N2017 Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 Hey everyone! I've been on this forum quite a bit and have gotten really good advice, so I figured maybe I should come on it again! I just recently broke up with a guy that was way too needy. Him and his antics were getting in the way of me being able to focus on my school and work. I've decided that I wanted to either very casually date or just take a break from dating in general. Recently I needed help with my studies, so I messaged this one guy I used to know. We met a couple years ago and then I started to develop feelings for him, and then they sorta died down. He was always the player type, but he liked me too. I thought I was in love with him and wanted a relationship with him, but slowly I realized although I found him attractive and liked talking to him he really wasn't someone I'd like to be with long term. We started talking more and more, and we agreed to be in a friends with benefits type of relationship (not exactly because certain things are off limits for me). What I understand a friends with benefits to be is we just fool around sexually with each other but don't really worry about being exclusive. My question is one night we were talking and he started asking me a lot about the guy I had been with after him (the needy one). Like if I slept with him, where did he touch me, did he see certain parts of my body, things like that. I told him the truth, that we didn't sleep together (I don't hop in the sack easily lol), he saw me in a sports bra, no touching under clothes, etc etc. And he responds "oh good, I'm glad". I didn't ask why he said that. To me, maybe I'm wrong, but I didn't think FWBs are supposed to ask questions like this. I'm not asking about who he slept with or was with, so why should he care, since friends with benefits is what he's been wanting since the beginning?
ExpatInItaly Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 If he's been clear he doesn't want a relationship, then it's likely just his ego talking. He wants to feel like the bigger man by scoring more of the prize, that's all. I find his questions invasive, to be honest. Asking if you'd slept together, maybe, but for details? I wouldn't have answered. Not his business. 1
basil67 Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 There are no hard and fast rules for how FWB should operate. Rather, it's whatever works for the people involved. Your FWB can ask whatever he wants, but you don't have to answer if you don't want to.
act00 Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 That line of questioning and that line of detail is very intrusive, inappropriate, and can easily kill a relationship...completely unnecessary. Does anyone really need to know the details? Seriously, especially in the case of a potential boyfriend, stay far away from such a high level of detail. You know they slept together and got their rocks off and enjoyed it, and that's all you need to know...not a play-by-play. That invites jealousy and insecurity. I learned this the hard way asking for too much detail from a boyfriend many, many years ago...I was in my early 20s...never again. At this stage in my life, everybody has done it. If they haven't, it brings up greater question marks. No details required, we know they had sex and we know they liked it. No details required. Expat brings up a great point... you're a conquest, a prize, unchartered territory. Counter with "Why do you need to know these things?" "How is this any of your business?" "I think you're being inappropriate with this line of questioning." 2
stillafool Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 Just because he is a FWB doesn't mean he wants to go after other men have been there. I think that is why he asked. From now on tell him "I don't think that's any of your business". 1
GreenTea937 Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 He sounds jealous and posessive. I have had my fair share of those.
smackie9 Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 There shouldn't be so much pillow talk between you two. You have an arrangement to casually have sex, anything else above that should be off limits. You need to set boundaries with this guy so things are kept simple and him in his place before theses mind games get you out of sorts. It's already starting so it's time to lay down some ground rules to make sure this crap stops.
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