Ab455 Posted May 21, 2018 Posted May 21, 2018 (edited) I've been with my girlfriend over a year and we have progressively spent less time together. she used to ask to see,call and be with me 24/7 and she was very clingy and wanted to spend everyday with me. starting last Christmas break i only saw her once that month and by the end of December intimacy started going down. first we stopped flirting as much when we used to not keep our hands off each other, after a ptsd episode because a customer came in smelling like her childhood abuser the calls became less and less, the intimacy basically stopped and calls became nonexistent then things returned to normal about a month in a half from January to mid February. Then on a day we were supposed to meet she goes home due to a ptsd event but ever since has called less again, been around maybe once every 1-4 weeks and calls are like once a week maybe less. As of recent she just texts and says why can't i talk to her and i ask her why can't she call or meet me if she wants to talk. she's cancelled on multiple occasions, we would have plans to spend the day together but she will cancel at the start of it or on the day a few hours before. During spring break i thought maybe going on a vacation since she wasn't around would be good but she asked me to stay in town for it and we would spend time together then doesn't and when i get angry says that unfair she can't control how busy she is. When she had a bad day i would offer to take her out or try to go come on let me give you a good day and she'd follow with i don't care or understand. When i bring up maybe breaking up she says i'm throwing her away or throwing her away like nothing and doesn't feel like i want her or just want her to disappear or never cared or don't love her. but i'm the only one who brings up calling, seeing each other and compliments the other and chases and she's recently left our mutual work place 3 weeks after she asked me not quit there because she said she didn't like working where i wasn't and she stopped studying with me and feels like she's progressively cut me out of her life and it's made me angry and resentful and when i do get angry she's not caring or fights for me or says something to reassure me, she just says it's unfair and she's busy or that's not true at all or I'm exaggerating and laughs or gets snide and cusses or sighs and doesn't apologize. When i call her on it she just goes i do apologize all the time or I'm tired of this or do whatever you want idc. and when i try to show her how long it's been she says it's not a court case. and she's gone from not caring about money or career long as were together and happy and just wanted to finish for herself, to working 2-3 jobs and taking a fellowship to and without talking to me about it and barely seeing me or letting me take her to/from work or somewhere when she used to ask me to all the time but now always rejects the offer even though we literally live down the road from each other. I'm not sure if i should move on, or if she just doesn't care anymore or if I'm caring about someone that doesn't love me anymore, and we argued last night and she stopped replying in the middle of it and hasn't since( now 24 hours). she used to be the clingy, needy and emotional one now and one initiating resolving issues and wanted to talk and see each other all the time. Now she's aggressive and short but, still says she wants to marry and spend her life with me even though we have not really spoken in months and when we argue she doesn't calm the situation she just gets more aggressive or walks away and says why can't i stop bringing up the fact she hasn't been around and just talk to her (aka text). But I'm not sure if i should just take the fact she hasn't replied since last night when were going to see each other as a sign to move on and forget her and that she's done and so am I. Edited May 22, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
Marc878 Posted May 22, 2018 Posted May 22, 2018 It's her way of dumping you. She doesn't want to come out and tell you. Her actions tell you what you need to know. Why are you hanging on here? Go dark and move on. It's what she's doing.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 22, 2018 Posted May 22, 2018 Yes, you need to move on. She cannot expect you to hang on to a relationship when she's barely interested anymore. She gets mad because she doesn't want to lose you as her support when it's convenient for her, but she gives you almost nothing in return. This isn't a relationship by any healthy definition. It's time to end it.
Author Ab455 Posted May 22, 2018 Author Posted May 22, 2018 I heard, back from her says shes depressed and slept all day and then goes back to not talking. We had plans yesturday and whenever we make plans she’s either to annoyed or angry and says she’s not coming and staying home or she’s depressed like she claims now or some reason comes up i have to take her home and cancel the date we were going to have. Then says i don’t love her, don’t like her and she feels worthless and like i want her to vanish off the earth. I don’t really get it.
carhill Posted May 22, 2018 Posted May 22, 2018 It's unhealthy. IMO don't try to analyze it. Accept the real. And yeah, I'll echo the advice to disconnect and move on. She'll be OK.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 22, 2018 Posted May 22, 2018 I heard, back from her says shes depressed and slept all day and then goes back to not talking. We had plans yesturday and whenever we make plans she’s either to annoyed or angry and says she’s not coming and staying home or she’s depressed like she claims now or some reason comes up i have to take her home and cancel the date we were going to have. Then says i don’t love her, don’t like her and she feels worthless and like i want her to vanish off the earth. I don’t really get it. She isn't emotionally healthy enough for a relationship, OP. It isn't because of you. It's her issue, and she is putting you through the wringer. You can't fix problems that you didn't cause to begin with. So you have a choice - hang on while she continues to detach and distance and then pull you back in and then repeats the whole cycle...or end it.
lifeofapirate Posted May 22, 2018 Posted May 22, 2018 She definitely has some struggles that she might need to overcome before she can be in a relationship. But even at that, it seems like she's lost some of the "want to" to be in a relationship with you. Your best bet is to give her space. Here's an article in the Elephant Journal about what to do when someone wants space (When Your Someone Special Asks For Space) even though she didn't specifically ask for space, she certainly is taking it and seems to be expecting that space to be granted. You obviously can't force your way back into her life or to stay there. It's certainly difficult but sometimes when you give them the space they are wanting, they get their fill of it and want to be close to you again. Keep your chin up.
ItsJustMyOpinion Posted May 22, 2018 Posted May 22, 2018 The behaviors you described, to me, sound like someone else is in the picture and she wants you to fight for her. She's justifying, to herself mostly, as to why she's enjoying someone else's attention and not yours. I could be wrong, but yes, you should either give her some grand romantic gestures followed up with consistent romance, or let her go and move on.
Author Ab455 Posted June 3, 2018 Author Posted June 3, 2018 (edited) I’ve been with my girlfriend a few years and she used to be the one to ask to call all the time and see each other etc. but as of the past 6 months i’m the one that does and even then she doesint call, will miss time we set aside together and then promise she will make it up but never does. For example she asked me for the past two weeks to take her to her new job and get her at a super late time , i took her there she said she was so excited to see me later and then texted me at work and tells me a few hours before i was getting her not to worry about it and that her mom was getting her because it’s easier ( she’s a adult and can’t drive) and it made me angry because she asked me for weeks to take her and tells me earlier in the day she’s so excited to see me later and then cancels. She says i need to stop being so angry and a hot head when i feel like i’m not being one i’ll just tell her i’m in a bad mood because i don’t feel important. Should i just go no contact for awhile and stop being available like she does? Edited June 3, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and merge into existing topic
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