that is established, have one of those nights where the alcohol is flowing and you two end up in bed. Play stupid, apologize, but say it was fun and exciting. Work the FWB from there. 2
Highndry Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 You don't ever ask women for sex. That's a recipe for disaster. It's the equivalent of stammering "I-I-I liiike you...I-I think you're purrrrty..." - not a good look at all. You just need to take her out and romance her and, assuming she likes you, she'll be sleeping with you in short order. Just don't promise her anything you're not willing to follow through with, and be honest if she asks what your intentions are.
William Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 Moderation note: Thread starter is international so English may not be their first language. Latitude in communication is appreciated. Thanks!
lakerman34 Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 Girl from your salsa classes? Dude. I'm her boyfriend. Back up!
I'veseenbetterlol Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 That's not logical though. Is it better to be wanted just for sex, or not be wanted at all? I would just not be wanted at all by that kind of guy. A lot of men and women are looking for something long term not just sex.
fredflint Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 Most women find it disrespectful and incredibly disgusting to get hit up for sex only <- a fact. I'm aware of that I'm just saying it's not logical. Girl: will you date me for a relationship, not FWB Guy, no thanks, I'm not into your looks and I don't think our personalities match Girl: will you date me for a relationship, not FWB Guy, no thanks, I think you're attractive but I don't think our personalities match Which one is REALLY more disrespectful?
basil67 Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 In fact i'm really disapointed from your responds... its completely not what i ment. Many of you are accepting the idea itself of having a fwb, but mocking solely about the way of getting it. And that was excacly me question! My way doesnt seems to you, but actually thats why i am asking here! It is not a good reason to laugh at me just because of my lack of knowladge really...! Not cool guys. Putting me as a creep. And regarding to why i dont want her as a gf although that i wrote that she is "beautifull and cool", thats because she is not the girlfriend material for me specifically. She is cool and hot, but thats not enough guys, im sure you can find many examples of your own like this. The best suggestion from the comments was to start talk with her from time to time and to "spy" whether she has a boyfriend, and if not, what are her intentions. But im affraid it will lead me straight into the friendzone... Asking kindly for kind comments only. I don't think anyone has painted you specifically as a creep. Rather, it's the approach you suggested which is off. One of your biggest issues if you start taking notice of her will be that she will think you want to date her. Which would be a perfectly reasonable assumption. At this point, she'll either say she wants you as just a friend or get frustrated because she will see all these mixed signals from you. At any rate, if she's as gorgeous as you say, she's probably got many men trying to properly date her....and has become adept at shaking off guys who don't want what she wants.
basil67 Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 I'm aware of that I'm just saying it's not logical. Girl: will you date me for a relationship, not FWB Guy, no thanks, I'm not into your looks and I don't think our personalities match Girl: will you date me for a relationship, not FWB Guy, no thanks, I think you're attractive but I don't think our personalities match Which one is REALLY more disrespectful? They are both awful. Anyone who verbalises their thoughts about my looks when saying "no" would make me realise I'd dodged a bullet. Why the need to mention my looks at all? The respectful answer is "No, I'm sorry. I don't think our personalities match" 1
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