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Southern Gentleman I'm seeing


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Posted

So I'm talking to a new guy. Hes gorgeous, has a good job, comes from a nice Southern family. I met him on Bumble. The conversation was good, he is very charming and super handsome. We have common interests like being on the lake, similar taste in wine.

 

I have some concerns. He's been cheated on and brings up his ex cheating A lot. He initially told me he had no kids then when we talked on the phone before the first date he said he had a son. He had him right around when he graduated hs. I was like okay. Here's the clincher. The son is 16 and has his own room however the dad who I'm talking to INSISTS his son sleep with him as in the same. ****ing. bed. He bitches about his son putting pillows btw them and stealing the covers. He says it builds closeness for father and son to sleep together.

 

Memorial Day weekend comes around. He was on the lake with his son and his sons mother who is now married and has other kids with her now husband. I didnt want to harass him during family time so I ddint call or text during Memorial Day weekend. I took a nap on Monday so I wouldnt be tired for the cookout I had planned to attend at my friends. I missed his call and my old ass phone didnt tell me that I missed a call. Called him to see how he was doing. He said fine and said he called me. Sure enough he did. I apologized. NO answer from him. I called him. Next day I tried messaging him and explaining to him about my phone. He didnt text me back. But when I messaged him pictures and selfies of me and my friends he gave me short answers. He would be on his phone because he would return a couple of texts but made it clear he was very upset and giving me the silent treatment. My friend says he thinks that since I didnt message him over Memorial Day weekend he thinks I'm out wiht a whole bunch of other men. I left him a nasty message telling him Idk what game he's playing and I'm over it. What is with this guy. He has told me he's a Cancer and he's real emotional because of it. I dont know about him. Can he get abusive? Is he immature?

Posted

Sounds weird.

 

Better slow down

  • Like 1
Posted
Sounds weird.

 

Better slow down

 

Concise but true

  • Author
Posted
Sounds weird.

 

Better slow down

 

Like elaborate on the sounds weird.

Posted
So I'm talking to a new guy. Hes gorgeous, has a good job, comes from a nice Southern family. I met him on Bumble. The conversation was good, he is very charming and super handsome. We have common interests like being on the lake, similar taste in wine.

 

I have some concerns. He's been cheated on and brings up his ex cheating A lot. He initially told me he had no kids then when we talked on the phone before the first date he said he had a son.

 

Lying isn't good. He should have been upfront

 

He had him right around when he graduated hs. I was like okay. Here's the clincher. The son is 16 and has his own room however the dad who I'm talking to INSISTS his son sleep with him as in the same. ****ing. bed. He bitches about his son putting pillows btw them and stealing the covers. He says it builds closeness for father and son to sleep together.

 

Not normal at all

 

Memorial Day weekend comes around. He was on the lake with his son and his sons mother who is now married and has other kids with her now husband. I didnt want to harass him during family time so I ddint call or text during Memorial Day weekend. I took a nap on Monday so I wouldnt be tired for the cookout I had planned to attend at my friends. I missed his call and my old ass phone didnt tell me that I missed a call. Called him to see how he was doing. He said fine and said he called me. Sure enough he did. I apologized. NO answer from him. I called him. Next day I tried messaging him and explaining to him about my phone. He didnt text me back. But when I messaged him pictures and selfies of me and my friends he gave me short answers. He would be on his phone because he would return a couple of texts but made it clear he was very upset and giving me the silent treatment. My friend says he thinks that since I didnt message him over Memorial Day weekend he thinks I'm out wiht a whole bunch of other men. I left him a nasty message telling him Idk what game he's playing and I'm over it. What is with this guy. He has told me he's a Cancer and he's real emotional because of it. I dont know about him. Can he get abusive? Is he immature?

 

I get the missing a call bit. I'd have been a little po'd too but you explained what happened. Sounds passive aggressive.

 

Sounds like he hasn't distanced himself from his X. No one wants an X in the mix.

 

Huge red flags

  • Author
Posted

Could he have severe control issues? With him sleeping with his teenage son?

Posted

Well I wouldn't attempt to psychoanalyse him or his issues but it definitely is WEIRD. If his son here 16 months then I could understand it but 16 years? That is WEIRD and would cause me to run a mile.

 

Add in the lying, talking about ex a lot and the phone stuff (which TBH I only skim read since it just seems childish)... run 2 miles.

Posted

The guy sounds weird - also possibly control issues. He lied about having a child. I can understand being upset about not returning the call, but not to this degree and not this behavior. He can take you at face value or not. If he thinks you're cheating, you won't have much success changing his mind, and best you figure this out now over later. He sleeps with his 16-year-old son for gawds sake.

 

You already have a few warnings:

  • Lying about having a child
  • Complaining about the ex consistently
  • Projecting infidelity onto you
  • Passive-aggressive silent treatment
  • He sleeps in the same bed with his nearly adult son nightly

 

I know you probably want to see this play out a little longer because he really has some good qualities, but there are too many "iffy" situations that are likely just the tip of the iceberg. He could have left a voicemail but did not. He could have texted, "Hey I called earlier. How are you doing?" If he contacts you and you decide to see how things go a little longer, be cautious and aware. Pay attention to his other behaviors.

  • Author
Posted
The guy sounds weird - also possibly control issues. He lied about having a child. I can understand being upset about not returning the call, but not to this degree and not this behavior. He can take you at face value or not. If he thinks you're cheating, you won't have much success changing his mind, and best you figure this out now over later. He sleeps with his 16-year-old son for gawds sake.

 

You already have a few warnings:

  • Lying about having a child
  • Complaining about the ex consistently
  • Projecting infidelity onto you
  • Passive-aggressive silent treatment
  • He sleeps in the same bed with his nearly adult son nightly

 

I know you probably want to see this play out a little longer because he really has some good qualities, but there are too many "iffy" situations that are likely just the tip of the iceberg. He could have left a voicemail but did not. He could have texted, "Hey I called earlier. How are you doing?" If he contacts you and you decide to see how things go a little longer, be cautious and aware. Pay attention to his other behaviors.

 

 

He left a voicemail I saw later. But that was it.

 

I have been talking to this guy for about 4 months. We chatted online and definitley had interest in each other then out of the blue he stopped talking. I thought he got back with an ex or something. I let it go. He gets back to me three months later and tells me he didnt hear from me and thought I found another guy. I sent all our text message correspondences back to him showing him that he was the one who stopped messaging me. We start talking again. I told him I thought he was back with an ex from real life or something. He said he would never do that and went on about what a cheater she was. THen told me she was out of my life and that when I "accused" him of going back to the ex he was battling kidney stones. Whatever. For 2-3 months? Then he asked me out on the first date. Now he's giving me the silent treatment.

  • Author
Posted

More stuff from this guy. He went in depth talking about how he's super affectionate and thats because he's a Cancer. He talked about the love languages and talked about how words of affirmation are big for him and he needs to feel complimented. Whatever.

 

We talked about exes. I talked to him about the last guy who broke my heart. His question caught me off guard. He asked me when the heartbreaker, how quickly in the relationship told me he loved me. I told him the heartbreaking fling never did. He seemed taken aback by this. I was afraid he was guageing how quickly he needs to tell me he loves me to get me to fall for him.

 

We talked about the movie the Notebook. He told me that was the one movie that got him emotional and seemed shocked that it didnt make me cry. Something seemed off about that comment. Wonder what game he's playing.

Posted

Sounds like a drama king

Posted

Have you met this man in person? He sounds like a catfish.

 

I would not continue anymore communication until you meet him.

 

Good luck my friend!

Posted
More stuff from this guy. He went in depth talking about how he's super affectionate and thats because he's a Cancer. He talked about the love languages and talked about how words of affirmation are big for him and he needs to feel complimented. Whatever.

 

We talked about exes. I talked to him about the last guy who broke my heart. His question caught me off guard. He asked me when the heartbreaker, how quickly in the relationship told me he loved me. I told him the heartbreaking fling never did. He seemed taken aback by this. I was afraid he was guageing how quickly he needs to tell me he loves me to get me to fall for him.

 

We talked about the movie the Notebook. He told me that was the one movie that got him emotional and seemed shocked that it didnt make me cry. Something seemed off about that comment. Wonder what game he's playing.

 

Men who talk themselves up about affection and how they treat a woman and their high emotional bonding, etc., tend to be a little "red flaggy" for me, as it seems a lot of these men who have a lot to say, really don't behave in such a manner. This one is setting off the warning bells, as his behavior doesn't seem to match at all. How was he on your date? Did his behavior match his words? Was anything maybe "off"? The silent treatment is really not an affectionate gesture at all and really overkill over something very minor, IMO.

 

Again, proceed with caution with this guy if you're inclined to go out a few more times with him. The 16-year-old...I think that would be a deal-breaker for me. And what's up with the mom? Is she aware? Is she advocating for the kid? Something isn't right.

Posted
The son is 16 and has his own room however the dad who I'm talking to INSISTS his son sleep with him as in the same. ****ing. bed. He bitches about his son putting pillows btw them and stealing the covers. He says it builds closeness for father and son to sleep together.

 

 

Super cre4epy. I would run far away from this weirdo.

  • Author
Posted
Have you met this man in person? He sounds like a catfish.

 

I would not continue anymore communication until you meet him.

 

Good luck my friend!

 

Yes we met. He was normal and funny.

  • Author
Posted
Men who talk themselves up about affection and how they treat a woman and their high emotional bonding, etc., tend to be a little "red flaggy" for me, as it seems a lot of these men who have a lot to say, really don't behave in such a manner. This one is setting off the warning bells, as his behavior doesn't seem to match at all. How was he on your date? Did his behavior match his words? Was anything maybe "off"? The silent treatment is really not an affectionate gesture at all and really overkill over something very minor, IMO.

 

Again, proceed with caution with this guy if you're inclined to go out a few more times with him. The 16-year-old...I think that would be a deal-breaker for me. And what's up with the mom? Is she aware? Is she advocating for the kid? Something isn't right.

 

He was 18 she was 17 when they had their kid together. They were teenage parents so I thought maybe thats why his parenting is a bit off. Shes a school guidance counselor. Looks like they both went on to have good careers. He tells me he's on good terms with sons mother. They all hang out. She brings her new husband and the kids she has with new hubby and they all hang out at his lake house. It seemed like a mature relationship, not much drama. I'm afraid she might be like that just to keep the peace. Maybe her and the son are afraid of him on some level. idk.

 

He made a big deal about how he was the first man she ever had. And she had been with nobody but him up to that point. Kinda weird.

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