max3732 Posted June 3, 2018 Posted June 3, 2018 Later this week I'm going to my 2nd speed dating event (1st was 3 years ago) and I'm trying to figure out how to handle the opening question and my overall mindset. It says dates like 4-7 minutes so that's not a lot of time to talk to someone. What I remember from 3 years ago is that it was like an assembly line, with everyone was asking the other person's name and then saying "Hi, I'm Bob, nice to meet you". Then they'd ask"where are you from?", "what do you do for work?" or "What do you do for fun". I felt like the women all had scripted answers to these questions and just went off of autopilot and I definitely don't want to ask any of those. Basically in that 4-7 minutes if I do find someone I might be interested in I'm trying to get her to want to see me again. I feel like I can use the 1st real date to get to know her. On the internet there are tons of suggested questions, but right after asking her name what would be something good to say? As I posted 3 years go I can't come right and say "my name is Max3732. If you had to have dinner with a famous person from history who would it be and why." It's just too jarring and unnatural for me. So what would be a good 1st question just to break the ice to try to get her to want to see me again? After we start talking I can pull out one of the questions from the internet or just go with the flow in the conversation.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 3, 2018 Posted June 3, 2018 "What are you looking forward to most this summer?" 1
Happy Lemming Posted June 3, 2018 Posted June 3, 2018 "What book are you reading this summer??" "Who is your favorite author??" "What is your all time favorite book??" Just my two cents...
Author max3732 Posted June 3, 2018 Author Posted June 3, 2018 Those are all good ones. Not too jarring to start with and could definitely continue the conversation. Would you say I've got the right mentality?
Purrrfect Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 I’ve never done speed dating but it looks interesting. I like the idea of meeting someone for 5 minutes and if you are interested. Great. If not then move on. Since I’m picky on looks I would have to find them attractive and my type. I would ask them What do they do for a living ? Any kids? WHat do they like to do in their spare time? Good luck it sounds fun
GreenTea937 Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 What do you work as? What are your plans for the summer? Do you have kids? What do you guys like to do for fun? Work shows whether or not shes employed or looking for someone to just take care of her. Plans for the summer shows her interests and what kind of person she is. And if your interests are compatible. Kids shows what kind of parent she is and if shes involved in their lives. If you dont want a mother then you can figure that out too.
Lotsgoingon Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 Hit the obvious: What do you do for a living? Where did you grow up? What do you like to do for fun? And you're gonna be asked the same. I've gone out on a few speed dates ... a lot of fun ... Yeah, by date 8 ... if you're not writing down your impressions, you can be confused ... But not really ... you're looking to followup with someone who you REMEMBER! ... Or if you are into meeting people, seek out more people by checking your notes. I am a teacher and a couple of years ago my school had a speed-networking event ... in which we faculty members would meet a new student every five minutes or so to see if there was someone who might want us as a mentor ... and who we would want as a mentee. Basically there are two levels of communication going on: The polite level and back and forth ... the specific words and topics & The vibe level, the emotional subtext and feeling of YEAH, I an enjoying talking to you. The vibe level is so important. Spent much of my life ignoring that.
Author max3732 Posted June 5, 2018 Author Posted June 5, 2018 Hit the obvious: What do you do for a living? Where did you grow up? What do you like to do for fun? And you're gonna be asked the same. I've gone out on a few speed dates ... a lot of fun ... Yeah, by date 8 ... if you're not writing down your impressions, you can be confused ... But not really ... you're looking to followup with someone who you REMEMBER! ... Or if you are into meeting people, seek out more people by checking your notes. I am a teacher and a couple of years ago my school had a speed-networking event ... in which we faculty members would meet a new student every five minutes or so to see if there was someone who might want us as a mentor ... and who we would want as a mentee. Basically there are two levels of communication going on: The polite level and back and forth ... the specific words and topics & The vibe level, the emotional subtext and feeling of YEAH, I an enjoying talking to you. The vibe level is so important. Spent much of my life ignoring that. Agree that the content of the conversation is not as important as the vibe. That's why I'd like to have a conversation that makes her happy and gets her feeling like she wants to see me again. Any tips on how to create a good vibe level?
Lotsgoingon Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 Agree that the content of the conversation is not as important as the vibe. That's why I'd like to have a conversation that makes her happy and gets her feeling like she wants to see me again. Any tips on how to create a good vibe level? Dude, I'm sorry to break the news: you cannot make someone else "happy." And you certainly can't make a woman on a speed date happy. So I'm gonna assume you mean you want the woman to enjoy your conversation. So ... I'm going to challenge you. No, you don't want all the women at the speed date to enjoy your conversation. One, it's impossible that all the women will enjoy your conversation. Literally impossible. That's a complete waste of time. Instead, you want to enjoy the conversation YOURSELF! ... That's right, you want to enjoy what you talk about ... what questions you ask ... and you want to look for whose conversation feels good to you ... or in your words, who makes you feel "happy"? ... That's where you want to concentrate your focus. You want to be yourself ... talk about what genuinely interests you ... and let that genuine interest emerge ... so that a woman who likes your energy ... has a chance to respond. If you come with prepackaged conversation, then the women who might like your quirks and hobbies and share your views ... won't be able to see that part of you ... Efficient and smart dating involves scaring away people who aren't of interest to you (or you to them) as much as it involves zoning in on and attracting the people you are genuinely interested in ... and them in you. Women and men know pretty well when a person is talking about something meaningful to them ... So what is meaningful you? What topics really interest you ... would you really want to ask the women about?
Author max3732 Posted June 6, 2018 Author Posted June 6, 2018 Dude, I'm sorry to break the news: you cannot make someone else "happy." And you certainly can't make a woman on a speed date happy. So I'm gonna assume you mean you want the woman to enjoy your conversation. So ... I'm going to challenge you. No, you don't want all the women at the speed date to enjoy your conversation. One, it's impossible that all the women will enjoy your conversation. Literally impossible. That's a complete waste of time. Instead, you want to enjoy the conversation YOURSELF! ... That's right, you want to enjoy what you talk about ... what questions you ask ... and you want to look for whose conversation feels good to you ... or in your words, who makes you feel "happy"? ... That's where you want to concentrate your focus. You want to be yourself ... talk about what genuinely interests you ... and let that genuine interest emerge ... so that a woman who likes your energy ... has a chance to respond. If you come with prepackaged conversation, then the women who might like your quirks and hobbies and share your views ... won't be able to see that part of you ... Efficient and smart dating involves scaring away people who aren't of interest to you (or you to them) as much as it involves zoning in on and attracting the people you are genuinely interested in ... and them in you. Women and men know pretty well when a person is talking about something meaningful to them ... So what is meaningful you? What topics really interest you ... would you really want to ask the women about? You're right that I don't want all of the women there to enjoy the conversation. I'm mainly interested in getting the women I find attractive to enjoy the conversation enough to want to see me again. I'd also like to practice my general conversational skills with women around my own age so I stop getting so nervous and can be more relaxed. I wouldn't want to have a prepackaged conversation, like I'll ask this and then if she says that here's how I'll respond, but I would like to ensure that in the 5 minutes or so I'm with someone I can give her the best impression of who I am. One thing I read is that people form an opinion of someone in the 1st few seconds, so I don't want to be fumbling around trying to think of something to say when I first see her. I've thought of a bunch of questions that I'm generally interested in knowing about someone aside from topics that may be taboo. While we're talking I still don't know how to flirt or what to do to make myself more attractive. Basically I'll have a normal conversation.
Art_Critic Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 If you only have 4-7 mins then the only way to get her attention is humor, you have 4 mins to make her laugh, from there she will know you are a fun date.
bathtub-row Posted June 6, 2018 Posted June 6, 2018 4-7 minutes is a long time if the conversation is stiff and uncomfortable. Lol. I would say that if I were on the other side of the table, I wouldn’t want to be put on the spot or feel like I’m being grilled. I say just be natural and be as much yourself as possible. The theory behind these kinds of things is that we make up our minds about others very quickly based on things we can’t see but instinctively feel — and that doesn’t just apply to women.
Author max3732 Posted June 6, 2018 Author Posted June 6, 2018 If you only have 4-7 mins then the only way to get her attention is humor, you have 4 mins to make her laugh, from there she will know you are a fun date. Any tips on how to do that?
Author max3732 Posted June 7, 2018 Author Posted June 7, 2018 Well, I have the event shortly. I've reviewed a bunch of questions and the advice on here. Feels like preparing for a job interview or presentation when I was in school. Basically I'm going to try and stay relaxed and go with the flow and enjoy the conversation. Having questions in the back of my mind to fall back on makes me feel a bit more relaxed. If I'm able to handle myself ok I may sign up for more of these in the future. Although hopefully I'll meet my future wife and won't have to, but I'm not holding my breath for that.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 Well, I have the event shortly. I've reviewed a bunch of questions and the advice on here. Feels like preparing for a job interview or presentation when I was in school. Basically I'm going to try and stay relaxed and go with the flow and enjoy the conversation. Having questions in the back of my mind to fall back on makes me feel a bit more relaxed. If I'm able to handle myself ok I may sign up for more of these in the future. Although hopefully I'll meet my future wife and won't have to, but I'm not holding my breath for that. Good luck, and please let us know how it goes!
Lotsgoingon Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 Report back ... I'd love to hear how things unfolded. If nothing else, speed dating is a great way to hone some conversational skills ...
Author max3732 Posted June 9, 2018 Author Posted June 9, 2018 Report back ... I'd love to hear how things unfolded. If nothing else, speed dating is a great way to hone some conversational skills ... Here's what happened. Hope this isn't too long: What I didn't realize was that the actual speed dating didn't start for a while after the official start time (about 20 to 30 min) and I got there 15 minutes early so there was a lot of time before to talk to people. I got into a conversation with a few guys and noticed all the guys stuck together and so did the women. I wish I had the courage to go up to a group of women and start talking to them and get into a great conversation before the speed dating started. Once it did I felt pretty nervous and almost claustrophobic because the tables were so close to each other. It was also tough transitioning from one conversation to another because you'd go immediately, like mid sentence from 1 to another. Then I'm suddenly face to face with a new woman and it was tough for me to think of the questions I'd rehearsed so often. Everyone I talked to seemed smart, accomplished, and had distinct personalities. I did manage to think of a few of my rehearsed questions and had some nice conversations. Unfortunately there was only 1 woman there that I may have been interested in dating. When I looked at her I was immediately attracted and noticed her icebreaker (we had icebreakers on our shirts) was really interesting so I asked her about it. In hindsight probably everyone did so I would have been better off with my rehearsed questions. Our conversation went well and I was upset to have to move. After we had talked to everyone the host said we could move around and talk to anyone, but most people just stayed where they were, myself included. I was trying to get out of the current conversation and cut into the guy talking to the person I was interested in and when I looked over where she was I noticed she and the woman next to her were gone and then guys they were talking to had gone to other tables. I didn't see the point in staying much longer so I left and when I sat in the car it was like this huge weight had been taken off me. I think I was so nervous my whole body was tensed and I was squinting the whole time. There were only 2 surprises. (1)When I went in the bathroom beforehand there was a guy in a stall giving himself a pep talk. (2) There was a tall woman with a low cut dress and my natural eye level was looking right at her cleavage. I tried really hard to move my chin up and look at her face, but I kept dropping down and looking at it despite my best efforts. Afterwards I found the woman I was attracted to and she's more than 5 years older than me and doesn't want kids, which is a deal breaker for me. Almost all the other women were also much older than me and already have kids. I'm thinking of going to one in the future where I'd be on the upper age range to at least find someone closer to the age I'm looking for and who doesn't already have kids. So overall it was good practice and was definitely better than sending out message after message with OLD or swiping on pictures. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted June 9, 2018 Posted June 9, 2018 Thanks for the report, max. Good practice ... all of it ... And yeah, I remember the guys talking by themselves ahead of the time separate from the women. I had forgotten that until you described that.
nospam99 Posted June 9, 2018 Posted June 9, 2018 Good job, max! If your age is such that there will be another event soon, good for you! LOL. I'm at the upper end of the highest age range (64 male for a 50s-60s event). My local coordinator keeps warning me that there are NOT ENOUGH OTHER MEN for her to schedule more events for my age range. I tease her that the reason is the rest of the 'old men' are all DEAD But the one event I went to worked out well. Too bad my 'dating etiquette' kept me away from the last event because I was already (briefly) seeing a woman at the time. To me the bottom line is really that speed dating is just another good way to meet potential dating partners with an almost-guarantee that they are unattached and looking.
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