Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 I'm curious. I feel like in your 30's all that butterflies sort of doesn't happen anymore. I'm dating a stable man who likes me. I've been dating him exclusively for 2 months. Amazingly, I started dating him only 5 months after my last relationship. Before my ex, I hadn't had a proper boyfriend in 13.5 years or so, so dating my boyfriend really comes as a shock and surprise to me as it isn't what I'm use to ( dating someone so quickly after a breakup). He is so caring, kind and giving and we talk about the future a lot. Our kisses are very passionate and I feel pretty comfortable in his presence. I don't get that maddening rush of energy I use to get with crushes in my younger years but, I almost associate that with an immature love based on feelings rather than a love based on working together. Can someone explain the change in your 30's? Is there a change?
anika99 Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 Chemistry and butterflies can happen at any age. There is no age where those giddy in love feelings suddenly disappear. It's fine to choose a more stable less passionate relationship but there still needs to be some chemistry and sexual attraction otherwise the relationship will fail. 1
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted June 4, 2018 Author Posted June 4, 2018 We love each others company and I do have the urge to call him a lot. But it's not that crazy " everytime he calls I go a little gooey"
grays Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 I agree with Anika. I'm 48 and falling for my current guy has been every bit as giddy and intoxicating as when I fell for my husband at 19. In fact, I was pretty taken aback by how similar it felt. I didn't realize that love was a thing unto itself, falling in love (for me anyway) seems to feel the same even when the object and time has changed. I would have thought it would be pretty different each time it happened, but for me, no. Totally the same. 2
anika99 Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 Good friends enjoy each other's company and call each other a lot. There has to be more than that. When it comes to sex are you two hot and heavy for each other?
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted June 4, 2018 Author Posted June 4, 2018 We havent had sex yet as we are going to wait till marriage
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted June 4, 2018 Author Posted June 4, 2018 But we do other things that are very passionate. Kissing the ear, who knew that could be so sexy?
ExpatInItaly Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 I am 37 and still get the butterflies with my partner of 3.5 years. I would not classify it as "immature love" at all. We have settled into a lovely, stable relationship but absolutely still have those moments of giddiness and excitement. Getting the butterflies and having a mature relationship are not mutually exclusive, and not age-related, in my experience. 1
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted June 4, 2018 Author Posted June 4, 2018 I didn't mean to offend anyone by calling it immature. In my experience, when I've felt that love, the butterflies, its usually not reciprocated. It's pointentially heartbreaking when it isn't. Small crushes to full blown relationships. I have learnt that love and chemistry can grow. Our kisses are great and he treats me so well. I'm enjoying that. It's what we all deserve.
Chilli Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 Your kidding , right. l'm 50s and divorced yet had the most mind blowing shyt of my life since then , and l ain't no virgin believe me, l know what l'm talking about. Don't you use your senses , your feelings.? 1
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted June 4, 2018 Author Posted June 4, 2018 Of course but I don't always induldge in them. I'm more pragmatic as I get older. 1
Gaeta Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 You can experience crazy butterfies at any age but it doesn't always materialize in a loving long term relationship. There is love and there is lust. Often the love isn't there after the lust as the lust is so strong it keeps you from making a good judgement on the person you're dating. When I met my bf I did not get the crazy butterflies but I felt in love with him I'd say at mark 3-4 months. I am crazy in love with him, the butterflies started when I got to know him better and realized what a great man he is. In my book it's much better than having butterflies at day 1 then realize you're dating an arse. 1
BaileyB Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 I still get butterflies when I see my guy. We are older and we've been together for two years. If I remember correctly Daisy, your last relationship was an abusive relationship. So, the fact that this relationship feels different to you, is perhaps not a bad thing. When I started dating my guy, a friend once said to me - do you have fun with him and enjoy his company? Is he kind and does he treat you well? Is he a good person? If you can answer yes to those questions - then go for it and see where it goes. 1
BaileyB Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 We havent had sex yet as we are going to wait till marriage To each their own, but I wonder if this is wise. Is there a reason why you are waiting? Has he never had sex? 1
Gaeta Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 (edited) We havent had sex yet as we are going to wait till marriage Why? don't you believe sexual chemistry is important in a life-long relationship? You are in your 30s and lost your virginity a long time ago. I don't understand the purpose of waiting for sex when all parties already had sex multiple times. Is this the man you were dating in March and that's afraid of poop? Back in March you said you were not entirely attracted toward him, how has that evolved for you since then? Still the same or he's growing on you? Edited June 4, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge and add link 1
olivetree Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 I think what you are calling "butterflies" is perhaps different from others' experience of butterflies. I think for you, it is the intense longing and anxiety you have felt in the past when you can't have someone; when there is uncertainty in the connection. This guy is stable and makes you feel safe and secure. What you have now sounds healthy and genuine. Enjoy it. In short, this has nothing to do with age, except that maybe as you have gotten older you are growing stronger. You are attracting and attracted to something more healthy. 1
No_Go Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 I *thought* it is just a matter of being mature when I didn't have the butterflies when I met my ex-BF of 2 years. I was just entering my 30s and thought that's how it should be :/ Plus we were having great sexual chemistry despite him not being my type visually, and also compatible life goals I thought despite having completely different principles in life. .... And the result was: life-sucking 2 year long nightmare with a dude I secretly despised, and I was almost ready to marry him because why not I thought, it is all the same... Well thanking to all gods he is out of my life now. I felt the butterflies again - 2 times within an year First time it was faux pass (although I'm sure we would have made an amazing couple if he didn't have some issues), second time around - it worked mutually! And the butterflies are not leaving us:) Still getting excited every time we talk, or my phone rings, or we meet. ... Saying that to proceed very carefully if things do not feel right. I'm a HUGE proponent of gut feeling - I think our instincts are fool-proof as long as we allow ourselves to read them. I'm curious. I feel like in your 30's all that butterflies sort of doesn't happen anymore. I'm dating a stable man who likes me. I've been dating him exclusively for 2 months. Amazingly, I started dating him only 5 months after my last relationship. Before my ex, I hadn't had a proper boyfriend in 13.5 years or so, so dating my boyfriend really comes as a shock and surprise to me as it isn't what I'm use to ( dating someone so quickly after a breakup). He is so caring, kind and giving and we talk about the future a lot. Our kisses are very passionate and I feel pretty comfortable in his presence. I don't get that maddening rush of energy I use to get with crushes in my younger years but, I almost associate that with an immature love based on feelings rather than a love based on working together. Can someone explain the change in your 30's? Is there a change?
Lotsgoingon Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 OMG ... you just probably don't like this guy as much as you want to like ... or think you should like him. But I'm in my 50s ... and when I date ... I get high-level butterflies ... I mean back to teenager ... lovestruck ... OMG! If I don't feel that ... then that's a sign that this is someone I should be friends with and not someone I should date ... Butterflies and the feeling of "I can't wait to see this person again!?" Playing my favorite long songs. A woman I dated not too long ago ... we would walk five-six hours through the city ... buzzing and just having a blast in talking to each other ... Intoxicating! You might have lost touch with what the feeling of "chemistry" and visceral attraction really feels like ...If so, I can empathize ... There was a period in my life when I dated a number of people who I liked, enjoyed, respected ... but no, no butterflies ... we were more like good friends ... and it never really took off as romance ... even if sex was good ... The absence of butterflies is the absence of chemistry.
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted June 5, 2018 Author Posted June 5, 2018 You can experience crazy butterfies at any age but it doesn't always materialize in a loving long term relationship. There is love and there is lust. Often the love isn't there after the lust as the lust is so strong it keeps you from making a good judgement on the person you're dating. When I met my bf I did not get the crazy butterflies but I felt in love with him I'd say at mark 3-4 months. I am crazy in love with him, the butterflies started when I got to know him better and realized what a great man he is. In my book it's much better than having butterflies at day 1 then realize you're dating an arse. Yes. I see the point you've made here. Yes, he is the anti poop guy. I have grown on him as much as he's grown on me. We come at things from different angles but ultimately we want the same things. The sex thing- we've done other stuff. He's had relationships. Both of us are Christian and this time we both want to wait. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I'm sick in bed. No guy has ever said ill pop round and bring you soup. He did. That's a beautiful guy.
Recommended Posts