Sensor Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 I’ve just come out of an engagement. Together for 5 years. Long story short, we were arguing all the time even on days that should be special, exciting & fun, but I constantly found myself angry & bickering with my fiancée. Today we spoke & decided to part ways. But something I’ve noticed is a distinct pattern of sexual frustration. Simply put, she was not that into sex, not even the bit interested. But the first year together, she behaved the opposite. IMO, baiting me into something that was not going to last. A couple of years in the relationship she admitted sexual interest problems due to minor chid abuse. We spoke, but nothing ever really improved and I just tried to ignore my needs. But these needs come out in different ways & in essence create a whole other problem. I’m writing this as I am interested in others current relationships or break ups due to similar course. A lot of people say sex isn’t love & I can agree with that, but I believe it is the most powerful connection of love any couple can make & being denied it for 3/4 years in all of its true beauty I can say I would not enter any other long term relationship without it. The knock on negatives from such a lack in sex life is horrendous. My confidence has crashed, my fitness level plateaued & more often than not I’m assuming random smiling couples/friends what not are mocking me & the possible worst side effect.. I became anxious, insecure & jealous of any man that she might otherwise find attractive (although I do feel as though she has no general interest, not just me) Has anyone else felt like this & gone through this?
fredflint Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 I’ve just come out of an engagement. Together for 5 years. Long story short, we were arguing all the time even on days that should be special, exciting & fun, but I constantly found myself angry & bickering with my fiancée. Today we spoke & decided to part ways. But something I’ve noticed is a distinct pattern of sexual frustration. Simply put, she was not that into sex, not even the bit interested. But the first year together, she behaved the opposite. IMO, baiting me into something that was not going to last. A couple of years in the relationship she admitted sexual interest problems due to minor chid abuse. We spoke, but nothing ever really improved and I just tried to ignore my needs. But these needs come out in different ways & in essence create a whole other problem. I’m writing this as I am interested in others current relationships or break ups due to similar course. A lot of people say sex isn’t love & I can agree with that, but I believe it is the most powerful connection of love any couple can make & being denied it for 3/4 years in all of its true beauty I can say I would not enter any other long term relationship without it. The knock on negatives from such a lack in sex life is horrendous. My confidence has crashed, my fitness level plateaued & more often than not I’m assuming random smiling couples/friends what not are mocking me & the possible worst side effect.. I became anxious, insecure & jealous of any man that she might otherwise find attractive (although I do feel as though she has no general interest, not just me) Has anyone else felt like this & gone through this? I think you probably hurt her and that's when she closed up shop. And now she's giving you an excuse. Did you start arguing at the end of the first year?
basil67 Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 Sensor, there's no bigger libido killer than being in a relationship where there is constant anger and bickering. I'm not at all surprised she didn't want sex. Sounds like ending the relationship was a good decision.
saintkenn Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 Love, respect, trust, and sex. Those are all integral parts of any healthy relationship imo. I'm going through a break up over trust issues but there were times when the sex wasn't there and it was on my end. Mainly due to health issues but at times she felt neglected in that area. Of course when we did have sex, it was amazing, just not as often as either one of us would have liked.
Author Sensor Posted June 4, 2018 Author Posted June 4, 2018 Hi fredflint, Unfortunately yes, the beginning of our relationship was far from roses either. Friends were against us, family were against us & onwards had been a battle. All of her previous relationships she claims cheated on her & that’s why she ended up leaving.. but you could very well be right..
Author Sensor Posted June 4, 2018 Author Posted June 4, 2018 Hi Basil, I can certainly agree with that.. it’s never like the movies. I’m sad but optimistic in moving on. 1
Author Sensor Posted June 4, 2018 Author Posted June 4, 2018 saintkenn, Any kind of lies, big or small destroy me in relationships. Trust is such a big deal! I think when there are health issues, that’s a completely different matter and states nothing upon your actual interest levels of who you’re with. I hope you are doing okay with your break up.
Els Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 IMO a terrible sex life is often merely an indicator of things going wrong elsewhere, in one/both person's lives and/or in the relationship. Sounds like you guys hit the jackpot with all three. I can't imagine why you two didn't end this sooner with the constant arguments for 5 years, but at least it's over. 1
carhill Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 OP, sorry about the breakup, that's a long time and an engagement to boot... Own your part and move on. Relationships, and breakups, take two. Each party has responsibility. Take yours. Leave hers. Learn and grow.
CrazyKatLady Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 I am sorry you are dealing with this breakup right now...never a great feeling. I want to respond to your topic line...but it's a little off kilter perspective from what you call it in your post...I quite engaging in constant contact recently with a fellow I met at a one time church meet in a church I don't attend a few months back. I had been celibate for 3/4 of a year and planned on continuing. I Didn't Want Physical Contact In The Same Way He did. I wanted to make love and have a high drive as well if I could have ever found the right guy to share a passion for lovemaking for hours...seems everyone just wants a porn star...which is cool I can dig it too...but I always give men what they want and I have never had 1 guy want to connect and be passionate and loving at the same time...I no longer wish to have a high sex life with anyone because even when I've told a man what I want I wasn't worth the investment. I won't ever get to know what making love feels like or what it means with someone else...but I can imagine it and feel it in my heart and that's enough for me to go on...good luck.
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